Episode Report Card Sara M: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Crap Miner's Daughter
By Sara M | Season 9 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.26.2004
Annie's back in action, talking to RevCam about the twins' cute baseball outfits, which I can only assume she saw from the vantage point of her bed, which she was lying in all morning instead of making lunches. RevCam's all bummed out, though, because Ruthie wants to date. Annie knows all about it, and says Harry sounds like a nice guy. RevCam reminds her that Harry was in detention, so surely he's evil. Annie says that Ruthie is in detention, too, to which RevCam says that some kids are in detention "for a reason," like, sexual harassment isn't a reason? RevCam also thinks that Ruthie is too young to date. Was he awake during the last season? Maybe he thought Peter was one of Ruthie's girlfriends, and that's why he always got to sleep over. Annie reminds RevCam that Ruthie is "going to be fifteen" (damn, really? Someone needs to get that girl some growth hormones!) and that they let Lucy date when she was thirteen.
And now onto the subject of Simon. Annie begs her husband not to piss off Simon, saying that Simon talking to a therapist is enough for right now. She says that they should wait for Simon to be ready to talk to them. RevCam asks what they're supposed to do if Simon's never ready. Then I guess he'll be like Mary. Or, hell, Matt, who still hasn't told you his real wedding date. Annie says that Simon needs to solve his own problems, and that they should be there for him only if he needs them. Whaaaa? I guess Annie couldn't make lunches this morning because she was busy reading a parenting book. "Do you actually believe anything you're saying?" asks RevCam. "Not yet," says Annie. But there's still hope.
Ruthie's at her locker when a blond guy comes up behind her and kisses her on the cheek. Meet Harry, a.k.a. Aaron Carter, a.k.a. Guy Whose Non-Hit Single "Not Too Young, Not Too Old" Was In Heavy Blockbuster TV Rotation When I Used To Work There, And It Played Seven Times A Day, Every Day, For Like Three Months And I Wanted To Kill Myself. Ruthie turns around and snaps at Harry that she'll let him know when he's allowed to kiss her. Wow, she's almost like a real Camden! Martin walks up and says that he'll let the kid know when Ruthie can be kissed. Wow, he's almost like a real Camden too! Maybe they've been taking lessons together. They can share the workbook Robbie left behind. Martin tells Harry, who's politely trying to introduce himself, to leave. Harry tells Ruthie he'll see her later, and takes off. Run, Harry, run! Run to the principal's office and switch schools! "We need to talk," Martin says to Ruthie. Guess what? Ruthie doesn't want to talk. She tells Martin that what Harry did was "just a kiss." "A kiss you didn't want, right?" asks Martin. Yeah, Harry totally raped Ruthie's cheek. Shut up, Martin. Ruthie says she can handle it. Martin says that the fact that Ruthie met Harry in detention should tell her something. That detention is a good place to meet people? Ruthie says that all it tells her is that Harry, like her, made a mistake. She slams her locker door and leaves.
Simon starts therapy off right by telling Dr. Gibson that's he lost weight. Dr. Gibson says that he's single again, so he has to look good for all the ladies. Maybe if he had put that effort into losing weight when he was married, he wouldn't have gotten divorced. I'm just saying. Dr. Gibson asks Simon what he's doing there, since I guess he wasn't aware they had an appointment. Simon says that he doesn't have a real reason to be there except that his parents just found out that he's "close" with a woman, and they won't pay for school unless he sees a therapist. "You're having sex," says Dr. Gibson. Simon says that he is, but it's fine with him; his parents are the ones with the problem. He asks if he can leave, and Dr. Gibson says he can. Thrilled, Simon leaves.