Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Scent of a Vulcan
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.30.2001
Aboard the Enterprise, Reed comments, "The shuttle sensors should have picked it up." "They went to visit some monks, why would they scan for alien ships?" Hoshi asks. Reed tells her it should be standard procedure to do so. "In any event," he continues, "there it is," pointing at something on their table viewer as Mayweather comes over and asks, "There what is?" Reed tells him they found a non-Vulcan ship uncomfortably close to their shuttle pod. "Not a lot of room on that landing platform. Maybe they're just other visitors," Mayweather says unhelpfully. Reed says he'd like to know exactly who these "visitors" are. "And why haven't we heard from the landing party?" he fusses. Hoshi tells him they can't possibly check in "every five minutes." "Maybe that should be standard procedure as well!" Reed says. Hee. I like Reed in command. Can you imagine all the "standard procedures" he'd have if he was captain? "You sure you're not overreacting?" Hoshi asks him, conveniently forgetting her bit of overreaction when she saw the dead aliens hanging upside down. "They're probably just taking a tour," she continues, "or observing some sort of meditation ritual." Or getting a facial and a bikini wax.
Down on Phi Beta P'Jemma, Quantum gets elbowed, personally fouled, and generally slam-dunked by the Blue Devils. He can't answer any of their questions regarding the mysterious sensor array, so they call a technical and hit him harder. Noting aloud that humans appear to have emotions, a Pabst Blue Ribbon says he finds it odd that Quantum would appoint a Vulcan his Science Officer. "Believe me, she wasn't my first choice," Quantum spits out, along with some teeth. Whatever, buddy. You had the opportunity to get rid of her in the first episode, but you specifically asked her to stay -- stick to one personality or the other. The Code Blues smite Quantum a few more times, because they're suspicious of Enterprise's connection to the Vulcan High Command. Amidst this engrossing, yet gory, discourse, Quantum again notices the big face carved in the wall. This time it opens its mouth and says, "I am significant. Something important will happen with me during the climax of the plot." There's the recognizable beeping of communicators as Reed attempts to contact the landing party to find out what's going on. Periwinkle grabs the communicator and informs Reed that they are holding his crewmates hostage, and any attempt at rescue or approaching the surface will get them killed. Then Periwinkle uses his fist to pulverize all the communicators. Without breaking a nail. Aboard Enterprise, Reed tells Mayweather to "have the launch bay put shuttle pod two on standby." Mayweather starts to protest, citing the True Blues' threat. "I don't take orders from a com voice, Ensign. Not unless that voice belongs to the Captain," Reed says, almost doing the Picard maneuver with his uniform as he sits in the Captain's chair. "Take a look at the Vulcan database; see if it has anything on these Andorians." See, now that's a commanding voice. If Riker had tried that line, they would have had to beam away all the residual cheese, but Reed can carry it. Shoot, how awesome would it be if Quantum, T'Pol, and Trip all went a little Kurtz-ish and Reed had to take over as Captain for the rest of the series?