The flashback to last week is even more dramatic than usual, with lots of extreme zooms on Drew's leaky eyes and Simon's rage-filled ones after her elimination, and crappy voice-over guy says, "Now! It's! War!" And thus the martial nature of this round is demonstrated by lots of frenetic shots of...rehearsing. Oh, and apparently Astro's down the memory hole. But at least with him and the groups gone, I can stop saying "acts" all the time, now that it's down to just four singers and Chris Rene. They all interview about how much they want to win. Nicole says she stands by her decision to boot Drew, and Simon tells us, "Maybe it is personal. And if they want a war they're going to get a war." And we zoom all the way in on his eye again. Please stop trying to stuff me into Simon's brain, The X-Factor.
After the credits, Steve's on a stage lit like a dance club, in keeping with tonight's dance theme and the DJ duo up onstage. Steve invites us to use the Twitter hashtag #GlovesAreOff, which is just not going to happen in Minnesota in December. Steve talks about how tense last week was for everyone, including himself, and says that he's going to risk asking Simon's opinion on last week, even though "there's no guarantee he'll say anything." Simon snarks that he was really happy, but promises that he's more prepared this week. Steve tells us that each singer will be doing two songs tonight, starting with a "dance hit." As Simon says, "It's gonna be great for some. It'll be disastrous for others."
Simon introduces Melanie Amaro. I'm glad we're not bothering with intro reels this week. Melanie's performing the popular up-tempo club hit "Someone Like You" by Adele. She's dressed like she's in the Matrix and there's a disco beat behind her and extras from Tron: Legacy dancing in front of her, but it's still a little incongruous. Melanie does well with it, however.
L.A. tells her, "The only thing that bothered me about it was that it was really good." Nicole calls her a rock star diva, and Paula's only complaint was that it was too short. That's a common complaint about Paula too, but not the only one. Simon tells Melanie it wasn't karaoke, which is probably the best thing he's ever said to anyone. Steve congratulates her on the uniformly positive comments, gives the voting instructions, and heads to the ads, which seem to be running a little late this week. It seems like we've usually had two or three breaks by this point.
Coming back, L.A. oversells Marcus as a "two-time champion," which is a pretty generous description of someone who's been in the bottom two the last two weeks. Marcus appears onstage dressed like a shiny Blues Brother and singing an energetic version of "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan, although with a somewhat loose interpretation of a few of the notes.
He gets a standing O from Nicole, who says God has a plan for him. Uh, Nicole, this isn't that kind of final five. Paula says he looks great, and that it's now an even playing field, which I think is her nice way of saying Marcus shook off his loser stank. Simon remarks, "I shouldn't be very happy with you, should I?" as though it's normal for a grown man to hold a grudge against someone else's kid who was more liked by the other judges than his kid last week. But he admits that it was a very good performance. L.A. just tells Marcus that everyone who loved Marcus tonight needs to vote. Steve joins Marcus, who promises Steve a shiny suit of his own. Man, just get Steve a suit with a long enough jacket. He looks like he should be holding an empty bowl and asking for more, please.
Coming back, Steve says we're only two weeks from the end before Simon tells us, "With her own choice of song, no chair, it's Rachel." Rachel Crow sings "Nothing on You" by B.o.B. in less of a dance style than a kind of disco Motown thing.
L.A., sounding like a teenage boy, asks what beautiful girls Rachel was singing to in the lyrics. Rachel's ready for that, saying she was singing to Paula and Nicole. Even L.A. admits that's a good answer. "I just love him," Rachel cackles, like L.A. Reid is some kooky fellow eighth-grader. Nicole says something about there needing to be a Rachel Crow doll that comes with its own bathroom. Paula exaggerates that it was Rachel's best performance yet. Simon makes a lame crack about the need for a Nicole voodoo doll, and says he's heard tell that Rachel used to do stand-up comedy. "Who told you that?" Rachel says shyly. More urgently, who's a former stand-up comic at age 14? Simon likes how it makes her a triple threat, not that we know what the second threat is. Anyway, she mugs and twinkles through Steve's voting instructions until Nicole introduces the last Over 30, Josh Krajcik.
Josh is singing Rihanna's "We Found Love," which I recognize from when Rihanna herself did it on the show a few weeks ago. While it's debatable how "dance" he is, even though he sounds as good as always, Josh barely moves at all. They're going to ding him for that.
Indeed, L.A. says he didn't buy it from Josh, but Paula disagrees, saying Josh nailed it. Simon's on L.A.'s side, adding that the routine from the backup dancers was ridiculous and distracting, and he blames Nicole for getting it wrong again. Nicole directs her argument at Josh, angrily calling him versatile, relevant and current. But then she goes on to say that Josh made the song his own, loudly refusing to let L.A. or Simon shout her down. It's actually Josh who ends the discussion by saying, "Thank you," possibly preventing the judges from coming to blows. When Steve comes out to ask Josh himself what he thinks, he says he's happy with how it went. The audience seems to agree.
That leaves only Chris Rene, who sings his version of "Live Your Life" by T.I,. which apparently he wrote new verses for. I guess someone has to keep that up now that Astro is gone.
Nicole says he made it sound like he wrote the hook as well. That all would have sounded more sincere if Nicole hadn't accidentally called Chris Josh. Paula loved it, because Paula loves everything tonight. Simon calls Chris out for how surprised he was to get through last week, and says that he's doing brilliantly for not being the best singer in the competition. That remark sounded so much like a compliment that it doesn't even earn him any boos. L.A. talks about Chris making it his own and writing his own lyrics, and remembers to throw in a comment about the need for votes. He seems to be the only judge who consistently does that.
So much for the dance round. Steve says they'll all be singing a second song after the break -- but after we find out about some shocking news they got during yesterday's rehearsals. I can't wait, can you?
Coming back, Steve says that the singers were supposed to perform the "Pepsi Challenge songs that people voted for online, "But there was an error in communication with the song selections here at the show." I have no idea what that means, but the bottom line is that the Pepsi Challenge songs will be performed week instead. Steve reacts to a few scattered boos like he's about to get lynched, saying that the contestants will be singing songs they chose themselves -- last night. Simon introduces Melanie for the second time, and...
We cut to 7:01 last night, with Simon and other production people talking to the assembled singers in some green room. Executive Producer Andrew Llinares broke the news that, thanks to some error that still has not been fully explained, they would all sing their "save me" songs instead of the Pepsi songs they've been rehearsing all week, and they've got 24 hours to prepare. Simon interviews that this is the kind of thing that happens to artists in real life, like "We meant to do that," and everyone's in the same boat, though he has the most confidence in Melanie. She shows up on a stage in a fancy dress that goes all the way down to the stage fog and sings a Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston song, "When You Believe." She sure doesn't sound like she's only had a day to prep it, though. Not to mention the backup choir and the fancy starlight-themed production.
After she's done but before the judges get to talk, she hijacks the broadcast yet again to talk about how this song is all about believing in herself, and how it led to Simon walking through her door, like that would be a good thing for most people. "Look who sent him," L.A. points out. Melanie thanks Simon, but L.A. is skeptical: "You really thought of that last night and it was that good today?" He adds that it was "safe, but amazing." Nicole takes her time saying Melanie gave her goosebumps, and gushes some more. Steve is now out onstage trying to move this along, and Paula has nothing but good things to say, as usual. Simon calls out L.A. for describing a Whitney/Mariah song as safe (given how Melanie usually only sings songs by those artists one at a time), and for some reason points out Clive Davis in the audience before remembering to remind viewers to vote for Melanie. "If this girl ends up in the piranha pool, she's out," he threatens. Oh, Simon, stop being such a victim.
Steve comes back and reads a couple of "#GlovesAreOff" Tweets, including one asking him to show off his 19-pack ("Thanks, mum," Steve cracks) and one from some Tweeter who wants Paula to punch Simon. "That's not very nice, but it's funny," Steve lies. He then invites L.A. to introduce the second of the boys when in fact it's the first of the boys for the second time, but counting never seems to be Steve's strong suit.
There's an intro reel about Marcus having to sing for survival twice in a row. Now he's got to sing a save-me song for the third week in a row, and he's feeling the pressure. He sings a slow ballad called "A Song for You," which my research tells me has been covered an awful lot for a song I've never heard before. You can really tell it's a save-me song, as he belts it out desperately from the middle of the stage without moving. He sounds awfully good, though.
When he's done, Nicole tells Marcus he reminds her of young Al Green, and Paula natters on about his honesty and how he's a storyteller. Simon is less impressed, saying he would have liked some kind of twist, but this was a bit boring. "I appreciate it," Marcus chants to calm down the resultant boos. L.A. compares Marcus to Muhammad Ali for getting up after being knocked down twice, and tells him not to let Simon get in his head. Voting instructions, during which Marcus looks no less desperate.
Simon perfunctorily introduces Rachel, whose intro reel is all about how she was freaked out when she heard about the song change. We see her trying to learn a new song from the start at 7:54 the night. Simon and Nicole both interview about how tough and fearless Rachel is, and then we see her on a red-lit stage singing another song I don't know and not quite nailing the notes like she usually does. [Note: It's "Music and Me" by Michael Jackson. -- RS.] Also, Simon seems to have her singing from on top of a coffee table. Always with the risers for Rachel's performances, have you noticed that? He just needs to make his peace already with the fact that she's short. She finishes up and tries to wave away some of the stage fog.
L.A. gives her credit for picking the song and alludes to rumors that Hollywood is "circling the wagons," which may not mean what he thinks it means. Nicole calls her an old soul, and Rachel claims, rather cheesily for her, that she just wants to inspire the kids. Paula says Rachel's a great role model: "Every girl's friend and every parent's daydream." That must be the nicest thing Paula's ever said about someone's singing. Paula adds that Simon's lucky to have her, and Simon advises Rachel to steer clear of Paula because she's doing just fine. Simon agrees with the "old soul," remark, but gets confused as to whether it came from Nicole or Paula. "You're both the same," he says dismissively.
Steve gives the instructions for voting for Rachel and says it's time for Nicole to introduce her one remaining Over 30, "If she's paying attention." She clearly wasn't, again, but she rallies and introduces Josh again. His intro reel is all about the pressure he feels and wanting to get to the semifinals, and shows him rehearsing at 8:33 that morning. His song is "Something" by The Beatles, which he sings accompanied by a scratchy acoustic guitar and synthesized strings. Is he really trying to tell us that he hasn't performed this song onstage dozens of times in his life as a struggling musician? He sells it pretty hard, looking a lot less uncomfortable than he did with the Rihanna song.
L.A. thanks God that Josh had a second song, and calls this "Ever so slightly karaoke-y, but good nonetheless." Paula says that Josh is so good that he's beyond adjectives (?), and Simon agrees that this was a massive improvement over Josh's first song. He calls Josh out on his tendency to throw the crazy-eyes, which Nicole interrupts to define as "getting lost in the music." Simon tells Nicole to get lost, which is some sparkling repartee by X-Factor standards, and Simon tells Josh that he's a singer-songwriter. "Adele doesn't need any props and neither do you." Nicole agrees that Josh is the male Adele, and coins the term "Krajcik Magic," claiming she just now thought of that herself. Sure she did.
Coming back, Steve reminds us of the Pepsi Challenge performances coming up week and tells us not to forget, like we're the ones who screwed up.
L.A. introduces Chris, and in his intro reel, we see Chris and Marcus sitting at a table in a dressing room in a not-at-all-staged way as Chris gets a cell phone call from Stevie Wonder, talking about how much Chris is inspiring him right now. Also, suck it, Marcus. Chris says that after everyone had to change songs, he's doing an original song that no one's ever heard before. Cut to Chris onstage on a high stool with an acoustic guitar slung across his crossed legs. He sings his original song, which he wrote himself, which no one's ever heard because of how it's by him, better than he does with most of the songs by other people that he's had to do. And...yeah, I think he's out of danger for the week. Other people's songs are not his thing, and as much as I'm not on the Chris Rene train, I have to admit that it's not like any of these people are going to get paid five million dollars to record covers.
After giving him a standing ovation, Nicole tells him the sky's the limit. Paula says something about the universe providing the "glitch" that led to Chris singing this song. Simon marvels at Chris's decision to sing an original song one week from the semifinals, and calls it a stroke of genius. Paula even kisses Simon on the cheek for that one. Of course L.A. is proud of Chris for coming back to his own original music, like he did at his first audition that until tonight he had yet to top.
Steve gives the last round of voting instructions before reminding us that one of the final five will be going home tomorrow. Yes, only one. There's a recap of each singer's pair of performances, and then Steve declares voting open for the two hours. And like L.A., he urges fans to vote to keep their favorites out of the final two: "It will not happen by magic," Steve says. Not even Krajcik magic?
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.