Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Scent of a Vulcan
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.30.2001
Aboard Enterprise, Reed paces, and Mayweather trots out the old chestnut that Reed's wearing a hole in the deck plating. There's a beep. "What is it?" Reed asks, agitatedly. "A transmission from the surface," Hoshi tells them. "It's a modulated EM signal -- very weak." "Put it through," Reed orders. Trip's voices crackles through that it's him. "This is Enterprise," Reed tells him. "We can barely read you, Commander. What's your status?" On the planet, Trip is in the catacombs, talking through the Mac Classic. "Guess you heard, we kinda walked into a hostage situation. The whole place has been taken over by Andorians," Trip tells him. Reed tells him they've been reading about Andorians in the Vulcan database: "Militaristic, blue-skinned." "That's them," Trip tells him, looking over at Vulcan the Younger. Reed asks what they want. Trip tells him the Devils in Blue Dresses have gotten the idea that P'Jem is the NSA of Vulcan. "They're looking for a sensor array. The Cap'n says to sit tight. He doesn't want to provoke them any more than we already have. And he also said to tell you we're working on a way out of here." There's an uncomfortable close-up of Reed's face, revealing that the make-up department put a lipstick on him that's far too pink for his complexion, as his tone really calls for neutrals. Reed asks if there's any way to negotiate. "The Cap'n came back from his last 'negotiation' with a face full of bruises," Trip tells him. "Understood," Reed says, pursing his very pink lips.
Daylight comes to Vulcan Mountain. Quantum et al. attempt to strategize with Vulcan poker chips on a chic sisal rug. We learn that no one has entered the most sacred reliquary in decades, and 'twould be blasphemous to do so now. Trip tells Quantum about the three lights he saw above the small grotto in the catacombs, and uses the poker chips to show what it looked like: two eyes and a mouth. On their Vulcan poker chip map, T'Pol studies where Trip indicates its location to be, and says it would be directly below the atrium. Quantum stares at the poker chips and contemplates. The image of the poker chips cleverly fades to the big face carved into the rock wall of the atrium, where the Cambridge Blues are getting restless and starting to in-fight. Periwinkle has just managed to silence the complaints when they hear Quantum calling out to them from lockdown.
Quantum tucks something in his sleeve as the door opens and the Blue and the Grey intrude. "I need to speak with you alone," Quantum tells them quietly. "I have some information for you." In the atrium, Quantum starts babbling about Surak and other nonsense in order to distract them. They get annoyed and start fisticuffing his face again. Quantum, always the tough guy, takes it and manages to move himself over to the Big Rock Face, where he non-slyly throws whatever was in his sleeve into one of the eyes. Once the Hill Street Blues realize the Captain really has nothing of any import to say, ever, they get really irritated. "He's just wasting our time, take him back!" the second in command tells the other two. Quantum's dragged back, complaining that he can't stand another minute with the Vulcans. A Blue Lagoon looks suspiciously around the atrium. In the catacombs, Trip finds a very large stone that rolls after him, threatening to crush him -- wait, wrong plot. Trip finds the little Vulcan chess piece that Quantum tossed into the Big Rock Face.