I almost forgot to hit "record" on the VCR because Johanna and I were so busy ranting about what an ass Dawson is. Luckily, disaster was averted, so I can tell you that previously on The West Wing, C.J. yelled at Danny, the Prez got excited about campaign finance reform, and C.J. yelled at Sam.
Shouldn't it be "damned lies," rather than "damn lies"? It would look better on the title card that way, too. ["Yes, it should, and yes, it would." -- deborah] It's just my luck that the first voice we hear is Donna's. She tells Josh they should start the poll because it's 7:05. Josh says it's ten to seven, as we see a clock confirming Donna's statement. Josh complains that his watch reads ten to seven, so Donna says, "Your watch sucks." Or perhaps the person who set it does. She goes on to say that the large clocks on the wall, which are run by the U.S. Navy, say that it's 7:05, and that Josh's watch "sucks in four different time zones."
At this point, I'd be grateful if we cut to Mandy, but we actually get Toby and C.J., so I'm even happier. They're arguing too, but in a much more entertaining way. Toby complains, "Question six is asymmetrical." C.J. says it's fine, so Toby reads it: "Would you say that things in this country are going in the right direction, or do you think they've gotten off on the wrong track?" Josh leans in the doorway and says Toby has a point. He does, of course, and yes, I believe that is a real poll question, because I've noticed that in news stories and it bugged me too. Donna interrupts to repeat that it's five after seven. Toby says, "It should be right direction or wrong direction. Track and direction are two different words!" ["Toby's right. As usual." -- deborah] C.J. leaves the room, grumbling, "Thank you, Funk & Wagnall's."
It's Monday night, "three hours into polling." Which ought to make it 10:05, if you've been paying attention. Sam steps into the room and Bonnie asks, "How's it going in there?" Sam answers, "I popped Mandy with my tranquilizer gun," earning the thanks of a grateful nation. ["But what in God's name took them so long?" -- deborah] Ginger asks why polling takes forty-eight hours. Sam says they need fifteen hundred responses, and explains, "It takes them about twelve hours to make fifteen hundred calls; we need fifteen hundred responses, which means we need to make six thousand calls." What a crappy response rate. Toby appears, and pulls Sam along in his wake as he enters his office. Toby says that the George Washington Law School graduation is tomorrow and asks, "Were you gonna go see your friend?" Sam says he wishes Toby would call her "Laurie," and confirms that he is going to the graduation. Toby says that Sam can't go. Sam says, "Okay." Toby reminds the audience that Onorato knows about Sam's friendship with Laurie and is waiting for the right moment "to use it to embarrass us." Sam grumbles, "Biggest day of her life. Huge day. She put herself through law school, and I know that there are people in South Carolina who don't like how she did it --" Toby interrupts, "Not just South Carolina." Sam retorts, "Then in both Carolinas, Toby, though I've never understood what the hell business it is --" Toby repeats that Sam can't go to the graduation. Sam says he won't, and leaves.
Margaret enters Leo's office, and Leo immediately asks, "Is he here?" She nods, and starts to leave, but Leo calls her back. He says, "Wait in here for a minute, then go back out and send him in." Margaret wants to know why he wants her to do that, but Leo does not provide an answer beyond, "Because I do." She waits uncomfortably while Leo does paperwork. After a minute she starts complaining about how it feels weird to stand there doing nothing. Funny, Donna never seems to mind. ["Then again, neither does Josh." -- deborah] Leo finally lets her go show his visitor into the office. He greets the nebbish who enters as "Barry Haskel" and asks if he's been to the White House before. Haskel admits that it's his first visit to the West Wing. Leo asks ruefully, "You've been on the Federal Election Commission for nine years and no one's ever invited you to the White House?" Haskel chatters about Christmas parties and the Vice-President stopping in, and how nice that was. As Haskel takes a seat, Leo explains that he wanted to discuss campaign finance reform. Haskel says he figured that, and asks for a glass of fruit juice. Leo determines that Haskel is a little nervous. Haskel explains, "You walk by a dress Marine when you come in here." Leo says that the Marine is named Rodney, and shouts for him. A door opens, and Rodney appears. Leo asks, "Could you do that thing you did before?" as Haskel makes "please don't bother on my account" hand gestures. Rodney does some, uh, stuff, with his rifle. Parade ground stuff. You know. Hey, my esoteric knowledge has limits. Rodney finishes his show and is dismissed. Leo tells Haskel that he shouldn't be nervous because "we know you're one of us." I'd be creeped out if someone said that to me. Even if it was true. He explains that everyone believes that the four current members of the FEC are against campaign finance reform, but that Haskel isn't. Haskel denies it, but Leo goes on, "You said so to the Newark Star-Ledger on March 13, 1995: 'Money isn't speech.' And you said so two years before that to the Detroit Free Press: 'We must reverse the 1978 regulatory decision allowing soft money.'" Haskel complains that his comments were made on the condition of anonymity. Leo sympathizes, "I went to drug rehab on the condition of anonymity. Maybe you read about it in the papers?" Leo repeats his "one of us" chant (TM Tod Browning) and adds, "You've been outed." Haskel says, "Being outnumbered five to one on the FEC, it never made much sense to me to swim against the grain." It's a shame Toby's not around to correct that mixed metaphor. ["It's always a shame when Toby's not around." -- deborah] Haskel chuckles about how his wife and her friends said that this is what would happen, "That you were gonna use the trappings of the White House, that there was going to be a sort of, um, intimidation!" Leo says that he's not trying to intimidate Haskel because after all, he's one of them. He adds, "You were wandering for years in the darkness, but we came and found you! And welcome back to the pack." Haskel mentions that he's heard of people getting "lightheaded and star-struck" when visiting the White House, and Leo jumps up and offers to give him a little tour. Haskel sighs and says he just wants a glass of water. "No problem," says Leo, "we keep it in here," and opens the door to the Oval Office.