Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 8 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Find The Lady
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2011
Diane: "Okay, what else are you into that we can do instead of YB&M?"
Wasid: "Doesn't Eli Gold work here now, directly across from Alicia's office? Because I need crisis management, and I heard that his job description is like morbidly flexible."
Diane: "What's the crisis?"
Wasid, grinning: "Where's the management?"
Diane sends Alicia to find Eli and Will, so she wanders the halls making complex faces until she gets to his office: He's not in yet. When he gets there, the Chris Isaak will presumably start up again. Her phone phones, it's Grace's phone phoning, and the ringer is perfectly marvelously irritating: "Mom, pick up the phone. Mom, pick up the phone." I will never understand ringers like that.
Grace: "Mom, I have phoned to be irritating on the phone."
Alicia: "I love talking to you so much, thanks for phoning. Please don't be angry with me for separating from your father, or secretly doing bad bad things."
Grace: "I am way too into myself to care about any of that. Listen, I just phoned to tell you that I don't need a tutor. Jesus is my tutor. My hunky black tutor."
Alicia: "Grace, you're much too stupid to get by on just Jesus."
Punk Outside School: (Shoves past Grace like she's invisible. God, I hope she begs for attention in some dorky major way, resulting in shame for the whole family. Zach ignores his sister's systematic bullying and snags the phone.)
Zach: "In other news, you've been invited to dinner by Nisa's parents."
Alicia: "Um, just me? Or..."
Zach: "I'd like you both to come. Either way, rest assured I didn't tell anybody that you are separated."
Alicia: "Well, that's not happening, but I'll pretend to talk to your Dad about it. Please remind your sister about the no-dorking-out-on-camera rule. I feel like she's about to snap again."
She grabs Eli, who is just tickled pink that somebody named "Wasim Al-Said" wants to employ him, and explains more facts: He's a commodities trader that Diane's been trying to poach for two years, and he's got $10M in charity to spend. On, of course, a campaign against anti-Muslim bigotry which will obviously have great added value if it's run by the famous Eli Gold, Giant Jew. Eli sasses the fellow hardcore and they come to an agreement: That Eli is very sassy.
Alicia: "So that went well, you little leprechaun."
Eli: "I don't like being used."
Alicia: "That is a goddamn lie."
Eli: "He's just trying to get in good with me so that when the Jewish lobby starts pumping money into Peter's governorship I won't take sides."
Alicia: "Still don't understand why that's a problem for you."
Eli: "Alright, fine. I'm completely mercenary. But I feel like I should care about this. Meanwhile, why are you being so sassy back at me?"
Alicia: "It's certainly not because I am having an adulterous fling. Anyway, I have to go take care of yet more Muslims now. I'm off to court without answering your question."
Eli: "How come?"
Alicia: "Because I am a lawyer, Eli."
Eli: "See? Sassy."