We start out, as usual, with a review of all that happened before. Well, not all. They don't start with the origins of the Earth or anything. Vince insulted his soon-to-be-ex-wife Linda, in front of his daughter Stephanie. Commissioner Foley came out and said no parent should talk to his or her child in that manner. Kurt Angle said that if he was Mick's wife, he would want a divorce. Mick makes fun of Kurt for wanting to be his wife, and makes a title defense match between Kurt and Vince. During that match, Kurt and Vince turned on Mick Foley. Mick fought back, pulling out Socko. Angle hit Foley with a chair. Edge and Christian came out and gave Mick the double chair shot. Stephanie ran out with some papers, saying that the board of directors had deemed Linda mentally incompetent, and full authority had been granted to Vince. Turns out that it was all an act, and Stephanie was in league with Vince all along. Foley gets a beating, and then Vince fires him. Huge swerve. HUGE!
Lawler is still stealing my jokes -- last week, I used the phrase, "You're A Mean One, Mr. Vince" in my recap, and Lawler just said, "He's the Vince that stole Christmas." Come on! Vince and Stephanie walk down to the ring. They both look extremely pleased with themselves. Before Vince can speak, an "Asshole" chant starts up. Vince says that he's "not a role model." What is up with Stephanie's hair? Looks like someone got a crimping iron as an early Christmas gift. Vince says he's not defending his recent actions (divorcing his wife, firing Foley), but they are okay for him to do, and that he couldn't have done it without Stephanie's help. Just not anyone else. Vince gives the mic to Steph, who says that she owes it all to her father, since he gave her "superior intellect" and taught her everything she knows, like how to find the weakness in people. Stephanie says that her mother always let her "heart and her feelings get in the way of her brain." Stephanie thinks Linda is not the right person to run the WWF, but Vince is. The crowd starts chanting, "Foley!" Stephanie thinks Vince is more of a role model than Foley, because Foley let Stone Cold drop Triple H from a forklift. According to Steph, Triple H was never medically cleared to participate in the Hell in A Cell match, and now he's in traction. Vince takes the mic back and wishes everyone a "Happy Holidays!" Vince and Stephanie leave the ring, and walk up the ramp hand-in-hand.
Outside, Vince sends Stephanie home to be with her husband. After her limo pulls away, Trish Stratus comes up to Vince and reminds him that she took a beating at the hands of Jackie on Monday. She thinks it would only be fair for Jackie to get a title match against Ivory tonight. Vince agrees, as Trish cozies up to him.
The Dudley Boyz take on Lo-Down. Ugh. Chazz and D-Lo are now wearing turbans. Tiger Ali Singh takes the mic and demands respect from the audience, and promises to beat the "inferior American athletes." Um, aren't D-Lo and Chaz American? Please let this match be over quickly. Unfortunately, it lasts longer than one minute. Finally, the Dudleyz get the 3D on Chazz, and win the match. D-Lo is looking puffier and puffier.
Backstage, Vince asks Tim White if he's doing okay after getting a Stunner on Monday. White is doing fine. Vince promises White that referees will get the respect they deserve under his reign, and vows to show White what he means tonight.
Stone Cold arrives at the arena. We see that on RAW, Regal knocked Austin into the ref. Regal then got his belt, and made to hit Austin. Stone Cold Stunned Regal, and went to use the belt himself. White called for a disqualification. In retaliation, Austin gave White a Stunner, and poured a beer on him.
It's time for Jacqueline to take on Ivory. We are reminded that Jacqueline has allied herself with the APA. Ivory gets to the ring, and says that Jackie's behavior has been immoral and she'll have to make an example out of Jackie, just as she did to Chyna. The match begins. Bull Buchanan and Good Father come out and distract the ref, and Jackie. Ivory takes advantage, rolling Jackie up for the pin. The Acolytes come out and come to Jackie's aid.
Backstage, Vince approaches Debra and tells her that she didn't get enough respect and responsibility under the Foley regime. Vince offers Debra a position as his Lt. Commissioner. He asks her what match she would make. Debra offers up Steven Richards versus Billy Gunn, and Vince agrees. Debra accepts the new (old) job.
Oh, this is the worst example of lame shilling I've seen yet. Lawler gets a "phone call" from Gary and Mike, stars of a new show on UPN. Ugh.
Edge and Christian arrive, along with Kurt Angle. Edge and Christian vow to get their tag team titles back from The Rock and Undertaker. Angle assures them that will happen.
Kevin Kelley interviews The Rock backstage. You know what The Rock always says. I don't need to repeat it here. Basically, he vows to defeat Edge and Christian tonight. If you smelllllllllll what The Rock is cooking.
Vince approaches Austin in the dressing room. Hee! Austin has a T-shirt on a hanger, and he's wearing the same exact T-shirt. It's like when the Fonz would open his closet and have ten identical sets of leather jackets, white t-shirts, and jeans. Vince asks Austin to be a referee for the European Title match. Vince suggests that Austin find a more appropriate shirt. Vince leaves.
The Hardy Boyz and Lita are walking down the hallway. So is Jericho.
We are reminded that Jeff Hardy took on Chris Benoit on Monday, and lost. Tonight, the Radicalz (Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, and Chris Benoit) will take on the Hardy Brothers with Chris Jericho. Yay! Jericho is going to talk! Jericho rips on Perry Saturn for going out with "Terri the Tramp." He laughs at Dean for thinking that Lita wants to go out with him. Then he claims he has found the perfect mate for Chris "Mr. Roboto" Benoit -- Irona, the maid on The Jetsons. The match begins with chaos. The chaos continues. It only ends when Jericho gets a Lionsault and a pin to win it.
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Vince approaches Raven and tells him he shouldn't feel bad about injuring Al Snow. Vince was impressed with Raven's match with the Undertaker, and gives him a shot at Steve Blackman's Hardcore Title.
Tim White delivers a ref's shirt to Stone Cold, saying that Stone Cold will be working the match. Instead of putting the shirt on, Austin takes his own shirt off and spray-paints something on it. I think it's the word "Ref." I'm sure we'll find out.
We get to see AGAIN what happened during Austin and Regal's match Monday night. Regal comes out to the ring and talks smack about Stone Cold -- probably not a good idea when Stone Cold's going to be officiating the match. Regal's opponent will be Hardcore Holly. Austin comes out with his homemade referee shirt on. Austin pops open a beer during the match. Regal gets the pin, but Austin pauses to take a sip of his beer before starting the count. The match continues as Austin goes over to the announcers' table for a chat. Austin ends up giving a Stunner to Regal. Hardcore protests, and he gets a Stunner too. Austin starts a countout, and the crowd joins in. Suddenly, Kane's music hits. Kane? Huh? Kane gets down to the ring, and Austin meets him. Regal sneaks up and gets a few punches in on Austin. Then Kane chokeslams Austin. I hope they explain this, because the Kane run-in was so random.
After the commercial, we get to see that whole scene again. Austin confronts Vince backstage, because he thinks Vince sent Kane down there. Vince claims that no one can control Kane, and offers to let Austin take on Kane on the RAW. Austin accepts.
Molly and Crash Holly will be taking on...Kaientai? Are you serious with this? Everyone must have time off for the holidays. They do a "funny" bit with Kaientai talking, but their lip movements don't match the words. Get it? Because they're Japanese? Sigh. Apparently, there was some sort of precursor to this match on Sunday Night Heat, but…like anyone watches that show. Crash does some sort of off-the-ropes Bulldog, and then pins Funaki for the win.
Lillian Garcia interviews Undertaker about Vince taking over the WWF. Undertaker claims that Vince leaves him alone, and vows to retain his tag team title tonight. Cut to Edge and Christian, worrying that 'Taker is going to get intentionally disqualified so that he can keep the title. Kurt Angle tells them that he'll take care of it.
It's a Royal Rumble Replay. Shawn Michaels won in 1996. That's about all there was to that clip.
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Steve Blackman will take on silly Raven for the Hardcore Title. The match starts with both men grabbing sticks, so that it looks more like a sword fight than a wrestling match. After the use of many, many foreign objects, Blackman pins Raven and retains his title. I wish there were more I could say about this match, but there's really not.
Vince tells Kurt that he proved himself to be a great WWF champion. Angle relates that Edge and Christian are worried about tonight's match, and the possibility that The Rock and 'Taker will disqualify themselves so that they don't lose the belt. Vince has an idea of how to make it a fair match.
Angle tells Edge and Christian that Vince guaranteed a fair match. Edge wants Kurt to promise to run down and help them. Kurt doesn't think that would be fair. Edge and Christian are confused.
Billy Gunn takes on Steven Richards. After a bunch of really basic moves and very little in-ring psychology, Gunn pins Richards for the win.
Meanwhile, Edge and Christian are walking backstage. So is the Undertaker. And so is The Rock! Can you believe it?
The Undertaker rolls down to the ring. The Rock struts down to the ring. Edge and Christian (still being introduced as Christian and Edge, which is still wrong) slink down to the ring. Suddenly, Kurt Angle's music hits. Whatever could he be doing? He's dressed in a referee shirt! Hee! He looks funny in real clothes. Christian and The Rock clothesline one another, and are laid out in the middle of the ring. Angle starts the countout, but both men manage to tag out first. 'Taker sends Edge for the Last Ride. 'Taker covers Edge, but Angle "argues" with Christian and conveniently doesn't see the tag. The Rock comes over and Rock Bottoms Angle. Undertaker tells Rock, "Hey, now how is he going to count my pin?" Or so I assume. Something like that. The Rock starts beating on Christian over by the announcers' table. In the ring, Undertaker chokeslams Edge. Angle is still out. Earl Hebner runs out and starts to count 'Taker's pin on Edge. Christian interrupts, and argues with Hebner. Finally The Rock and Edge get tagged in. The Rock pins Edge, but Hebner is distracted. Just as The Rock is about to go for the People's Elbow, Angle sneaks in and does an Olympic Slam. Angle throws Edge on top of The Rock, and counts the pin. Edge and Christian have won their titles back. Well, that was a useless storyline. Why have The Rock and 'Taker win them at all? I guess it was to give 'Taker and/or The Rock a reason to feud with Angle. Michael Cole claims that it's the biggest screwjob ever on Smackdown!. Maybe. Probably not. I'm just too lazy to think of another one. See you week.
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