Episode Report Card Cate: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Family Secrets
By Cate | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.22.1996
Outside, Annie tries to convince her mother to stay and have "treatment." I love how Glenoak -- a town with, apparently, only two police officers and two restaurants -- is always depicted as the only place in the country that has access to top-notch medical services. Grandma says that to stay wouldn't be fair to the kids. I hope that doesn't mean she's sacrificing her health, or even her life, for such a dumb-ass reason. Grandpa spews some platitudes about taking "one day at a time," and Grandma promises that they'll be returning in a few weeks' time. After her parents leave, Annie asks Eric when they are going to break the news of Grandma's impending dirt nap to the Hell Spawn. RevCam says something trite and gives Annie a chaste little peck on the mouth.
Morbid curiosity made me watch the opening credits -- a decision I highly regret. Now I'll be forced to hold onto the image of Ruthie, in her vile Shirley Temple hairdon't, blowing a kiss to the audience.
Horrible, ugly, banal music accompanies generic establishing shots of Glenoak. Then we see Lucy and Mary clearing the table, because only females do that sort of thing in the Camden household. The phone rings, and they both scurry to answer it but Dopey gets to it first. He claims it's someone who hung up, but I suspect he just doesn't know how to operate a cordless phone. Dopey, you have to press the "talk" button first, okay? He asks his sisters who they are expecting calls from. They both answer, "No one," and leave, while Dopey stares after them speculatively like the patriarchal busybody we all know he is. Or maybe he's staring at their asses. It's hard to tell. Oh, actually he's staring at Ruthie, preparatory to an attempt to worm Mary's and Lucy's secrets out of her. For once, Ruthie keeps her mouth shut, and Dopey doesn't even pursue the issue further. I guess maybe the show's writers didn't have his character fully developed into the icky form it's taken in seasons four and five. So far, he's only a dolt in training.
In their bedroom, Lucy and Mary go through a list of telecommunication services and accessories they would like to have. I can understand wanting a cell phone or a second line, but I can't imagine what they would do with a fax machine. Lucy wants Call Blocking. Is that the service where your name is blocked from other people's Call Display? Because I could see how a lot of people with Call Display would choose not to pick up if they saw that it was a Camden phoning. Mary whines, "As long as Dad's a minister, we're never gonna have normal lives." Okay, you can blame it on that, Mary, but I think it has more to do with the CamRents being smothering and annoying -- just freaks in general. Mary snottily asks who would call Lucy. Instead of slapping her sister, Lucy smiles and says that someone may call.