Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT TV Is A Medium
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.22.2009
Wili has a goggle-tan from skiing on her break, so she looks like the Hamburglar in reverse. And then so does Connor. And Daniel's like, maybe he's going to put it together that they were off skiing together, and how shocking, because he was off with Connor's ex-fiancée at the same time in some other, unrelated location. Wili tries to fuck Connor in the bathroom and acts like a drug addict some more, and he makes fun of her for being so boy crazy, and she cracks a tasteless joke about how even the "special" boy in the mailroom has them figured for a couple of Hamburglars in love. Then she applies mystery cream to Connor's sunburn ("You're not allergic to panda, are you?") and then Marc catches them coming out of the bathroom, and pulls her skirt out of her panties for her, because Wili can no longer even dress herself.
Hilda has been invited to create the hairdos for an entire quinceañera, fifteen girls, and because she is excited and moving forward with her career, Betty must stomp all over her shit and tell her she's being irresponsible for succeeding at her job, because how can you be working and earning money in a fulfilling fashion when you could be watching your stupid old father sit on the couch and turn slowly into a lady. Like, where are your priorities. Hilda takes the opportunity to point out that working for money is what people do, so they can then exchange that money for goods and services, but Betty's having none. She tells Hilda that simply saying the word quinceañera is like murdering their father with words, and calls her sister a failure who should have been drowned at birth, and hangs up so she can be a bitch to Claire.
Betty mixes up the photos, obviously, while she's on this call, and then Claire says you only call your doctor by his first name if you're a drug-seeker like she used to be, and Betty should not be taking Ignacio to "Dr. Steve," but instead to this specialist who is a family friend. Betty hems and haws about this for a sec, and then accepts with much more grace than you might have expected. Betty heads home to Queens, and learns that Hilda's version of taking Ignacio to the doctor means calling Dr. Steve on the phone and having him say everything's fine. Because after a quadruple bypass, it's possible to be this stupid.
That fucking bluebird is sighted, and Betty drags Hilda into the kitchen to thank her for being so effing stupid all of a sudden in order to move this disgusting plotline along. Then she bitches at her for taking the quinceañera job, as though this is even minorly close to being any of her fucking business, and then bitches at Hilda even more for not de-linting Papi's sweaters. But lest you think she's being an insane asshole, which she is, she is also vindicated by Hilda being an even bigger asshole, like, has forgotten to give him his pills. Then Papi limps into the kitchen to get some tea -- so apparently he can handle boiling water, okay, but not taking a pill on his own -- and that fucking bluebird goes around to some other stupid area of their stupid house, and they have even more of this same exact fight.