Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Phoeby! Phoebi! Phoebé!
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.13.2002
The scene cuts to what appears to be an abandoned garden supply store. Kurzon stands in the center of a circle of minions, exhorting them to complete their assigned yet never-defined tasks before nightfall. The actor playing Kurzon is a pretty, bland, standard-issue lunkhead who would not be out of place on JAG. Not that I ever watch JAG. I've seen pictures of the cast. Shut up. Most of the minions squiggle out as D'Eartha wanders in from the shadows. "You will not live to lead the underworld," she warns slyly. Kurzon bites, asking D'Eartha what she's seen of his future. She tells a tale of a lone powerful witch who's drawn a target on Kurzon's back. If he doesn't take this witch out, he'll never be the king of Hell. The remaining minion -- a shorter gent with unruly hair -- gives D'Eartha the once-over and pissily snipes, "Her loyalties are with the last Source. Don't trust her." Catfight! D'Eartha shoots the underling a look that would sear the paint off the side of a battleship as Kurzon asks her why she's offering him her assistance. She's a creature of habit, she claims -- one who repeatedly allies herself with "the ultimate power." Should Kurzon off this unnamed witch, nothing will prevent him from becoming the next Source. Kurzon smiles, letting us all know he's bought this line of B.S.
THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. Raige wanders into Bossman Bob's office, and holy Christ, what the fuck is she wearing? She's got on this orange tank top with yellow piping over a thin rainbow-patterned belt with a gold-plated double-pear clasp, which is bad enough. The part of the outfit that shoves good taste straight off a cliff is the bit below her waist. A chocolate-brown Madonna mini-kilt over brown jeans. I'd wonder what she was thinking with this outfit, were it not clear her brain orbed out of her skull to puddle on the carpet while she was getting dressed this morning. Ew. So, Bossman Bob rises from his chair with an overly-serious, "I'm gonna miss you, [Raige]." Raige immediately sputters out excuses for her habitual tardiness. Bossman Bob shuts her up. He'll miss her, he clarifies, as an assistant, because she's being promoted to full-fledged social worker. Raige is ecstatic, and becomes even more so when she learns the promotion comes with a "flexible work schedule." Shyeah. "Work." Pull the other one. Raige does have one question, however. She thought that "Scott" was next in line for a promotion, as he has a couple of years' seniority over her. Bossman Bob reveals that Raige's success in helping Collagyn regain custody of her son tipped the scales in her direction. "You worked a miracle with her," Bob notes admiringly. Raige's face falls as she mutters something about personal gain. She recovers quickly to thank Bob for the opportunity, and turns to head back to her cubicle. The passed-over Scott offers an apparently genuine congratulations as Raige glides by his desk. Raige looks guilty. Honey, Scott has a mullet. Don't fret too much about stealing that promotion away from him.
Manor attic. Phoebe stands at the Book of Shadows, wistfully stroking the image of Belthazor accompanying his entry therein. Yeah, it was so much simpler back in the day, when you knew for a fact that your boyfriend wanted you dead. Piper enters from the hall, wondering what Phoebe's doing up there all by her lonesome. More tedious marriage chat of the "Phoebe's wavering again" variety. Phoebe can't put her finger on it, but there's something not quite right. "Why am I so damned confused all of a sudden?" she blurts. Because the script says so, sweetheart. Duh. Why are you suddenly searching for logical character motivation? Piper thinks about Phoebe's question for a moment, then suggests that Phoebe use the Book to ease her dim little tormented mind. Phoebe cannot believe her ears. Is Piper suggesting she use magic for personal gain? Not exactly. It won't be personal gain if Phoebe's careful in the wording of the spell she composes; nor will personal gain kick in if Phoebe's motivation is "pure." As Piper turns to leave, she warns Phoebe not to tell Raige. Piper doesn't want Raige "to think she can do it too," you see. Phoebe wiggles her eyebrows around and leafs through the Book.