College Kids

Previously on The West Wing: Josh, Toby, and Donna missed their ride out of Indiana; Leo liked his lawyer, Jordan Kendall; a pipe bomb was set off at a university swim meet killing forty-four people; Toby met a man named Matt Kelley in a bar in Indiana; Leo informs POTUS that Qumar appears to be ready to frame Israel for Shareef's assassination.

Shout-out to flg8or. Also: there's a great deal of pedeconferencing and whirling camera work in this episode. If you're a little prone to motion sickness, you might want to fetch the dimenhydrinate now. I'm just saying. We'll wait.

We're in the Situation Room. The map display shows Qumar; as the displays shifts and the camera moves, it looks to me like it's supposed to be northeast of Saudi Arabia, placing it where the actual country of Iran is. Leo, Fitz, and Jed come in; Jed explains Nancy's absence by saying she's making some calls at his behest. Leo says he's told POTUS about the alleged parachute. It's established that Israel does in fact manufacture parachutes. Good ones. Jed speaks: "Listen, I know we're here for a serious purpose, for a sober purpose..." Why do I have the feeling that what he's about to say will totally belie that? He continues, "But I wanted to say I've never been a part of a street gang before, and that's basically what we are -- a pretty well-financed one -- but anyway, I wanted to say, it feels good. And I think when we're done with this meeting, I think we should go out and get girls, and I don't know, maybe knock over a fruit stand or something." Wow, that's incredibly humorous, except for the part where it's not at all. I don't know if I can adequately express how much I hope this isn't how any actual Presidents conduct themselves in this sort of situation. Fitz and Leo have exchanged brief glances by this point and Leo just says, "Okay," as they all sit down. Jed adds, "We're going to need to learn to sing and dance." Yeah, the whole thing is just like West Side Story, when you think about it.

Leo wisely ignores Jed and tells another guy, "The information's basically coming from the NSC Operations Unit." That guy reads what he says is a cell phone intercept between the Sultan and Habib: "'The Butcher of Kafr will have no choice but to resign.'" We've never been told, if I recall correctly, who Habib is. Also: the closed captioning renders it "Kafr" but the actor delivers the word as "Kaffar." I guess it's supposed to represent an actual place name (kafr means "small village"), but I can't help wondering if they were perhaps driving at the Arabic word kufr, which means "ingratitude to God and manifest disbelief in Him and His religion." One form of this word, meaning "disbeliever," is kafir, which many Muslims use to describe all non-Muslims (something I take issue with). It's a little confusing, because it's not clear (to me anyway) exactly who the "Butcher" is (Israeli? American? Arab of some stripe?), and of who/what exactly he is the Butcher. The kafr/kufr possibilities only add to the confusion. Another guy asks if they're sure that he's talking about Israel. The first guy repeats the message. Someone comes in with a message for POTUS as Leo says, "Well, the B-movie dialogue aside..."

Jed interrupts to announce that Toby and Josh are back. He explains to the posse what happened yesterday, with them missing their ride. I can imagine Jed asking to be notified about this, but I can't imagine why he thinks the posse would need to know or would care. Leo glares at Jed and says, "Doesn't matter." Turning back to the business at hand, Leo suggests assuming the Sultan goes to Al-Jazeera and claims that Shareef's plane didn't go down accidentally, and that it was brought down by the Israelis. He wants to know what options they've come up with so far. One guy: "Do nothing." Another guy says they can't do that. A third guy says they could call Qumar's bluff. Fitz points out they can't do that either, because Qumar's calling their bluff. He says that their option is to defend Israel. Jed -- who's apparently way more interested in the hapless wanderings of the DC Three than he is in the machinations of international crime that are going on around him -- asks Leo softly, "You're not curious why they're walking into DC?" Leo firmly says he isn't. Second Guy wonders what happens if Hezbollah launches a missile at Israel. Jed -- suffering from a pretty poorly-timed bout of attention deficit -- persists: "Walking into DC from where, I guess you gotta ask yourself." Leo, with quiet force: "You wanna hunker down?" Jed's reply: "Okay, just for that, when it comes down to give out gang nicknames, you're going to be...I don't know, but you're not going to have a good nickname." Oh, I think Leo will. He can either be Mack Daddy or Mos Def Con. Fitz is stuck with Admiral Sissy-Mary until I come up with something else. Master Killa J stands up (forcing everyone else to, of course), and launches into a typical anecdote about his daughter, Ellie, who had a teacher (Mr. Pordy) who had no interest in nuance. When he asked his class why there's always been conflict in the Middle East, Ellie said it was "'a centuries-old religious conflict involving land and suspicion and culture and...'" Her teacher cut her off: "'Wrong,' Mr. Pordy said. 'It's because it's incredibly hot. And there's no water.'" Jed starts to walk out as Mack Daddy thinks to himself that his story about the guy in the hole is a lot better than that one. As Jed leaves, he pauses and tells Leo, "I'm hunkered down. I'm going to East Lansing. We're going to need a lawyer." And credits.

C.J.'s talking to the press on Air Force One. It's 6:45 AM and they're over Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. She tells them there are over 120 news outlets covering POTUS's every move, but that only the cream of the crop rides with her: "The rest are consigned to the zoo plane where they do not have moist towelettes. This is why I'm so disappointed that with the exceptions of Terry, Mike, Mark, and Rachel, you all misspelled Muhziriabolah." That's how it's rendered in the closed captioning. That sounds like a pseudo-Arabic piece of nonsense if ever I heard any. Frink laughed when I repeated the name to him over the phone. There's just not even any point in getting into it. One reporter objects: "I'm on television." C.J. says she could tell it was misspelled in his copy. Nothing gets past her, man. Another reporter asks for an advance on the speech to the teachers. C.J.: "An advance copy of text? You must be new." Another one wants to know what POTUS will say about the pipe bombing. C.J. says that obviously he'll talk about it, but that she doesn't know what he'll say. She tells them they'll have fifty minutes to file stories while POTUS has a meeting with the Executive Board. She also tells them that he's spoken twice to Chancellor Bayliss, the president of the university, and has accepted an invitation to speak at the memorial service at KSU on Saturday. Another reporter wants to know if there's anything new from the FBI. C.J.'s still referring those questions to a rep at the FBI, but she does want to underline the initial finding that it doesn't appear to have been an act of foreign terrorism, based on the nature of the explosive. She says their flight is an hour and forty-five minutes, and then they have a forty-five minute ride to Michigan State, where the President is addressing delegates from the NEA for about twenty-five minutes. A reporter mentions that he notices Josh and Toby aren't on the plane: "Are they still at a gas station in Unionville?" Everyone laughs. C.J.: "No, they made it home and their mothers are very relieved. They've been given a four-hour vacation." She starts to leave the cabin area and then stops and says, "M-U-H-Z-I-R-I-A-B-O-L-A-H."

As C.J. walks though the plane, Bruno catches up with her and says they might get asked about Title IX; Writchie said yesterday it was worth re-examining, so Bartlet will get asked for a reaction. He suggests that C.J. may want to talk to Josh for "first thoughts." C.J. asks Bruno's. He claims to have none and to be indifferent. She says he can't be. He says he has to be: "I have only so much RAM in my head. I have to prioritize. I have to throw some things overboard. So I've chosen, for instance, not to care whether or not Purdue has a fencing team." Maybe if you offloaded some of your more idiotic and antiquated attitudes toward women you could make some room. Quite a lot, I'll bet.

Bruno takes off and runs into Sam, who introduces Bruno to Debbie Fiderer. Bruno gives her a warm and enthusiastic greeting. Chyeah. Bruno starts pedeconferencing as Sam follows and Debbie trails along. Bruno asks Sam whether he knows anything about the ruling that's about to come down today from the DC District Court regarding a debate case. Sam: "Yeah, I think it's Sullivan v. Commission on Presidential Debates, ABC, CBS, NBC News et al." Bruno: "This is the third-party rule? Fifteen percent?" Sam replies, "Happens every four years." Bruno sighs. Sam says there are, like, 500 citizen lawsuits trying to get their guy in the debate, and it never goes anywhere. Bruno says makes a compliant noise and turns around to face Debbie, who's been standing silently behind him. Bruno: "Fiderer's a funny name." She smiles and says nothing. He continues, "It's not ha-ha funny, it's just, you know..." Still she says nothing. Bruno gives up and leaves. Seems like she's found the way to make him very uncomfortable. I like her more and more.

Sam tells a staffer in the room to stay on the Sullivan decision. Sam explains to Debbie that it's a guy suing so that Stackhouse can be in the debate. Debbie thought Stackhouse was supposed to be endorsing POTUS. Sam says he will. She asks why he would be in the debate. Sam: "Presumably he's endorsing the President because he knew he wouldn't be." She asks how bad it would be. Sam: "It'd be bad." He adds, as they start pedeconferencing, "Which is why, even if he was allowed into the debate, he wouldn't do it. Stackhouse isn't trying to hurt the President." Think again. He wants to get back to her orientation, and tells her that Josh is going to brief her on security and ethics, and Charlie's going to tell her some things. He says she has provisional clearance now, pending the successful completion of the SF-86 and GC-1 background check. She asks what it is, and he says it's an extensive questionnaire on her background: personal, professional, financial, pharmaceutical, etc. She knows what the form is, but she asks what the GC-1 is. Sam explains that they contact family, friends, neighbours, and so forth to corroborate their findings. She says that's fine, but that she's worked at the White House before, and at her last job, the background check wasn't nearly as extensive. Yes, well, you weren't working on POTUS's doorstep before, either, and I would think the difference would be obvious to you. Sam interrupts: "You have a button on your phone -- a crash button." He explains that it's a button that will bring the Secret Service in and immediately turn her office into a live microphone in the event that someone tries to take the Oval Office: "This isn't your last job." C.J. calls Sam away, and he leaves her to ponder that.

Sam follows C.J. and enters a meeting room where Bruno and other staffers are already talking with POTUS. C.J. says that Bruno thinks they "dump the whole thing." Bruno: "I think forty-four people are dead and we can't give a speech on education." Sam is concerned that they'll look opportunistic if they talk about the Iowa bombing at a campaign event: "Plus, we're using the teachers like props." C.J. says that POTUS has to mention it. Sam agrees. Bruno: "There are dead children, and then you segue to what?" They don't know. They ask Jed's feelings. He says it's a seven-ten split, and asks them to work on it for a while. They will. He's going to his office to call Leo.

Back at the White House, Leo comes out to the security desk in the lobby -- where Jordan Kendall is signing in -- and instructs the guard to "let her on in." Jordan greets Leo; he says, "You look sensational in your Gabriella Something thing there." It's basically a nice suit. I love her necklace, though. She thanks him. He gripes: "'Cloak and dagger.'" They pedeconference as she counters that it was a single sentence in a two-page note. He's also irritated that she sent him a note. She says she was asked here on business which she usually conducts at her office. He says he was going to come there, but explains just how indiscreet he thought it would be for the Chief of Staff to be seen at her law firm. She just meant that she doesn't feel she's cut out for high-security, back-room secretive shenanigans: "It's like you're in the Mafia." Leo says it may be like that, but he's not in the Mafia: "I work for the good guys." Isn't it interesting how no matter who you are, or what crimes you commit, you always think you're the good guy? Jordan complains Leo was never available by phone. He says that's a whole other "kettle of beans," adding, "And we can have that discussion, but history's shown that if you just wait and tell it to a divorce lawyer, you can have half my stuff." Jordan doesn't want half his stuff. I'll take it, if she's not interested. Leo: "You don't know -- some of it's good stuff." For one thing, he's got all of Nigella's incredibly expensive cookbooks.

Leo and Jordan have been walking all over the building; she wants to know where they're going. He says it's someplace quiet where they can talk. He doesn't tell her it's the secret love nest he and Fitz steal away to when they think no one's looking. Jordan sees it: "The White House Situation Room?" Leo put his palm on a handprint scanner and opens the door, saying, "We just call it that." They enter, Jordan wondering aloud whether she's even allowed to be in there: "Look at this stuff." Leo glances at the map display and says, "It's a map of North America." He asks her where she's from; she says, "Lincoln, Nebraska." He asks someone via intercom to "throw an Opal Drill up on the wall" for Lincoln. The map display illustrates a first strike nuclear attack from Beijing and North Korea. The state of Nebraska is blown up (visually enlarged, I mean; not bombed), and you can see that various cities are directly hit. Lincoln isn't, so Leo starts to comment on how it survives the first strike, but then it gets hit, so he says, "Aw...no, not so much." I really don't care for how manipulative this is. Jordan seems to want to get on with things, too. At nine zillion dollars an hour or whatever she bills, I would think he would, too. He stands on one side of the table, she on the other. He says that they have to go beyond normal attorney-client privilege. Jordan says there are no degrees of attorney-client privilege. Leo's talking about state secrets with the highest degree of classification: "If you told anyone, you'd be convicted of treason and sent to prison, probably for life." Jordan: "No, I wouldn't." Leo admits that it's nothing like treason, but says that if she told anyone, it'd be bad. She wants to know what is going on. He pulls out a chair for her;she comes around the table to sit down, as he asks if she remembers that in May, Shareef's private plane went down in Bermuda, and all passengers were dead. She doesn't. He seems surprised. He explains that Qumar is investigating "the accident" because they suspect foul play. Leo states that they know Qumar is planning to frame Israel and is producing phony evidence. She asks how they know. He does that "I'm sorry?" thing that forces the questioner to repeat his or her comment ,which is done way more on this show than I ever bother to mention any more because it's getting so incredibly tired, but I'm going to mention it here because it just seemed more gratuitous than ever. He says: "Because we do." She starts to argue about that, but he states very clearly and evenly: "Jordan, we know any evidence of assassination is manufactured." She asks, "How?" For a brilliant legal mind she's a wee bit slow on the uptake here. Leo says, "'Cause we destroyed all the evidence." At that moment, someone interrupts him on the intercom saying she has POTUS on the line. Leo takes the call. "Yes, sir?"

Jed's calling on his way from the limo into the building where he'll make his speech. He asks Leo if "she's there." Leo says she is. Fortunately, Jed doesn't ask what she's wearing. Leo asks what Jed knows. Jed says that Casper (you remember Casper, the Unfriendly FBI Agent, of such swell episodes as "Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail" and "Bartlet for America") is with him and is going to talk to him; Jed will send him to Leo . Leo wonders what Jed's about to say; Jed doesn't know. He still has two minutes. They hang up. Jed reads from a letter Casper's handed him as they walk along: "'The bullying nature of the intrusive and invasive government of the United States has to be rendered quickly and decisively a wake-up call. And this opportunity...' What do you think of this letter?" Casper: "He's not Tom Paine." No matter how weak some of the writing and speeches by the "good guys" can sometimes be on this show, the bad guys' writing is always worse. Jed agrees about the Tom Paine thing. Casper says, "It's rhetoric common to separatists. They're telling us that English is his first language but that he's not very well-educated." I don't know. I encounter plenty of supposedly highly educated people who write that badly every day. Jed asks if it's credible. Casper says yes. Jed: "You guys think it was sent by the bomber?" Casper: "Or his group." They're not sure if there's a group. Jed says the end of the letter promises more. Casper acknowledges that the letter indicates "more" (violence, one presumes) in the forty-eight hours which, according to Casper, is what they always say. Jed stops and asks, "Unless what? That's where I'm confused." Casper: "They didn't make any demands, sir. This letter isn't a threat. It's an announcement." The camera is swirling around the two of them and I'm getting dizzy. Casper takes off.

Jed walks over to the table where Bruno and Sam and other staffers are doing some last-minute strategizing. He asks what they have. Bruno says, "'We will catch the perpetrators, we will track them down, we will punish them...' along those lines." Yeah, that's some great oratory, there. Jed looks at a paper -- the speech, I presume. Bruno ventures that it's too early for Rocky. Jed thinks so, and comments, "Plus, once you catch a perpetrator, you don't need to track him down." Sam says, "I told you, he likes the rhythm." They start walking, and Bruno says it was Sam's line. Sam says it's a dummy phrase -- a placeholder. Jed decides he's just going to talk a little bit. As he hustles up a flight of stairs with SS guys and staffers all around him, we can hear him being announced in the background. Sam says, "'Joy cometh in the morning,' sir." Jed thanks him.

Jed asks Leo how he did with Jordan. Leo: "She's a little wary, but I think she might be willing to go out with me again." Jed: "Yeah?" Leo: "But you meant the other problem." Lee indicates that she's a little wary. He says she's gone home to think. Jed wants to know what they've got in the way of stalling tactics. Leo: "A misinformation campaign." POTUS: "We oughta be good at that." Fitz : "Sir, State feels the Shareef was never comfortable with the Sultan's friendly relationship with the West." Jed: "State thinks he has a friendly relationship with the West?" Fitz replies: "The one-eyed man is king in a world of...whatever. We leak that Shareef used his U.S. trip as an opportunity to fly to Libya." Jed: "Shareef is now alive and well and living in Libya?" Fitz continues: "And planning to overthrow his brother, and install a fundamentalist regime." Jed's prepared to buy this: "Come back and tell me how we do it." They all get up. Jed walks to his desk and says, "Blind men. 'The one-eyed man is king in a world of blind men.'" Fitz thanks him and leaves. Charlie, exactly on cue, brings in Special Agent Casper.

Jed asks Casper what he knows. Casper: "We're ready to say the manuscript was credible. We ran a search using some more of the unique rhetoric or catchphrases and we found a match. A lot of it was lifted straight off the website of a separatist group called the Liberationist Cause, which is a splinter of the Patriot Brotherhood." Jed: "The internet has been a phenomenal tool for hate groups." What a clunky line, however true. ["I know my time on the internet has made me hate people a lot more." -- Wing Chun] Casper says they're working on some good leads. As he starts to leave, Jed asks, "Don't pipe bombs usually kill just two or three people?" Casper explains that so many people were killed because the bombs were set off indoors and there was a huge fire. Casper leaves. Jed walks around his desk to where Leo is standing and says, "Ten of those things under the bleachers at a baseball game?" Leo says they've got good leads. Jed says, "Okay." Leo goes back to his office. Jed calls Charlie in and says, "In ascending order of age, would you get my daughters on the phone, please?" Who talks like that? I guess I can puzzle over that during the break.

We hear the strains of the Barenaked Ladies's "One Week" as titles inform us that they're at the House of Blues in Cambridge, Massachusetts. It's a Rock the Vote concert, and lots of kids are screaming and bouncing up and down along with the band. ["To Barenaked Ladies? Kids, and not thirtysomethings in their Carlsberg years? Rating on the Credulity Strain-o-Meter: 6 out of 10." -- Wing Chun] Josh brings a couple of beers to the table where Toby's sitting and sits down. He shouts over the music that he just tried Stackhouse again. He's not returning the calls. Toby waves it off, saying it'll be fine. Josh says he's called twice. Toby waves it away some more. He says, "At $55,000, Matt Kelley's in the 27.5% bracket. Let's assume he takes the standard deductions and let's forget for a moment mortgage payments." His tax liability would be $13,300. Toby says that tuition at Notre Dame is $25,850: "Let's throw in books, room and board, and it's $34,000." Josh: "We're saying books are tax-deductible, too, right?" I know he's talking about books for college, but I can't even begin to tell you how perfect my life would be if all book purchases were tax-deductible, especially if the deduction could be used to create a refund. The government would owe me so much freaking money. Man, that'd be sweet. Toby says he personally thinks that beer should be tax-deductible: "But we'll live to fight another day." Josh: "So with one kid in college, Matt Kelley's tax liability just dropped from $13,300 to $3,800?" This comment is timed to coincide with the end of the song and the resultant whooping and cheering. Josh says, "If we can get this done, it'll be a good day's work." Toby says, "Let's take it to C.J. when she gets off."

We hear C.J.'s voice in the background announcing the Barenaked Ladies. We see her onstage, wearing the hell out of jeans and a "Rock the Vote" t-shirt. You can see a little scrap of her midriff, although the outfit's certainly no Paige Davis special. C.J. describes the band as "helping out in the labour/delivery room of American democracy, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts." ["Which is good of them considering they're all CANADIAN. Shut up, Barenaked Ladies." -- Wing Chun] The crowd cheers. C.J.: "Twenty-five years ago, half of all eighteen to twenty-four-year-olds voted. Today it's 25%. Eighteen- to twenty-four-year-olds represent 33% of the population but only account for 7% of the voters. Think government isn't about you? How many of you have student loans to pay?" The crowd responds enthusiastically. "How many have credit-card debt? How many want clean air and clean water and civil liberties? How many want jobs? How many want kids? How many want their kids to go to good schools and walk on safe streets?" The crowd goes wild. But...how many people don't want that? C.J. continues: "Decisions are made by those who show up! You gotta rock the vote!" Her hands have been getting higher and higher in the air, exposing more of her abdomen. While I'm sure the audience is enjoying it, I can't believe any White House press secretary would appear at a public event and expose his or her midriff. Do you even want to see Ari Fleischer's midriff? Moreover, is Rock the Vote supposed to be a partisan organization? Obviously, it seems to attract and seek out Democratic supporters and benefactors. But would it really happen that the Press Secretary for the existing administration would get to take the stage and basically do a generic commercial for her side? Whatever.

Jed and Leo are walking on the portico. Leo tells him, "Casper's got something." They meet him outside, where Casper tells them, "Three hours ago, Sheriff's deputies in Johnson County, Iowa, surrounded a house when they were tipped off that several men in their twenties had been buying all the pseudoephedrine they could get their hands on. Three of the stores they went to were owned by the same man." Jed: "Allergy medicine?" Casper explains, "Allergy medicine with tractor starter fluid strained through a coffee filter is methamphetamine." Jed: "Tractor starter fluid doesn't kill you?" Casper: "No, it'll definitely kill you, but first you'll get pretty high." Leo says the deputies were shot at from the house, and that the address and names of the occupants match some names they've linked to the Patriot Brotherhood. Jed asks Casper, "We have reason to believe they're connected to KSU?" Casper says, "They're telling us they are. They're also telling us they have Mac-10s, MP-5s, and Car-15s." Jed: "Are there kids inside?" There are. Jed: "All right. Let's get the Director and the Attorney General. We only go in on my order, okay? It'll be my order." Casper leaves.

Jed and Leo start walking as Jed says, "You just knew it was going to end up like this." They enter the Oval Office where Funkmaster Funky Fitz (Triple F) is waiting for them. Jed: "Allergy medicine and tractor fluid, we're getting high on now." Unflappable, Triple F asks, "All right...you guys getting strippers or something?" Mos Def Con asks, "How do we do it?" Meaning Qumar, not get strippers. Triple F: "Basically, Langley manufactures documents, photographs, audio messages, even a body double if necessary." Master Killa J wants to know: "Is this going to get ridiculous?" The Funkmaster: "Absolutely." Master Killa J shoots Mack Daddy a look. Triple F: "We make sure agents in Iraq, Syria, and Iran get a whiff of the story, and word inside and outside of the palace spreads." Master Killa J asks, "We'll see it on Al-Jazeera?" Triple F: "If we do our jobs." Master Killa J: "No disinformation to U.S. press, right? We don't give disinformation to American press?" No, they'll just get the whole unvarnished truth. He adds, "Unless it's about my medical history?" Triple F says, "Yes, sir." Master Killa J gives him the go-ahead. The Funkmaster leaves. Master Killa J stares ahead of himself and says, "All this posturing is a preamble to something." Leo asks, gesturing with his head toward his office, "You ready to say hello?" Jed: "Why not?"

Jordan is sitting soberly in Leo's office. Jed comes in and asks her, "What do you think?" She does the "I'm sorry?" thing, and then says she doesn't know. She states that she's very uncomfortable with this new knowledge. Jed: "That makes three of us." Jordan starts to say that she hasn't really had enough time to think about it, and Jed gestures, saying, "Take all the time you want." He walks halfway around the chair behind which he was standing and asks, "You done yet?" She's not amused by the Flip Wilson routine and asks, "You understand domestically you're looking at possible injury to separation of powers; internationally, a possible war-crimes charge? At the very least, we'd be wading up to our necks into unprecedented legal waters, exposing the Presidency to culpability undreamed-of by the creators of the UN and the U.S. Constitution?" Jed: "Well, that makes us groundbreaking, doesn't it?" Feel free to abdicate your throne as the King of De Nile anytime and come back to the Presidency. Jordan: "Mr. President, I've defended guilty people before, but I've never had a client that was willing to admit the crime, but didn't expect to go to trial." Jed: "More groundbreaking." Jordan: "Due respect, Mr. President, this isn't funny." Jed: "Due respect, Ms. Kendall: I'm the last person to whom that needs to be pointed out." Then try acting like it. He says, "And Article 51 of the United Nations Charter says every nation has a right to wage war to defend itself." Jordan counters, "The article's incumbent on wars being declared." Jed snorts softly and hesitates before saying, "Wars don't work like that anymore." He gets up. She does, too and says, "Laws work like that." Jed: "Forty-four people are dead in Iowa, and most them college kids. Shareef has murdered Americans in uniform. He's murdered Americans out of uniform. He was trying to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge, and I didn't have time to file an amicus brief." She asks, "How can justice that has to be served in secret be justice?" His answer: "I don't know. I'm working on that." Jordan says that, at the moment, she's having trouble foreseeing the exact legal consequences on the international stage. Jed asks why. She replies, "Because most of international law doesn't exist yet." He says, "That's what I was hoping you'd say." As he heads back to his office, he says, "I want there to be justice. That's why I'm talking to a lawyer. Anyway, I just came in to say hello." He leaves, and Leo kind of twists his mouth at Jordan.

Jed calls for Charlie and tells him he's heading back to the residence. Charlie asks whether he has a moment for Debbie. Jed: "Oh, God. Yeah." She comes in and stands before his desk. Jed: "Arsenic?" Debbie: "You gotta give me points for...nothing. There's nothing you can give me points for. I don't get any points." Jed, packing his briefcase: "No." She says, "I sincerely apologize. It was a higher environmental cancer risk than Chernobyl. We spend $20 million a year on strategic milk reserves, we can't toss..." Jed asks, "Why couldn't you have stopped with 'I sincerely apologize'?" She sees now that she should have. He contends, "Your argument is totally farkakteh, by the way. The World bank has a $17 billion budget contributed by a hundred...ah, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it." Debbie says, "'Don't worry about it,' huh? I don't know what that means." Jed heads for the door as he says she can keep her job. She replies, "Great. Why?" Jed stops at the door and says unenthusiastically, "Why? Because you knock me out, that's why." She asks how she did that. Maybe he's a sucker for an arsenic-laced threat. He sets his briefcase down at the door, comes back to his desk, and picks up her letter, reading the sentence about the arsenic. He then says, "'President Bartlet.' You referred to me and the office with respect. You're a class act." He walks out as she thanks him. As he picks up his briefcase, he mutters, "Whackjob," loudly enough for her to hear. After the SS agent closes the door, we see her throw up her hands in celebration. Oh, for crying out loud. As if this would ever take place even in a pre-September 11th White House, never mind the post-September 11th one. Yeah, I know September 11th never officially "happened" on this show, but every word since has been written as if it did. I'm pretty sure "whackjobs" don't get hired to assist the President. They get into the House and Senate, sure. But they don't get to be secretaries. Rating on the Credulity Strain-o-Meter: 9.9 out of 10.

Aimee Mann sings James Taylor's "Shed a Little Light" at the concert: "Let us turn our thoughts today/ To Martin Luther King/ And recognize that there are ties between us/ All men and women/ Living on the Earth/ Ties of hope and love/ Sister and brotherhood..." ["In light of Bartlet's NEA speech, I should think her 'Enough' would be a better choice." -- Wing Chun] Donna's talking to Josh at a table. It's not as dark as in the other concert scenes. She says, "It's not the fault of women's sports; it's the fault of football." Josh thinks not: "Football pays for all the other sports." Donna, who seems a tad drunk: "There are fifty-three players on an NFL team." There are? Holy...what the hell do they all do? Wait, I just remembered that I don't care. But had you asked me to guess I would have said...I don't know, half that. Donna continues: "The University of Colorado has 130, eighty-five of whom are on full scholarship." Criminy. "I'm all for backups and substitutes, but can't the guy who's fourth from the depth chart at right outside linebacker also be fourth from the depth chart at left outside linebacker?" I got the gist of that sentence, but even if you held a gun to my head I couldn't tell you what "fourth from the depth chart at right outside linebacker" and "fourth from the depth chart at left outside linebacker" mean. Donna: "If a college football cut back to seventy scholarships, they'd still be three deep at every position and have a fourth string punter and a place kicker. Fifteen scholarships -- that's a wrestling team." She takes a drink of beer.

Josh is sort of listening, but he's spotted Amy coming into the concert across the room, so he excuses himself and makes his way toward her as Aimee Mann sings, "There is a feeling like the clenching of a fist/ There is a hunger in the center of the chest." Amy too, is wearing jeans and a Rock the Vote t-shirt, although she's seen fit, for reasons best known to herself and God, to make hers all "punked out" with a strategic V-neck rip and the sleeves torn off and the shoulder fabric pinched together in some fashion. She and Josh meet; she smiles and says hi. Josh: "What are you doing up here?" She says she does some work for Rock the Vote. Josh says it's a great event. She says he looks good. Josh: "Yeah?" She says no; he looks tired. Josh: "Well, you look good." Amy: "Yes, I know." She heard about the motorcade thing. He says it took them twenty hours to get out of Indiana, but that they met the coolest Plot Device, so it was totally worth it. "You should have been with us. You'd have had fun." Yeah, I bet she'd have been super-impressed with your time-zone freakout. They seem very uncomfortable together. I mean, more than usual. Obviously, they haven't been seeing each other. Amy says she doesn't know what to say about the pipe bombing. Josh says there's nothing to say. They both talk at the same time, Josh saying he was trying to call Stackhouse at the same time as Amy says softly, "I miss you." They both try to figure out what the other one said. Amy wins: "You said you called Howard?" Josh says he hasn't heard back. She asks if he was calling about Sullivan. Josh says they're not returning his calls and asks, "I shouldn't be nervous, right?" Amy says he should, and smiles at him. Josh: "Did you say you missed me?" Amy: "Josh..." Josh: "What do you mean, I should be nervous?" Amy: "We're considering..." Josh: "'We'?" Amy: "Stackhouse..." Josh says that the District Court said Stackhouse can appear in the debates: "Is Stackhouse...under new management?" Amy says that debate prep has been offered to her. I hope she can come up with some better arguments than we've heard out of her in the last year. Josh is getting pissed: "This is not, not the deal we made with them. In one week he is supposed to endorse the President." Amy says Stackhouse never thought he'd get in the debate. Josh: "He's not!" Josh struggles to understand what Stackhouse is doing with Amy's position. She snaps, "I don't know! It's all happening fast! It's just today! I'm considering it." She sighs. Josh repeats that it wasn't the deal they had. He walks away. Amy says in a quiet, miserable way: "I miss you." Well, for those who don't like her -- and I know your numbers are legion -- at least that was brief, and the line delivery wasn't as typically tetanoid. And hey, she seems unhappy, so here's a big steaming serving of Schadenfreude. Dig in.

Back at the table, Sam, C.J., and Toby are talking. Everybody is a dark, glowing red. Sam is saying, "You gotta ask yourself, multi-million-dollar bonuses are deductible and not tuition?" C.J. says it's because corporations donate to all the members of the tax-writing committees. Sam says it was a rhetorical question: "I knew you knew the answer." C.J. says that Writchie's already coming after them for politicizing the budget: "Plus, Leo hates to make policy through tax code because then we can't do any kind of reform without unravelling it." Josh returns to the table. Sam asks, "Was that Amy?" Josh says it was, and tells them that if the Sullivan decision is upheld, Stackhouse wants to get into the debate and isn't going to endorse the President. Sam: "Had to see that coming." Well, apparently they didn't. Josh gets up to call Bruno. Sam insists that the court will stay the effect and that Stackhouse won't be in the debate: "Josh'll take care of it. Anyway, college tuition." C.J. says: "Another reason not to do it." Toby says there are lots of reasons not to do it, and then begins waxing on about Matt Kelley and tells them the whole story. He concludes: "There are a lot of reasons not to do it, but during the first campaign, the President said there are two kinds of politicians." Sam: "The ones who try to say 'yes,' and the ones who try to say 'no.'" Toby: "We're going to throw these guys out, 'cause they want to say 'no.'" C.J.: "Well, I guess if we're going to get thrown out, I don't want it to be for that. Let's take it to Leo." Sam looks across the room at Josh, who's on the phone, and gives him a thumb up. Josh returns the gesture. Toby wanders off.

We hear a phone ringing as a camera looks down from above a roof into the window of a house. A woman answers and says, "Matt? Matt, it's for you. A man named Toby Ziegler. Do you know him?" Matt takes the phone. Toby says, "Matt? It's me, from last night." Matt growls that if Toby doesn't stop bothering him, he's going to get a restraining order. No, we don't hear what he says, but based on Toby's reply, we can tell he asks if they got home okay. Toby then says, "Let me tell you what we're working on..." as the picture fades to black and Aimee Mann sings, " Oh, let us turn our thoughts today/ To Martin Luther King..." Yes, let's.