It's a special Thanksgiving edition of Smackdown this week. During the opening credits, I see a shot of X-Pac and think about how much I haven't missed him while he's been out. The opening pyrotechnics seem to get bigger every week. Soon they're going to be lighting animals on fire or something.
Eddie Guerrero comes down to the ring. His Intercontinental Title will be on the line, but before the match can start, Eddie has a few things to say. He's addressing his opponent, Billy Gunn. Eddie's hair is, like, plastered down to his head. The camera finds some ten-year-old boy in the crowd with a big neon green piece of poster board on which he has written, "Shut Up!" in black marker. I think about sending him over to Sars's apartment to help out with her Dawson's Creek recaps. I think Eddie is drunk. Billy Gunn comes out -- looking pretty buff, it must be said. At some point, Billy Gunn develops the smallest cut ever on his forehead, like, don't kill yourself with the bleeding there, Billy. It looks like he picked a zit or something. Despite his non-profusely bleeding forehead, Billy manages to get the pin and become the new Intercontinental Champion.
Mick Foley is dressed up like a Pilgrim and Debra is dressed up like a -- well I would say "Native American," but really she's dressed like a stereotypical squaw, but a sexy one. Or, it's probably supposed to be sexy. JR comes in with the yellowest piece of chicken I've ever seen. Apparently, they're having a big Thanksgiving Dinner/promotional event for the new WWF cookbook.
After his match, Eddie Guerrero went backstage and kicked a garbage can and then knocked some stuff on the floor and yelled. I guess he's showing his "Latino Heat."
William Regal comes out in a suit, carrying his European Championship belt. He takes the microphone and starts ranting about Thanksgiving. First, according to him, it was started when some Pilgrims were kicked out of England. Now, it is license for Americans to unbutton their pants at the table and belch. Can I get a "hell, yeah"? Although those of us who plan ahead prefer to wear pants with a more forgiving waistline, such as elastic. At this point, the Rock comes out. He tells Regal, in a terrible faux-English accent, that he's going to "wallop [Regal's] candy bum all over Fort Lauderdale." Challenge extended by The Rock, and challenge foolishly accepted by Regal. They will meet up later on in the program.
Al Snow shows up to Mick and Debra's Thanksgiving feast with some snow peas. Mick makes an "Al Snow pees" joke. Al tells him it really wasn't funny. Then Mick makes a "snow on Thanksgiving" joke. I know Mick's jokes are corny, but they still crack me up, because he's just so damn gleeful about his corny jokes.
After commercial, The Kat shows up to Thanksgiving dinner with some beef jerky. What the hell kind of crap-ass potluck is this?
Hardcore and Crash Holly are teaming up against Test and Albert. So are they admitting that Crash is a Holly now? I guess so. It's a hardcore match. I missed that announcement at the beginning, but I figure it out about the time that Albert starts whipping Hardcore with a strap. Crash puts in a feisty little effort but ultimately gets pinned.
JR, The Kat, and Al Snow are eating while Debra wonders if they are going to have any other guests. Too Cool show up with some food of some sort. Mick tries to sling some slang, and then does a dance move that looks like the Three Stooges. Debra tells him to cut it out. It would be nice if Debra had a personality or any sort of inflection when she spoke.
The sirens go off to announce Val Venis and Steven Richards making their way to the ring. Steven Richard is still selling the injuries he suffered when the Dudley Boyz put him through a table on RAW. Val Venis takes the microphone and talks about family values and morality or something. I don't know. I was eating a turkey sandwich. Road Dogg and K-Kwik come out and do their little rap song, and no one cares. Seriously. The audience is just sitting there. God, could their rap last any longer? And the swirly camera work has got to go. K-Kwik is the one that is actually wrestling. Road Dogg just came out to offer support, I guess. K-Kwik sounds like a convenience store. K-Kwik is a good wrestler, or at least is entertaining to watch, but what a terrible nickname. It reminds me of the part in Beyond the Mat where Vince McMahon tells Droz that his nickname is going to be Puke. That is when I knew Vince's evil genius did not extend into the naming arena. Back to the match -- the rest of RTC comes out and administers a beatdown, which enables Val to get the pin.
More people have joined the Thanksgiving Dinner. Tanaka or Funaki shows up. I don't know which is which. He brought Kung Pao Chicken. The Dudley Boyz do the "Whassup" thing that was old three months ago. What , Survivor jokes? Are they going to vote someone off the island? Please.
On RAW, Kurt Angle brought out his brother, the person who helped him retain the championship against the Undertaker. 'Taker himself comes out to the ring, and Kurt uses his brother as a shield. Brother gets a Last Ride. Kurt gets chokeslammed off the top of the ramp onto the arena floor below. Now that we're all caught up on the saga, Kurt comes out with a neck brace on to tell everyone that what the Undertaker did was terrible. Kurt claims that his brother charged the Undertaker, when in reality (as Michael Cole points out), Kurt pushed his brother out front. After some more whining, the Undertaker walks out. What is with his "Deadman Inc." poncho? It's like a T-shirt with the sides cut out. It's a pinney, like you used to wear in gym class. As 'Taker attacks Angle, Kurt's neck brace comes flying off. Edge and Christian come out to help Angle. The Undertaker makes a brave comeback and Angle, Edge, and Christian flee up the ramp.
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Backstage, William Regal is shaking hands as he makes his way to the ring. The Rock is just walking down the hallway. I'm not sure what the shaking hands thing was all about.
Outside the arena, Edge, Christian, and Angle hop into a car and take off. I guess they aren't going to be eating Thanksgiving dinner with the rest.
William Regal enters the ring and waves to the crowd. The Rock comes down the ramp and the match begins. Rikishi walks out to the top of the ramp and just watches the match. The Rock finishes off Regal with a Sharpshooter and then waves Rikishi down to the ring. Rikishi laughs and backs away, preferring to wait for another day. After the match, Regal continues to wave to the crowd, and The Rock sneaks up and does a Rock Bottom on him, to the delight of his hometown crowd.
Back at Thanksgiving dinner, Mick is explaining to Tanaka or Funaki or whoever it is that he should go sit with the Dudley Boyz. Mideon comes in with some minestrone soup. Ew. Mick and Too Cool make fun of Mideon for bringing soup. How is that any worse than beef jerky?
Tazz comes down to the ring. A Halloween sound-effects tape plays -- oh wait, that's Raven's entrance music. The match begins, and I decide to take a little nap. Just wake me up when this one is over. Okay, okay, for you guys I will watch. But it's taking all of my willpower not to hit the fast-forward button. Raven ends up winning. Seriously, there is nothing else I can say about this match. But I did watch it.
Mick asks the Dudley Boyz what they brought to the dinner, and they tell him they brought dumplings. Mick borrows Buh Buh Ray's glasses and yells out, "D-Von, get the dumplings!" No one laughs. Mick mentions tables and the Dudleyz start to put some people through the table at which they are seated. Mick tells them to chill and eat some food. Then he grabs the glasses again and does the "D-Von, get the dumplings!" for Too Cool, who motion to him that he should cut it out because it's still not funny. Poor Mick.
Chris Benoit is trying to console Eddie Guerrero. Lillian Garcia walks backstage and tries to get an interview with Eddie, but Benoit yells at her for trying to interview Eddie when he's just lost his title. Somehow it turns into Benoit yelling about how Stone Cold is not a better wrestler than him, and knocking over a lamp. Nope, still not scared of Benoit. Lillian runs out of the room.
Trish Stratus is taking on Molly Holly. Wow, women actually wrestling! This makes two weeks in a row, I think. I am digging this. Trish actually does a suplex! They taught her another move besides a Bulldog! Trish bodyslams Molly, hitting Molly's head on her foot in the process. Molly climbs to the top turnbuckle. Trish gets up and tries and fails to get a suplex. Trish stands up facing Molly, who does a front flip off the turnbuckle which knocks Trish down, so that Molly is sitting on her chest. That's good enough for the pin. Wow! What a cool finishing move! I am loving Molly Holly.
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Trish walks into the dinner with a pie. Lots of predictable pie jokes follow. Everyone laughs really hard for like ten minutes, like, go to commercial already.
When we return from the commercial, we see a recap of what happened at Survivor Series. In case you missed it (and my recap), Benoit led Austin out to the parking lot where Triple H waited in a car to run Austin down. Instead, Austin picked up Triple H's car with a forklift and dropped it forty feet so that it landed upside down. On RAW, Stephanie came out and announced that Triple H was okay, and that they were trying to have a baby. She hoped that Stone Cold would drop the feud. Stone Cold comes out and tells Stephanie that "it ain't over by a long shot." Stephanie cries.
Michael Cole gives us an update on Triple H's condition -- he's okay but he won't be there tonight. The King thinks that Stephanie's appeal to Stone Cold was genuine.
Tiger Ali Singh and Lo-Down show up at Thanksgiving dinner. Tiger Ali Singh demands that Mick Foley make sure Lo-Down is not ignored any longer. Tiger throws a pie and hits Steve Blackman. Blackman kicks Tiger into a table, and then whacks Lo-Down with a garbage can lid. The Dudleyz 3-D Tiger onto the table, and Buh Buh Ray declares a food fight. Mayhem ensues. Even JR gets into the act. Debra and Mick stand safely aside watching, until Debra smacks Mick in the face with a pie. Ah, the WWF Thanksgiving food fight. What a nice tradition.
After the break, Jericho and Austin will take on Benoit and Kane. And they're all roaming the hallways. Just once, I wish the WWF would do a Spinal Tap homage where someone can't find the stage. Please? You know it would be funny.
Kane comes down to the ring first. Benoit soon joins him in the ring. Jericho and Stone Cold make their way down to the ring as well. Stone Cold is actually starting to get his chops back in the ring, or whatever chops he formerly had. At least he sort of wrestles now instead of just standing there, taking no bumps at all, and then delivering a Stunner. There are bumps being taken. Hey, do you think Y2J will change his nickname month? These are the kinds of things I wonder while watching Stone Cold deliver yet another series of punches. Jericho battles Kane, and I don't know what Kane is all jealous about -- Jericho looks like a midget to him. That has to count for something. Jericho goes to put a Figure Four leglock on Kane, and Kane delivers a boot to Jericho's ass that sends him flying out of the ring. Hee! After being double-teamed by Kane and Benoit, Jericho manages to crawl over to the corner and tag Austin in. The ref was distracted by Kane and missed the tag, and refuses to let Austin into the ring. Uh-oh. You know what that means. Stunner to the ref! Stunner to Benoit! Stunner to Kane! Austin busts out some beers while Jericho does a Lionsault on Kane. Austin drinks some more beer. There's nothing that says Thanksgiving like a redneck drinking some brews, is there?
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