Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Chris Of The Spider Woman
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.17.2004
P3. Non-Dennis lies unconscious on the floor, courtesy of an assy nymrod who's been transformed into a balding, middle-aged white guy in a diaphanous green gown, courtesy of The Wicked Witch of The Enchanted Forest. They hate me. The writing staff hates me, and they are determined to see me dead. Joining the assy nymrod are an elderly and human-sized "fairy" and a squat and somewhat dumpy-looking "ogre", both fellow victims of The Wicked Witch. "The Witch's curse is spreading like wildfire," the assy nymrod claims. "Pretty soon there won't be any of us magic folk left." And this would be a bad thing…how, exactly? He doesn't answer me, but whatever. Stoopid Magikal Kreatures suck much, so let's get this over with already: Raige asks the assy nymrod to tell her everything he knows about The Wicked Witch so they can get rid of her forever. Cut to Witchy-Poo in The Enchanted Forest, cackling as she stirs a giant cauldron. She stops short, burps "uh-oh," and explodes into a fireball. Her pointy black hat drops into the cauldron. Back in P3, the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures flare and morph into their regular forms. The nymrod's someone we've never seen before, but the fairy and the ogre are played by the same actors. In case anyone cares, which no one does, because this show is ass, but whatever. "Ding-dong," Raige sasses with a mischievous smirk. Okay, that was sort of funny. The Stoopid Magikal Kreatures thank her, with the ogre adding that they owe her a favor. Raige is all, "Whatever. Skedaddle, or 'Untitled in Fiberglass No. 3 (Piper Halliwell)' will have my ass for keeping the club closed." Scene.
Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall. Head In A Bag, who's actually Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor now, approaches the de-robed Dolt with a large book, identifying The Spider Woman's last victim as "Rathmere," a prominent wizard who disappeared in 1904. The entry further notes that "all that remains as evidence of his existence are his wand and his legacy of magic." The Dolt confirms that the wand is in Not!warts "collection," and turns to fetch it, only to find his way blocked by a disapproving Gideon, and God, I hate this subplot, too. Gideon dismisses Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor so he can bitch at the Dolt regarding his dereliction of duty, or whatever. The Dolt impatiently brushes past Gideon, and boring! Long story short, Gideon reminds the Dolt that he endangers the other ever-useless Elders every time he visits the Manor, the Dolt tells Gideon to cram it because he's got to save his son, Gideon thinks he's talking about the Psycho, the Dolt admits that he's actually referring to Chris, Gideon looks malicious and evil, the Dolt's too stupid to notice that Gideon is malicious and evil, and the two part ways when Dolt obstinately orbs back to the Manor. Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor returns, and the two connive and conspire to "sacrifice" the Psycho as planned, regardless of any possible intervention by Big Gay Chris.