Bingo Bob is sitting in a hotel room, watching the Republican Convention on television. On screen, Congressman Gibson of Michigan is giving a speech attacking the Bartlet administration's handling of the economy. One of the best things about this episode is how well they nailed the look and sound of these convention speeches. Speakers at political conventions have adopted a style that you rarely see in other political contexts, and never outside of politics. It generally involves stretching a metaphor until it screams, usually accompanied by either a single line repeated periodically, or a call-and-response with the audience. (And if you're Al Gore in 1992, all three.) Politicians on this show often give great speeches, but they rarely sound like real politicians when they do so. But these convention speeches are spot-on. Donna knocks on the door to let Bingo Bob know that the governor is there to see him. Bob tells her to let him in, and Governor Bundy enters the room. After some chit-chat, Bob and Bundy sit down to talk. Bob tells Bundy that he thinks it's crucial that, after the first ballot at the Democratic convention, people come together around a consensus nominee. Bundy and I both think that's pretty unlikely. Russell thinks that the right ticket could create consensus. Bundy points out that there's press speculation that Bob will offer the Veep spot to Santos. Russell agrees that it would make sense, but also thinks they need to think about regional balance. Which is code for having someone from the northeast on the ticket, since Russell is from Colorado. Bundy thinks that Pennsylvania could be in play because Vinick is popular there. From what I read in the forums, Vinick is pretty popular everywhere. Bob tells Bundy that he wants to do everything he can to make sure the state sticks with the Dems. They leave that hanging in the air while Bob gets a drink for Bundy. On the television, Governor Reed of Ohio has taken the podium. He's punctuating his speech with cries of "eight is enough."
Josh is watching the same speech as he sits at the bar of a hotel. Will walks up behind him. They critique the speech, Josh accusing the speaker of "boiling [his] message down to the title of a bad TV show." Will cautions Josh against criticizing the show -- apparently, he had a crush on the mom: "She seemed knowing." Josh points out that she had eight kids, and Will thinks she may not have been too knowing about birth control. So wait, did Will have a crush on Diana Hyland, the original mother who only appeared in four episodes before dying of cancer, or did he have a crush on Betty Buckley, who was the stepmother? And now all the other recappers are going to mock me for knowing so much about the show. (By the way, I just checked the IMDb entry on the show, and the eight kids have only three acting credits between them since 1989. Mark Hamill was lucky he dodged that bullet.) Josh claims that he hasn't really been watching the speeches.
“ If they're all just going to sit around and watch this, they should at least get together and do it in a more comfortable place. Maybe pop some corn, mix up a pitcher of margaritas. Just because some jackholes are criticizing your boss is no reason to make yourselves miserable. ”
C.J. is working at her desk while watching the speech on television. The conventioneers are chanting "eight is enough" in response to the speaker's questions.
We get a quick shot of Annabeth and Toby also watching the speech. The chanting continues.
Leo and Charlie are watching in Leo's office. You know, if they're all just going to sit around and watch this, they should at least get together and do it in a more comfortable place. Maybe pop some corn, mix up a pitcher of margaritas. Just because some jackholes are criticizing your boss is no reason to make yourselves miserable. Charlie's cell phone rings, although he doesn't actually answer it -- he just reads the text message that pops up on the screen. (Which, with my crappy reception, looks like "????.") Charlie tells Leo that it's someone he's meeting later. Leo suggests that it's not good to keep a lady waiting, and Charlie tells him, "It's good for her." Oh man, Charlie's turned into a Rules Boy. Charlie still has that static on his face. (I'm told by the cable company that I will definitely have cable by fall, so I only have to suffer through the static for one more episode. Because once I get rid of the rabbit ears, there will definitely be none of that shit on Charlie's face. Right? Right?)
Back at the hotel bar, Josh and Will are sitting together and watching the speech. Josh asks why Will wanted to see him. Will says, "I have a proposition."
Cut to Josh bursting into the Santos suite. He's there to confess, I know it. Look, Josh, as long as nothing happened, you don't have to feel guilty about someone other than Santos coming on to you. In the suite, Ronna is watching the speech. Josh walks up to the door of the bedroom, and Ronna tries to stop him just as he throws open the door and walks into the bedroom. Where Santos and Helen are just starting to get busy. First of all, lock the door. Second of all, why did Ronna know what was going on? Did they announce before they left the room that they needed fifteen minutes alone? And third of all, the door to the bedroom is just frosted glass. How desperate do Santos and Helen have to be to start going at it while the campaign staff is just on the other side of that door? Or maybe that's what it takes for them to get going. Maybe they want to get caught. I'll definitely be hoping for a Santos victory if it means we'll be treated to scenes of the two of them going at it in the Cabinet Room or the Rose Garden.
Helen climbs out from under Santos as Josh walks in the room. He apologizes, but Santos tells him, "My time is your time." Certainly your make-out time is Josh's time. And don't you forget it. Helen starts to leave (as she's buttoning up her blouse), but Josh tells her to stick around. Josh tells them both that Russell is prepared to name Santos as the Veep nominee if he will release his convention delegates. Credits.
“ There was also something about a Scottish serial killer, but we never got to see the end of it. So the Haggis Slayer was either apprehended, or is still on the loose. Be careful, all you bonnie lads and lassies. ”
Santos and Josh are in an elevator, going down. I mean, the elevator is going down. Not, you know, the other thing. Santos asks Josh, "Mad at me?" Josh tells him he's not. Santos asks, "Disappointed?" Josh looks at him, love in his eyes (I know you all saw it), and says, "Proud, I think." Santos reminds Josh that he's got a tough conversation coming, but Josh doesn't think it will be so tough. And then he says, "Yeah, I do." You know, I think these two crazy kids might just make it after all.
Toby watches Sullivan introduce Vinick on a monitor. Annabeth joins him. We see a shot of C.J. watching, and then Leo and Jed watching in the Residence. Vinick accepts the nomination, and then he goes on to talk about how great Jed Bartlet is, and how much the nation owes to him. Leo looks at Jed and says, "Nice, what he said about you." Jed: "Yeah, the bastard." I think Jed's kind of joking when he calls Vinick a bastard, but I'm kind of not. He's the undisputed nominee of his party -- if he thought it was wrong to personally attack Bartlet, he could easily have made sure the other speakers toed the line. If they felt free to go ahead and bash the man, it was because the person at the top of their ticket gave them, at the very least, tacit approval. By the way, there's a newscrawl on the bottom of the screen during the speech. Let's see what else is going on in the world today: Swedish women rejecting motherhood; Hungary welcomes new Prime Minister; South Africa ignores threats for mass political boycotts; China confirms bird flu in pigs; India develops non-lethal skunk bomb; more accurate colon cancer test found; Europe pitches in against western fires; and Bali terror suspect pleads not guilty. There was also something about a Scottish serial killer, but we never got to see the end of it. So the Haggis Slayer was either apprehended, or is still on the loose. Be careful, all you bonnie lads and lassies.
The speech has apparently finished, making it the shortest acceptance speech in known history. Toby and Annabeth are still in his office. He thinks that Vinick has positioned himself as Bartlet's heir, and that he managed to make Santos and Russell both look like puny dwarves.
In the Residence, the phone rings. Jed answers, and then tells Leo that Josh is there to see him. The two men stand up, and as Leo prepares to leave, Jed tells him, "We start working to beat this guy right now."
Josh is leaning against the wall outside Leo's office. Toby walks by, and through some completely preverbal grunting communicates curiosity at Josh's presence. Josh tells him that he's there to speak with Leo, and Toby just grunts again as he drops a piece of paper on a desk and walks away. As Toby gets to the door, Josh tells him, "Could've used you out there." Toby looks at him and says, "Did okay without me." Josh makes the hurt-puppy-dog eyes he's so good at and tells Toby, "It's not the same." Toby just says "Good luck," and walks away. I found that exchange at least as painful as the fight.
Leo enters through an outside door. He asks if Josh saw Vinick's speech, and when Josh tells him he didn't, remarks that he's probably better off for having missed it. They walk into the Mural Room. Josh rips the bandage off all in one go: "Santos turned Russell down." Leo says, "Okay," and Josh wonders if that's not just a touch too mellow. Leo tells Josh to get Santos to change his mind, and Josh tells him, "It doesn't work like that." Suddenly, Leo has turned into the Emperor from Star Wars. He tells Josh that it does work like that, and when Josh lets Leo know that he told Santos to find a way to say yes, Leo just says, "You find it for him." Josh says, "You're not hearing me," and Leo replies, "You're not hearing me." I think I detect Jaime's hand in this scene. Leo tells Josh that Santos's magical mystery tour is over, and that it's time for him to return to reality and accept the Veep nomination. Josh is mustering up all his will to resist Leo, telling him, "It's not gonna happen." Leo tells him to make it happen, for Jed and for the party. Josh tells him that Santos "is twice the man that Russell is on his best day." And Josh would know. Leo, his dark powers temporarily defeated, tells Josh that he'll let Jed know, and then he walks from the room.
Annabeth runs into Toby's office. He's on the phone, and as he hangs up, he tells her, "You have to quit, and then get rehired. Leo wants you in California..." Presumably to do some kind of campaign or convention-related work. She cuts him off and tells him that Brock is releasing a story in the Times about the military space shuttle that is not being used to rescue the spacepeople. She thinks the paper would never publish the story without assurance that it was supported, which means that whoever leaked it was quite a high mucky-muck.
Cut to C.J., watching the Republican Convention wrap up on a monitor. Ominous music plays as the camera circles around her. I think she's stroking a long-haired white cat. Credits.