Episode Report Card Sobell: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT To Thine Own Self Be True
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 11.24.2008
A semi-smirking Michael walks back over to the monolith and General Von Baldy tries with, "Not what you expected." "What I expected of a man like you is a system where you've got all the advantage," Michael says. He slides in the card. We see five more slots open up, and the General raises his eyebrows before innocently remarking, "Looks like you're a few cards short." Michael silently reaches into his backpack and pulls out five more data cards. As he lays each on the table with a click, you can practically hear the subtext: "[Click] F*** you, Baldy. [Click] Also, f*** you. [Click] Have I cordially invited you to go f*** yourself? [Click] I have two words for you: F*** and you. [Click] Finally, let me be the first to say: F*** you." We cut to the general, who has received the message loud and clear. Sucre leans in to deliver le mot juste: "Suck it, general." Never have I loved Sucre more than in that moment. I hope Michael appreciates him. He better.
Meanwhile, things are not going well for Don Self, what with Trisha being all weepy and telling him he's the worst partner ever. Fortunately, her lack of sangfroid in the face of adversity gives him enough noise to cover for him sliding out the handcuff key he had hidden -- wait. Don Self is now a master of strategery? Either this is a blip in his characterization or he's deliberately been playing the bumbling fed. I don't know what to think, especially when Don quickly escapes from his handcuffs, disarms a tubby henchthug, uses him as a human shield against two more of Fang's underlings (Um, ewwwwwww), and then manages to kill everyone not named Fang before freeing Trisha. I wonder if she feels bad about calling him the "worst partner ever" now. She scampers off, and Don hollers, "Hey! Don't!" as he and Fang come face-to-face, each of them wielding a gun. Don and Fang both fire, but it turns out that Trisha found a gun and she shot Fang from behind. Don is p-i-s-s-e-d, and Trisha explains, "He was going to kill you." Don sends her off to deal with Gretchen and T-Bag ALONE, because he "has to take care of this." By "take care of this," does he mean "call his boss and explain there are five dead Asian mobsters in a tract home"? Is that even common enough for there to be a protocol for that?
Oh, lord, here comes White into T-Bag's office all hail-fellow-well-met and scamming for an intro to Gretchen. Things go downhill from there as Gretchen and T-Bag prove stunningly ineffective at concocting a plausible cover story for how they happen to know one another, and White's skepticism only grows by leaps and bounds when he happens to notice the big submachine guns resting under "Cole's" desk. White quickly says, "It was wonderful to meet you -- I have to go jump on a conference call," and beats a hasty retreat. The minute he leaves, Gretchen says, "He knows." T-Bag does not like where this is headed. As Susan grabs one of the guns, his sense of frozen dread is replaced with something a little more sick, and he pleads, "No, no. no." As Gretchen strides into the main office and scares the hell out of everyone by showing them her big gun, we cut to T-Bag looking sorrowful. He's saying goodbye to Cole, goodbye to legitimacy, and goodbye to what he honestly thought was a clean slate. Robert Knepper is darn good at his job, because he manages to convey all this in three seconds (I counted), and then T-Bag turns and grabs his own gun. He herds everyone into Mr. White's office with a heart-rending blend of courtesy and urgency, leaving the cold brutality of the hostage-taking situation to Gretchen. As he kicks the locks on the front door shut, T-Bag looks at Gretchen with a mix of exasperation and fury and screams, "Now what?"