Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blue Swayed Crews
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.20.2004
On the bridge, all hell is breaking loose, and there's nothing they can do about it. May-begotten picks up a signal from a ship outside the anomaly. Enterprise shakes, and T'Pol announces that a tractor beam has locked onto them and pulled them out. Hoshi receives a hail from the rescue ship. "I guess we owe someone a thank-you," Quantum says, standing up stiff and tall. Dude, still with the Redwood up your bum? I just watched a Quantum Leap-a-thon and you DID NOT ACT LIKE THIS! Would you just PLEASE give me SOMETHING? If you're gonna act like this, at least have the courtesy to strip down to the Black Shirt of Sexiness so that I don't care as much. Hoshi puts the transmission onto the viewscreen, and all we see is the back of Quantum's head, which happens to be blocking the exact place where Shran McCain's head is on the viewscreen. The blue antennae rise up, as if in Quantum's hair. Now, if we hadn't already seen the Andorians in the first scene -- or in the previews all week -- this would have been cute, surprising, and quite effective. As it is, it's just sort of cute. Quantum stands open-mouthed and sighs. While furrowing. "Captain Archer, look at the trouble your pinkskin has gotten you into this time," Shran McCain drawls.
In Quantum's Ready Room, Shran McCain tells Quantum that he would never have thought Quantum was brave enough to take on an anomaly field in a ship as fragile as Enterprise. Apparently, the Andorians have figured out some tricks in order to avoid the anomalies. Responding to T'Pol's question, Shran McCain tells them that they traced Enterprise's warp signature, which they had memorized after their last encounter. "That explains how you got here -- it doesn't explain why," Quantum snaps. Why are you being so mean? They just saved your furrowing ass! "Your world was brutally attacked! The Imperial Guard thought you'd be grateful to have an ally!" Shran McCain says, before turning his blue eyes on T'Pol and adding, "Considering no one else came rushing to your aid." T'Pol supposes he found out about Earth's attack because he's been eavesdropping on conversations between Starfleet and the Vulcan High Command. No, not true -- maybe he just gets the daily papers! Shran McCain twits T'Pol about her non-regulation uniform, although he says he finds it very becoming. Since the Andorian females are likewise dressed in organ-squeezing black PVC, this does not surprise me. "I resigned my commission," T'Pol responds, looking Shran McCain straight in the eye. "Yeees, and I believe I heard something about that," Shran McCain says smoothly. Quantum again asks why the Andorians are here. Shran McCain goes off on the Vulcans' abandoning them in their hour of need -- not even sparing a single officer -- and the fact that T'Pol had to resign her commission in order to lend a hand. "A remarkably selfless act," Shran McCain tells T'Pol, "for a Vulcan." The Andorians are there to help Enterprise deal with the Xindi, but if the humans don't want that help, the little blue men will be happy to pull a Vulcan and leave them to furrow it out for themselves. Every time I saw a close-up of Shran in this, I had this urge to slather nourishing moisturizing cream all over his face. His makeup just made him look so dried-out -- he clearly needed a can of Bleucerin.