Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | 4 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT So Long, And Thanks For All The Dick
By Aaron | Season 6 | Episode 8 | Aired on 02.22.2003
Tom Fontana has obviously elected to front-load the show with all the plots he doesn't care about but has to resolve anyway, because now it's time for Father Mukada's segment. He kicks things off by meeting with Jaz Hoyt's father, who's played by an elderly, patrician actor whom I'm embarrassed to admit I can't identify. I've seen him a million times, but his name escapes me at the moment. ["Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee!" -- Macbeth (Act II. Scene iii.)] ["Sars can, though. It's James Karen, voice of the Pathmark commercials." -- Sars, with an assist from the IMDb] Anyway, PapaHoyt warbles that he and MamaHoyt were excellent parents, "but there was always something not quite right about the boy. From the very day we brought him home from the orphanage." Like a house cat hearing the distinctive sound of a can opener going to work on a jar of tuna, Mukada's ears prick up at the mention of this eminently gossip-worthy revelation. He begs for all the information he can get on Hoyt's birth parents, and practically cackles with glee when learns that Hoyt's real father died in prison.
And speaking of Hoyt, here's the man himself, strapped to a bed in the hospital ward. Um, wasn't this guy transferred to a psych hospital a few episodes ago? What the hell is he still doing here? And then the writers slather even more contrivance onto their peanut butter and contrivance sandwich by having MamaKirk there to offer him some juice. When he refuses it, she angrily throws the liquid right in his face. Yeah. Because nothing says "I'm a good mother, and not a psychotic priest-loving stalker" like dousing the man who murdered your son with warm apple juice. This, of course, is Mukada's cue to enter, as he pulls her away from Jaz and tries gently to explain why it's not nice to taunt convicted murderers who are convinced they've been possessed by the devil. Somehow MamaKirk interprets this lecture as an opportunity to ask the Good Father on a date, and before he even knows what happened, Mukada is agreeing to meet her for dinner and wiping her lipstick off his cheek. Even with extensive use of my TiVo's pause button, I still can't determine whether or not it was Dick Suck Red.
Next we see Mukada and Sister Pete briefing the real MamaHoyt in preparation for a visit with her son. Ray uncovers even more juicy details about Jaz, not least of which is the news that his father's name was "Buster." After warning her that her son may "say terrible, terrible things," they escort BiologicalMamaHoyt to the hospital ward, where she hugs Jaz and brings an unsatisfying plotline to a highly unsatisfactory close. Hell, we didn't even get to see the guy naked again, despite all the perfect opportunities afforded by his loose-fitting hospital gown. Man, what a gyp.
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