Episode Report Card Aaron: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT To Your Scattered Bodies Go
By Aaron | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.01.2003
Cut to The Late Nate Jr., arriving at the Fortress. Proving that even in death he still hasn't lost his keen ability to make poor fashion choices, Nate has elected to wear green shorts and a black T-shirt to his own funeral. Oh, well. At least he shaved. Although not as extensively as his corpse, however, which lies completely hairless in its coffin at the front of the room (StC = 264). Nate checks out the crowd, observing that Lisa is there with baby Maya the Leviathan, but Brenda is not. Or perhaps I should say that Lisa is there with a baby-shaped pile of blankets, seeing as how it's fairly obvious that no real infants made it to the set that day. David steps over to join Nate by the coffin, but unlike his father (and Patrick Swayze), Nate still hasn't quite mastered the ability of making his presence known to the living just yet. Suddenly, a strange voice is heard from the other room…
Federico Diaz: …plus you would not believe some of the shit I've seen around here! Guys with their faces burned off! Guys hanging themselves during sex! Hell, last week we actually had a guy with a spoon shoved up his ass, for Christ's sake! And does that fucking fuck McManus ever fucking offer to help out? Fuck, no! It's always, "I'm painting a maze, Rico," or "I'm reassigning cellmates, Rico!" Not to mention the…
Torquemada: Shut up, Rico. Shut up and KISS ME!
Nate crosses the now empty room to investigate, and finds David in the office, tutoring an alternate-reality stroke-victim version of Nate in basic language skills. "Cat," enunciates David, holding up a brightly illustrated flash card. "Tack," replies Alternate-Reality Nate, who seems to be having a competition between his scar-encrusted lazy eye and his Obviously The Product Of A Malfunctioning Flowbee® hairstyle to see which can creep me out the worst in our brief time together. Alternate Reality Nate continues to struggle with the word, while Either Dead Or Just Tripping On Really Good Ecstasy Nate watches from in front of a nearby blue-screen. "Let's try another one," suggests David, pulling out a new card. "Duck." Hee! I saw that one coming from a mile away, and it still cracked me up. Nate's reply is predictable, and David smiles tightly before suggesting they move on to "goat." Once again, we hear mysterious voices coming from the next room…
AJ Soprano: So. Art school, huh? Do they, like, teach you about Lladro and shit there?