The show starts off with Stephanie McMahon meeting with JR backstage. She's upset that her name is not synonymous with greatness, as is the case with her father, Vince, and her husband, Triple H. She tells JR that it's his responsibility to spread the word about her, and that tonight she's going to show everyone exactly how great she is. To that end, she declares that tonight Chris Jericho will take on Edge and Christian in a handicap match. Also, Kurt Angle will defend his title against Buh Buh Ray Dudley, and The Rock and Undertaker will take on Rikishi in another handicap match. Huh? Shouldn't she be helping Rikishi, since he's aligned with her husband? I'm so confused.
After the opening pyro, Jericho comes out and declares that it's his New Year's Resolution to stop calling Stephanie names. However, it's not the New Year yet, so he takes the opportunity to call Stephanie some names. You know how it goes. Edge and Christian run out, and the match begins. It doesn't seem like much of a handicap match when Edge and Christian have to tag in and out. Jericho starts to get the Walls of Jericho on Edge, so Stephanie runs out and distracts both him and the referee. Christian takes the opportunity to get an Impaler on Jericho, and Edge pins Jericho for the win. After the match, Edge and Christian continue to beat on Jericho, and Stephanie smacks Jericho across the face. Twice. Jericho puts on his "ouch, I'm in pain" face, but really it just looks like he's constipated. Well, it does.
Backstage, Stephanie shares the thrill of victory with Edge and Christian. She thanks them for their help. They tell her it was an honor.
Chris Benoit strolls down the ramp, wearing his Intercontinental Title belt. We flashback to RAW, when Benoit got the Crippler Crossface on Lita. Matt Hardy attacked Benoit in the back in retaliation, setting up his challenge tonight. Matt Hardy comes out alone, since Lita is "in the hospital." With all apologies to Ben Folds Five, this is like the Battle of Who Could Care Less. Matt is the boring Hardy and Benoit is the boring...guy. I fall asleep, and then wake up to see some actually slightly exciting wrestling. Whuh? Benoit ends up getting the Crippler Crossface on Matt Hardy for the win, retaining his title. But in between, there were a few exciting moves. Color me surprised.
The Undertaker is walking in when Jonathan Coachman stops him and tells him about his handicap match tonight. The Undertaker pauses and says, "Payback's a bitch." Well, actually, he said, "Payback's a..." and I filled in the rest on my own.
On RAW, Chyna talked about her potentially career-ending injury at the hands of Val Venis, and cried. Michael Cole introduces a "disturbing" piece of footage from Val Venis and Ivory. Cut to Val playing JR and Ivory dressed up as Chyna. They recreate Monday's interview. Val as JR suggests that perhaps Chyna "deserved" her injuries for her actions, such as posing in Playboy. Ivory as Chyna blubbers that everything in her life was wrong, and thanks to the RTC, she can "make a change" and "be a better person." Michael Cole and Lawler discuss the footage and sell RTC as heels, like we didn't already know that.
Backstage, Kurt and Stephanie discuss how terrible it was on RAW when Buh Buh Ray Dudley put Kurt's brother Eric through a table. Kurt vows to get payback tonight. Cut to the Dudleyz getting psyched up for the match.
After some shilling for a new UPN show, Buh Buh Ray Dudley comes out for his title match. Angle comes out and tells Buh Buh that winning Olympic gold medals and the WWF title is more impressive than putting things through tables. Now, he's pissed that Buh Buh has messed with his family. Buh Buh pins Kurt multiple times, but Kurt always ends the count at two. Kurt brings the belt into the ring, but Buh Buh stops him. Then Buh Buh goes to use the belt, and the ref interrupts. Kurt takes advantage of the confusion to roll Buh Buh up with a small package, ending the match. Afterwards, Edge and Christian run in to beat on Buh Buh. D-Von Dudley runs down to help his brother. I'm sure you can see where this is going. But, no! Kurt Angle uses the Olympic Slam to put Buh Buh through a table! Angle, Edge, and Christian march triumphantly up the ramp.
Backstage, Stephanie is strutting down the hallway.
Stephanie walks out to the ring and announces that she's decided to share her New Year's Resolution with all of us -- she wants to get what she deserves. She means that in a good way. After Stephanie blathers on for a while, Stone Cold comes out. Austin wants a title shot. Stephanie doesn't think he deserves one. The audience thinks that Austin deserves a title shot, as evidenced by their "Hell, yeah!" Stephanie says her opinion overrides that of the crowd. Austin drinks a couple of beers. He offers one to Stephanie, and then clinks beer cans with her, causing beer foam to go all over Stephanie's dress. Boy, that dress doesn't do Stephanie's figure any favors. She's a pretty girl, but sometimes she wears unflattering outfits. Austin dumps his beer over Stephanie's head, saying that now she has gotten what she deserves. Ha! Go, Austin!
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After the commercial, we see that Stephanie is screeching backstage about how Austin humiliated her while some hapless lackey tries to dry her off.
RTC makes their way down to the ring while we revisit Val and Ivory's video from earlier. Val, Bull Buchanan, and Ivory will be wrestling tonight. Their opponents will be the Acolytes with Jacqueline. Eventually, all of the men are battling outside the ring. Jacqueline tries to get the ref's attention, and Ivory takes advantage of the distraction to roll up Jacqueline for the pin. After the match, Billy Gunn runs out and starts beating on members of RTC. He's looking a bit puffy and unshaven.
Stone Cold is making his way out of the arena with a beer.
Backstage, Test yells at Albert for sucking up to Stephanie the other night. Albert doesn't think there's anything wrong with making the boss happy. Test has some experience with Stephanie and tries to convince Albert that she's bad news. Albert is having none of it. Can this marriage be saved?
Raven caws his way out to the ring. He has brought numerous hardcore accoutrements with him. Raven takes the mic and babbles about "The Raven Effect." Jeff Hardy will be his opponent for the Hardcore Title. Oh, poor skinny little Jeff. I don't think he should be in this match. He actually holds his own, though. He brings a ladder into the ring, and just when it looks like Jeff might pull it off, Raven sprays him with a fire extinguisher, and the match is over. Raven exits through the crowd for some reason.
Kevin Kelley interviews Rikishi backstage, asking him about his upcoming handicap match. Rikishi claims that he became famous by running down Stone Cold, and by hitting The Rock in the chest with a sledgehammer. Um, actually, he became famous by doing a little dance in the ring with Too Cool. But I guess we're supposed to have forgotten about that now. Rikishi says that whatever happens tonight will be on Stephanie's head, since she made this match.
Hey, Too Cool! We haven't seen them on Smackdown! for a while. They'll be taking on Test and Albert. As the match begins, Michael Cole continues to advance the theory that Vince McMahon is hooking up with Trish Stratus. So then there's some wrestling. Scotty Too Hotty does The Worm. There's more wrestling. Sexay pins Albert, but Test takes advantage of the referee being distracted to throw Albert on top of Sexay, so that they win. After the match, Albert starts beating up Test! After he helped him win! Thank God they are breaking this team up. Backstage, Stephanie watches and smiles, so apparently she was in on this whole thing. Albert's beating of Test goes on way too long. We get it. He turned on his partner.
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Backstage, Kevin Kelley waits for The Rock.
We see a Royal Rumble memory from 1999, when Vince McMahon won the whole thing and celebrated with a beer. Afterwards, we see what happened earlier, when Austin dumped a beer over Stephanie's head. So, the theme for tonight is McMahons and beer.
The Rock is set to be interviewed by Kevin Kelley. The Rock makes his standard Kevin Kelley hermaphrodite joke, and then gets a big pop for discussing how he went to school right there in Nashville for a while. After some threats towards Rikishi's "big fat candy ass" (and that's the understatement of the year), The Rock is ready for his match.
After what seems like ten minutes of commercials, The Undertaker rides his motorcycle down to the ring. Still not understanding the "Dead Man Walking" poncho thing. It looks like the things we used to wear in gym class to distinguish one team from another during Frisbee football. I think they were called "pinneys." I have no idea how to spell that. Maybe Sars does. ["I think you got it right. I hated those things -- they reeked of thirty years of sweat -- but you can't really go shirts/skins at a girls' school. Anyway, back to the recap." -- Sars] The Rock comes out and smells what the crowd is cooking. Rikishi comes out as the announcers wonder what Stephanie's plan is here, much as I was at the opening of the show. Before Rikishi can get down to the ring, Stephanie walks out behind him and introduces Rikishi's partner, William Regal. So I guess it's not a handicap match after all. After Regal comes out, Stephanie clears things up, saying that it should still be a handicap match, and Kane will be teaming with Rikishi and Regal. That Kane is a big fellow. The match goes on. Blah blah blah mass chaos-cakes. The Rock ends up pinning Regal for the win. I think they're trying to set up a Rock-Regal feud, as well as an Undertaker-Kane feud. Just a guess. I suppose Rikishi had to be in there for continuity. After the match is over, Kane, Rikishi, and Regal team up to beat up The Rock and the Undertaker. Stephanie watches from the back and laughs evilly.
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