Episode Report Card Djb: D | 14 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Yawn. Look, Another Penis.
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 6 | Aired on 2000.08.16
Night in the geriatric pod. Rebadow does methodical sit ups while Busmalis lies on the top bunk, relieved that Rebadow is talking to him. Busmalis comments, "I'm the happiest of men." Rebadow launches into a speech about The Art of War and the primal urge to kill. But Busmalis turns a sleeping ear to the proceedings, which of course is a clear signal for his best friend of thirty-five years to murder him in cold blood with all great alacrity. Rebadow unearths a knife from underneath the mirror. He lunges. Busmalis, his arm cut rather badly, wakes up. Pandemonium. The guards seize Rebadow and drag him to the hole. Thankfully, an opportunity for an up-close encounter with Rebadow's privatest of privates slips mercifully by. He lies down on the floor of the hole and resumes his perpetual sit-ups. That's right. Keep the camera on the face. And don't move it. I freakin' dare you.
I swear, if this subplot didn't feature Ryan O'Reily as the focal point of the entire operation, I'd fast forward through the thing like it was a damn Verizon Wireless commercial. O'Reily hides in a corner of some stock room making calls on the cell phone, all of the "when can I get that?" and "well, I'll need it by Friday" variety. Oooooh. "That" and "it." Such alluring topics worthy of basing an entire season's worth of plot development on. He hangs up. Meanwhile, Querns enters Stanislofsky's cell in protective custody and comments, "You called for me," in a way that I don't know whether it's a joke or not. "Called"? Get it? Yeah, me neither. Querns tells Stanislofsky that if he won't tell him why he's so afraid of Hoyt, he's going to end the red Commie bastard's tenure in PC and put him back in Em City. So Stanislofsky recaps the inert cell phone subplot while I spend some time throwing up my hands and wondering why I went through all the trouble in the first place. Herewith: Galino. Cell phone. O'Reily. "That." "It." Blah. Cut to Querns marching up to O'Reily and demanding the cell phone. Cell phones, O'Reily deadpans, are "against the rules. Mr. Querns." Back in PC, Querns tells Stanislofsky that he's sending him back to die because Stanislofsky cannot prove his story. Stanislofsky requests to see his girlfriend and a rabbi, which sounds very, very much like the beginning of a hilarious Russian-themed joke which continues "walk into a Russian bar" and ends, "Now quit Stalin and don't give me any more Bolshevik!"