“ Susan: 'And if Writchie's strategy is what you say it is, won't Josh Lyman figure that out in five minutes?' Amy says that Donna will figure it out in five minutes; Josh in half that time. Well, I guess now we know she thinks Josh is exactly twice as sharp as Donna. I think on several fronts that's debatable. ”
Previously on The West Wing: POTUS lawyered up; Josh learned about Amy's study of balloon-animal-making; Leo convinced Jed they have to off Shareef.
Stackhouse, Amy, and a woman named Susan (Hey! It's Mad About You's Debbie Buchman!) appear to be coming out of another meeting at which there seems to have been some to-do. It hardly matters, since of these three, one we'll probably never see again, another we'll mostly hear about, and then there's Amy (anybody's guess). Susan and Amy seem to be at odds over strategy. Susan apologizes; Stackhouse -- who looks different than I remember; thinner, maybe, and younger somehow -- asks Amy if she accepts. Amy says that the apology was for him. Susan says that's right, and tells Amy, "Look, I believe in this particular case, on this particular point, you're the servant of two masters." Amy: "And as sexy as that possibility sounds, it's just not true, Susan." Susan is referring to Amy's relationship with Josh Lyman -- and C.J., and FLOTUS, and POTUS. And Howard? That's one seriously kinky arrangement. Whatever floats your boat down the Potomac, I suppose. Stackhouse wants to return to the issue: "I'm going out of my mind with you two!" Aw, wimmen! Sheesh.
Everyone sits down. Susan wants Stackhouse to call for federal funding of needle exchange in the five cities with the highest incidence of AIDS: "[Writchie] is giving you a perfect opening." This is apparently happening at the AMA, and Writchie's sent a copy of his text in advance. Stackhouse wants to know what Writchie's going to say. Susan reads, "'We ought to begin and end with abstinence.'" Yeah, because that's been working out really well. She continues, "'We ought to begin and end with personal responsibility.'" Things are especially good on that front, too. "'I'm appalled by inner-city programs that hand out clean needles to junkies and dope-doers in the name of AIDS prevention. And I will fight for a national law to end them.'" Maybe that moron Writchie would like to spend a few years working in an AIDS hospice, like some of us have, before he shoots his mouth off about things like that. Or actually talk to people involved in needle-exchange programs. Such programs are not perfect, but they're better than the alternative in more ways than one. I know he's just a straw man TV character but man, what a dumb shit. Stackhouse wants Amy's opinion. She says they're baiting the hook, which is why Writchie's people sent the text at all. Stackhouse: "But didn't I get in it to talk about things like this? Why not take the bait?" Amy explains that the bait is for Bartlet: Writchie wants Stackhouse to respond so that POTUS has to. Susan's annoyed; she thought the goal was to talk about issues that aren't being discussed, "not run pass blocking for the President!" Stackhouse thinks Susan has a point. He sees an opportunity to get into a debate: "If it was just me, nobody would be listening." Susan tells Amy, somewhat snottily, "I don't know why you think the Committee to Re-Elect needs us to protect them. And if Writchie's strategy is what you say it is, won't Josh Lyman figure that out in five minutes?" Amy says that Donna will figure it out in five minutes; Josh in half that time. Well, I guess now we know she thinks Josh is exactly twice as sharp as Donna. I think on several fronts that's debatable. Stackhouse: "Really?" Amy says it might take a little longer because the Mets lost last night and Josh will need to focus. Oh, goody! Sports!
The Red Mass
Cut to Josh at his desk, reading the paper and bitching to Donna about the Mets. He blathers on with a lot of Monday-morning shortstopping or whatever the baseball metaphor should be. She makes sympathetic noises and asks if he wants to see the wires. He rants some more. Donna: "It makes me nutsy." She tells him the wires are as follows: the latest on the Iowa standoff; final recommendations from the debate commission; and Writchie's comments to the AMA, which just ended. Josh asks for the AMA document, and Donna reminds him that he has a meeting with senior staff. Josh stands and dons his jacket, waxing on about how there comes a day when every man realizes he's never going to become a major-league ball player. Donna: "And you're just having that day today?" Josh is. He adds some more baseball yatter. Josh starts reading the AMA proceedings and trails off. Donna: "What is it?" Josh: "I know how Writchie's going to win this election." He walks off to his meeting.
Friday morning. Press briefing. C.J.'s been asked a question about the upcoming Red Mass. She says it's at 10:00 at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. She adds: "Which is also what they called my dorm room at college." I dunno, I have trouble imagining a savvy Press Secretary saying something like that. I have trouble imagining a male Press Secretary saying anything like that either. But I'm sure that's just me. I don't think that a press briefing should double as a standup routine. She takes a question from Katie, who wants to know when C.J. anticipates the debate issue being settled. I think Katie should get a storyline. All she ever gets to do is ask questions. I'm sure she has hopes, dreams, fears, loves...oh, whatever. C.J. says that the President thinks the more debates, the merrier. So far Writchie's trying to bargain Bartlet down from five debates to two; they're waiting for the Commission to make its recommendation. Katie also wants to know what they would consider a debate win for the President. C.J.: "At this point, participating in one would be a victory." Another reporter asks the same question again. C.J. answers, "Two hundred and seventy electoral votes." The reporter presses her, but C.J. just sidesteps and ends the briefing.
Out in the hall, C.J. runs into Sam and announces, "I know how Writchie's gonna win this election." Sam does too, but he wants to hear her way. C.J.: "Overcoming perversely low expectations. What's your way?" Sam: "By getting the President to run the Stackhouse campaign." She asks what happened. Sam says he's taking her to the meeting.
The Red Mass
Jed and Leo are in the Oval Office. They're yapping cryptically about something that sounds like a budget-related matter -- probably the tuition exemption. Charlie brings in the senior staff. Leo: "Toby, Josh, Merry Christmas. He says let's line up the validators." Jed: "And update our rsums." Leo: "Sam, that'll be you." Toby says he can do it. Leo says, "Stay on debate prep." Jed looks at Josh and says, "What? You're doing 'the face.'" Josh describes Writchie's remarks about needle-exchange programs and abstinence and personal responsibility. Toby would like someone to ask Writchie whether he's aware that needle exchange costs $9,000 for every infection stopped, while treating a person with HIV costs $200,000. I would like that, too. Toby adds, "I would like someone to ask him where the responsibility was in the paraphernalia laws that made it a crime for someone to buy or carry a syringe which is why addicts share infected needles in the first place." Well, that's not the only reason. Leo: "All done?" Toby: "For the moment." Josh says it's only an issue if Stackhouse responds. Sam: "Will he?" Josh doesn't know. Leo, impatiently, "Will he?" Josh doesn't know, but says that if he does, they can't come out for it, because Bruno thinks that will put three states back into play. C.J. says Ohio and Michigan, and Josh adds Maine. Jed: "They've always been iffy about me in Maine, I don't know why." Josh: "It's a mystery, sir." He adds that he can't come out against needle exchange, either: "You'll alienate..." Jed: "Heroin addicts?" Josh: "Liberals." Aw, same difference. Jed says whatever, worry about it if Stackhouse pipes up. Josh says okay, but warns that he'll be very worried if that happens. Jed asks whether there's anything else. Nope. The meeting breaks up.
Toby and C.J. pedeconference. Toby, bless his heart, is still on the needle exchange: "I'd like someone to ask him about the responsibility in cutting the drug treatment that would eliminate needle-related HIV. Half of all people who get infected by HIV are getting infected by the needle. I'd like someone to ask him how he thinks the personal responsibility plan's going so far." C.J. says she'll get on it, but she wants to talk about the debates. By now, they're back in Toby's office. He tells her that, when she mentions that they want five debates, she should say what they are: "One on the economy, one on foreign policy, with another on global threats and national security, one on the environment, and one on strengthening family life, which would include health care, education, and retirement. I also think there should be one on parts of speech and sentence structure, and one on fractions." Now, that I'd like to see. C.J., mildly: "Is there any chance that I'm going to get an opportunity to speak in this conversation, or are you just writing out loud?" Toby offers an adorably sheepish smile: "I didn't even know you were in the room." C.J. tells him she's absolutely terrified that they're going to lose the expectations game: "I can't believe how many times I get asked what would be a win in the debates. At this point I feel like if -- and only if -- Writchie accidentally lights his podium on fire does the President have a fighting chance." Toby disagrees. C.J. insists she's right: "If the whole thing is, 'he can't tie his shoelaces' and it turns out he can, then that is the ballgame." Toby believes it will take more than that. C.J.: "Not much more."