Episode Report Card Sars: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Future Tense
By Sars | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.24.2000
Outside, Drue "My Bloody" Valentine hails Jen as "Jenny." She doesn't respond, so he asks if people don't call her that anymore. "Not since I left the 212 area code," she huffs, speed-walking in order to escape him. Drue offers to walk her home, or carry her books, or "get a soda at the malt shop"; more non-funny jokes at the expense of Capeside's non-nightlife ensue. Jen tells him, in so many words, to go away. Drue complains that he's stuck in a "one-horse town" with "no decent Chinese food," and he'd expected a warmer welcome from Jen. Blah blah blah why doesn't Jen introduce Drue to her friends blah blah blah her friends already knew him but didn't mention that to Jen blah blah blah he wanted to "soak up some secondhand impressions" of her, blah blah blah fishcakes. Drue wants to catch up on old times; he missed her, he says. Jen doesn't buy it, saying that he didn't miss her, he missed the fact that she'd do whatever drugs he bought "in Washington Square Park." If you try to buy drugs in Washington Square Park, you get busted by an undercover cop. It's been that way since 1995. Whatever. Drue says that not all the Ecstasy he bought "turned out to be sinus medication" -- heh -- and complains that Jen makes it sound like they never had any fun. Jen snits that she doesn't have that kind of fun anymore and again tries to cut him off at the knees; Drue says he digs "this whole hip-to-be-square thing" she's got going, and he just wants to hang out, "what do you say?" Jen says no, never, not ever, and breezes off with Drue still trailing behind.
International House Of Fishcakes. Gretchen "Just Tell Us, Already" Witter, wearing a loud seventies-Cher-vintage halter that makes her boobs even bigger; Dawson, his hair plastered down like the bastard child of roof thatching and WD-40. "Fish-related crisis." Gretchen is interviewing for a bartending job at the IHOF. Feeble and untimely Coyote Ugly joke. Gretchen needs this job. Enter Gale "Anchors Aweigh" Leery, kitted out in a thirty-years-too-young-for-her Delia's tank top, no bra, newswoman hair, and Edie Sedgwick lipstick, to quiz Gretchen on her "plans for school," since Gale wants to hire someone permanent. Dawson looms over Gretchen all Mr. Nose as she stammers out that she's in Capeside "indefinitely." Gale asks if there's a reason for that, like, butt out, Gale! "Not a very interesting one," Gretchen mumbles, and based on the unreasonably long and melodramatic build-up to said reason, I'd have to agree. Just out with it already. Anyway, Gale asks if Gretchen can start the next day. Gretchen can. Gretchen beams at Dawson. Dawson beams back smugly. Gretchen is forty. Dawson is fugly. I am very, very bored.
Mitch "The Flash" Leery bawls out the football team, addressing them as "gentlemen." Shut up, Knute Schlockne. Whistle fweeping. Jack makes a catch. The Flash tells them to "take five." Jack gasps for breath, winded after running a four-second running pattern and catching a girly throw from a production assistant off-camera. In other words, whatever. Andie waves at Jack from the sidelines in her "Laura Ashley Presents: Louis Braille Creations" dress; in the background, we hear The Flash telling the team to drink water because he doesn't want them "cramping up out there." Hey, The Flash? Shut up. Shut up a lot. And don't say "cramping" out loud, ever. And shut up. Jack drags ass over to Andie, who tells him that he'll never believe what happened. Then she just stands there, and Jack has to ask her, "Something good, something bad, what?" Andie says that Miss Watson, the college advisor, "actually called Harvard" on Andie's behalf. Yeah, right. Because early-action apps didn't just get turned in, like, two weeks ago. And because admissions officers don't explicitly tell you NOT to do that. And because Andie's application wouldn't get bounced into the "no way, no day" tray as a result. Oh, I'm sorry -- they did, they do, and she's toast. But I guess I have to climb back onto the running board of The Suspension-Of-Disbeliefmobile for another bout of carsickness ["On that tip, I was recently delighted to discover, the Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next