Episode Report Card Sara M: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Incestual Healing
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.15.2004
Peter comes home to find his mother pigging out on leftovers. She says she didn't actually eat any dinner with Vic because she was "too nervous." Paris tells Peter about how she thought Vic was going to propose, but it was all a misunderstanding. Peter's face falls, and he tells her that Vic told him earlier that he was going to propose to her. Paris asks why every man in her life has to ask Peter to marry her before they ask her. Peter says it's because the writers of the show are crazy. Then he tells her that she should only marry Vic if she loves him and will be happy with him, and not to marry him just to make Peter happy. Paris leaves "to find Vic."
Martin brings Asslee back to her room and says that today is his dead mother's birthday. Asslee's reaction? She sticks her hands in her pockets, bobbles her head a little, smiles, and raises her eyebrows. Why why WHY is Asslee still on this show? She offers nothing -- she can't act, her character is stupid and meaningless and boring, and no one on this earth is watching 7th Heaven for the sole purpose of seeing Jessica Simpson's sister. If Asslee left the show, the ratings would probably go up. Those Simpson parents must have some incriminating photos of Brenda Hampton, although I can't imagine her doing anything incriminating, morally perfect as she is. Martin continues that he's spent every year since his mom died doing stuff that she would have done if she were still alive. He spent the morning at a soup kitchen because his mother loved doing charity work. "And…the park?" Asslee says. Martin says that his mother grew up "back east," so she loves parks. I don't see the connection, but as long as Asslee isn't talking, I'm not going to complain. Every time their family moved, Martin's mom would find the nearest park, and once a week they would picnic there. The picnics are his favorite memories of his mother. Martin says the park he took her to tonight was the first one he found when he got to Glenoak, on a night when he missed his mother. I miss my mom too. This goddamn scene made me fucking cry and feel more homesick than I've felt since I moved out here. Fortunately, Asslee soon ruins the effect by speaking, asking Martin why he shared this day with her when he hasn't even told his father about it. "I love you. I do." Martin says, and leaves. Asslee has no discernible reaction to this. I hate her. I do.
Matt is riding in a car again. His cell phone rings. It's Ruthie, on the Lame Clear Phone. She thanks him for coming back to see her, and hangs up. RevCam and Annie are hiding in her closet, listening in. "Why didn't I think to ask Ruthie?" RevCam practically screams, like, way to be discreet. Ruthie sees that her bedroom door is open, and assumes that her parents must be spying behind it, which is pretty sad, and sadder still is that she's right. She wishes them goodnight, and tells them that Matt is still in school, and he still loves PC, although she doesn't know what's going on with the marriage.
Matt's phone rings again. It's Richard Lewis and Conehead, using two different phones like my grandparents do when they call me. Maybe it's a Jewish thing. They wish him a safe trip back, and he thanks them for putting him up for the night. The phone rings again. "PC?" Matt says. You know, Matt, maybe your cell phone from 1988 doesn't have this feature, but on newer cell phones you can actually see who's calling you before you pick up the phone. That way you don't seem so stupid when you assume it's one person and find out it's someone else. Nurse Debi is on the line; she says that she had a good time talking to Annie, and Annie is "sweet and funny." She must have been talking to Li'l Orphan Annie, because "sweet and funny" certainly does not describe Annie Camden. Nurse Debi says that she and Matt are "going to have to talk" about how he's married to PC. It certainly does sound like those two are having an affair, especially with all the Matt-love Nurse Debi expressed to Annie earlier in the show, but you'd think that Matt would be able to recognize her voice on the phone if they were.