The Midterms

Previously on The West Wing...well, the Prez and Josh got shot. You might have heard about that.

On speaker phone, Josh says, "It's called the theory of everything." Catchy name. We fade up on C.J.'s office as she asks, "Is it comprehensive?" From his hospital bed, Josh is instructing her to lead with a story about physics. She finally says she will, just to shut him up. It doesn't work; he asks her to repeat the story back to him. C.J. says, "Psychics at Cal Tech and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab are close to announcing --" Josh cuts her off: "Physicists! Theoretical physicists at Cal Tech!" Oh good, because that confused me. C.J. says she'll jot that down, and that "if it was psychics, I'd lead with it," as she heads out the door. Josh continues muttering on speaker while C.J. tells her secretary, "Let Josh rant a little before you hang up the phone." Toby calls C.J.'s name as she hurries past, and C.J. responds, "Yes, ma'am?" Toby ignores this, or maybe he didn't notice it, since I sure didn't the first time. They pedeconference, and Toby tells her that the consumer price index went up an unprecedented 0.7 percent in one month. C.J. practices her response, which is to claim that the CPI isn't a reliable indicator: "It doesn't include some regular household items, computers..." Toby adds that it doesn't make allowances for technical improvements like airbags, "which increase the price of the car very slightly, but provide a much greater value to the consumer." Toby then drops out of the relay and is replaced by Leo, whom C.J. calls "Leopold." He tells her to mention that there are going to be some changes in the underwriting criteria for the Federal Housing Administartion. C.J. says, "Well, the network's gonna want to break in with special coverage for that." Leo is not amused as she goes on to say, "They're going to want time to put together a logo and theme music." Leo passes the baton to Sam, who calls after C.J. "Holy interruptus, Batman!" she gripes. Sam tells her that Congressman Grant Samuels died. C.J. asks if he's really dead, since apparently Sam has told her that before. "Somebody poked him a little to see --" she asks, and Sam snaps, "He died, C.J.!" She apologizes for joking. Then Sam adds, "I'm almost certain he's dead..." and when C.J. complains, he says, "I was making a joke, too! What, you work alone?" Sam gives C.J. all the info on Samuels' surviving family members. C.J. asks if Sam knows about theoretical physics. Much to my surprise, Sam says, "Ah, the Grand Unified Theory!" But that's actually all he knows. I just saw this joke on Angel. Sam dodges down a different hallway as C.J. finally makes it to the press room.

C.J. takes the podium, announces Samuels' death, rattles off the names of his wife and children, and mentions that there's news about the CPI and the FHA. Yeah, I know: BFD. C.J. says, "As a special treat for our friend Josh Lyman, who's recovering very nicely at GW, the President's science advisor is telling us that psychics at Cal Tech and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab..." In his bed, Josh begins banging his head against the headboard. Ow. As the theme music swells, C.J. says, "You know what, I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be 'physicists.'" Credits, please.

The title cards inform us that it's August 14th, twelve weeks before Election Day. Oh, that kind of midterm. I was worried that this episode was going to focus on Zoey taking exams. The staff is discussing polling data. Before the Prez was shot, their approval rating was at 51 percent. Now it's at 81 percent. C.J. suspects that the numbers are soft. Enter the Prez, who immediately asks if anyone can define the word "alcalculia." Sam pipes up that it's "an inability to perform arithmatic functions." There's a beat, and Sam says, "I'm sorry, Mr. President, you wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?" The Prez says he'll get over it, and when Sam says that's a mature response, the Prez tells him to shut up. "You're not over it yet, are you?" Sam asks as they all sit down. The conversation goes back to their approval rating. Sam says that when respondents are asked whether they believe Bartlet or the Republican leaders in Congress have a better approach to "important national problems," the Prez only has 61 percent on his side. The Prez summarizes all this by saying, "Well, nineteen percent of the country has clearly made up their minds about me; twenty percent just feel sorry for me. Which you want if you're the leader of the free world." Some nameless consultants say that the Democrats might be able to gain control of the House, as well as winning two more Senate seats, "as well as two Governorships and maybe a half-dozen state Houses." They discuss which races they should focus on.

Cut to Charlie, on the phone. He appears to be ignoring Margaret, who is talking about alcalculia, and who can blame him? Zoey enters, and asks where Mrs. Landingham is. Margaret says Mrs. L. is at a funeral. Possibly Mandy's. Margaret says that the Prez is in the Roosevelt Room, but Zoey says she's there to see Charlie. Margaret then asks if Zoey can define alcalculia, and Zoey answers, "Yes, because I got it at breakfast." Charlie hangs up the phone. Margaret says that Mrs. L. asked her to ask Charlie to call tech support about her (Mrs. L.'s) computer. Good grief. I love Mrs. L., but I think she could do that herself. Especially since Charlie isn't her personal assistant. Anyway, Margaret instructs Charlie to ask for someone named Andrew Mackintosh, since he's the only one Mrs. L. trusts to mess with her computer.

Charlie heads out, and Zoey follows. Zoey says that Charlie didn't return her calls. Charlie says he was working, and by the time he got her message it was late. Zoey smiles and says, "I don't mind being woken up." Charlie responds, "Now I know that." Zoey stops short and says, "Now you know that? We have been dating for nine months." They have? Wow. Charlie says she has to join the meeting, and enters the Roosevelt Room.

C.J. asks if she can say something about the shooting. "It's been a week, and I think the honeymoon is about to be over." She says that they don't want to look like they're taking advantage of the situation. Toby wants to know why not. He says, "The entire country was the victim of domestic terrorism. Why not use the soft numbers before they disappear, and go after the guns and go after the hate groups?" C.J. says that it wouldn't look good. Toby says he thinks it would look good. C.J. says, "Well, you work for the White House, Toby; I think we were counting on your support either way." The Prez tells C.J. that if she's asked about the midterms, she should say that "we haven't thought that far ahead due to recent events." Bwa ha ha! Oh, sorry. But I don't think that the Washington press corps would swallow that one. And they'll make the White House staff look really stupid if that's all you give them to report. I'm just saying: bad plan. Anyway, Leo adds that if anyone asks about the relationship between the shooting and Prez's approval rating, C.J. should say that "the President's deeply gratified by the support, but eager to focus on the issues." Toby asks what the issues are. The Prez gathers up his papers and says, "I'll let you know." Charlie hands the Prez a note as the room starts to clear. The Prez asks if Zoey is still outside, and Charlie says he doesn't know. Charlie exits, and the Prez steps into the hall to chat with Leo.

The Prez asks, "Did you know [that] Elliot Roush is running for the school board in Manchester?" Leo says that he didn't, and what's more, he doesn't know who Elliot Roush is. The Prez says, "I beat him in my first congressional campaign." Leo says, "I can't believe I didn't commit that piece of arcane information to memory." The Prez asks Leo to get polling numbers on the school board race. Leo suggests that this would be a distraction from more important matters. The Prez snaps, "Yeah, 'cause looking at two numbers on a piece of paper really takes the life out of me." Leo is not intimidated. The Prez says he's willing to go to Manchester immediately. Leo is horrified, and says that fourteen doctors have agreed that the Prez shouldn't go campaigning for another week. The Prez huffs, "Get away from me." Leo does.

Sam goes out toward what I'll just guess is the West Wing's foyer, and greets someone named Tom. Tom introduces his wife, Sarah. Apparently Tom's an old friend, since Sam says, "You got married!" Tom allows that they've also got a baby on the way. Sam asks Sarah, "Is it his?" Everyone laughs, but if I were Sarah, I wouldn't be too pleased with either Sam or Tom right now. As they head back to Sam's office, Sam tells Sarah, "Tom and I had a contracts professor at Duke who couldn't stand me." Then Sam interrupts the reminiscence to ask if they've ever been to the White House before. They haven't, and Sarah says that they were hoping for a tour. As the stroll along, Sam gestures, "That's my office over there, and the President works in that round room over there, and nobody else really matters." Okay, can I just interrupt here to mention that a cricket has taken up residence in the stairwell of my apartment building? The stairwell provides some great acoustics for that cricket. It sounds like there are ten thousand of them chirping outside my door. I am going to go insane soon. Just wanted you to know.

Anyway, Sam leads them into the Mural Room, and identifies it as such. Sarah asks, "Can you tell us anything about it?" Sam replies, "It's called the Mural Room...have a seat." They do, and Sam says that he's talking to them because the Democratic Campaign Committee asked him to. Sam mentions that man who was going to run for Grant Samuels' seat isn't going to now. He says, "Tom, you are a phenomenally attractive Democratic candidate for that district." Then he uses a baseball metaphor, the point of which is that women are the swing vote in Tom's district. "Specifically, young mothers, among whom the number one issue is crime." He goes over Tom's rsum, and mentions that he's a successful prosecutor in the DA's office. "You're active in local politics. You are personable. You are articulate and energetic. You are married and you are having a baby." Sarah pipes up, curious about the fact that Sam seemed surprised to hear she was pregnant, but is now acting as if he already knew. Sam explains, "There's very little information about your husband that I don't have. Tell your mom happy birthday for me." Sarah looks bewildered, but not as creeped out as I would be right about now. Sam pledges, "Tom, you will have the full weight of the Democratic National Committee, the Congressional Campaign Committee, the minority leader, whom we hope to make the majority leader, and the President of the United States. What do you say? You want to run for Congress?" Tom asks how much time he has to think about it. Sam says, "Five minutes. I'll be outside."

Meanwhile, Toby is mad at C.J. because she didn't support him during the meeting. "You don't think we should use this moment to get aggressive about guns and hate groups?" he asks. C.J. opines that it's unseemly to exploit the situation. Toby barks, "We didn't get the country drunk, C.J. We're not taking advantage of anybody, and even if we were, who cares?" C.J. tells him that if he wants to do this, he has to convince the Prez, not her. As they reach Toby's office, he says that he will. C.J. starts to leave, then turns to say, "I've gotten a lot of calls about pieces people want to do on how staffers are handling the shooting and the aftermath." She says that she doesn't think it's a good idea. Toby agrees: "We're not the story." "That's what I'm sayin'," C.J. replies. Toby tells her to leave him alone, and she exits.

It's kind of surreal to watch this show and see all the Virginia campaign ads during the breaks. Especially the Republican ads, since you have to figure The West Wing's audience is probably leaning to the left a little.

After the ads, it's September 5th, nine weeks before Election Day. Toby strides through the bullpen and says, "Bonnie, Ginger -- I've got it!" They congratulate him, and he calls for Sam. While the camera follows Toby, we hear this exchange between Bonnie and Ginger: "Do you know what?" "No." Toby tells Sam that he's got it. Sam doesn't know what he means, either. "How to avoid the appearance that we're randomly and generically going after extremist groups in violation of their civil liberties." Sam reads my mind by saying, "We can avoid that by not doing it." Toby excitedly replies, "Yes, or with this. The shooting was the action of not one, but at least three, card-carrying members of West Virginia White Pride." Sam is surprised to hear that WVWP issues membership cards. Toby says it was an expression, and goes on, "The key phrase is 'at least three members.' There might be more! We don't know!" Sam clarifies that Toby wants the FBI to use this as an excuse to investigate all extremist organizations. Toby says, "How do we know that, whatever, Young Nazis of Delaware, weren't co-conspirators?" Sam chuckles, "It's not an uncommon way to get around the Bill of Rights, Toby. I'm surprised it took you three weeks to come up with it." I appreciate that we're meant to think that Toby's change of character is his way of dealing with the shooting, but...I'm having trouble swallowing it. Toby says he's taking his proposal to Leo, and abandons Sam when he catches sight of Donna nearby.

Toby asks if Donna's going to visit Josh. When she admits that she's taking him his lunch, Toby asks if he can tag along. She's journeying from the White House to Georgetown to make sure he eats his chicken soup? Someone should tell Donna there's a thing called "delivery service" that Josh could probably take advantage of. The woman makes Alex the Stroh's dog look like a complete slacker. Donna says that Toby can't come, and that he knows the rules. Toby says the rules are dumb. Donna responds, "He's recovering from an attempted murder, he's supposed to be resting, and I don't want people going over there and getting him fuhtushed." Toby corrects her, "Fartoost. Don't bring the Yiddish unless you know what you're doing." There's the Toby we know and love. Donna says, "You know what word should be Yiddish but isn't? 'Spatula.' Also, 'far-fetched.'" Toby tries to explain why he wants to talk to Josh. Donna says, "He's got the papers you wrote, he's got the materials you've sent him, you talk to him on the phone ninety-three times a day." Toby tries one more time, but Donna stomps off, saying, "Maybe if you hadn't said the rules were dumb."

Zoey pops into Leo's office and says that she's looking for the Prez. Leo says that the Prez is making campaign calls from the residence. When Zoey wonders why he isn't doing that in the Oval Office, Leo explains, "Your father has a very strict interpretation of something called the Pembleton Act, which prohibits campaign donations to be solicited [sic] on government property." Zoey thinks that it's impractical for the President to make calls from a pay phone, and observes that the residence is, technically, government property, too. "So why does he bother?" she asks. Leo gives his standard excuse for anything the Prez does: "Because your father is a demented, demented man." He says he's headed for the residence, and asks Zoey if she'd like to tag along. She would. As they move on, Zoey starts to ask, "These last few weeks, do you feel like Charlie's been --" Leo, no fool, immediately cuts in with, "Nope."

The Prez is sitting on his bed, holding a phone, and telling C.J., "The guy is polling at 46 percent!" C.J. is surprised to hear there are polls for a board of education race. The Prez says he had "our guys" conduct the poll. I can't help but wonder who paid for that. As C.J. asks, "Do you think you're becoming obsessed with this race?" we can see that the Prez is also watching a soccer game on TV. The Prez responds, "You don't take these people seriously 'cause they don't get anywhere nationally, but they don't have to! All they have to do is, bit by little bit, get themselves on boards of education and city councils. Because that's where all the governing that really matters to anybody happens." Since it's never stated explicitly, I'm pretty sure that "these people" means Christian Coalition stealth candidates who hide key points of their platform. C.J. observes, "We do a little governing here, Mr. President." The Prez bitches about how he's on hold with someone who's name has on an index card, and then wonders why he's on hold. C.J. says that he isn't; he finished the call. The Prez asks how the call went. "Very well," C.J. says.

Zoey and Leo enter, and are incensed to hear that Roush is polling at 46 percent. Wait, I lied. They don't care. Leo tells the Prez, "Leave Elliot Roush alone; you beat him already." The Prez responds, "He's come back. Like crabgrass pulled from the lawn. Not by the root but by the other thing." "Leaf"? Just a guess. Leo asks how the calls are going, is told that they're going well, and starts to leave, but C.J. gestures at him to wait. The Prez asks if Zoey wants to talk to him, and she says, "Not if you're in this mood." With a sigh, the Prez sets down his orange juice and tries to explain: "This is real. And a man who makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a Barbara Walters special is now polling at 46 percent in your school district, for which I have personally baked things to raise money." C.J., delighted, asks, "You baked things?" The Prez tells her that she can go. She and Leo exit while Zoey chats with her dad. In the hallway, C.J. tells Leo that she's still getting asked about "aftermath stories." Leo says not to do it. C.J. says, "I know that, but I was wondering..." Her beeper interrupts, and she mutters, "This isn't going to be good." Leo asks what she was wondering about, but C.J. tells him not to worry about it. Leo exits, and C.J. picks up a phone.

Toby is harassing Sam in the bullpen. He reads, "Step three: public disclosure of membership and contributor rolls for all organizations on the Attorney General's list of hate groups. This allows the American public to know who these people are, and where their funding is coming from." Sam brings up that pesky right to free association. Which is what allows me to bring up things like crickets while discussing a television program. Doesn't it? Sam points out, "Laws like this were passed in the South during the civil rights movement to root out members of such terrorist organizations as the NAACP." Toby says he knew Sam was going to say that. Sam doesn't care, and goes on to mention that the Supreme Court said such laws were unconstitutional. Toby, who really has lost his mind, says, "That was an ultra-activist Warren Court that struck down those laws, and I think they'd see it differently today." I'm not saying he's wrong, but this is so un-Toby-like that I'm waiting for the rest of the staff to try and peel off his face mask and reveal that Toby has been replaced by an alien impersonator. Sam comes close to that when he shouts, "Toby, you're an ultra-activist!" Toby shouts back, "And I was shot at, and so I'm acting! Right now!" C.J. approaches, and Sam tells her, "He wants everyone to have to register affiliation with the FBI." C.J. asks Toby if he has any problems with the First Amendment. "I'll get around them," Toby grumps as he leaves.

C.J. and Sam stroll on as C.J. says that there's a problem with the prosecutorial record of Tom Jordan, the guy Sam convinced to run for Congress. Sam says Tom's record is great, and C.J. responds, "Not during jury selection." She explains, "Your friend likes white juries for his black defendants." Sam rightly points out that Tom is a prosecutor, and C.J. rightly responds, "Not anymore. Now he's a politician, and this needs a save, so get into it, would you?" She leaves Sam looking a tad forlorn as we fade out.

Does anyone else wonder if they're going to have a special Halloween episode of The West Wing? There are plenty of White House ghost stories they could use. They could all have spooky experiences, and the Prez could see Lincoln's ghost, and then it could turn out to be Zoey and Charlie trying to scare them. Wacky hijinks galore! Just a suggestion.

Now it's the evening of October 20th, three weeks till Election Day. I never realized how long these commercial breaks were. Charlie is telling the Prez about the stock market in Japan, which is every bit as enthralling as you'd expect. The Prez asks if he's done for the night, and Charlie says there are a few phone calls to make. The Prez looks at the list and says that they're campaign calls. Charlie says, "Mr. President, why don't you stay in your office and make the damn..." Whoops. The Prez looks every inch the disapproving father as he stares at Charlie. He finally says, "Because I choose not to, Charlie. Because however an empty gesture it may seem, I would like to take some executive notice of the notion that it's probably not a good idea for the most powerful and influential person in the world to be calling up the people whose laws he signs, and asking them for money! I'm going to do it, but not behind this desk, and not in this room. What else?" Charlie, understandably cowed, says that the Prez may be hosting a reception for talk radio hosts on November 7th. The Prez takes the list of calls to be made and asks Toby to tell C.J. to come by in an hour. Charlie really needs a hug. You can tell.

Charlie walks down the hall and peers into the Roosevelt Room. He enters and addresses someone we can't see by asking, "Are you a Cabinet Secretary?" We see a teeny tiny black kid sitting at the end of the table, shaking his head. Are we really sinking to the "cute kid" level already? The kid says he's Jeffrey Mackintosh, and Charlie puts the pieces together: "You here with your dad?" Just then Dad enters, apologizes, and tells Jeffrey, "When I tell you to sit and stay put, do you know what I need you to do? That. I need you to do that. Not some variation on that, but that." Jeffrey apologizes, and Dad says, "See, now I gotta make you rewire the house." Snerk. Dad introduces himself as Andrew Mackintosh from tech support, and says he's installing some new software. Charlie says that he thought that happened weeks ago. Andrew explains that he's fixing some bugs. He adds, "They said it was okay for me to bring my son; my wife works some nights." Andrew escorts Jeffrey out, and Charlie leaves, passing Sam in the hallway.

We follow Sam to Leo's office. Leo tells Sam to close the door, which is particularly ominous since it's pretty late and no one is around. Leo explains that Josh is on speaker phone. Leo says, "A guy who went to college with Tom Jordan says he belonged to an all-white fraternity. Local papers are gonna carry it tomorrow." Sam says it wasn't an exclusive fraternity, "they just didn't happen to have any black pledges." He goes on to say that it isn't uncommon to have black and white fraternities, and as far as I know he's right. Leo says that this combined with the preemptive challenges in jury selection will cause a problem. He tells Sam it's over, that he's canceling the President's stop and cutting off funding, and Sam repeatedly says, "No!" in varying tones. Josh finally speaks up to say, "We've got a chance at the House, we've only got three weeks left, Leo's gotta put the President and the money where the President and the money can win." We also see Josh stomping around in his dark apartment, allowing us to know he's out of the hospital. Sam says that they're handing the election to Tom's opponent. Josh says that won't matter as much if the Democrats take the House. Leo says, "Jordan is down by seven, and he's not gonna come back from this." Josh adds, "Not only that, but we stand by him, this is a national thing. It could drag down black turnout in districts where we're competitive." Sam says, "I told him we would stand behind him. I told him, he would have our full support. I was the one who asked him to run. I was asked to ask him! We walk away now and that's it. He's a racist! The White House just said so!" Leo says that you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find...well, that's what he means. Then he puts his glasses on, signifying the end of the conversation. Sam slams the door as he leaves. Through the speaker, Josh starts in, "There's something called the superstring theory, which at its most basic level says that the universe consists of these tiny loops of string that vibrate at different frequencies." Leo ponders this, and wonders, "How did that bullet not kill you?" Josh says he was just lucky, and Leo hangs up.

Toby is in his office when C.J. stops by. She asks if she could see a copy of tomorrow's Presidential remarks for Asia-Pacific. Toby is not entirely there, and finally says he has a draft he's going to re-write. C.J. says, "I thought I was gonna have it by the end of the day." "The day's not over yet," Toby snaps. C.J. mentions again that some reporters want to do post-shooting stories. She asks, "Do you think there might be a psychological aftermath and we're not paying attention to it?" Toby says he doesn't have time for this conversation, and C.J. says that he should make time to have it with somebody. Toby tries to laugh that off, but C.J. says, "I think you're the Director of Communications, and you've been ignoring operational responsibilities --" While I sympathize with C.J.'s point, couldn't she have used fewer syllables to make it? Toby says with admirable succinctness, "That's crap." C.J. finishes her sentence, "-- so you can behave like the Director of the FBI." Toby complains, "I'm waiting for the Director of the FBI to behave that way. I'm waiting for the Justice Department to behave that way. I'm waiting for Congress to behave that way. I'm waiting for the White House to behave that way!" Charlie strolls in as C.J. joins the shouting match: "You want to lock up everybody with a white sheet?" Toby says that he does. "Who has a problem with that? Bring them to me right now! Yes I do!" Charlie and C.J. stare at Toby, and Charlie tentatively knocks at the door to get C.J.'s attention. C.J. realizes it's time to chat with the Prez. Charlie exits, and C.J. turns back to Toby and tells him that she'll be around if he can give her the Asia-Pacific remarks. Toby says they'll be ready in an hour.

C.J. enters the residence. The Prez asks, "Why has there been no press mention of the fact that Elliot Roush was an opponent of mine in New Hampshire?" C.J. assures him that it's probably gotten local coverage, but the Prez thinks it should be a national story. C.J. blinks and says, "It's a school board seat." The Prez responds that it's a human interest story, and C.J. says, "Not a very interesting one." The Prez says he'd go on the record if anyone wanted to cover the story. C.J. uncomfortably takes a seat and says, "The President can't publicly take sides in a local school board election." The Prez wants to know why he can't. While the Prez sips something that is definitely not orange juice, C.J. says, "It's not done, and it's not fair. It's personal, and it's irresponsible. It will galvanize Republicans, and the Democrats in Congress will think that you've abandoned them, that you don't care about winning back the House." The Prez declares that he doesn't actually care about the House. C.J. diplomatically says, "I don't believe that's true...so let's just keep that between you and me." The Prez decides that it's time to make a speech: "I've known men of faith in my life. Towering men. Men of wisdom and compassion. Men of all faiths, of healing and peace. Pro-choice, pro-life, Republican, Democrat, men and women of God. Elliot Roush..." He pauses, and in a less menacing voice, concludes, "Is polling at 53 percent." C.J., ever the realist, says, "That's the way it is. In a democracy, oftentimes, other people win." Did she just say "oftentimes"? The Prez reluctantly agrees, and thanks her. C.J. leaves while the Prez stares at the polling results.

It's November 7th, Election Day. Or, at this point, night. The electoral fairies are bringing stockings full of pork bellies to lay at the foot of our beds. I'm too excited to sleep. And a storm is raging outside the White House, perhaps to emphasize some dramatic point. Sam races through the bullpen and is told that twelve races are still too close to call. He tells Ginger, "Give me somebody in the Midwest, would you?" If I were Ginger, I'd dial a random number in the 309 area code and hand the phone to Sam. Sam shouts out, "I want to see everybody on telephones!" He stops to look around, and realizes that everyone is already on the phone. In a smaller voice, he says, "Okay, good. Just like that." He goes into his office, and suddenly realizes Tom and Sarah are waiting for him there. He apologizes for being late. Sarah hisses, "It was no problem coming, Sam. Turns out there was really no reason for us to stay in our district on Election Day." Yowch. Sam dissembles, "You've seen the exits? You're gonna lose, Tom." Sam says that 42 percent is a respectable amount. Tom remains passive while Sarah notes that their district is 49 percent Democratic. Sarah also notes that they had absolutely no support from the White House. Tom tries to calm Sarah down, although he doesn't try very hard. Sarah tells Sam, "Any time in the future we have an opportunity to screw you, count on getting screwed." Sam responds, "Good luck with the baby." Sarah and Tom exit. Lightning flashes. I appreciate that they tried to make this even-handed, sorta, but it would have been better if we'd known for sure that Tom was being unfairly maligned. As it stands, we just think, "Oh, poor Sam; his old friend's a racist who married a harpy."

We cut to the reception for radio talk-show hosts. C.J. is being bored spitless by a couple of DJs. The taller guy says that he heard that Howard Stern was going to show if Don Imus was coming, but Imus wasn't going to come if Stern was. The shorter one declares that he was Dave in the morning before Imus was Imus in the morning. C.J. wonders, "Isn't Don Imus in his seventies?" and laughingly asks how that could be. Dave says, "It's very painful. I don't like to talk about it." C.J.'s smile fades, and she excuses herself to check the exit polls. A smiling woman in green enters as flashbulbs go off, and C.J. asks another guest who the woman is. "Jenna Jacobs," she's told. The woman mentions that twelve races are still too close to call, and C.J. says she's going to check in.

Toby enters the residence, and the Prez declares, "I'm drinking the most fantastic thing I've ever tasted in my life!" Oh, I love it when the Prez is whimsical. The Prez holds up his glass and indicates that it contains "chocolate syrup, cold milk, and seltzer. I know it sounds terrible, but trust me, I don't know where this has been all my life!" Toby says, "It's called an egg cream, Mr. President; we invented it in Brooklyn." "We"? And, is that truly all there is to an egg cream? I had one once, and it was gross, and I thought it was more than fizzy chocolate milk. ["No, that's pretty much all there is to it. It's supposedly blasphemy for a New Yorker to say this but don't like egg creams either. But in my opinion it's not credible that any American citizen wouldn't know where they come from." -- Sars] Anyway, the Prez is disturbed to hear that this concoction was invented in Brooklyn. Toby says, "There are some good things in this world not from New England, sir." The Prez replies, "Toby, don't ever let me hear you say that again." The Prez asks what Toby wants to talk about, and Toby hesitates until the Prez says, "You want to take a leave of absence?" Toby admits he could use some time off. The Prez says that's no problem. Toby thanks him, and turns to leave, and the Prez says, "Fifteen minutes." Toby turns back. The Prez declares, "It's time to get up off the mat, Toby." Toby asks what's wrong with having the attorney general designate dangerous, violent organizations. The Prez shakes his head, and Toby admits, "I understand it'd be problematic. There'd be no judicial review, or legislative oversight, or even, for that matter, legal finding of fact, but..." He sighs, and turns back toward the door. And stops halfway, and in profile, makes the sad choking noises of someone trying not to cry. Oh, Toby. I press pause for a minute. When we're both calmer, Toby asks, "Why does it feel like this? I've seen shootings before." The Prez stands and declares, "It wasn't a shooting, Toby. It was a lynching. They tried to lynch Charlie right in front of our eyes, can you believe that?" The Prez hands a blue file over to Toby, explaining that it contains satellite photos of the West Virginia White Pride headquarters. The Prez says, "It's a diner outside Blacksburg. Every night for the last twelve weeks, I've picked up the phone and called the Attorney General, fully prepared to say two words: take 'em. And then I hang up the phone because I know it'll be better tomorrow, and better the day after that. We saw a lynching, Toby, that's why it feels like this." Toby stares, and finally responds, "I'm not sure I'm gonna come out of the other side of this." The Prez says he feels the same way, "but until we are sure, I think we should keep coming to work every day." Toby slowly sits down and asks how the school board race is going. The Prez says that Roush will win. Toby asks how the Prez won when he opposed Roush. As lightning flashes, the Prez sips his egg cream and says, "I don't remember." Sam enters and offers some remarks for the Prez to give at the talk radio reception. While Sam helps the Prez into his jacket, the Prez tells Toby to come along. "Oh, God, really sir?" Toby asks with the opposite of enthusiasm. You're thinking I mean "reluctance," but Toby is expressing something way beyond reluctance. The Prez says that there are New England crab puffs. Sam smilingly mentions that it's actually Alaskan crab. "There's Alaskan crab in this White House," the Prez asks. Toby asks if Sam would've noticed the difference. The Prez asks Sam, "Have you tried them?" Sam admits, "Yes, reluctantly. I think it was clear, the way that I ate the crab puffs, that it was a gesture of protest." "Were they good?" the Prez hisses. And if you think it's impossible to hiss a sentence with no "S" in it, you underestimate Martin Sheen's talent. Sam admits, "They were extraordinarily good, and going very fast." The Prez figures that they should investigate this.

C.J. is talking to a different boring DJ, who calls himself "Gary with a G." C.J. extricates herself from learning more about Gary, and introduces the Prez. Everyone (well, almost everyone, as we shall see) stands as the Prez strolls in. He charmingly says, "I wish I could spend more than a few minutes with you, but the polls don't close in the east for another hour, and there are plenty of election results left to falsify." Everyone chuckles. The Prez continues his prepared remarks, and stumbles as he notices Jenna Jacobs sitting in the crowd. He tries to regroup, but gives up and address her directly. First, he asks what her credentials are. Although she calls herself "Doctor Jacobs," she actually has a Ph.D in English literature. Hey, don't go slamming the English majors there, Prez! He says, "I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination." Let's just cut to the chase. Aaron Sorkin has seen fit to turn that e-mail spam mocking Dr. Laura into five minutes of dialogue. Not that Dr. Laura doesn't deserve mocking, but I'm having a hard time describing a conversation that I read in an e-mail several months ago as if it's fresh and new. Basically, the Prez notes that the Bible has a great many rules which we find laughable today, and suggests that less literal interpretations might be more productive. He concludes, "One last thing. While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the ignorant tight-ass club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits." Dr. Jenna finally stands up. Props to Martin Sheen (like he needs it) for selling something that one-sided and manipulative. Thumbs down to Sorkin for touching on a lot of important issues in this episode and then taking the easy way out instead of really exploring them. The Prez calls over his shoulder to Toby and says, "That's how I beat him." He exits. Toby follows. Sam walks up to Dr. Jenna, who has a blue crab pin on her jacket, and says, "I'm just...gonna take that crab puff." Suiting the deed to the word, he snatches the hors d'oeuvre from her plate, and follows the Prez out the door.

While the dramatic thunderstorm rages, Charlie finds himself dealing with that supposedly cute kid again. Andrew wanders in and says he's about done. Charlie introduces himself. Andrew says that he knows who Charlie is: "The man who almost got the President killed." Ouch. Charlie says that his mother worked nights. Andrew asks if Charlie's mom was a nurse, and Charlie says she was a police officer. Charlie explains, "She was shot and killed on the line a year ago June. Ironically, she wasn't supposed to be on the shift. She switched shifts that day 'cause I asked her to." Andrew says that if Charlie's mom was there, she'd say, "If they're shooting at you, you know you're doing something right." Well, I guess that makes it all better.

Charlie strolls up to Zoey, who's reading on a balcony. She jumps up and gives him a big kiss. Then she says, "It's too much to happen to someone your age. Your father and your mother, and then this..." She asks, "What do you do?" Charlie says he was going to go vote. Zoey volunteers to come along. Leo steps into the background and says he's looking for the Prez. Charlie asks if anything's wrong. Leo says, "I think he may have done a couple of numbers at the talk radio reception." Charlie tells Leo that he and Zoey are going out. Leo asks if they're taking extra protection. Charlie and Zoey blink, and Leo clarifies, "Secret Service protection, Charlie, but thanks for loading me up with that image!" Charlie says they'll take protection. Leo strolls on in search of the Prez.

Sam stands on the Georgetown sidewalk, listening to his cell phone. C.J., Josh, and Donna are sitting on the stoop outside Josh's place as Toby comes out to join them. Josh says that "everybody should have to stay inside for three months, so that they truly appreciate the outdoors." I don't disagree, but I'm not sure that the night air of Georgetown would really support his thesis. The canal isn't as stinky by November, but still. Donna notes that she agreed to let Josh outside if he stopped claiming to be an outdoorsman and stopped talking about theoretical physics. "Ah ha!" says Josh. Addressing C.J., he says, "You thought I'd forget about it, didn't you? Banner headline five days ago: model for the unified theory solved! Banner headline in the New York Times; you said it wasn't gonna be news." C.J. cleverly distracts Josh by noting that he's wearing the pajamas she bought for him. She has him take off his robe and model them, which demonstrates that they are much, much too large. C.J. rubs Toby's arm and tells Josh, "I think they look good on you." Toby says, "I think you're both freaks." I'm not positive, but I think they're all drinking Killian's. In case you wanted to be influenced by product placement. Sam gets off the phone and joins them on the stoop, saying, "You're not gonna believe it." Sam says, "Twelve races. In none of them did the incumbent win." Then he says the exact same thing again, only this time he defines, "incumbent," which I won't do because I have faith that if you don't know the word, you can figure out how to use a dictionary. He goes on to say that, from those twelve seats, seven Republicans and five Democrats were elected. Josh says, "The House stayed the same? After four months, and $400 million, everything stayed the same?" Sam says that's about the size of it. Josh says, "Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor." Because it's about time for a jarring message, Josh is forced to say, "We sit here, we drink this beer out here on this stoop, in violation of about 47 city ordinances." He asks Toby, "What do you say about a government that goes out of its way to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?" The soundtrack tries to tug at our heartstrings as Toby replies, "God bless America." Sam, and C.J., and Josh all repeat this sentiment in increasingly reverent tones, and they clink their beer bottles together in a toast.

As we fade out, my mom calls to ask why they're redoing the stupid "Let Bartlet Be Bartlet" heartwarming, inspirational, patriotic, cheesy, bad, BAD ending. I don't know what to tell her. It's not my fault. Why do I always get the Disney moments? Ugh.