Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: N/A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Cross Your Heart. Hope to Die. Stick a Needle in Your Eye.
By Cindy McLennan | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.05.2011
Stephanie: I tell him it doesn't work, but then he explains that he was locked up with Joshua who confirms it does work, after all.
King: I should mention here that I freed Joshua from his cell, and we had a touching father/son moment, which is so important to our bond. Now back to beating up Jim in front of his children.
Stephanie: [Zoops back. Hides syringe behind my back.] Yoohoo! Dr. King. I think you're kind of hot after all. Let Jim go. You can have me. We're a much better match. C'mon and give me a smooch, big boy, while I try to stab you with this syringe.
King: You treacherous woman. I know what you have behind your back. I am going to pick you up by the throat, now.
Stephanie: [Gurgle.]
JJ: When King hoists up mom, she drops the syringe, so I scoop it up, use my beautiful mind and figure out the trajectory, throw that syringe like a dart and hit King right in the EYE.
Recapper: NEEDLE IN THE EYE. NEEDLE IN THE EYE. NEEDLE IN THE EYE. NEEDLE IN THE EYE. NEEDLE IN THE EYE. NEEDLE IN THE EYE. [faints]
Stephanie: What the hell was that.
Daphne: From the thoughts I could hear over her breakdown there, someone stuck a pencil in our Recapper's eye, when she was in the third grade.
Jim: On purpose? Should I go beat up this person?
Daphne: No, dad. Two of her friends were arguing over who owned the pencil and our Recapper had the misfortune to be standing behind the girl who won. There was no malice aforethought. It's just that now our Recapper has EYE ISSUES.
Jim: I'll say. How are we going to finish this?
King: Well, I'd like to handle my dramatic and grotesque death, if that's okay with you, Steph?
Stephanie: Fine, just get to the point, all right.
King: Why don't you love me? Anyhow, the needle pierces my eye. The antidote gets right to work, even though usually someone has to press on the plunger in order for a hypodermic needle to inject medicine into a person. Just sayin'...
Detail Devil: Muahahahahahahaha.
King: Anyhow, the antidote kicks right in and decades worth of cancer growth happens in an instant. The cancer takes me over all at once, 'til I'm nothing but a shriveled corpse -- like mummy-shriveled, with bonus surface tumors.
Katie: Meanwhile, George has already warned me that I'm with Charlotte-Joshua, not real Joshua. I try to make up an excuse to get out of the house, and Charlotte-Joshua comes up with just as many reasons for me not to leave the house. Finally, I cut through the bullshit. I know she's not Joshua.
Charlotte: So I morph back to my usual, gorgeous redheaded self, although I'm a bit blonder on this show, yeah?
Recapper: [Remains unconscious.]
Big Comfy Rock: Stands guard.
Charlotte: Whatever. So then I take on Katie, which really isn't much of a trick. When I knock her down, she goes into labor.
Joshua: Luckily, I'm here to save the day. And really, I don't have to do much but snarl at and reject Charlotte before she gives up and leaves.
George: I'm lurking outside and decide to follow her. I end up at Xena's Convict-HQ. I hide out and watch as Xena loads Charlotte and all the criminals on this plane. But then I'm caught. I tell the guard I'm the A.D.A, but he doesn't believe me. He knocks me out with the butt of his rifle and loads me on the plane.
Katie: Meanwhile, I've given birth, but the baby is dead. Joshua covers his face and I cry as he holds me and tries to console me.
Joshua: But then there's this weird light emanating from under his blanket, so I lift it up, and the baby is alive.
Katie: I don't want to look at first, but finally I do and...
Baby: I deliver a lethal dose of cuteness.
Joshua and Katie: FAMILY HUGS!
Stephanie: Back at our place, I'm talking celebration, even though Jim can't find George. I mean, JJ's safe and Katie's just had her baby.
Doorbell: Ding Dong
Special Agent Hawkins, NSA: There's been an incident. There was a private aircraft flying out of Wherever, California. At 8:17 PM, the plane started to lose altitude and crash.
Jim: Didn't the Recapper say something about us watching news about the crash on TV?
Stephanie: Yeah, she was really phoning it in, I guess.
George: Hello, you two. This is my dramatic moment. SO... Editing cuts to the inside of the plane and the D.P. makes extra sure you all see that I'm putting on my oxygen mask, right?
Audience: Hard to miss.
Powell Pad...
Hawkins: There were 80 passengers on board. The airplane crashed but there were no bodies or survivors at the wreckage.
Plane Wreck Site...
George: That's because we all lived, and now I'm surrounded by Super Freaks.
Rick James: She's a super-freak, super-freak, she's super-freaking...
George: Rick James, OMG. I thought you were dead.
Rick James: Oh I have been, for going on seven years, now.
George: Am I dead?