Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Flair, Care, And The Dirty Chair
By Miss Alli | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 12.15.2004
Kelly gives a little speech at the post-game dinner, and then he introduces the entertainment. Mr. Tony Bennett! And he sings. And obviously, reasonable minds can differ, but to me, if you bring in Tony Bennett and he doesn't sing "The Way You Look Tonight," you are squandering Tony Bennett, because that is one of the songs on my personal Swoon Tune list, and it's just silly not to provide it. For, you know, my personal amusement. Me, me, it's all about me! But the one he sings is...you know, fine. It certainly gives you opportunities to see dorky rich people chair-dancing, and what's not to like about that? Kelly talks about how much everyone loved hearing Tony Bennett, and how it went so great with the crowd that it souped up the entire event. And in a moment I thought was absolutely lovely, we see Raj and Elizabeth dancing out on the grass, and they're both really good, and they're sort of putting aside the bitchery of earlier, and it's really quite sweet. I have a feeling those are both pretty decent people, even though I couldn't hang out with him because we would argue about Fox News. But over a drink? He would make me laugh. I would dutifully hate myself, of course. ["Oh, Alli." -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, back at the basketball game, Jen and Stacy are walking out together, doing the whole "You're awesome!" "No, you're awesome!" thing. George interviews that he was nervous about Jen's event, but that, in the end, she did a good job with her team. She shares hugs with her team, and interviews that she feels very good about how it went.
At the polo club that night, Kelly is also thanking his team, with a similar lack of warmth, because he and Jen are the two charter members of the Trump Fraternity Of Emotionally Unavailable Potential Apprentices. Carolyn says, "[The polo match] was a success," and adds that while there were some problems, that's to be expected. Or, as she said about Bill last year, "par for the course." And then as he drives away, Kelly has to start talking about the Kipling poem "If," which...is really not about organizing polo matches. I mean, I understand what he's saying, but...just, no. Pretentious use of poetry in inappropriate situations is not flattering to anyone, especially when he's pasty and puffy and hasn't slept in three days and probably has horse poo and grass paint all over him.
Loud music brings us back to New York. And I cannot remember where I have heard this hilarious music cue before. It was in the presentation of something terrifying in the past, and now I can't remember what it was, and it's making me absolutely crazy. But anyway, the music brings us into the suite, where Jen is blow-drying her hair and interviewing that this is "a huge moment" for her. In fact, she calls it "the biggest moment of [her] life." I'm sure her husband appreciates that one. You can kind of picture them watching the episode together, and see him turning to her like, "Thanks, hon." And she's like, "Heh heh." And then they make out, because they're both so pretty. Anyway, as Kelly gets ready, he simply says, "Mr. Trump's going to decide my fate." Jen goes on to talk excitedly about the great opportunities this would provide for her. So I don't think she got as much out of her chat with Bill as she could have. Oh, and she just wants the "opportunity to interact with Mr. Trump." Ew. That's, like, the one thing you should be dreading. Kelly, too, says that the whole thing is potentially "life-changing." Trump himself is heading for the Boardroom, stopping to look at himself and fix his tie. As if he doesn't have a guy for that. He probably has two. One for the pink ties; one for all the others. Kelly adds that he "[doesn't] respect Jen," and isn't "afraid of a verbal sparring match. At all." Jen tells us, for her part, that she can't "see Kelly becoming Mr. Trump's apprentice." Continuing her strategy of saying a lot of things in a conclusory fashion without explaining what the hell she's talking about, Jen says that Kelly doesn't "have what it takes to be the next Apprentice." And then she adds, in case you didn't know this part, "I do!" Kelly claims to be excited to "get in there and see what Mr. Trump thinks." Other than, undoubtedly, "Jen has a better ass," which we already know Mr. Trump thinks, because that's what he always thinks. It's just so much less fun watching them when you know that they both suck. It's the opposite of last year, when they were both cool, so it was pretty much win-win. Sigh.
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