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Aw, everyone wants a piece of Cameron. Beth wants to have a baby with him, but when he shoots that down she runs off in a snit. To Paris. With Nina. And then Peter wants Cameron to buy the local factory with him so they can build bicycles together. Peter fails to zip off to Paris when that doesn't fly either. In other news, Damien throws a party in his hotel suite, and Frankie learns that he's married and gets drunk. Galina's acting sketchy about the money, but Damien gets generous when he finds out that she's trying to take care of her family back home (supposedly). Maggie doesn't do much besides shoot off her mouth off to some news cameras. Kimberly's kid's school sucks, so Kimberly decides to throw a bunch of money at it. But then someone else tries to lay a claim on Kimberly's share of the winnings, apparently tying up the whole $386 million wad. And Cameron actually does something that someone wants him to; the chick with the paternity claim turns out to be not only lying, but a down-and-out drug addict. The kid's real, though, and even though the little boy isn't Cameron's he brings him home anyway. Okay, the kid's cute, but come on. Sean and Zoe go through a bunch more tedious song-and-dance with each other about trust and shit while buying off/blackmailing Sean's ex-partner-in-crime, Jeremy. And then they have some more sex and make up. But then Zoe disappears from her apartment, leaving signs of a struggle. For some reason, Sean looks worried instead of relieved at the thought of all the time he doesn't have to spend calming her down any more. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A stack of bills pours out of an ATM machine in close-up, like someone stuck a winning lottery ticket directly into the card slot. And then Kimberly the Ex-Pizza Lady is being interviewed on the news. "Can you describe the feeling of winning all those millions?" the reporter asks. Kimberly does so by abruptly bursting into tears. So do I, but for different reasons.
Peter and Nina are also being interviewed in front of their house. Peter says that he can fix the porch now, and Nina nervously gropes the microphone as she blathers about being able to pay for school field trips and tuition for their kids. "I can take care of my family now," Peter says. "Is that a great feeling or what?" Especially in light of the fact that your wife won by playing the birthday of your best friend, her ex-boyfriend, on the night you saw them talking intensely. That's how you know angels are at work.
Some curly-haired geek is still pulling money out of an ATM. He's clearly been there a while, because there's a line forming behind him. He'd better hope none of those people are strapped.
The reporter ambushes Cameron and Beth as they're getting out of their car. They clearly aren't so thrilled to be on the telly, but Beth is a little more gracious about it than Cameron. Not by much, though.
And now we see what the story is with the guy at the ATM machine, as he gets his turn in front of the news cameras. Remember how there are twenty winners, and we only met about half of them? Here's one we haven't met. He was emptying out the ATM machine in order to have a bunch of bills sewn into a suit jacket, in which he's now appearing on the news. And I don't mean sewn into the lining; I mean he's got a suit jacket made out of twenties. Of course, it's illegal to show real money on TV, which is why Andrew Jackson looks more like John Lithgow in the close-up. Aside from the crime of defacing American currency, the guy has compounded his fashion crime by having the bills arranged horizontally instead of vertically, which would have been much more slimming. And so then the moron gets ready to light a cigar wrapped in another bill. We're supposed to believe that this dorkwad was at a party with Jason Gedrick and Luke Perry? Funny how such a loser became such a big winner, which, of course, only turned him into an even bigger loser.
Among a crowd of other students at his school, Damien's being asked by the news reporter whether he plans to continue his education. Damien smirks, "Absolutely. Just not in school." Frankie admiringly looks on from a distance, hanging with her homies. Because spoiled, rich dropouts are hot.
Maggie's been waylaid on the front stoop of an orthodontist's office, where her niece and nephew are sporting some shiny new oral hardware. Just how you want to be seen on TV when you're in your teens. The reporter says that the kids' parents must appreciate her generosity. Which causes Maggie to say, "Talk to this guy Sean. He gave his ticket to his girlfriend. I mean all the money. All of it!" Good thing everyone's being so discreet about it.
Speaking of which, Sean is having a talk with Zoe outside her apartment building. She's yammering on about offshore accounts and trusts and blah blah blah, but Sean's all stressed about his lowlife buddy who showed up at the end of the pilot. The guy's name is Jeremy, who Sean describes as a "violent, stupid dirtbag...and he's probably going to come after you now." That's great, Sean. Thanks for making Zoe even more skittish than ever.
There's a proper title sequence now. It still includes money blowing around, but now it's blowing around the various cast members while some mid-tempo, mid-road, mid-crap theme song plays. The actors are listed alphabetically, so of course Luke Perry's way near the back. In case you care.
No commercials after that, because the network knows that if you change channels on this show you aren't coming back. Damien struts into the school building, handing out flyers for a party he's having. Frankie again admires him from afar while bookended by her girls, who remind us that Damien dropped out (in case we forgot in all the excitement of the flashy new opening credits), and comments that Damien "looks great as a millionaire." His shorter haircut certainly is an improvement over the limp Beatles 'do he was sporting last week. And really, the premise of this show makes it especially plausible that a lot of characters would change their hair between the pilot and the second episode. Let's hope that they take advantage of that, Sean. Frankie watches Damien so dreamily that he goes into slow-motion. The principal or something intercepts Damien and asks whether he's back in school, but Damien says that he's "dropping by." Here's where he spots Frankie across the hall, and specifically invites her by name. Thrilled, Frankie starts to respond that she'll ask her mom. "I mean, I'll be there!" she chirps after a sharp nudge in the ribs from her horrified friends. The principal tells Damien to take off if he's not there as a student, and Damien's thoughtful enough to extend an invitation to him: "It's an all-ages event," he cracks. The principal is not amused, and herds Damien out, but not before Damien flicks his arm and makes his flyers live up to their name. Hey, I have to make my own fun with this show.
An establishing shot tells us that Zoe lives at Ambassador Apartments, which must be pretty nice since the sign is in cursive. Inside her place, Sean (whose hair also looks better than last week, although he's still been shaving with a broken whisky bottle) is confirming that Zoe found out the truth about the murder that he was involved in. Sean explains that Jeremy was the shooter, while Sean hung back to try and save the victim (a small-time drug dealer, just in case we feel too unsympathetic about Sean's past). Zoe wants to be sure that this story is the real deal. Sean insists that he didn't kill anybody. They throw a few non sequiturs at each other, until Sean offers to watch Zoe's back and protect her from Jeremy. She agrees. So is this an indefinite thing, then? Or is it just until they run out of money and/or Jeremy grows bored?
Peter's floating in his new above-ground pool. Interesting that of all the characters' different reactions to their new wealth, his thing is to come up with extravagant ways to kill the grass in his back yard. Nina comes out, also sporting a short new haircut. They banter. She joins him in the pool, wearing her jeans and bra if the editing is to be believed. So I guess Peter's decided not to confront her about the Cameron's birthday thing, then. Or maybe it just hasn't happened yet. That montage last week was pretty confusing, timeline-wise.
Cameron and Beth are having sex in their bed. With plenty of network-friendly blankets and fairly chaste thrusting, of course. So I guess Beth's buying Cameron's story about not having fucked his student. But for some reason, she chooses this time to utter those five magic words that could kill any passionate moment: "I went off the pill." And Cameron goes off Beth. "Just this week," she says, like that way she won't get totally pregnant and they can kind of work up to it by giving birth to just an arm or something. He's rightly irritated that she's springing this on him without discussing it. So now Beth's ready to talk about it. Way to miss the point, lady. As Cameron charmingly puts it, "She claims that I fathered her child and now suddenly you want a baby?" Beth says that it isn't sudden; she just never mentioned it before. Well, that kind of makes it sudden for one of you. "A kid's a lot of work," Cameron points out, as if they can't hire people for that now, and says that for once in their lives they don't have to work. "All I'm saying is we have some freedom," he says. "Why wouldn't you want to enjoy that for a little while?" Plus he doesn't want to be tied down to a kid if Nina decides to take him back, but he leaves that part out. Still, his perfectly reasonable argument sends Beth into an unholy snit. She gets up, inordinately pissy about having to wait a week or two to get pregnant, and starts getting dressed. She sarcastically says that Cameron's right about enjoying their freedom: "I'll send you a postcard." Jeez, petulant, much? Imagine how pissed she would have gotten if he'd told her the only reason he's even still married to her at all is because Nina shot him down.
Post-swim, Nina and Peter are looking through the real estate section of the paper. Specifically, the section where the houses are so big that they take up a full-page ad. Beth rushes in to the kitchen uninvited, saying that their doorbell's broken. "Okay, that's it," Peter says. "We're out of here." And to Luke Perry's credit, he almost makes it funny. It would be funnier if he specifically mentioned the need for a Beth-proof security system, of course. Beth's there to invite Nina on a shopping trip. Nina's not sure, but Peter offers to pick up the kids at the end of the day. Beth asks Peter whether he can put them to bed, too, and then she says, "I was thinking...Paris." Nina declines, but Peter encourages her to go. "We won the lottery," he reminds her, in case we've just tuned in. Nina asks about Cameron. "Well in a way," Beth says, "It was his idea." Hey, Beth? Don't forget to pick yourself up a couple of cases of duty-free Shut Up.
Kimberly's kid Ethan is coming home, which at this time is a fancy high-rise hotel downtown. He's shot from the back the whole time, so we know something's up with him before Kimberly does. Sure enough, when he turns to face her, he's got a bandage on his cheek. Kimberly is immediately concerned, because all the money in the world isn't going to help if it turns out you're raising a Nelly fan. Ethan claims he was ganged up on, since everybody at school knows about his lottery win. Kimberly sits him down and says that the other kids are just jealous and it's going to take time. "It's going to take forever for this money to go away," Ethan whines. Kimberly realizes that the kid has a misconception or two, so she clears that right up: "We are never, ever going to be poor again. You hear me? Ever." Okay, I understand why Kimberly wanted to get out of the trailer park. But the very thing she needs to buy is a TV, because if she'd ever watched one she'd know not to say shit like that.
At a different hotel, or possibly the same one, as if it matters, Damien's poached Russian mail-order bride Galina is sitting on the hotel bed in her hotel robe, practicing her English by reading aloud along with the subtitles on Being Bobby Brown. Man, think about that for a second. Catherine the Great, Napoleon, The Romanovs, Rasputin, the Bolsheviks, Communism, Hitler, Stalin, Kruschev, Glasnost, and it all comes down to some chick from Moscow trying to learn English from Whitney Houston. There's something cosmically tragic about that, if I thought for a second that this show got it. Damien comes in giving instructions to an entourage of hotel staff for, among other things, the construction of a "booze luge." The concierge smirks something about underage drinking, so Damien has Galina sign the liquor order. "She married for money too?" Galina asks Damien, looking at the TV. "Whitney? No, other reasons," Damien understates. The hotel staff gets to work planning the party setup, so Damien offers to take Galina out for a while. Except that she sent all her clothes down for dry cleaning. Galina looks a little nervous that Damien's going to be pissed at her for screwing up, but he just sits down and asks, "Do you know your size in American?" Although I know very little about these things, I'd guess she's a two. But only if she keeps the robe on underneath.
Beth and Nina are getting all settled in in First Class, and Beth's even annoying when she talks to the flight attendant in French. She tells Nina that she was studying in [more annoying French-chatter] when she met Cameron. Nina says that she thought it was Athens, because that's where Cameron's letter was postmarked from. Beth apologizes and says that she didn't know. "About me or that he broke up with me in a letter?" Nina asks. Beth says it happened fast. Yes, and Beth will be learning her own life-changing lesson about not letting Cameron out of her sight very soon. Nina asks why Beth invited her along, since the two of them don't really hang out much. Beth says that she didn't know who else could get away, and have such an understanding husband, and says, "The simple fact is, we're different than most people now." This is one of many reasons I like to sit in an exit row, because if a traveling companion of mine says some shit like that before we've even taken off, that's when I blow the slide and get the fuck out of there. But Nina for some reason decides to roll with it. And they put their seats all the way back to enjoy complete comfort for the five minutes before takeoff.
Looks like Zoe's quit her job now that she's rich, and she's carrying her one box out of the building while saying goodbye to her ex-coworkers. Once she's alone on the sidewalk, Jeremy swoops in -- nice bruise on the side of his face, courtesy of Sean -- and introduces himself all creepy-like. Zoe tries to get all Gift of Fear on him, but she can't keep it up and she makes the mistake of asking what he wants. Jeremy claims that Sean killed the guy, and since Jeremy could spend the rest of his life in jail because of that, he thinks he's entitled to half of Sean's winnings. He says that there are warrants out for both of them, and Zoe's risking everything. "You don't scare me," Zoe says, starting to walk again. Jeremy stops her by waving her car keys in front of her. He says that he had her car brought around, simply by tipping the parking attendant fifty bucks. "It's amazing what people will do for money," he says, dropping he keys with their anvil fob into her hands: "Don't forget that."
Frankie comes home, hollering to her mom for permission to go to Damien's party. But there's no one home except the Jane Lynch-looking personal chef that her mom Addie has hired while she's out of town. Addie's absence is news to Frankie, but the chef hands her a sheet for heating up her dinner and skates out of there like she's got things in ovens all over town.
Damien presents Galina with a closet full of clothes. Looks like she held on to one pair of jeans and a tank top at least, but she's touched by Damien's gift. She doesn't even realize when he ruins it by asking her to wear something slinky to the party. Uh, does she have a choice? Because I'm sure a seventeen-year-old shopping for a Russian underwear model also thought to pick her up a dresser full of sweatsuits and muumuus.
Nina and Beth are wearing all new clothes, are carrying shopping bags, and are walking across a bridge that for some reason was constructed eight inches in front of a mural of Paris. You can tell the mural is supposed to be Paris because the Eiffel Tower figures prominently in the "background." They talk about the obnoxious amount of money they've been spending, even though they're too cheap to spring for a cab. Beth jokingly suggests that Nina get a "Francs-to-dollars" conversion chart, which I'm sure will be handy this many years after the conversion to Euros. Beth's cell phone rings, and when she sees that it's Cameron she decides not to answer: "He can wait. I certainly have." Not to defend Cameron, but I think there's a difference between "waiting" and "skipping the country the second you don't get your way." Or maybe it's different for rich people.
Meanwhile, Peter and Cameron are doing something a little more down-to-earth, if not downright blue-collar. They've ridden their bikes up to some hill overlooking a factory, where they're sitting on a picnic table and having beers in cans. Apparently they did this all the time in high school, but not so much these days. "You've been away," Peter points out, but Cameron says that he's been back for two and a half years. Peter says during that time, they've ridden bikes together and complained about their respective bosses. "When are we going to do something to combine the fun and the work?" Peter asks. Of course, he already knows the answer, as he shows by nodding towards the factory. He tells an incredulous Cameron that they can buy it and use it to build high-end racing bikes. Apparently Peter's been working there since he was seventeen, while Cameron has the experience of consulting on "all kinds of manufacturing" (what's he a professor of, exactly?). Peter asks, "What could be better than working with your best friend?" I'm going to say...staying best friends? Just like with Beth and her womb-panic, Cameron resists what he sees as Peter's efforts to tie him down, just when he should be enjoying more freedom than he's ever had. Peter reminds Cameron that last week, he didn't want to leave town for his job, and asks what changed. "Your wife shot me down," Cameron doesn't say. Instead, he answers, "I won the lottery." There's some talk about choices, then. "I've made my choices, and I'm happy with them," Peter says. "Are you?" Cameron goes back to his beer, probably remembering why he stopped hanging out with Peter in the first place. Being around with someone who's always dropping Theme on him must get tiring.
Maggie's out with more of her family, but because she's with old people this time, all they get are giant sodas. Maybe she's trying to make it so she has to buy them new pancreases. The news reporter catches up with her again, saying that she's looking for Nina, but her husband says that she's in Paris. Like Maggie cares. The reporter's asking about Kimberly, like she hasn't already interviewed Kimberly on the air -- find a new story, lady -- and Maggie tells the whole story about how Nina found Kimberly's name on a bill. "Otherwise she'd be out twenty million dollars," Maggie cackles. Well, that certainly doesn't sound like anything an unscrupulous viewer could take advantage of.
Kimberly's shown up at Ethan's run-down school to have a little conference with the kid's teacher. Teach says that Ethan's not being picked on; he's starting the fights himself. She thinks that it stems from Ethan's frustration in communicating, and speculates that the kid has "Expressive Language Disorder." You know, actually I was already suspecting that from the way the kid seems to speak completely clearly and normally every time he's on screen. Of course, if there is something wrong with him, it's not like the school can do anything about it. Kimberly asks what she's supposed to do. That's a stumper, all right. If only there were such a thing as doctors. The teacher says, "Do what other rich people do. Get your kid to a private school, and thank God you can." But first, buy somebody on the school board and get that crap-ass teacher fired.
Cameron's home alone, but he's just now getting around to checking his seven messages. They're all from his alleged baby mama, of course, and they're increasingly desperate. "It's your baby!" Elisa screeches. "If you don't want the whole world to know that, you better call me back." So Cameron does, and says that he wants to meet.
Zoe's at home, and she's already gotten her locks changed. Which is probably wise, because who knows how long Jeremy had her keys. Surprisingly, the show doesn't spell this out for us. Sean beats himself up for not being at the office to protect her, but Zoe says that Jeremy claims Sean is the dangerous one. Sean suggest that he and Zoe run away together: "You know how to set up the money so that nobody finds us. I know how to disappear. We can help each other. We can live on the beach. Climb mountains or something." Zoe whines, "I don't want to do this any more." Sean rightly points out that it's a little late for that. But Zoe says that she doesn't want to run. "There's only one way out," she declares. "And that's to get rid of Jeremy. For good." Whoa, is Zoe going to turn evil? If she's suggesting that they kill Jeremy, this show might actually get interesting.
Therefore, it doesn't happen. Instead, Sean and Zoe invite Jeremy to lunch at a nice restaurant. He sits there gloating at them, but he's thrown a little off his stride when Jonathan LaPaglia from 7 Days enters their private dining nook and greets Zoe like an old friend. "Dave" is also wearing a suit so we can identify him as a fellow lawyer. Sean assures Jeremy that Dave's just there to handle the money. And indeed, Dave reaches into his pocket and slaps down a manila envelope on the table in front of Jeremy, saying that it's his split: $10,000. I once held an envelope with $10,000 cash in it, and it was a little bit fatter. Not fat enough to send me dashing to Canada, but close. "You're short a couple zeroes, pal," Jeremy scoffs. Nice that he's come down from his original demand. Dave explains to Jeremy that all of a sudden, there are three witnesses saying they were with Sean the night of the murder. The Buffalo DA is dropping the charges, and Dave expects Jeremy to get on a plane and disappear. Even though cars are better for disappearing, if you ask me. Not that I ever thought about it while in possession of ten large. Jeremy's other option is to face murder charges alone. "Actually," Dave gloats, "as an officer of the court I can arrest you myself. I don't have a badge, but I do have a gun." Dave's self-effacing smirk makes the line a lot less obnoxious that it sounds. But not to Jeremy. Seeing how things are turning, he tries to warn Sean that he'll get screwed . "We're nothing to these people." Sean actually looks kind of embarrassed at his part in this, for whatever reason. But then Jeremy leaves the table with dark threats. And the ten thousand, natch. I wonder if Dave and Zoe are bluffing about the witnesses, or if they've actually suborned perjury from people.
Nina's watching French TV (not nearly weird enough, if you ask me) in Beth's hotel room when the phone rings. But because Beth's in the shower, Nina answers it herself. It's Cameron, of course, calling from campus for Beth. They make a little small talk, and Cameron asks about his wife. "She seems fine," Nina lies after a long pause, but Cameron takes her at her word. He adds that the "paternity thing" has been hard on Beth, although she's been supportive. When Cameron asks, Nina answers that Beth hasn't said anything about the situation to her, and that if she does, she's going to feel like a liar. "Speaking of," Cameron segues with uncharacteristic honesty, "I told Beth that I was the one that bought the tickets that night." What with the whole Cameron's birthday being the winning number and all. Nina agrees, like the media wouldn't have reported the details to death already. Although maybe not, since in this town there only appears to be one reporter and she keeps going back to the same winners over and over. They say goodbye and hang up. I wonder if Nina will have time to skip over to Athens and post Cameron a "You suck" letter.
Zoe's back at her apartment, this time with Dave. She signs some document, and Dave warns her about Sean. "He could have killed that guy on that boat as easily as his buddy Jeremy and there's not one shred of evidence to clear him." Except the ones you guys fabricated, of course. He tells her that the money is hers, and that she should use it to get away from both Jeremy and Sean. He doesn't also suggest making him a kept man, but you know he's thinking it.
Damien's party is in full swing. His suite is full of noisy high-school kids and rave lighting, and he appears to be having a good time. Even though all he's doing is leaning against the wall and not talking to anybody. Frankie and two of her friends come in, taking in all the debauchery. Couples making out! Caviar! Booze luge! The latter is a fancy sloped ice sculpture, with kids catching the liquor at the bottom of the slope in cups and mouths. Frankie spots Galina and asks, "Is she a model?" Some other chick coming in behind Frankie meanly says that it's Damien's wife: "Haven't you heard?" Frankie watches Galina go over to Damien -- who smiles at her -- and downs a shot.
At some bar in Paris (you can tell because it has the word "Bastille" in the name), Nina's got her foot up on an adjacent bar stool and is getting an elaborate henna tattoo all up her leg. It's a perfectly nice leg, especially for someone who swims with her pants on, but the tattoo design makes it look like the skin is stitched on like the hide of a very long baseball. Sexay! She happens to glance over at where Beth is dancing with some supposedly French-looking extra. The artist tells Nina not to wash off the tattoo tonight. "Is a commitment," she says. Yes, keep telling yourself that, temporary tattoo lady. The sound of this anvil dropping Frenchly on the floor somehow leads Nina to glance over at Beth and her dance partner, who are suddenly making out. Nina's face falls. Now, if she ever does sleep with Cameron again, she's going to be risking third-hand exposure to Eurotrash cooties.
Out on the sidewalk, Beth is annoyingly going on about her little moment, until she finally picks up on the fact that Nina doesn't share her elation. "It meant nothing," Beth assures Nina, like a guilty girlfriend. Nina judges, "Is this how it's gonna be? Because we have all this money nothing means anything to any of us?" Beth wonders why Nina's the one who's upset. "Cameron and I have taken bigger hits than one stray kiss." She leaves Nina alone on the sidewalk, in her fugly million-Franc coat and scarf and shopping bags, where it's only a matter of time before some chain-smoker in a beret and a striped boatneck shirt comes up to her and mugs her by clocking her over the head with a baguette.
Back in whatever non-specific North American city the show is actually set in, Galina is being the life of the party; the guys around her are cheering her on as she pours out a bad bottle of vodka. Of course, she's pouring it down her own throat, hence the cheering. Damien looks uncomfortable at her antics. Maybe he'd feel better if he tried talking to someone instead of standing around modeling his green racing jacket. Speaking of people Damien should be talking to, Frankie is sitting and pouting in a chair, having gotten herself well and truly sloshed. She sits there barely conscious as a few mean girls fuck with her hair and talk about scissors. Frankie realizes that it's time to get up, if only because vomiting is about to occur. She rushes to the bathroom, sporting a bunch of goofy new pigtails. Damien watches her go, then follows her. He reaches the bathroom doorway just as she's yakking into the toilet. She turns and realizes who it is, and recoils in humiliation. "No, no, no, no, no," she chants, shutting the lid, crawling into the bathtub and drawing the shower curtain. Damien tells her that it's all right. "I kind of know you're in there," he tells her from the doorway. Of course, if he really wanted to put her at ease, he could just say something like, "Hey, I never thought I'd see those Corn Nuts again." An opportunity missed. She reaches out from the tub with one hand, trying to flush the toilet with the toilet brush. Ever the gentleman, Damien walks in and takes care of it. "Don't be embarrassed," he says. "People barf. That's what parties are for." Of course, some people close the door first. Frankie says that Damien didn't, and neither did "Rowena": "She's so perfect. And leggy. And she's your wife." Damien explains the whole helping him get his money thing. "We're not really married," he assures her. "Except legally." He gets into the tub with Frankie, and she slurs, "My God, you're perfect too." "You're loaded," Damien observes. "So are you," Frankie points out. Damien guesses that's why he suddenly has so many friends, and why Frankie has hair saboteurs. He starts gently pulling out her dopey pigtails, and Frankie falls more in love than ever. "Now this is a great party," she says. Oh, come on. If that was true, somebody would be puking or peeing six inches away from them right now.
Cut to Damien carrying Frankie across the suite in his arms, while she happily pets his head. Damien looks embarrassed for both of them. "Do we have a designated driver?" he asks Frankie's friends. From across the room, Galina looks a little left out. How's she going to compete with a chick that is Damien's own age who's almost as rich as he is?
Kimberly's back at Ethan's crappy school, where the parents of all the kids in Ethan's class are gathered for a meeting. The one teacher on the entire faculty is again making her excuses that the school is poor. So Kimberly basically gets up and whips out her checkbook and starts burning through the wish list. Which they don't get very far into before all the other parents start applauding and getting up and mobbing her with their love. Oh, whatever. You have $20 million, before taxes. Ask the school district how far that goes in a year.
Damien wakes up in his hotel suite the morning. His friends are amateurs, by the way; he's got the whole place to himself and it isn't even that trashed. It looks like the set of a grade-school production of Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, really. He lets us know he has a mild hangover by briefly shielding his eyes from the sunlight flooding in the window, then finds the ringing cordless phone buried in the couch cushions. We don't hear the other end of the conversation, but we can tell that it's about Galina; her closet's empty, and she's out trying to raise some cash. In other news, he really needs to complain to the hotel staff for selling him a plastic booze luge. That thing hasn't melted at all.
Zoe knocks on the door of Sean's apartment. Apparently he's been trying to reach her, and was getting worried. Zoe says that she's also worried, but about her association with Sean and who he really is. She claims that this whole situation is out of character for her: "I'm a careful person." Don't worry, Zoe; we figured that out by the way you WON'T SHUT UP. So apropos of nothing, Zoe says that she wants to start over. "Hi, I'm Zoe," she clichés. Sean's apparently into role playing, because he starts sexing her right there. She totally gets into it, too, even though they just met two seconds ago. That's not very careful at all.
Cameron's alleged baby-mama Elisa is sitting alone in some coffee shop, looking grungy and stood up. She checks her watch one last time, then leaves, pissed off and stressed out. She walks to her car and drives off, completely failing to notice Cameron staking her out across the street, sitting in his car with the window open. He must be a terrible teacher, to have students that dumb.
Elisa makes her way to some crappy apartment, which is actually tiny like you never see on TV. It's also furnished with a variety of drug paraphernalia and a greaseball boyfriend who's clearly tweaking from some form of withdrawal. No baby in sight, by the way. Cameron just wanders right in through the open door, but neither of them sees him until Elisa's got her new little baggie of smack out and open. Elisa yells at Cameron that she waited for him for two hours, and then the two of them yell at each other. Finally the boyfriend gets bored, grabs the drugs, and runs out past Cameron. In the process, he knocks over a floor lamp, sending Elisa into a momentary panic. Cameron catches the lamp, though, and it's a good thing, because otherwise it would have fallen right past the baby in the exersaucer. Yes, there really is a baby, even though Elisa isn't claiming that it's Cameron's any more, or even that they slept together. She "comforts" the very cute child, although without taking the two steps across the room it would take to go to him. Cameron's left to pick up the poor kid himself, while the desperate mom begs Cameron to take him, even though they both know that the kid isn't his. For some reason, Cameron, who didn't want to impregnate his wife, or go into business with Peter, is totally disarmed by this third major demand on his life and is instantly like, "Sold!" Probably because in spite of everything, the baby looks just like Cameron, which we already know is the one thing Cameron can't resist.
Damien comes out of his bedroom in a fresh change of clothes, and notices that the door to Galina's room is closed now. He just goes right over and opens it without knocking, and sees her packing up boxes. "time you can just ask me for the cash," he grumps at her. And then he notices what she's packing. "You're shipping half-used bottles of hotel shampoo to Russia?" he wonders. Galina says that it's for her family. "Why waste?" she asks. Then she hands him a wad of cash, "From your gift," saying that it's too much. She advises him to take all his money and buy gold: "In Russia, money go pfft. It could happen here." No longer pissed, Damien indicates the cash in his hand and says, "We'll find the best way to get this to your family. And about the ten grand I paid you to marry me? Let's make it twenty." Galina laughs and kisses him. It's not a wifely kiss, but it's not motherly either. Damien withdraws, and they both look a little embarrassed. But what about Frankie?
Ah, here's Frankie. She comes home, and there's still no one there except the chef, who on her way out the door makes the mistake of asking if Frankie's feeling okay. Frankie admits that she's hung over, and asks the chef not to tell Addie. The chef's like, "Won't be here long enough, Homeslice," but Frankie misses the snap and says that she made a fool of herself at a party. The chef so wants out of there, but instead she sits down invites Frankie to tell her about it. So Frankie starts telling the whole Frankie / Damien backstory; apparently, they're seven lockers apart, even though it looked like they just met last week. Not that any of this matters to the chef, who is going to have her hands full just escaping from Frankie's blackhole of need.
Peter and the girls are picking up Nina at the airport, and he offers to drop off Beth, as well, since Cameron hasn't shown up yet. Beth declines, saying that she's sure Cameron's just running late. She has no idea. Nina awkwardly hugs Beth goodbye, then kisses Peter, thanking him "for everything." And I think she means, "for not being Cameron," and it's about time she figured that out. They drive off and leave Beth there on the pavement with her luggage. And thus become my favorite couple.
Okay, so apparently Zoe and Sean have had the kind of sex where the guy ends up on the floor alone. They both seem happy about it, though, so I guess it takes all types. They start talking about stuff they want to do and places they want to go, which for Zoe means any number of exotic destinations, and for Sean includes putting his real name on a real lease for a real place. Sean and the giant XXIII tattoo on his bicep are a little slow to catch up, even when Zoe starts throwing her clothes on so she can go home, get on the internet, and start booking tickets and shit. They kiss goodbye and she's out of there. "I'll see you soon," she says at the door. Jinx!
Beth has somehow managed to get her own ass and her own luggage home. She's even arranged it on the floor in such a way as to maximize Cameron's guilt when he comes in. But her angry "where were you?" when he comes in the door doesn't exactly seem like the most urgent question, because Cameron's using one hand to carry a plastic bag full of stuff, and the other hand to hold a small, wiggly human being. Beth goes full-on turd-face and asks him what he's doing. "Honestly," Cameron says a little shame-facedly, "I have no idea." Okay, so maybe he can use the kid to buy the factory? I don't know either.
And we're back to the news reporter, who's interviewing one "Sunny Van Hattem," according to the caption, who also "hosted many of the lottery parties." She's going on that winning the lottery changes you and everyone around you. The reporter asks if she was at the party. Sunny says that she was, but since she flew out the morning she didn't know about the win for a while. She claims to be "completely shocked." And something about the way she says it means not in a good way.
Kimberly and Ethan come back into the lobby of their hotel, eating ice cream, even though they can totally afford to hire someone to eat it for them. A concierge (and he's wearing a green coat, as opposed to the redcoats at Damien's hotel, so I guess it is a different place) intercepts her and says that she has some messages, including one from the lottery commission. "Also," he oozes, "We need to talk about your bill." Whatever. I'm pretty sure that as long as she didn't plant tomatoes on the sidewalk outside the hotel, they can't touch her.
Back on the TV screen, Sunny is claiming not to know who "this pizza delivery person is. That unaccounted-for dollar is mine." Kimberly and Ethan are now watching on the TV in the hotel restaurant as Sunny claims that she plays all the time, and that a witness saw her put the dollar in the can. I wonder if the witness will be able to explain why Sunny wrote Kimberly's name and phone number on said dollar. And why, if she plays all the time, she didn't know enough to sign the list of contributors. As if suddenly remembering that she's supposed to be in charge of the interview, the reporter turns to the camera and introduces Sunny, "a confirmed guest at the party...she's filed a civil suit freezing the assets of [Kimberly], a move which could tie up all the winners' money for months and years to come." And the reporter waited until now to mention this? Ever hear of the inverted pyramid? Is this chick on public access or what? It must be a slow news day and the broadcast has a good three minutes to waste on this non-story. Sunny gets the microphone again: "I know these people. They're my friends. I know everything about them. The last thing I would want is for this to get ugly." "But it could," the reporter says, like she doesn't have a big red mark on her forehead from the blackmail threat that just bounced off it. Kimberly just watches, her mouth hanging open. Welcome back to being poor, if I thought for a second that this was going to hold up at all.
Sean climbs the stairs to Zoe's apartment, carrying flowers (not daisies, like she asked for last week, but at least not red roses either). He's alarmed when he finds her door ajar, and even more so when he finds stuff on the floor, including her bag and a broken wineglass. He calls out to her and finds more signs of struggle (and not just the clashing colors in the place), but no Zoe. And, presumably, no millions of dollars. I'd say it comes out about even.