Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pardon My Past
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.16.2000
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe, lying unconscious on the sofa, smiles. Piper asks Leo if she's okay. He thinks she is.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Pre-Phoebe fingers an amulet around her neck and looks over at the piano player and a flapper doing the Charleston next to him. The piano player looks at her. Ugh. It's Pre-Dan, with pomaded-back hair that's only slightly less greasy than present Dan. Pre-Phoebe glares at him. A woman accosts her and asks where she's been. Pre-Pheebs was getting "herbs" for her potions. Cut to Pre-Piper in a black beaded cocktail frock and bobbed wig. She approaches the bartender and tells him to hurry up with the "giggle water" for the speakeasy's patrons. Pre-Pheebs walks up to Pre-Piper, expositioning, "What's the matter, dear cousin, are you afraid of me?" Pre-Piper: "Should I be?" Pre-Pheebs goes over to Pre-Dan and harshes at him to play another song. Pre-Piper comes over and tells him to continue playing, or whatever it is Greg Vaughan thinks he's doing -- I've seen cast members from The Chimp Channel who mimicked piano playing better than he. Pre-Phoebe glares at Pre-Piper and leaves the parlor. She walks into the sunroom, where Pre-Prue, sporting a red pageboy wig that looks like it could stand up in a corner all by itself (and should, it's so bad) and a royal blue plunging-neckline party dress, is taking a photographic portrait. Pre-Phoebe greets her other cousin. Pre-Prue tells her they "need to talk." Pre-Phoebe is "through talking." She walks away. Pre-Piper comes up to Pre-Prue and hands her a written spell. The cousins all glare at each other. Pre-Phoebe walks over to a table where a little girl is telling a woman a fortune from a crystal ball. Pre-Phoebe freaks, because she told the little girl to watch her things, not to play with them. Pre-Pheebs grabs the girl's doll and smashes it on the floor. The little girl wails for her "dolly." Pre-Phoebe struts off, stepping on kittens and kicking puppies out of her way. Not really, because we already GET IT -- she's mean. A handsome guy comes up behind Pre-Pheebs in a doorway. He grabs her neck and pushes her against a wall. They sloppily French kiss. Pre-Phoebe drops her boa. Handsome Guy feels her up. Pre-Phoebe wonders, "Why must you tease me, Anton?" Anton leads her outside behind the manor. Several crates of liquor are scattered around the yard, bottles spilling out of them.
A sidebar for a minute. Hello, scriptwriter of this episode -- they were called "speakeasies" for a reason. Sale and consumption of liquor was against the law. I mean, maybe the police were afraid of the Halliwells because they were witches, but that's not explained here with a throw-away line or anything. Eliot Ness would have been all over this place in no time flat. What am I watching -- The Touchables?