Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Deep End Of The Ocean
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 08.31.2009
The "sexy" thing Andy would like to show Audra in his garage is, of course, a minivan, registered under a fake name. The sexiest thing about that is that he sold off the General Lee and most of the toys except for Ms. Pac-Man ("I love you, but I've known her longer," Andy says). They climb around in the backseat and he talks about naming the thing Greased Lightning or Melvin, and she compares the backseat to a "living room," and it's your basic consumer orgy where they enumerate the features to each other and show how shallow they are, but Andy's whole point is getting her into the front seat, where he's hung Judah's engagement ring from the mirror.
At some point between now and the end of this part, Audra notices the ring and pretends not to, and I would guess that that point is located at the point that would demonstrate on a graph how much you love Alanis Morissette. Like, I'm pretty sure she knew it was there before she even saw the minivan, as any normal person probably would, because Andy only sucks in like three or four different flavors. So he's all, "Get in the front, try it out!" and she's all, "So many TV screens in here, in case children fuck everything up by existing!" And he's like, "Hey look, a steering wheel!"
So she plays with the lumbar support while he's doing a ticsome dance toward the rearview, with his hands and his face and his neck and his eyebrows jerking towards it over and over, and finally he yells, "GODDAMMIT LOOK IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR." At which point she goes, "Why? Is there something behind us?" And he goes of course, "Everything is in front of us!" And turns her face to point directly at it. So she tells him that he better not leave his giant diamond ring hanging there because it could momentarily blind him, and he offers to take it down, just to be safe, and he asks her finally to marry him, just to be safe. Which is all it is. Then the phone rings, and somehow it's bluetoothed already to Audra's phone, because it's Silas calling -- much to Andy's pants-shitting childish outrage -- to distract her with yet more weird trouble. "Did someone else get shot?" she asks excitedly, because everybody in the entire world sucks, while Andy stares into space like a cartoon dog without a cheeseburger.
Nancy comes out onto the porch, where her husband is smoking a cigar with Pilar. A Pilar cigar. She welcomes Nancy out, hoping her masseuse was magical as usual, and Nancy admits that she was, but not as magical as Esteban: "Disappears, reappears..." Pilar says they can't stay mad at each other for too long, they're just this awesome team that can't be divided, and Nancy names the things: "So I'm guessing death and/or blackmail and/or imprisonment is the glue that holds you together?" Works for Nancy, after all.