Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The beginning of the end, my friends
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 12.04.2001
Hearing that they can get business seats, Danza books the same route the boys are taking. In a quickie interview, Margarita comments that during the morning hours, she and LPFrank weren't working as a team, so now they realize that they'd better get started.
Commercials. Kirstie Alley's gone 'round the bend, but don't let that scare you away from buying at Pier One. They have some crazy-ass wicker.
Drunken cameramen careen around Beijing airport. Esquire and Danza wait to take off.
Hey, who are these guys in the matching outfits? Oh, yeah. Team Guido is back in Beijing, packing for the next leg of the trip. Joe explains that the secret to looking like Team Guido (a secret sought by many, of course) is to roll your clothes rather than folding them. Bill claims you can get three times as much in your pack if you roll. You know, I believe you can get more in your pack, but three times as much? No. Joe voices over that he and Bill are up for the fight, and they think "it's entirely possible" that they'll win. I will not count these guys out until a CBS lawyer confirms for me that someone else has won, but right now, I have to say that it's going to be awfully hard to make up twenty-four hours. It seems like once you're twenty-four hours behind, when you only have a leg and a half to make it up, you're…in rough shape. But as I said, I'll believe they're not going to win when I see it. Joe also makes himself and Bill out to be "the underdog." Umm, no. "Underdogs" are people who have looked all along like they won't win. Arrogance and underdog-ness don't go together. There's only a certain amount of crowing you can do about how brilliant and lovely and perfect you are, and after that, you lose your shot at underdog status forever.
Anyway, Guido discusses what they're going to wear, which I find sort of cute in a way that disturbs me. I have a feeling that if these guys had gotten hosed really early, and had suffered at least one big setback that had given them a little humility, I might have liked them a lot more, because since they've been in this semi-screwed position, they've had a lot more appeal.
10:51 PM. Team Guido. They go outside and step up to the mat to receive the clue. They see that they're going to have to wait until the next morning. Speaking of the next morning, let's go ahead and cut to it. Guido, walking up to the park. I have to point out that they're walking really slowly for guys who are trying to make up twenty-four hours. I mean, ten minutes could make the difference between making and missing a flight that will change the shape of things considerably, so I'm thinking that in their shoes, you've got to be hustling. They couldn't be hustling less. They're truly strolling, moving much more slowly than Danza and Esquire were. It's like the lack of nearby competition has sapped their drive. Remember the hustle they had back at the Taj Mahal? All that talk about following their electric vibes? Well, why the dawdling now? Anyway, Bill voices over that all it will take for them to come back is "one or two mistakes by these two other teams." Well…yes, in a sense. If they were really, really big mistakes at really, really the right times, and both teams made them, and Guido didn't make any mistakes. But how many really, really big mistakes have Esquire and Danza made on this trip so far?
Guido tracks down the kite. "Don't let the bird bite ya," Joe says cheerily as Bill grabs it. They read the clue. Best thing about this? Another chance to see the Guidos on the bus. You know the song.