Episode Report Card Chuck: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ghetto Fabulous
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.16.2002
In the teacher's lounge, a CO asks Feradj about Robson -- seems Robson was agitating for a copy of his dental records, and the CO's wondering if there's anything brewing between the two, especially since, come to think of it, Feradj looks a little anxious himself. Anxious indeed. Feradj marches straight into Leo's office -- leaving a cup of coffee steaming on the table! -- to announce that he's quitting, which sends Leo into apoplexy. Despite Leo's protestations, Feradj stands firm that, while he'll finish his shift, today's his last day. Striding out past Poet (and Leo's perky-assistant-free antechamber), Feradj gets an idea, and hands a scribbled note and some cash money to Poet with instructions to spread the news but protect the source. Poet reads the note and giggles.
In the lunch line, Robson, slightly less swollen and bloody, tells a reticent Schillinger that he's gonna see Feradj and straighten things out, as Poet and Ryan eagerly await his approach. When Robson asks for soup only, Poet wonders if he doesn't "want some chitlins and gravy to go with that." Robson, looking genuinely frightened, asks what they're talking about; Ryan bangs on a tray and yells, to the entire cafeteria, "Robson here went to the dentist and got himself a nice pair of dirty ghetto gums!" I join the cafeteria crowd in a round of guffaws -- even Said cracks a smile. Robson gets upset with Vern for blabbing, but Vern claims innocence, and then calls Poet a nigger; Poet wonders aloud if Robson will stand by and let a brother be treated so callously, and I laugh again. Robson, completely freaked now, runs over and tells Claire that he needs to go see Dr. Feradj, who's packing up his belongings like a guy in a mighty big hurry.
Not fast enough. Robson walks into Feradj's office -- completely unattended, of course, as Claire's presumably run off to root for booty -- shuts the door, slams Feradj against the wall, and grabs a scalpel as he demands to know the ethnic origin of his fancy new gums. Feradj whimpers about his wife and children, which goes nowhere toward answering Robson's questions, and then swears that the gums came from an upstanding honky. Robson wants proof, and orders Feradj to call someone for it. Oh, I'll need my address book, says Feradj, and it's over there, and while you kindly turn around to get it, I'll pick up this phone and bash you right in the jaw, causing so much pain that you'll collapse to the floor, unable to retaliate as I hiss that your gums came from a decidedly non-white place and call an officer. Then I'll claim you attacked me and leave, as the officer delivers further blows to the sensitive mouth area. Then you'll be dragged, screaming, naked, bloody, and looking like pure ass, into the hole as Vern solemnly announces that, despite his esteem for you, Satan has scored a coup and you can no longer be a member of the brotherhood. Bye!
Claire beats Keller in an edgy color palette. Sister Pete visits a bandaged Keller in the infirmary -- they should hang a "Welcome Home Prisoners" banner, as Benchley seems to be suffering a mass exodus of patients. Sounds like Keller's lost hearing in his left ear. Get it? Sounds like? See what this show's done to me? I need help, I tell you. They exchange small talk; Keller thinks he's going to lose his case, and oh, by the way, "Do you think Jesus was a fag?" I mean, the long hair, the dress, the sandals…Pete thinks Keller's trying to provoke and mock her, but he claims seriousness. He's "looking for a role model." Hey, dude, try Posh Spice -- Jesus, Schmesus; Posh is the real authority on spiritual conundrums and world politics. Just ask MTV. Keller wonders, since the Son of God was both human and divine, if the crunchy divine part of Jesus helped control the frosted human part. The part that craved ass. Keller's curious, since he went through life shoving his cock into "any cavity that was open and available" (that's tasty -- thanks so much for the rapid succession of off-putting yet funny mental images). Keller goes on about his life, and Pete looks like she's taking him seriously, which I'm certainly not, so let's just move on, shall we?