Providence

So, here's my question. How did Ross know to go look for this Canadian spaceship? Why didn't he assume that these angels were sent by whichever God he already believed in? How did he make the jump from "God saved me" -- a fairly reasonable assumption from a religious person -- to "those human-looking dudes are actually aliens from outer space who have been living on Earth since the beginning of time and they want me to unearth a Canadian spacecraft with Navajo writing all over it."? I mean, honestly. It's not like they left him a helpful little note. But fine.

Anyway. Back to Washington. Someone is projecting slides of William on the wall of the debriefing room, as Dread Pirate Brad tells a room full of Feds all about the kidnapping case. Not mentioning the whole alien aspect of it, of course. When DPB mentions that William NoLastName was in the custody of "three men," the camera cuts to the Lone Gunmen, bruised and bloody, but not dead (thank God). How did they get away from Overcoat Woman? I guess they just handed over the kid. Scully really needs to stop leaving William with anyone. I mean it; get a Snugli, strap him to your chest, and take him everywhere with you, Dana. You're never too young to start learning how to make a neat Y-incision.

Elsewhere, the Lone Gunmen are looking at mug shots (which are being supplied by Toothpick-Chewing Man). Eventually, they come across a picture of Overcoat Woman, and nod in unison, identifying her.

Back in the DPB's Big Boy Debriefing Room, the former Farmboy explains that Doggett is still in a coma. Cut to Skinner looking devastated. Dude, I am so taking that as a shout-out. I know -- I'm grasping at straws. But I'm taking what I can get on this show, even though what I really want is for them to, like, name someone after me and then kill her off. Come on, how sweet would that be? I could be, like, Jessica Morgan, Bendy-Straw Chewing Girl, the most evil copywriter in the history of the FBI. Scully leans against the wall in the back of the room and looks crabby, like she got to the meeting late and someone had already eaten all the good donuts, leaving, like, a cinnamon crumble and a strawberry frosted. DPB explains that Buck is in critical condition, but conveniently recuperating in the same hospital in which Doggett is wasting away. DPB yammers and yammers as Skinner watches Scully. Eventually, she heaves an irritated sigh, turns on her heel, and stalks out of the room, just as DPB is telling the assembled that there's no reason to believe that they won't get William back all safe and sound. "No one will end up safe and sound on this show," the Mulder action figure mutters. "No one associated with this show ends up safe and sound! Look at this note! Scully didn't write this note! Even plastic figurines end up screwed! And you! You're losing your mind, recapping this show! What has The X-Files done to us?" And then he storms into the shoebox he's transformed into an office and slams the lid.

Hallway of Confrontations. Skinner chases Scully until she turns around and shoots him an eyebrow. He stares at her for a second before asking why she even came in, since he'd told her previously that she didn't need to be present for the briefing. "I just had to see this for myself," Scully spits. Skinner sighs that she ought to go home. "To what?" Scully wonders, sharply. Skinner looks at his toes and finally offers that she doesn't need to put herself through this, and reminds her that he's got everyone in the FBI on this case. "And [DPB], leading the charge," Scully spits bitterly, before telling Skinner that she's pretty sure DPB is nothing more than Kersh's bitch. "You see a task force in there? I see a whitewash," she says. Skinner grits that Kersh and DPB are clean. "How many people have to be taken out for you to open your eyes to it?" Scully finally asks. "My son? Agent Doggett? Mulder?" Skinner does some more staring and tells her that Kersh is only looking out for her best interests, as evidenced by his "protecting" her by not telling her of the reports of Mulder's death: "As did [DPB]. As did I." Whatever. I don't understand how keeping that news from her is protecting her. It reminds me of those old movies wherein the ingenue has, like, six months to live, and the doctor tells her boyfriend instead of the ingenue, and the doctor and the boyfriend both stand there in the waiting room and gaze off into the distance, and the boyfriend bites his fist and the doctor is like, smoking, and then the boyfriend will grit out, "She can never know," and the doctor will nod all solemnly, and then pat the boyfriend on the back and go in and tell the ingenue that she's just fine, and then the boyfriend will marry the ingenue and then she dies in his arms on their wedding night, but not after exhaling that she knew all along. It's irritating and sort of sexist of Skinner to think that he has to keep bad news from Scully, in case it kills her. Because, hello, at this point, how likely is it that the reports of Mulder's death are true anyway? The man's been buried alive, people. "You can call it protection. I call it a systematic effort inside the FBI to eliminate us," Scully tells him. Skinner retorts that if she's accusing Kersh and DPB, she'll have to accuse Skinner, too. Scully just stares at him and slowly raises her brow. Skinner looks down at the ground. When he looks up, Scully's almost gone. "Scully! Where are you going?" he yells after her. "To find my son," she says, almost to herself, and stalks out of the FBI.

Hospital of Hey, Whatever Happened to Mulder's Brain Disease? I Forgot About It Until Just Now. Moronica's holding the hand of the comatose Doggett, and staring at him tearfully. Enter the Skinman, who bursts into tears and throws himself on Doggett's bed, chewing the blanket in his grief, la Mulder in Every Episode in Which Scully Is In The Hospital. Not really. "His hands are so cold," Moronica sighs. Skinner stares down at his estranged lover and wonders whether Moronica's talked to the doctor. Moronica nods absently and tells him that "there's no swelling in the brain," but that it's entirely possible that Doggett could never wake up. Way to look at the bright side, Moronica. Skinner asks if she's been talking to Doggett. Moronica shrugs that she doesn't even know if he can hear them. Skinner stares hard at Doggett and starts saying that, when he was in 'Nam, he used to see "bodies turned inside out," and that he'd "hold their hands, just like [Moronica is doing]. Tell them it's going to be okay." Moronica looks at him and asks if it helped. Skinner shrugs and tells her that it was like praying: "Even if they can't hear, maybe God can." Moronica's phone rings, and she discreetely removes herself to the corner of the room. It's Scully on the other end. Scully gets the bullet on Doggett, then tells Moronica that she needs to see her right away. And alone. Moronica furtively looks over at Skinner as Scully hisses that the Skinman can't know anything.

Scully's House of Dead Sisters and Kidnapped Babies. "We found her," Scully tells Moronica when she opens the door. Moronica's all, who? Scully's all, the woman who snatched William, you idiot. She's part of Ross's Wack UFO Cult. Moronica stares at Scully blankly as Scully explains that she needs Moronica to do some sleuthing for her, and she needs to do it on the down low. Behind Scully, the Lone Gunmen sit at the kitchen table, poring over a laptop. Moronica walks farther into the living room and quietly asks Scully why she's not bringing the Bureau in. Scully's like, "Because I don't trust them, duh." Behind them, the Gunmen squeal. "We logged on," Langly explains. "As if there was ever a doubt," Frohike says. Moronica and Scully run into the kitchen, where the Gunmen explain that they've tapped into the phone company's mainframe to track the signal of the cell phone Byers hid under the cushion of William's car seat before he was snatched. And when would he have time to do that? While he had a gun to his head? Was he all, "Look! Elvis!" and when Overcoat Woman looked away, he stuck the phone under the car seat? And then handed the baby to her? Whatever. Byers explains that if they can find the phone, they'll find the kid along with it. Unless the cult people take him out of his car seat, geniuses; it's not like they planted a homing device in the back of William's neck. Which really isn't a bad idea, considering. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. Everyone stares at Byers's phone. "No signal," he announces grimly. Scully makes her Stricken Mother of the Year face, then runs to the sofa and retrieves her firearm. Moronica follows. "This is madness, and you know it," she says. Scully whirls around and says that she has no alternative. The Magical Jesus Mystery Tour Music from last year's season finale is cued up on the soundtrack as Mark Snow leans back in his chair in the studio and idly peruses the latest issue of Soap Opera Digest. You guys, Theresa made a deal with the devil on Passions! And the thing with Passions is, when you say the phrase "deal with the devil," you literally mean it. It's brill. I wish someone would make a deal with the devil on this show and shake things up a bit. But anyway. Moronica and Scully stare at each other. "You coming with me?" Scully spits. "Or am I going alone?" Moronica thinks about this for six seconds and follows Scully out the door.

Cut to the World's Wackiest Cults, on FOX! Baby William, so sweet and cute in his baby-blue hat, sits patiently in his car seat. Underneath his cute little baby behind, a cell phone beeps. Overcoat Woman parks her car and gets out, running to a pay phone. What is with people leaving William untended in the car all the time? I've done a lot of baby-sitting in my time and I promise you, I never left any of the kids alone in the car. And none of them was wanted by either an alien cult or the government. I mean, as far as I know.

World's Wackiest Cults, Part II. At the dig, Ross watches as two guys -- let's call them Chandler and Joey -- futz with the spaceship. They're fiddling with the hatch. His phone rings. "Have you got him?" he says, instead of "hello." Overcoat Woman has. Ross tells her to be careful, and to stay where she is. He's sending someone for her. He's mid-sentence when the spaceship's door starts to open. Ross hangs up, and skitters over to investigate. The ship is freaking out; parts are twirling, lights are flashing, and the hatch is open. Chandler and Joey hop down into the lower level to investigate the inner doors and, like a Venus flytrap, the ship eats them right up, the hatch closing tightly after them. Ross yelps and impotently bangs on the hatch.