Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blue Swayed Crews
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.20.2004
You know that commercial where the guy tears up his wireless bill with his teeth? That's how I feel about the theme song.
The Xindi of the Round Table meet. Snake Eyes bitches about being made to rush out there for this meeting, and says he thinks Mr. Man shows "typical humanoid arrogance " by expecting them all to come "scurrying" whenever it suits him. I think you're experiencing an identity crisis, Snake Eyes. You don't "scurry," you slither. And what exactly were you doing that was more important than destroying an entire race? Pilates? Mr. Man announces that he's ready to test the weapon prototype, and that they can all view it from the Star Chamber. If all goes well, the real weapon could be ready in a month or sooner. So...February sweeps? "And the human threat will finally be eliminated," another Mr. Man comments. "I hope you find THAT worth your TIME!" Mr. Man snaps at Snake Eyes. They must've had a lovers' quarrel.
Enterprise. In the Stella Cartography room (she's a room who has always depended on the kindness of star ranges), Hoshi tells Quantum that she's traced a weak isotopic signature that matches the kemosabe they planted on the Xindi ship. Quantum orders a course plotted. T'Pol and Hoshi then tell Quantum that they've managed to recover about 30% of the sphere data deleted by Digimon last week. T'Pol shows him the spatial anomaly map she's managed to piece together, and notes that the kemosabe's John Hancock is just beyond a dense field of the anomalies. Quantum wonders how long it will take to go around it, and T'Pol says that the field is massive. Like her dinners. What? You have to admit, it's been a long time since I've made a boob joke. By saying nothing more, T'Pol implicitly suggests that they should feel their way through it. See how I made you read into that sentence? Behold, the power of cheese. However, she allows Quantum to think he had the original thought, and he says, "Alert the crew -- it's gonna get rough."
Engineering. Trip tells Quantum they're as ready as they'll ever be. On the bridge, Quantum acknowledges this and looks to T'Pol. T'Pol tells him that she charted the largest anomalies, but not all of them, so it may get dicey. Does anyone remember that book Dicey's Song? Who the hell names a kid "Dicey"? No wonder she had angst. ["Those books freaked me out as a kid. I actually lost a lot of sleep for a while wondering if I'd be able to take care of my sister if our mother ditched us. " -- Wing Chun] "Do your best," Quantum says, encouragingly. He then turns to May-begotten and tells him to take them in at one-half impulse. T'Pol looks through her viewfinder and gives directions. She orders, "Hard to port!" suddenly. Mmm, ten-year-old tawny port. Enterprise heels to port, and the spatial anomaly they avoided casts weird and wavy light on the hull. Reed reports no damage. "Just how accurate is this map of yours?" Quantum demands. Oh, and you were doing so WELL with the encouraging part earlier. Boob. "Considering I only had thirty percent of our database to work with..." T'Pol leaves the obvious hanging. Seriously! Beggars can't be whiners, Quantum. T'Pol announces that there's an anomaly forming dead ahead, adding that it's expanding, merging, and building on other anomalies. Well, you can't spell "anomaly" without AOL. May-begotten wants to know "Which way, Sub-Commander?!" T'Pol shouts that it's growing too rapidly to do anything. Except watch its share price plummet. Quantum orders emergency power to hull plating. They all brace for impact, and the green anomaly passes right through all of them -- knocking Quantum conveniently back into his captain's seat, was that a hint? -- and continues through the rest of the ship. In Engineering, a Red Stripe does a backflip over the balcony in what I swear is the same shot we've seen about three times now!