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Recapped by LTG · Aired 01-04-2005

Previously, Josh and Santos started making out under the Christmas tree. To be honest, some of that might have been a New Year's Eve hallucination.

Santos and his wife are lying on their bed, fully dressed. They're talking about Josh's visit. Santos: "Josh should have called. I could have saved him a trip." Mrs. Santos (if I ever learn her first name, I'll start using it) is under the impression that Josh came to Houston to ask Santos to run for another term in Congress. And not to run away with Josh to Key West. She asks if Santos left it open with Josh. Eh, too easy. He says he didn't, and she responds, "I'd break you in half." Again, too easy. By this time we can see her face. She's a pretty blonde, not especially striking. She's played by Teri Polo, and apparently a lot of forum posters know who she is, but I'm not one of them. Santos reaches over and affectionately rubs her hair, telling her, "He knows I'm not going back to the House." She asks him for help with the kids, two of whom have fallen asleep between them. He picks one up, and talks about how much he's grown. As he carries his son out of the room, Santos leans into him and says, "He's got his own smell." Yeah, it's Santos Junior by Calvin Klein. Everybody who's everybody is wearing it.

The Santoses enter the kitchen, having traded in the kids for a few dirty glasses. They start cleaning up the kitchen; from the look of things, it seems that there was some kind of holiday party that evening. Mrs. Santos asks what Josh wanted. Doesn't she already think that Josh wanted Santos to run for Congress? Santos saves this clunky bit of dialogue by telling her that Josh was not there to talk about Congress. Mrs. Santos leaps to the assumption that Josh was there to ask Santos to campaign for Bingo Bob: "You supposed to walk Russell through a Cinqo do Mayo parade, establish his Chicano street cred?" She goes on to rant about how much she hates politicians who wear cowboy boots: "Women spend their entire lives trying to get out of heels. What possible use is there? The guy is a lawmaker. It's like going through life wearing a welder's helmet." I think we should make each member of Congress wear an outfit based on some industry or economic activity indigenous to his or her district. Kind of like the national costumes they force the women to wear in the Miss Universe pageant. Santos defends Russell: "He's not a bad guy." As she's cleaning, she starts eating something out of a bowl. I would go on about how gross that is, but I'm sure I've done the same myself. She stops going on about Bingo Bob to wax rhapsodic about whatever it is she just put in her mouth. She holds up a spoonful for Santos to taste, and as he's about to have some, he asks what it is. "It's ice cream, melted. It's good like this." But Santos decides to give it a pass. As his wife is lost in her bowl of ice cream soup, Santos steels himself up and tells her, "Josh wants me to run for president." She looks off into space for a second, and asks, "Of the United States?" And not the local Kiwanis lodge. She laughs, and tells him, "Wow, they are hard up." You know, even if one's spouse didn't want to run for president, I'm not sure how supportive it would be to mock the idea openly. She asks him if he's thinking about it, and he says, twice, "I told him no." Which isn't exactly the answer to her question. Santos tells her that Josh took the rejection well, and then goes on to tell her that Josh has a nine-point plan. She wonders why it's not seven points, or three, and asks, "And this plan is supposed to make you...?" Santos: "Win." Mrs. Santos gets a slightly shocked look on her face, and she says, "Oh my God, you're thinking about this." He repeats that he told Josh "no." But again, he's not really denying that he's thinking about it. She gives him a look, and tells him that she's going to bed, reminding him on the way out of the room, "Don't forget the trash." Credits.

Close-up on C.J.'s lips. She's applying some lipstick. We can hear some newsguy droning on in the background, and then her beeper goes off. She picks it up, looks at the screen, and says, "Oh my God." And then she scrolls further through the message and shouts out, "Are you kidding me?"

C.J. enters the White House. Margaret meets her just inside the entrance and wishes her a good morning. Margaret chatters on about how much she loves the weather when there's a little nip in the air. C.J. wants to get down to business, and asks if Margaret has the full text of "this blog thing." Oh Lord, not another blog. Aren't there still any nutjob journalists working for newspapers or radio anymore? In any case, C.J. asks Margaret to read the blog: "What team does she play on? Washington abuzz with fresh allegations that a certain former Bartlet Administration press secretary may have more than a passing interest in pursuing what many have described as a 'radical homosexual agenda.' And it goes on." C.J.: "To say what?" Margaret: "That you played sports at Berkley and that you were the first girl in Ohio Prep history ever to dunk a basketball." But Margaret reassures C.J. that there's not much else in the report. What, nothing about that little fling during C.J.'s sophomore year in college? Come on, you know it happened. Oh, and if the basketball thing were true, it would make Toby's little lecture about how to pass a basketball more than a little presumptuous, wouldn't it? As they continue walking, C.J. asks Margaret whether "Tommy" called. Margaret channels James Taylor when she says, "Tommy? Burly Tommy Keller with the mop on top? Two dinners at the Oval Room last week, and the reason I'm wearing this necklace today, who's picking you up at 7 tonight?" C.J.: "He call?" Margaret: "No." They've arrived outside C.J.'s office, and Margaret tells C.J. that everyone is inside waiting for her.

C.J. enters her office, where Will, Toby, Josh, Kate, and Annabeth are waiting for her. Has the Deputy Press Secretary for Media Relations ever been a part of the senior staff in the past? No? Okay, just checking. There's a basketball sitting on C.J.'s desk, with a red ribbon attached to it. There are a few seconds of silence, broken only by a low chuckle coming from either Toby or Josh. C.J. picks up the ball and throws it over the heads of the group, landing it square in the trashcan on the other side of the room. Well there's your proof right there. She must be a lesbian. Josh looks at the ball, and then looks at C.J.: "I've never been more attracted to you in my life." She tells him to restrain himself, and then goes on to talk about the budget bill that is going to committee: "We're close, but it's not a..." Charlie (entering the room): "Slam dunk?" She congratulates Charlie on making "a funny," and tells all of them how important the budget is: "This is our last chance to do some good for folks, and it all lives or dies with this budget."

There's a little chatter about some policy specifics, and then Charlie tells C.J. that they "just got the list of Republican conferees." She's surprised to see someone named "Wilkinson" on the list, since she was under the impression that he was just about to leave the Senate. Will says that he thought "[Wilkinson] was going back to Kansas to sell flat globes." C.J. suggests that they keep an eye on things, and asks Will what's going on with the Veep. Apparently, Bingo Bob is going to Memphis in a week to speak to the NAACP. Josh asks Will if he would like some help, and Will is about as surprised as most of the viewers: "You're offering to help the Vice-President?" Toby also has a look in his eyes, as though he's not sure what the hell Josh is up to. Josh says that he can "help [Will] cut to the chase with those guys." Charlie: "'Those guys'?" Will points out that Josh is "like, the whitest guy on the planet," and Charlie wonders what special insight Josh has to offer. Josh: "Did it just get a little weird in here?"

C.J. moves the meeting along, and asks Kate, "Where's Uzbekistan?" In between Turkmenistan and Kazakhstan? (And that's the kind of geographical humor you can only find in a recap of The West Wing.) Apparently, something big blew up in Uzbekistan, but U.S. intelligence agencies aren't sure what it was. By the way, speaking of reasons to suspect that someone is a lesbian, Kate is back to the ponytail. C.J. asks to be kept posted. She tells them all that Jed will be working out of the Residence for the day, and that if they need him, they should come to her. Whatever you say, Mrs. Wilson. Charlie asks if Jed is okay, and C.J. says, "He's fine. Some temporary balance problems. Just precautionary, we don't want to risk another fall." She tells them to focus on the budget, and then ends the meeting: "If you'll excuse me, I have to try to craft a personal statement in support of the reproductive arts." As everyone else leaves, Toby stays behind and tells C.J. that she should not release a statement. He's worried that they're being set up for some kind of a trap, what with neanderthal Wilkinson being put on the all-important budget conference committee. She tells him that he's "acting like a dog in Pompeii again." What, he's humping the leg of a toga salesman? She agrees not to release the statement until he's been able to make some calls: "But I think you're drastically overestimating the political potency of my sex life."

Written by Bradley Whitford. Don't think I'm going to be nice to you just because of that boyish charm, Brad.

By LTG

Written by Bradley Whitford. Don't think I'm going to be nice to you just because of that boyish charm, Brad.

Residence. From outside the bedroom door, we hear some grunting and gasping, as Jed accuses an unnamed person of forcing him to do calisthenics: "If I wanted to exercise, I never would have become an economist." That's funny -- I heard that Alan Greenspan leads an hour of aerobics every day at the Federal Reserve. The camera slowly moves into the room, where Jed is laying face down on a massage table as a physical therapist (I think) works on him. Curtis enters the room, and Jed greets him: "A mighty blessing upon your mighty frame, son." Jed asks Curtis to get Abbey. The physical therapist has Jed's leg bent way back -- much further than my leg would go. Jed feels the same way: "Now you got me trying to do stuff I couldn't do before I got sick." The therapist tells Jed that it's important to maintain his range of motion: "Use it or lose it, Mr. President." Jed: "That could be said about the power of the presidency as well." Abbey enters the room, followed by Curtis. Jed reassures Abbey that he's fine, and then tells Curtis that he'll call for him if he needs him. Curtis is clearly growing on Jed, who calls him a "great kid." Abbey: "I'd like to watch him eat a pie." Jed asks Abbey if she's about to leave. She tells him that she has a meeting with his doctor and C.J., and then she has five interviews and three different receptions. He asks her if he should attend her meeting with C.J. Abbey: "Not unless you want to hear yourself referred to in the third person and keep your mouth shut." Well, that's not gonna happen. Jed's clearly chafing at the restrictions on his activity: "I didn't think my schedule was going to be so light on the protein." She reassures him that he could afford to lose the weight. And whatever else I might say about Brad Whitford's writing, I really appreciate the fact that he did not feel the need to explain that metaphor into the ground. She gives him a kiss and leaves.

Josh closes the door to his office after Toby enters, explaining that Marla likes it closed. Toby calls her an "interesting girl," and Josh complains, "I kinda lost the temp lottery. She's making me finish, like, one thing at a time. It's insane." So she's like the human equivalent of Ritalin. Toby suggests that Josh "tell her to back off." But Josh is clearly scared of her: "You tell her!" Toby suggests that Josh call Donna. To do what, I'm not sure -- perhaps he thinks she can come beat up Marla and tell her to stop pushing Josh around? Josh says that he can't call Donna, and Toby tells him, "You know, eventually you may have to resort to manhood." Josh: "I'm the victim, here. How am I supposed to be a man?" Oh, that's right -- your secretary left for a better job. Let's see if the U.N. has a program to help you out. (And if you want to help some real victims, go here and donate to one of the many worthwhile groups listed.) Toby finally gets to the point, asking Josh if the "Wilkinson thing" doesn't seem odd to him. Josh tells Toby that he's making some calls to find out what's going on, and Toby tells him that he plans to see Wilkinson. And then Toby asks Josh why he went to Houston: "Santos?" Josh tells him that he did indeed go to see Santos, and then tells Toby that Santos is not running. Toby thinks it's a shame, because Santos has turned out to be a great member of Congress. But then Toby turns back to Josh and asks, "You went all the way down there?" Josh: "I like him a lot." Yes, that's been pretty clear from the first moment you saw him and had that vision of the two of you running toward each other in slow motion across a sunny meadow. Toby asks Josh whether Hoynes and Russell are both still after him. Aw, Toby's feeling jealous. Josh reassures Toby that he is "here with [Toby] to the bitter end. With bells on." I just noticed that Toby's dark gray suit has some faint red horizontal stripes on it. It's nice, but I think it's way too fashion-forward for the Toby we all know and love. Just then Marla opens the door, looks at Toby, and says, "You're done. Leave." Toby looks at Josh and says, "I don't know what you're talking about. I think this girl's fantastic." Actually, I kind of do think she's fantastic. When your temp gig at the White House is over, Marla, how's about you come work for me? Marla tells Josh that the Minority Leader is on the phone for him.

C.J. is in her office, teleschmoozing with a Senator, thanking him for his support during the budget process. As they speak, Margaret gestures at the door to ask if C.J. can see Annabeth. Annabeth sits down just as C.J. is wrapping up the call: "Oh, I'm fine. I only use the internet to shop. Thanks for asking." And then, when she hangs up, "Cripes!" Annabeth tells her that she has some interview requests: "The Advocate, Out, The Village Voice, The San Francisco Chronicle, Washington Times, Goddess Monthly, Nantucket Republican, and the NCAA Field Hockey Quarterly." C.J.: "Field hockey?" Annabeth: "No, I just made that one up. As a joke." C.J. thinks that Annabeth is "as perky as all get out." C.J. asks her about the statement: "I just want to make sure this doesn't distract from the business of, say, the government." Annabeth tells C.J., "I've been struggling with this a bit. You want to emphatically deny something you have no problem with, and make it publicly clear this is a private matter?" C.J. looks at her with a completely straight face, and says, "That would be great." Pause. Pause. Pause. Annabeth: "Okie-dokie."

As Annabeth leaves, Josh and Toby both enter. They found out what Wilkinson is up to: he's attaching an anti-same-sex marriage bill to the budget. He's calling it the Sanctity of Marriage Act, but since it's really just about telling folks that they can't get married, I'll just call it an anti-marriage provision. The trick, of course, is that if it's part of the budget when it gets to the President's desk, the only way to veto the marriage ban would be to veto the entire budget. Josh: "If we oppose it, we paint the whole Democratic party as out of touch with traditional American values for the election." C.J. lets out a very Leo-like "Margaret!" and asks her to call the Residence and arrange an immediate meeting with Jed.

Satan's lair. Also known as Will's office. He is telling some unseen job applicant that his or her résumé looks great, but that what the applicant really brings is "the knowledge [he or she has] gleaned over six years on the front lines. I think we can safely say you've picked up a lot." The camera has slowly panned around, and by the end of this speech we can see that -- DUN DUN DUN! -- Will is speaking to Donna. And if you did not realize that before the reveal, please leave the room immediately. He tells her that he wants to be sure he's "not starting a turf war. [Will would] hate to find the Deputy Chief of Staff at [his] door with a switchblade." I think Josh is less likely to show up with a switchblade and more likely to show up with one of those plastic switchblade combs. Donna tells Will that won't be a problem: "I need to move on. And Josh is...Well, he'll find somebody else to answer his phone." Will tells her, "Well, we can use you, no question. And not as anybody's assistant." Well, there's that promotion that so many of you wanted Donna to get. I hope you're happy. Commercials.

Residence. Jed is hearing the bad news about the anti-marriage bill from C.J., Josh, and Toby. He's looking mighty relaxed in a Notre Dame sweatshirt, and he's squeezing a rubber ball in his right hand. He asks, "Didn't they attach a family-planning rider to the highway bill last year?" Toby confirms that they did. Jed: "What's with these people? They can't stop talking about sex." Toby explains that it's because "they can't be having it." Well they certainly can't be having it with me, that's for sure. I have a strict no-Republicans rule. Jed also thinks that the Sanctity of Marriage Act sounds familiar. Josh reminds him that they tried it in the first term: "Marriage Recognition Act. Pocket veto." Jed is surprised to hear that it's Wilkinson who is pushing this, since he normally is not much involved in the budget process. Toby and Josh both recommend issuing a statement threatening a veto if the rider is attached to the budget. C.J. tells them that she disagrees: "It's a bad pitch. Don't swing at it. That's why they're throwing it." You know, C.J., if you really don't want people to think you're a lesbian, you should stop throwing around the sports metaphors. Especially ones that sound like you learned them at softball camp. She points out that the anti-marriage bill is unlikely to survive a court challenge: "This amendment is pure symbolism, an empty gesture. Is that worth holding up our entire agenda?" Jed thinks for a moment, and then tells them to get the amendment removed from the budget bill. Toby wonders what happens if they can't, but Jed is not interested in "what ifs": "Just get it off the bill." Toby and Josh leave, and Jed tells C.J.: "Wilkinson's more of a federalist than an ideologue. What's he doing suggesting we override the states?" C.J. thinks they can leave the anti-marriage provision to the courts: "We need this budget, sir. At the end of the day, you may have to sign it."

Residence antechamber. Josh and Toby are waiting for C.J. They both seem unsure about what's going on. When C.J. emerges, Toby asks her, "You want to enlighten us?" She tells them that Jed wants the anti-marriage provision off the bill. C.J. thinks that the middle of the budget process is not the time to get into a fight with Congress, but Toby points out that they are always in the middle of the budget process. C.J.: "With a president who can't make it down the stairs?" Toby counters, "But he's not running again. Why can't we help him stand up for himself?" C.J.'s beeper goes off -- she's late for her meeting with Abbey. She tells Josh to try to dole out some pork to members of the conference committee. Josh: "Maybe Sioux City needs a monorail." Sing it with me, folks -- "Monorail!" ["But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!" -- Wing Chun] C.J. tells Toby to speak with Wilkinson: "Maybe you can talk him down." Toby thinks there's not much chance of that without the threat of a veto to back him up.

Abbey, Curtis, and Charlie are meeting with Jed's doctor. He's discussing Jed's condition, and Charlie asks him if there's any way to reverse the progression of the disease. Doctor: "Give me ten years and some stem cells." Oh no, our political television show is getting political. C.J. enters, and the doctor tells them, "What we need to focus on is the best way to manage his symptoms in this unique environment." And you know what we learn ? The presidency is a very stressful job. (Unless your initials are GWB, in which case you just sit at your desk and play with army men.) The doctor tells them that Jed should not have to sit through a meeting that's longer than an hour, that they can only schedule him for six or seven hours a day, and that he will need a nap in the afternoon. Charlie is the voice of the nation when he says, "A nap? He's gonna love that." (I think that was sarcasm, by the way. ["Who doesn't love a nap? Shut up, Charlie." -- Wing Chun]) The doctor tells them that public events like receptions and meetings will be the most difficult things to deal with, so C.J. suggests that they switch to "more on the phone, memos, things he can read and sign." Except it turns out that too much reading will also be bad for Jed. Doctor Bringdown also tells them that they should keep the Office of O. below seventy degrees, since high temperatures can trigger attacks. You can hear the tears in Abbey's voice as she says, "The bottom line is, we have to prepared for anything, every day."

Toby walks into Will's office and asks him if he can have a minute. Will is a bit startled -- I think he was reading TWoP. He says that he wishes Toby would call first, "so [Will] can gather [his] wits." And then he asks Toby if he's seen "thefederalgovernmentareabunchofdinks.com." Worst. URL. Ever. And shockingly enough, nobody seems to have registered it. Will tells him that the site is all over the C.J. rumor: "They've got her high-school basketball stats. Apparently she was all-Dayton." Well, I'm sure she'd be all-datin' now if she had more time. And can I just say, the most obnoxious thing about this entire storyline is that the rumors about C.J. appear to be based entirely on the fact that she was an athlete when she was younger. I mean, couldn't they have thrown in a speech she gave to some gay and lesbian rights group before she was press secretary, or a lesbian roommate she had in college, or something? Because it just strains the imagination to think that anyone would take seriously a rumor that a woman was a lesbian just because she was athletic. And even though we're not supposed to think like those people, this storyline still sends a particular message to women: "If you're a jock, people will think you're a dyke. So you'd better watch out." And I really just don't think that's where we are anymore. Anyway, back to the show. Toby is there to ask Will for Bingo Bob's help with the anti-marriage provision. Will doesn't seem too interested in helping: "The Vice-President is pro-marriage." Toby: "As are we all. I've been married almost twice. To the same woman." It becomes clear that Russell won't issue a statement concerning the bill until he knows exactly what the President is going to say about it publicly. Will rightly points out that taking any position is a trap for a Democratic candidate: "We come out for it, we hurt ourselves in the primaries. We come out against it, we hurt ourselves in the general." Toby is asking for Will's help in killing it, but Will is not going to help unless he knows that Jed is willing to threaten a veto.

C.J. is walking down a corridor, punching buttons on her Blackberry, when Annabeth walks up to her and says, "It's getting bigger." Her sudden appearance scares the crap out of C.J., who gasps and nearly tosses the Blackberry into the air. The height difference between these two is enormous. The top of Annabeth's head is several inches below C.J.'s shoulder. It's very funny. Annabeth has an update for C.J. on the rumors apparently, the Post has submitted an inquiry, for a piece they are doing on "strategic bloggery." Because just saying something makes the something news, even if the something is completely unsupported and made up out of whole cloth. That's the premise on which both Matt Drudge and Ann Coulter have based their careers. So fuck you, fictional Post, for feeding into this cycle. C.J. ruins the visual joke by asking Annabeth how tall she is. When she hears that Annabeth is 4'11", C.J. says, "I can't believe we're the same species." You lose definite points for that one, Brad. C.J. proceeds to run both sides of the conversation at high speed: "I know we shouldn't be saying anything, but are you sure we shouldn't be saying anything? I mean, it'd be great to get it off the 'net, but it'd seem like a comment on the Sanctity of Marriage Act. Plus, any statement on the White House letterhead brings this from the blogosphere to every news outlet in the country. So, not a peep? Thanks for your advice on this." Throughout this onslaught, Annabeth tries unsuccessfully to get a word in edgewise, and she's just left to look after C.J. with bewilderment as she walks away. Now she knows what I feel like. C.J. runs into Margaret, and asks her if Tommy called. Margaret: "Crickets. Guy's starting to tick me off." C.J. just looks at her, and says, "Crickets?"

By LTG

In Josh's office, Santos asks Josh what he's working on. "Actually, right now, trying to build an indoor rain forest." Santos, awkwardly: "Well, good luck with that." Based on the nervous tension between them, I'm going to say that these two definitely did it while Josh was in Houston. They've got that total "morning after" vibe. Josh apologizes: "I'm sorry about landing on you in Houston like that." Those exuberant leaps into bed can be painful if you're not careful. Santos tells Josh that Mrs. Santos wants to kill him. Josh: "I've got a lot of women mad at me." Homewrecker. Josh explains that he really will be late for an important meeting about the budget. Santos: "So, would this be a package deal?" Well, I think there are some packages involved. Josh is wondering if Santos is talking about the budget, but he clarifies that he is not: "I've been thinking about your nine-point plan. But I would like to add a tenth." Josh: "What's that?" Santos: "You." Y'all, I could not make this stuff up. If they're going to feed me lines like this, how am I not supposed to think that they're in love? This dialogue could come straight from a Meg Ryan movie. ["'Straight'?" -- Wing Chun] Josh looks at Santos, wide-eyed. And that right there is the Gayest Look of the Episode. Santos: "I'm in, if you're in with me." Yeah, I think that's a given. Commercials.

Bingo Bob is meeting with some unknown, unnamed people in a conference room. Bob: "So no one here is troubled that the Paper Reduction Act is more than five hundred pages long?" Nooooobody laughs. Nobody. Sensing how dead the room is, Russell ends the meeting before they start with the rotten vegetables.

Bob swaggers out into a hallway, where he runs into Toby. Yeah, he really swaggers -- you can almost see the little horse between his legs. Um, that didn't come out right. Anyway, Russell tells Toby, "You can always tell a bureaucrat, but you can't tell him much." Oh, how droll. This is clearly the wit of a future president. Toby's not much better, coming back with "Unless you tell him in triplicate." Bob asks Toby what he wants, and Toby brings up the Sanctity of Marriage Act. Bob allows that Will already briefed him on it, asking whether Will was any help to Toby. Toby: "He's not obedient as he used to be." I hope to God that didn't inspire someone to write some Toby/Will slash. Toby tells Russell, "I know you don't want to get ahead of the President on this, but we need you to come out...against the Sanctity of Marriage Act." Okay, maybe the pause wasn't that pronounced. But I did almost think Toby was going to stop the sentence right there. In any case, Bingo Bob responds, "Why would I want to do that?" Toby is as impassioned as we've seen him in a while, telling Bob, "This amendment isn't about protecting marriage. It's about institutionalizing the last acceptable form of discrimination. You can't just sit back and allow the religious right to hijack the social agenda in this country. Presidential campaigning has to be about more than duck and cover." Yeah -- it's probably also about getting a word in edgewise.

When Bob finally does get Toby to stop, it's to tell him, "I've got a nephew who's gay." And some of my best friends wear cowboy boots. Well, they're not really my best friends -- they're dancers at a bar. And they wear nothing but cowboy boots. I guess there was really no point to this story. But now I think I know where I'll go when I finish this recap. It turns out that Bob loves his live gay nephew: "I want him to have the same rights and opportunities as everybody else. He wants to go to West Point, and it makes me sick to think that we would send him into battle to defend the Union, but he can't enter into one." See, this was a nice trick. Based on Will's earlier comment ("the Vice-President is pro-marriage") and Bob's opening remarks in this conversation, I thought they were going to set him up as a bigot. It's very nice when the show gives us a little surprise. Despite the fact that Bob is not a bigot, he is a pragmatist -- he thinks the country is just not ready for same-sex marriage: "Five thousand years of socialization didn't go out the window with the first Village People album." You mean there was more than one? Bob thinks that going too fast will cause a backlash, and that the gays should be happy with the crumbs they're getting now. He might not have used those exact words. Toby asks Bob if he would recommend that Jed sign the budget if it contains the anti-marriage provision. Bob: "I'd tell him to get his budget. And so would my nephew." I'm tired, and this recap is running late, so I'll spare you the lecture about how stupid I think Bob's nephew is.

C.J. walks through Margaret's office and asks, "Tommy? Any Tommy?" But Margaret has "no Tommy to give." C.J. continues walking into the hallway, where she is once again startled when she hears Annabeth's voice coming from the area around her knees. Not like that. Pervs. Annabeth is there to let C.J. know that the Boston Globe and MSNBC both want comments on the Wilkinson amendment. Also, muckrakersmanifesto.com has a story that C.J. was going to coach in the WNBA. You would think that a team of crack writers could come up with some better website names. I mean, even the morons over at freerepublic.com came up with something decent. And those people are really stupid. Apparently a bunch of other news outlets are picking up the story, tenuously tying it to stories about the anti-marriage provision. C.J. tells Annabeth that they should stick to the line that the President wants a budget without any extraneous items in it, and also asks her to continue working up a statement. Annabeth is a bit confused: "I thought we decided not." C.J. wants it "just in case." In case what? In case a lesbian bomb is dropped on the South Lawn? Annabeth tells C.J. that she tried writing a statement, but that she gave it up because "it's stupid." C.J.: "Is that an option around here?" Well, it's clearly not an option in the real White House, where no stupid idea is ever left to die a peaceful death. Annabeth tells C.J. that Toby suggested that it was okay to give up on the statement. When C.J. asks what else Toby suggested, Annabeth hesitantly tells her, "That the White House Chief of Staff doesn't get to issue personal statements that sound like letters to the editor of Soap Opera Digest." I'm not sure if that's a burn on soap opera fans. But then again, I don't really care. C.J. gives Annabeth an hour to get her a draft statement.

Toby enters Josh's office. Marla must be at lunch, because Josh's door is open. Oh wait, it's not his office -- it's Toby's. Toby looks at him and asks what he's doing there. Josh: "I got a bad temp." At least it wasn't a bad perm. Those things will stick with you for months. Toby speaks for the audience when he tells Josh that he's just sad: "Call Donna." Josh asks Toby what's up with Wilkinson, and Toby tells him that Wilkinson won't withdraw the amendment. It's not going so well on Josh's side either -- no amount of pork is likely to change many votes: "People don't want to vote against marriage." Grrrrr. Toby is clearly exhausted, as he tells Josh, "I hate this issue. It's like walking around town holding a sick chicken." Some folks in the forums had a few theories about what this meant, but I'm damned if I understand it. Without a credible veto threat, Josh and Toby see no way to get rid of the amendment. Toby, frustrated: "C.J.'s caving. The Vice-President thinks the country's not ready to fight against discrimination. And for all I know, the President's in the middle of naptime." Josh tells Toby that even Hoynes didn't come out strongly against the proposal, instead issuing a wishy-washy statement calling for "thoughtful study." Josh characterizes Hoynes as "straddling the political divide like an Adonis." We all know that Josh actually meant "Colossus," but I'll cut him some slack, because he clearly has beautiful men on the brain. (Not to mention straddling.) Toby is very interested in the fact that Hoynes issued a statement, recalling that Hoynes and Wilkinson served on the Judiciary Committee together. Toby is mulling this over when Josh tells him that Santos stopped by: "The filing deadline is in two days. He wants me to go with him." Toby's not clear on why Santos would want Josh to come to Houston, but Josh clarifies that Santos actually wants him to come to New Hampshire. Toby seems a little slow on the uptake, asking why Santos is going to New Hampshire. Josh: "To run for president. I kinda talked him into it, I think I gotta go with him. I laid out a nine-point plan." Toby, clearly shocked: "Is one of the points a military junta?" Josh gets up to go back to his own office, and Toby really rips into him: "You can't leave. We're not done here. You can't skip out with the President lying flat on his back! Seven years, you're gonna leave us with a candy-gram and a get well card?" Josh tells him that someone has to think about the ninth year, but Toby is not impressed: "You gonna walk into the Oval Office and tell the President you just found a better horse?" The argument is really just starting to heat up when Marla interrupts to deliver a phone message to Josh: "The Secretary of Agriculture is calling. Something about a fruit laboratory." Isn't that what they call the Boy Scouts? Josh leaves, telling Toby that he'll let him know if there's any progress on changing votes on the conference committee.

By LTG

Presidential boudoir. Jed is sitting on his bed getting dressed when Abbey comes in. He tells her that he has to go downstairs for a short meeting, and she tells him that C.J. already informed her. Abbey's not happy: "This gonna be your idea of resting?" He tells her that it will only take a few minutes, but it looks like she's going to put her foot down: "What's so important that you'd risk your health?" She's not impressed that it's the Sanctity of Marriage Act: "I was hoping for at least an international crisis." There's another strange animal-related metaphor when she tells him, "Hold the fish loosely, Jed, or it's gonna flop right out of your hands." Is this some kind of heterosexual foreplay? ["On behalf of my people, I'm going to say no." -- Wing Chun] Jed is looking down at his lap, and he mutters, "I wanna put my pants on." Hmmm, I guess it's not foreplay, then. Abbey either didn't hear him or didn't understand him, and he tells her, a little more loudly, "I can't put my pants on." And with that, she sets aside her disagreement and bends down to help him get dressed. As she's pulling on his pants, Jed recites, "How body from spirit slowly does unwind, until we are pure spirit at the end." Kudos to forum posters Library and trudyj for identifying that as a line from poet Theodore Roethke. Abbey looks up at him, tears in her eyes, and asks, "You gonna quote poetry now?" Too late, I think he just did. She grunts with the effort of picking him up as she hoists him into a standing position to pull his pants the rest of the way up. He mutters, "So this is why they make you take vows." Abbey: "Yup. This is why." With that, they sit down on the bed, and she wipes a tear from her eye. This was a teary scene for me, and not just a little because it called to mind all the couples I've known who were never allowed to take vows but who still have taken care of each other through illnesses as severe as this one. And again, I love this cast. Commercials.

Josh walks into Will's office, where Will is giving instructions to some flunky to overnight something to Concord. Josh is surprised to hear that the New Hampshire office is up and running. Will tells him that there are actually eleven New Hampshire offices: "Cheaper to buy in bulk." Josh compares it to Will's last campaign, in Orange County. Will agrees that it's pretty different: "This guy's got a pulse, for starters." Josh: "Well, technically speaking." Will thinks Josh is there to work on him about the Sanctity of Marriage Act, and makes it clear that he doesn't appreciate Toby's trying to go over his head earlier: "You might remind him, the Vice-President and I actually do talk once in a while." Will thanks Josh for his earlier offer of help with the NAACP stuff, and Josh clearly doesn't even remember it. He's quite distracted. With some hesitation in his voice, Josh asks Will how Donna is working out. Will says that she's great, and Josh expresses some surprise that he didn't see her in the bullpen. Again, I like that they show us that Josh has never been able to think of Donna as anything but a secretary without actually having to spell that out in semaphore. Will tells Josh that Donna is going to be in New Hampshire for a couple of weeks. Josh tells Will to say "hi" to Donna for him. The Bassoon of Josh's Loneliness plays as he drifts out of the office.

By LTG

Josh walks through the bullpen, where he sees Toby, who is clearly just arriving from his chat with Hoynes. The tension between the two of them has decreased, and Josh starts to chat about some of the pork they're doling out. Toby tells him that it was Hoynes who pushed Wilkinson to add the anti-marriage provision to the budget. They look at each other, and Toby asks, "So, Santos, huh?" Josh wonders what Toby will do when the Bartlet administration has ended. Toby: "Whatever I can to stave off the chaos, mayhem, and self-interest that lies just beneath our civil disguise." Josh: "So, not the private sector?" Funniest line of the episode. Toby says that the money would have to be incredible before he would do that. He walks away, and they each say, "See ya."

A secretary who is not Debbie leads Wilkinson into the Office of O. Wilkinson and Jed exchange pleasantries, and the Senator seems sincere when he tells Jed that he's in Wilkinson's prayers. Jed asks him what he can do to get the amendment off the budget. Wilkinson quotes Romans -- something about men burning with lust for other men. It was either Romans, or my diary. Jed asks, "Would it offend you, Sam, if I said this amendment represents a selective interpretation of the scriptures, a complete inversion of the values of Jesus Christ?" Wilkinson is not offended: "I'm secure in my faith." It's just his sexuality he's insecure with. They exchange some platitudes about religious-based legislation. A sample: Jed asks, "What gives us the right to visit our faith on the country?" and Wilkinson responds, "'One nation under God.' What gives us the right not to?" You can see where this is all going. Nowhere, and not so very fast either. In the end, it comes out that Wilkinson introduced the amendment because he believes that Jed wants to sign it. It turns out that on the morning of the National Prayer Breakfast, Jed told Wilkinson that while he supported civil unions, he believed that marriage was between a man and a woman. Jed seems surprised to hear this. All of a sudden, Jed starts talking about his loss of balance: " It should come back, but it's gone right now.... I try thinking it back, but it's difficult, because it's not a static thing. Once it's gone, it's hard to imagine having it back again, and it's disheartening to realize that thinking just isn't gonna get it done. You just have to trust that you're gonna happen on it again." Wilkinson reassures Jed that he only has one more year in his term, but Jed doesn't find that very reassuring: "Yeah, I've got a great future behind me." Wilkinson thinks that he's given Jed cover for signing the anti-marriage provision by attaching it to the budget -- he can sign it and pretend that he didn't really want to. All of a sudden, Jed wonders how this got to be their job: "I raised my right hand and swore an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America." Wilkinson asks, "Where was your left hand, Mr. President?" (The answer, for those who did not get it at first [including your humble recapper], is on the Bible.) This scene was utterly incomprehensible to me. I suppose it must have ended with Jed telling Wilkinson that he would veto the budget if the amendment is not removed. But I guess we'll just have to take it on faith.

By LTG

Toby and C.J. enter Toby's office. Toby is detailing for her all the ways in which they have not been able to get the anti-marriage provision off the budget. He also tells her that he thinks "Hoynes may be behind this whole thing." She's intrigued by that, but he declines to go into detail. He wants to put Jed and Wilkinson into a room together so that Jed can threaten a veto. C.J. doesn't think that will happen, partly because Jed is too ill to come down, and partly because she doesn't think he's ready to veto the bill. Toby says she's the one who doesn't want to veto it, and she doesn't disagree: "I'm not willing to sink the budget over this." Toby: "Over your internet dating life?" C.J.: "No, over a symbol -- an empty gesture that's gonna be struck down by the courts." Toby accuses her of passing the buck, and tells her that she doesn't want to address it because it will call more attention to the internet rumors. C.J. is not amused: "No, Toby, I'm too busy composing my letter to the editor of Soap Opera Digest." There's a long silence, and then Toby breaks the news to her that Josh is thinking of leaving to help Santos run for president: "Leo's gone, Josh has one foot out the door. It's you and I, we're gonna have to run this thing. Are we gonna stand for something, or just hang around, change the sheets for the President's hospital bed?" She asks him if they should make their stand fighting over a symbol, and he tells her, "Yes, we should fight it! Fight the symbol, yes. Symbols matter. If they didn't, why would you care what they say about you on the internet?" C.J. looks thoughtful. Man, I love these actors.

By LTG

It's nighttime. Hoynes is walking out of a building, and he tells a couple of aides that he'll see them on the plane tomorrow. Toby is waiting for him, and they engage in some rare outdoor pedeconferencing. Toby asks Hoynes where he's off to and, when he learns that he's going to South Carolina and Georgia, wonders if Hoynes is working on his southern strategy. Hoynes: "That, and my winter tan. You look like you could use a couple of rays yourself." Toby with a tan just wouldn't be Toby. He agrees with me, telling Hoynes, "I'm not much so much in for tanning, but I'll give it some thoughtful study." Hoynes immediately recognizes the reference to his own statement on the Sanctity of Marriage Act, and talks about how nice it is not to have to comment on every issue that comes before the Congress. Toby asks Hoynes if he served on the Judiciary Committee with Wilkinson, and then accuses him of putting Wilkinson up to attaching the amendment to the budget so that Russell would be forced to move to the right, thereby hurting himself in the Democratic primaries. Hoynes doesn't admit it, but he also doesn't deny it. Toby asks, "I'm just confused about who the viable candidate's supposed to be when Russell's gone." Hoynes: "You underestimate the American public." Toby: "Generally a good policy, in my experience. I don't trust their judgment." But he does trust their aspirations. Toby asks Hoynes if he's also responsible for the rumors about C.J. Hoynes says he's not, and that he feels terrible about that: "I'm gonna win this thing, Toby." Throughout this scene, the nighttime street steam is billowing up around Hoynes. He looks positively devilish. And I like it.

Josh enters the office where Leo is working. Leo asks him, "So, the queers gonna destroy marriage as we know it, or what?" Actually, I might be willing to give up the right to marriage if you could promise me that I would never have to see another Queer Eye wedding-themed episode again. 'Cause those queens are working my last nerve. Josh tells Leo that Wilkinson is coming to meet with Jed, against Abbey's wishes. They both decide that it would be the better part of valor to steer clear of her for a while. Josh looks at Leo and say, "So, I think I found my guy." Leo is like a proud old auntie, smiling and saying, "Yeah? That's good." Josh tells him who it is, and Leo doesn't seem too sure who Santos is. But he tells Josh, "You smell a moment, you gotta go." Josh is clearly feeling guilty about leaving, but Leo tells him, "We'll be fine." Josh invites Leo to come work on the Santos campaign: "I think he might be the real deal." Leo: "I already found my guy." Josh looks at him with pleading eyes: "I don't know how to tell him, Leo."

By LTG

C.J. walks into Margaret's area. (I really don't know whether to call it an office, or what. Sometimes I think it's a fully enclosed office, but other times it looks like a semi-cubicle.) Margaret raises a finger, turns around, and picks up a basketball shoe containing a single red carnation and a note. She tells C.J. that it was just delivered from the northwest gate. C.J. reaches for the note, but Margaret tells her, "It says 'Oval Room at 9.'" C.J. is not surprised that Margaret read the note. I think Margaret clearly needs to start dating, if she's getting this much vicarious pleasure from C.J.'s romantic life. C.J. asks her if the press is still in "there," and then Margaret hands her a one-page statement. C.J. walks off, reading the statement.

C.J. enters the press pool, where a number of reporters are working. She gets their attention and tells them that the Sanctity of Marriage Act has been removed from the budget at Jed's urging. Someone asks her if they're on the record. C.J.: "Sure, what the hell." A single question is asked: "Are you a homosexual?" Man, all of a sudden "homosexual" looks so quaint and old-fashioned. I think we should go back to calling ourselves "sodomites." Or better yet, "inverts." 'Cause that's really old-school. C.J. looks at the statement and prepares to read it, and then sighs and folds up the piece of paper: "I spent the last fourteen hours being snickered at by United States senators, being ostracized on the World Wide Web, having my own colleagues question my ability to do my job, and I let it get to me. So I don't think it really matters whether I'm gay or straight, or just the best damn women's basketball player in Ohio Valley history. No one should be treated this way." Some bald reporter tells her, "You didn't answer the question." C.J. gets her righteousness on, and tells him, "That's right. Because it's none of your business." And with that, she walks out of the room and rips up the statement.

By LTG

Josh is waiting outside the Oval Office. After a couple of minutes, not-Debbie lets him in. He walks up to Jed, and asks him how he's feeling. Josh starts to speak: "Sir, I never imagined that I would be having this conversation." As he speaks, the camera pans away and the sound fades out.

A door with a Russell bumper sticker on it opens and Donna walks in, carrying a file box of personal effects and papers. She's also wearing a parka, just in case you didn't realize that she's in New Hampshire in the wintertime. Phones are ringing, and there are staff walking around in the background. Donna answers the phone, "Russell for president."

Pan down from a partly cloudy sky towards a school. Santos is speaking, telling a smallish assembled crowd that he "wanted to start this journey in the place it all started." And then Santos gives a rather bland speech about hope. "Hope is real" is the main thesis. ["Dude, we already have a Barack Obama. And he's doing just fine. And also, foine." -- Wing Chun] While the speech continues, we see Jed struggling to walk on crutches (the ones with the arm braces). They made his (Jed's) hair extra bouncy for this scene, so it's shaking all over the place as he staggers across the room. We cut back and forth between Santos and Jed. Santos is just delivering a mediocre speech (with Josh and Mrs. Santos looking on), but Jed has gotten himself to a desk. He's leaning against it, without his crutches, and he gradually moves his hands away from the desk and stands on his own two feet. Keep hope alive, y'all.

West Wing TV Show - Punctuation Is For Sissies! - West Wing Photos &amp; Videos, West Wing Reviews &amp; West Wing Recaps | TWoP

West Wing TV Show - Punctuation Is For Sissies! - West Wing Photos & Videos, West Wing Reviews & West Wing Recaps | TWoP