Episode Report Card Sars: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dance
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.26.1998
Joey stomps across the lawn in shorts and a skimp-o-rama bikini top with a denim shirt over it, and she heads up the ladder. Meanwhile, Mitch tells his first-kiss-with-Gail story, in which Gail's lips got chapped in the sun and she asked Mitch to lend her some Chapstick, so he put some on his lips and kissed her, and at that moment a giant wheel of Brie falls out of the sky and crushes both of the Leery men. Well, not really, but it should have. Upstairs, Joey climbs in the window and wanders past the telescope to the head of the stairs, where she hears Mitch talking about the chemistry that already existed between him and Gail, and the kiss cementing those feelings, and the romantic setting, and Dawson says patronizingly, "See, and here I thought you were all about sex." Mitch says, "Well, we still jumped each other," and Dawson groans as Mitch continues, "But you gotta have romance." Joey watches through the banister as Dawson asks, "But the kiss itself -- what did you do?" Mitch picks up Joey's fake head and hands it to Dawson, saying, "Give it a try." Dawson snorts and refuses, but Mitch insists, "You asked for [my advice]," and Joey smirks as Dawson takes Joey's fake head in his hands, and Mitch advises Dawson to moisten his lips, and now I guess I know whom to blame for all the slobbery kisses I've had to endure in my lifetime -- people's dads gave them well-meaning but sucky kissing clinics. Anyhow. Dawson giggles all embarrassedly and says he feels ridiculous, and Mitch tweaks his lower lip and tells Dawson to relax and "let it have a mind of its own -- you want it to dance with hers," and I suspect he doesn't mean Dawson's lip, but whatever, Mitch says, "Go on," and Dawson picks up Joey's fake head as Joey's real head watches intently from the banister, and Mitch says, "Close your eyes," and Dawson and Joey both close their eyes, and Dawson kisses Joey's fake head while Joey presumably fantasizes about kissing Dawson, and Dawson and Joey both open their eyes again, and Mitch tells Dawson, "That was good," and Dawson asks, "Yeah?" and Mitch says, "Yeah," and Dawson grins all skeevily and says, "Cool," and that scene tried for "endearing" but took a wrong turn at "creepy," and of all the things my stomach lining can take, Real-Doll overtones on Dawson's Creek don't make the list. Anyhow, Dawson picks up Joey's fake head, tells his father to "forget this ever happened," and leaves.
Upstairs, Joey hears Dawson go, and she stands up to leave herself, but she hears a scrabbling noise and the sound of Gail saying, "Yes, I'll see you tonight. No, no, no, no, I can't, he's downstairs." Joey follows a telephone cord to where it disappears underneath a door, and leans towards the door to eavesdrop as Gail murmurs, "Okay, but then I'm hanging up," and makes smoochy-smoochy noises into the receiver, and says, "Okay, I promise, I promise. Later. Okay, bye." Saddened by overhearing this, Joey jumps back from the door as Gail walks out of the closet with phone in hand, and she scares the living daylights out of Gail, who gasps and asks Joey, "What are you doing?" Joey stammers, "Uh, I was just looking for Dawson, we're filming today." Gail pulls the closet door closed behind her and says, trying to act nonchalant, "Oh, that's nice," and she replaces the phone on the hall table as Joey tells her, "I'm gonna get killed today," and Gail gives her a huge fake toothy grin and says again, "Oh, that's nice," and she tells Joey to wear sunscreen. Joey says goodbye all awkwardly and starts to go downstairs, but then she thinks better of it and says, "Mrs. Leery?" Gail turns to her and says brightly, "Hmm?" Joey says grimly, "I know." A cloud passes over Gail's face. Neither of them says anything for a moment. Then Joey turns and goes downstairs.