Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "I Ate My Father-Pig!"
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.02.2010
Paul arrives home to Jenna's apartment, complaining that his day got really crazy when he got custard all over his penis. Such are the perils of working at a roller skating drag queen revue! He sees all the candles and Jenna in her negligee and wonders what she's up to. She proposes the sex tape, but he says he's too tired. They get into a huge fight because she thinks he's not adventurous enough, and he thinks she's afraid of settling down. They reach a point where they realize they want different things in life. He tells her he won't beg her and leaves for evening, asking her to fairly divide up their panties before he returns the next day to collect his things.
The next day, Kenneth anxiously tells Lemon he has another message from Carol. He begs her, "Please don't get sad and remember things and infect me again." She tells him everything's fine and apologizes for traumatizing him. He says it's okay because he had his "brain cleaned" by Jack. He starts to go into the Harold story, but Lemon stops him, saying her "brain pan" is also not big enough to handle it.
Staples. Tracy stops by as Donald cleans up. He offers Tracy his "share of the profits," a pink ladies' trench left in coat check. Jack runs in to tell Tracy he was wrong. He urges him not to turn his back on Donald and explains that Kenneth's stories unearthed a memory from Jack's own childhood. He tells the two of them his boyhood dream was to be an astronaut, a deep sea diver or a scientist, but his father projected his own failures onto his family. In one particular instance, Jack was rehearsing for a third-grade science play when Jimmy Donaghy came home drunk and mercilessly mocked Jack for struggling to pronounce the word "protein" correctly: "Well, looky he-ah. Dahc-tah Jack. Boy wants to be a scientist. Chowdahhead cahn't even say the words! You'll nevah be nothin'!" Flash back to Jack on the stage as he sees Jimmy in the audience and freezes, saying "protoin" instead of protein and "orgasms" instead of organisms. The audience titters and Jimmy repeats his cruel dismissal.
Back in the present, Jack says he threw away all his science-related possessions the next day. He tells Tracy, "A parent is the one person who is supposed to make their kid think they can do anything, says they're beautiful even when they're ugly, thinks they're smart even when they go to Arizona State." He tells Tracy to support Donald no matter what and tells Donald to go and make him proud. Donald tells him that his speech was nice but agrees with Jimmy Donaghy that Jack didn't have what it took to be a scientist if he couldn't even be protein in a school play. He admits that he's a failure and begins to walk away. Jack yells out after him, proudly delivering the speech he bungled all those years ago. It's so forceful, Tracy and Donald can't help but clap. Re-energized, Donald asks Tracy for $50,000 to start a call-in line for people who want air quality reports across the United States. He wants to call it American Airlines. Tracy proudly tells him this plan will work, and they hug each other with renewed passion.