Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | 1 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Take These Secondary Characters, Please!
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 02.20.2005
They find the place abandoned. It's dark, there's paper over the windows, no furniture, and not a soul in sight. "We're clear," Kiefer calls in frustration. The other agent joins them as all three of them beam their little CSI flashlights around the empty room. Soul Patch figures that TerrorMom was lying, or the place was cleared out. Kiefer orders a forensics team brought in, and squats down on the floor for a closer examination. And indeed, his flashlight beam finds an electrical outlet with a heavy-duty power cord running down literally between two floorboards. They lift up several of the surrounding boards to reveal a hatch in the subfloor, which Kiefer hauls up while Soul Patch covers him. Kiefer scrambles down the metal ladder and drops into a cellar, where he finds the power strip that runs the lights. As they flicker on, we see that he's in a cellar whose every wall is plastered with maps, photographs, and other documents. Including a snapshot of the train from the season premiere. "So that's how the terrorists got a hold of the MacGuffin," Soul Patch says. We know, already! Some of us have been here all season! You! Seacrest! Out! But Kiefer's attention has already moved on to a newspaper photo on another wall. It's a shot of DaD standing next to DoDder, with Arabic writing on the wall underneath it and an arrow pointing to a photo of a house. Which could be DiCK's. Or could be the house Kiefer's under now. I don't know. But Kiefer's more mesmerized by the figure in the background of the photo of DaD: it's Kiefer himself. Goddamn, I am a sexy beast, he thinks. Soul Patch moves to stand next to him and says, "They planned the kidnapping here." "Yeah," Kiefer says. It's 4:27:37. Well, not all the act-outs can be winners.
But now I see why Kiefer wanted to be the first in the house. If CTU had sent in random extras, the place would have been rigged to vaporize the second somebody stepped inside the door. These are terrorists who don't leave loose ends, after all; witness the Deaddie issue, which they insisted on resolving with deadly force rather than keeping both kids busy for the day with a stack of pizzas and DVDs. They're hardly likely to leave a place like this just lying around. Unless Kiefer and Soul Patch are the first ones to enter, in which case the force that protects the main characters also protects this valuable mother lode of evidence. Well played, Kiefer.
Gillette would like you to know that you're much more likely to get some in the early AM if you wake up your wife with your magic space-razor instead of morning breath and morning wood.