Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tempus fudges-it
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 11.27.2001
A view from outer space reveals Enterprise to be about four times the size of Fraddock the Haddock's ship as the two are locked together, side-by-side. That should make Quantum feel superior. "Seal's good," Trip says to the captain. I agree; in fact, "Crazy" is one of my favorite songs. Oh, he means the docking seal. Shut up. Quantum opens the door and welcomes the newcomers aboard. Quantum introduces himself and extends his hand. When the alien pauses, Quantum says, "It's customary on Earth to greet someone with a handshake," and demonstrates. Typical Earthist. What if it's against their religion or morals to touch hands? I'm sure there must have been a TNG or TOS episode about that. "I'm Prah Mantoos. May Agosoria embrace you into his cycle of renewal," the religious sect leader says. "Thanks," Quantum says, exchanging a look with Trip. Prah introduces the rest of Heaven's Gate. "These are my fellow celebrants," he says, as one particularly sinister-looking cloaked individual steps onto the ship behind the group. "We've traveled many light years from different worlds to watch this event," Presuming Prah says, nervously rubbing his hands together. Quantum probably infected him with a virus he picked up from the E. coli. Trip introduces himself and T'Pol. Of course, Trip's Southern modesty prevents him from divulging his real title, so he tells them he's "Chief Engineer," rather than "Pewp Engineer." "For you, Captain," Presuming Prah says, handing over a circular glass object with etchings on it. "It's beautiful," Quantum says, uncertainly. "What is it?" Presuming Prah tells him it's a clock that charts time from the beginning of the universe. That's useful. Another Heaven's Gater hands over a glass tube of red liquid to Trip, saying, "Voo-Sinteel. It's a spirit traditionally consumed as the plume reaches its full brilliance. You'll find it enhances the experience." "Mmm, I'm sure it does," Trip says, grinning. Can I buy that locally?
During the gift-giving, the particularly sinister-looking cloaked individual has been walking the circumference of the Heaven's Gaters, just begging to be noticed for how sinister he is. Since the Heaven's Gate crew seems to have small horns on their faces, the cloaked and sinister individual reminds me way too much of a Caucasian Darth Maul. Sans light saber. At least, so far. Quantum thanks them for their generosity and says the only thing they have to offer them in return is the hospitality of the ship. "That will be more than enough," Presuming Prah whinnies. Quantum says that Chef is replicating up a reconstituted feast in their honor. Presuming Prah tells him that normally they fast during the Time of Agosoria, "but in this case, I suppose we can break with tradition!" How convenient to get such open-minded aliens who are willing to bypass a religious tradition just because Quantum told Chef to replicate food for them. Quantum escorts Presuming Prah to the interior of the ship, and the rest of Heaven's Gate follows. Caucasian Darth Maul also follows, sinisterly. I miss the red dress Picard wore on festive and ceremonial occasions.
Enterprise Mess. Heaven's Gaters mill about with some Enterprise crewmembers, eating, drinking, comparing horns. Presuming Prah comments to Quantum that Enterprise has traveled far in the short time they've been in space. "A warp five'll git yuh where yer goin', pritty fast," Trip butts in. Quantum chatters that they've seen a lot since they left Earth, but "this place is definitely one of the highlights." Would that be damnation with faint praise or a backhanded compliment? I'm never certain. ["I think 'garden-variety Quantum blithering' is the phrase you're looking for." -- Sars] Presuming Prah examines a snifter of something and says he's glad Quantum appreciates the beauty of the stellar nursery, but it's more than that to them. "According to our sacred texts, this is where the universe began," Presuming Prah says. "And the Great Plume of Aga -- Aga --" Trip bumbles. Aga Khan? "Agosoria," Darth Maul supplies for him. Oh. "Agosoria. How does that fit in?" Trip asks. Presuming Prah tells him that it represents the eternal creation cycle. Phlox muses that it's similar to the Hindu religion on Earth: "They also believe that the Earth goes through repeated cycles of rebirth." Quantum says he didn't know Phlox found religion on Earth. "Oh, yes," Phlox sings out. "In fact, while I was there, I made it a point to study a number of them. I spent two weeks at a Tibetan monastery where I learned to sing the chords with the High Lamas. I attended mass at St. Peter's Square. I was even allowed to observe the Tal-Shanar at the Vulcan Consulate." Go, Phlox. But no Wiccan rites of dancing naked around the fire, dousing his earlobes with the sweat of a three-legged moose? Too bad. T'Pol's lips look relatively unimpressed with Phlox's scattered religious experiences. Darth Maul turns to her and says, "I understand Vulcans are a deeply spiritual people." T'Pol answers, "Our beliefs are based on logic and the pursuit of clarity." Since there's not much to say to that, Darth Maul asks Quantum if he's a believer of anything. Quantum's vanilla pudding response: "I guess you could say I keep an open mind." Ah, a Unitarian. Presuming Prah tells him that many people are inspired by the Plume: "Perhaps you will be, too." Quantum smiles and goes with it.