Episode Report Card Demian: A- | 121 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Is That All There Is To Utopia? Is That All There Is?
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 13 | Aired on 2005.01.30
Manor. Party scene I will not be recapping, because it's full of perky nobodies we've never seen before and shall never see again stuffing their faces while Piper and Raige bore me to tears with their incessant babbling. Phoebe and the Dolt eventually enter the scene from the floor above and, as Phoebe scuttles off in search of a stiff cocktail, Piper hurries over to wonder what gives with the Dolt. "What's wrong?" she demands. "It's complicated," he evades. As she natters on about his workload and as he continues not to give her a straight answer, Zankou surreptitiously blazes onto the sun porch and catches the Dolt's eye. A trio of Zankou's henchdemons presently squiggles in next to him as various party guests obliviously wander through the parlor in front of them all. Zankou finally nods at the Dolt and blazes out of there. Once he's gone, the Dolt grabs his still-blathering wife by her arms and whispers, "Forgive me, Piper. If there was another way to do this, I would." "What are you talking about?" she shrills. "I have to fix a mistake," he breathes before adding, "I love you." With that, he shoves her out of the way and screams, "Everyone get down!" He then unleashes a massive bolt of sporking electricity from both hands that shoots through the parlor towards the henchdemons on the sun porch. The three dive out of the way, so the Dolt just ends up taking out a wicker chair. There's some hooting and hollering from the assembled guests while they dive for cover as Piper charges over to shield her kids from what's going on. Oh, Piper. Why bother? You know the Psycho likes to watch. The henchdemons hurl a few Flaming Balls Of Death that deliberately go wide before the Dolt unleashes another spray of electricity that instantly takes out the two lesser dark demonic forces, leaving Irritating Max Perlich by his lonesome on the sun porch. Irritating Max makes a big show of confronting the Dolt on his own, but the Dolt just nails his annoying ass up against the wall with another flood of sporks and finally, at long last, Irritating Max Perlich howls and wails and explodes into a million tiny points of light. Good fucking riddance. The Dolt whips his head around to ensure that his wife, kids, and sisters-in-law are safe as the shot cuts up to Avatar Central, where a disconcerted I'm Not Candy drops his guard to shoot a worried look at No Name. Back on earth, the Dolt, knowing he's about to disappear, urgently instructs Phoebe, "Don't let them make you forget why I'm doing this. It's supposed to hurt -- go to the Book, remember all the losses. Then go to Zankou." As Phoebe phreaks, a mournful Dolt vanishes in a grey haze. The instant he's gone, the partygoers resume what they'd been doing as if nothing had happened, with the notable exception of Phoebe. With the Avatars' grip on her partially broken, she remains cowering behind the couch as Raige easily ambles over to Piper, wondering if the latter's okay. "I guess so," Piper replies, a bit out of it as she passes the hideous genetic mishap masquerading as Tiny Gay Chris to Raige. "I'm really sorry about [the Dolt]," Raige mugs as she slings the frightful excuse for a human infant over her shoulder. "Me too," Piper absently agrees before snapping back into Utopia mode and announcing, "but at least he's gone on to a better place." AAUAUAAUAAAAAAAGH! Phoebe, still crouched behind the sofa, takes this in with a look of horror on her face before disappearing into the next commercial break.