Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Deep End Of The Ocean
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 08.31.2009
"He can't," says Andy, befuddled. A new Nancy eases down into her chair. "Well, then I will." You don't walk out, you adjust your expectations. Nothing is exactly as it appears to be; nor is it otherwise. Men are weak. It's her daughter, too.
Celia's makeup has gone from nutty to ultracrazy, and she's sporting that leather jacket again. Her Nancy impression is only getting better. She apologizes to the group she's assembled in her condo, apologizing for the short notice but pointing out that they are all unemployed, and have nothing else to do. "I'm Celia Hodes, team leader." She's wearing a million necklaces. She nudges Doug with an angry voice, and he speaks up. "Doug Wilson, Finance. And co-team leader." And Dean Hodes, Legal, and fucking Sanjay Patel, Sales, and Ignacio Something Jr., Supply, and -- putting on his mask -- Perro Insano, Muscle. He growls and moans, and Isabel rolls her eyes. "Down, boy."
Ignacio sadly takes off the mask, and at her mother's insistence -- "You wanna play or not?" -- Isabel introduces herself to these people she already knows: "Isabel Hodes. Brains." Which, better than nothing, but Celia just said it herself: this is a game. She is all the way into the Matrix now. "I have a team!" she shouts, raising her glass high, and Sanjay hits on Ignacio, of course, and Ignacio is repulsed, basically, and above them all, picture it: Celia Hodes, brunette and wearing leather, holding her arms out like Eva Peron over them all. She thinks it's a kiddie pool and doesn't see the sharks, or the way the ground drops off forever. The only mother worse than Nancy Botwin in the whole world, now Queen of the Misfit Toys. Terrifying.
Audra's giggling over her ring when they arrive back at her place in the minivan, thinking about how she'll have to take it off for surgeries. "You'll have to take it off if you don't say yes, already!" he yells. The madness in his voice, the urgency: She asks what he talked to Nancy about. But it's not really about Nancy anymore, as much as it ever was, which means Audra thought the problem was Nancy, which means Audra deserves what she gets after this point. He says he doesn't remember -- "Too busy thinking about you," he says barfably -- but that she owes him an I Love You, "from when I said it in the hallway outside the junkie's room." She admits that she does love him, as they enter her living room. "I love you more," says Gayle, who's sitting there holding a crossbow and has a huge pile of guns next to him. "Have a seat, sinners." Andy disappears so fast there are little cartoon lines where he was standing, and then it's just Audra, staring at Gayle with a crossbow to her head.