West Wing TV Show - Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary - West Wing Photos & Videos, West Wing Reviews & West Wing Recaps | TWoP

Recapped by Deborah · Aired 01-23-2001

Previously on the West Wing: Leo didn't care overly much for the colourful, drunken, womanizing Lord John Marbury; Marbury had trouble remembering that Leo isn't the butler; Toby told Sam he would prefer not paint pretty political pictures in the "interest of greater oratory"; Leo chided Toby for messing up on the leadership breakfast.

Situation Room. Many military types are working quietly, with radio communications barely audible in the background. Leo comes in, asking if they're patched in to the Pentagon. One fellow confirms that they are; Leo impatiently asks why he can't hear anything. Over the communications system, a voice announces that it's fifteen seconds to launch. Leo: "Okay, why don't you just tell me to shut up?" The voice starts the countdown; the target is launched. Leo wonders how long he has; one of the guys tells him he has two minutes and ten seconds. Leo says he's going to see if he can get the President to come watch this.

In the Oval Office, POTUS is making chitchat with a Mr. Sumatra. They are accompanied by several other people, including Charlie and a woman who must be Mrs. Sumatra, and some representative of the government, whose job includes presenting potential ambassadors to the President. We later learn that this position is the Chief of Protocol, and is part of the State Department. Jed mentions that he hears Sumatra is a sports fan; Sumatra mentions that he likes golf. Jed takes advantage of Sumatra's basically defenseless situation to trash the guy's sport. "Okay, well, golf's not a sport. It's fine -- don't get me wrong -- but let's not you and I confuse it with things that men do." Ow! My freaking ears! Folksy is one thing but this wacky grammar's gotta go. This from a guy who knows you can't modify "unique"? Sumatra bears the mild insult with the good humour expected of a guy who's about to get a plum position. POTUS mentions that they're going to Bangkok in June, and Mr. Sumatra mentions a hotel called The Oriental. Jed suggests that it's the best hotel in the world; Mr. Sumatra points out that James Michener wrote many of his novels while staying there, and that one of his typewriters remains in the suite named after him. Jed tells Charlie to make sure he sees that when they're there; Charlie duly adds it to his long mental list of "Things I Have To Remember Because My Boss Never Will." Small talk dispensed with, Jed turns to the government official, whose name is Tom, and indicates that he's ready to get on with things. Tom says, "Mr. President, it is with pleasure that I present His Excellency, Tada Sumatra of Thailand, and by request of the Secretary of State, ask that you accept his credentials from King Bhumobil Adulyadej as Thailand's Ambassador to the United States." Sumatra hands over his SAT scores and transcripts -- sorry, I mean his "Letter of Credence" from the king. Jed says that he accepts the letter, and by affixing his signature and seal, hereby declares him to be an "Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary." And there's a phrase that I'm making a macro for right now, since I'm going to need it about eighteen more times in this recap. Professor Frink thought this was a great title, so I immediately conferred upon him the title of "Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary for Mathematics and Cool Gadgets" in the banana republic known as our household. Jed says, as he and Sumatra shake hands, "May our people know peace and prosperity. Congratulations." Jed indicates that they have some gifts for him (I'd love to know what...probably not the buckets of trendy, overpriced goodies that presenters get at award shows...man, would I like one of those buckets/baskets/what-have-you ["Deborah, I promise that when the Embies are televised and you get to present the award for Most Annoying Non-Teen Character, we'll get you the biggest big-ass basket and full it with every Burt's Bees product on the market. Oh, and Crane's stationery embossed with your monogram. For a start." -- Wing Chun]) and that they're going to pose for some pictures.

Charlie makes a quiet escape at this point, and tells Mrs. Landingham on his way out that POTUS has about another two minutes, and then he's got to pull him. She says that's okay. Leo shows up, asking whether he can pull the President. Charlie asks whether he should say it's an emergency; Leo says it's not, but it's time-sensitive. While Charlie goes to the Oval Office, Leo and Mrs. L. take a few shots at each other. He sees her staring at him and asks, "What are you looking at?" She says accusingly, "You're testing that preposterous contraption again." Leo replies, "It's not preposterous, it's not a contraption, and mind your own business." She says, "In my day, we knew how to protect ourselves." Leo's retort: "Well, in your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't ya?" Low blow, but bwah! She doesn't miss a beat: "Ah, sarcasm, the grumpy man's wit." Leo: "Sharpen a pencil, would ya?" Leo manages to make this last sentence carry the weight of "shove it."

At this point Jed emerges to see what Leo wants. When Leo tells him the target's in the air and that they're going to launch the intercept any moment, Jed replies, "And I'm sure somebody'll come along soon thereafter and tell me it didn't work." Leo doesn't appreciate Jed's attitude and asks, "What do I get if it works?" Jed tells him, "Well, I can't make you Thailand's ambassador to the U.S. 'cause I just signed that guy's letter." Leo tells him to come with him to the Situation Room. Jed and Mrs. L. exchange mildly weary looks.

Out in the hall, Jed tells Leo that he is the Charlie Brown of defense, and that the Pentagon is Lucy. Leo, amazingly, has no idea what Jed is talking about. Jed explains, "Peanuts. Charlie Brown." Leo elaborates, "I've heard of them, I'm just not conversant in 'em." Oh, dear. Jed: "Why?" Leo says, "I've never read the comics." Jed asks, "Leo, were you born at the age of fifty-five?" Leo volunteers, "I know that there's a dog." Jed goes on to explain Lucy and Charlie's annual ritual of her convincing him to kick a football that she's holding, only to pull it away, gleefully, at the last second. Each time Charlie swears he won't fall for it again and each year she finds a new way to trick him into it. While Jed is recounting all this, they are walking through what seem like miles of hallway to the Situation Room. Leo doesn't see what's funny about Charlie Brown falling on his butt; Jed explains that it's satirical. Leo asks, "What's it satirizing?" Jed replies, "The DOD bringing you to the Situation Room every time they run a new missile test so that you can come tell me how great it works so that I'll put money in the NMD system." Leo responds, "You should put money in the NMD system." Jed: "It doesn't work." Leo insists it will work, "one day soon." Yes, and the Great Pumpkin will be here any minute, too. As they approach the Situation Room, Leo warns Jed, "There are a couple of three-star generals in there. Call 'em 'Lucy' and you're on your own."

By Deborah

As they enter, one guy informs Jed that the "Kill Vehicle is on a clear trajectory." There are fifty seconds until it hits the target. A colonel walks Jed through the scenario: "Approximately three minutes ago, a missile was launched with a simulated nuclear warhead from the Kwajalein Atoll in the South Pacific." Jed: "And it's going to hit my garage in New Hampshire exactly when?" The colonel says, "Once the missile cleared cloud cover, it was detected by the early warning satellites, which launched an interceptor, or 'kill vehicle.'" Jed walks over to the wall of maps and radar screens. A radio voice says, "Ten seconds to SRB sep." Another guy explains, "'SRB sep' is 'solid rocket booster separation, and that means the high-resolution radar on the ground has gotten a 'lock-on' signal from the Kill Vehicle." Everyone quietly listens to the voices on the radio communications describing various events. Jed paces; Leo checks his watch. Jed asks, "So what happens now?" Leo explains that in twenty seconds it will collide with the nuclear warhead. Jed: "Where?" Leo: "In outer space." The colonel adds, "Seventeen miles above the earth's atmosphere." Jed: "Okay, but we don't have anybody out there right now, do we?" Leo admonishes him in a low voice: "Sir." Guess not everyone finds POTUS as amusing as I do. Jed then tells Leo that when they stay at the Oriental in Bangkok, they have to check out James Michener's typewriter. Leo has no idea how to respond to this non sequitur. They hear the countdown; after one, there's not much sound from anywhere, either in the room or over the radio. We get shots of the military bigwigs looking disappointed. Jed asks Leo, "Is that silence usually a pretty good sign?" Leo tells him it isn't. The radio voice says that the warhead has overshot its target. Jed remarks, "It was just enthusiastic." Leo wants to know by how much it missed the target. The guy to Leo says, "One-three-seven." Leo says sadly, "We missed it by a hundred and thirty-seven feet?" The guy to him corrects him: "Miles." Leo's incredulous: "We missed it by a hundred and thirty-seven miles?" Jed helpfully comments, "When you consider the size of outer space, Leo, that's not so bad." Leo seems about to say something sharp to Jed when Jed adds, "By the way, the words you're looking for are, 'Oh, good grief!'"

After the commercials, C.J.'s holding a press briefing, describing the ceremony by which people are made ambassadors to the United States. She basically explains everything already covered in the Sumatra scene above, so I'm not going to reiterate it here. One reporter asks if there's a particular order in which ambassadors are received; basically, they're taken according to the order in which they arrived in Washington. Sumatra arrived from Thailand first; then POTUS will be seeing Peter Hans of Sweden, followed by Her Excellency Renee Ernesto of Argentina, then Noah Jola of Burkina Faso. She adds, "The newly named British Ambassador will be arriving in the United States just as soon as he's been newly named." The reporters are confused, thinking that someone had already been named, but he withdrew due to family obligations. His replacement withdrew due to severe illness. Since we've already seen Roger Rees in the previews and his name in the credits, I think we can pretty much assume that Lord John Marbury has a new job. (And yes, I'm aware that it should probably be John, Lord Marbury, but this is what the show's calling him, so that's what we're going with.) C.J. says as soon as she knows who it is, she'll tell them. She basically dismisses them, but as they leave, she wants to know whether any of them want to know who's been here the longest. "The dean of the diplomatic corps, anybody? Guys, you know, I study these things just for you." Everyone chatters amongst themselves as they disperse, ignoring C.J. She announces, "It's Prince Bandar bin Sultan of Saudi Arabia."

As C.J. and Carol leave the room, C.J. complains, "I could have also told them that Burkina Faso has a population of eleven million, and in even years, they host Africa's largest crafts market." Carol enthusiastically says, "Yes." C.J. wants a chance to use this knowledge. It arrives in the form of Sam. He comes up to them and she says, "You know the chief crops of Burkina Faso?" Sam, astonishingly, doesn't. C.J. recites, "Millet, sorghum, rice, peanuts, and cotton." Sam couldn't (or could) care less. Pick whichever you like. He tells her to mention in her afternoon briefing that they've accepted a last-minute invitation for the President to address the Global Defense council tomorrow night, since their keynote speaker fell through. Sam explains that they're going to use this opportunity to launch CARE, and that's what he wants her to announce. Sam explains that CARE stands for Clean Air Rehabilitation Effort. C.J. pretends to know what it's about; Sam insists she doesn't. In her defense, C.J. point out that she's not involved in the nuances of environmental policy. Sam says, "Which will come as a relief to environmentalists." He says he'll brief her later. She reminds him that she knew the crops of Burkina Faso.

C.J. takes off, and we follow Sam into a meeting in, I believe, the Roosevelt Room. He asks the numerous assistants in the room, which include Ginger and Bonnie, whether they've heard from Toby. They haven't. No one knows whether he's landed yet, either. Wonder where he was? We then get to see how much fun it is to work for Sam. He starts reciting the beginning of the speech they're working on to launch CARE. After a few sentences, he asks if somebody got that. Ginger says they got it. Sam says he didn't see anybody writing. Bonnie points out he already wrote it. Sam says he just added something. Ginger assures him they've got it. He continues overexplaining that the piece he added sets up "the reveal." Ginger cheerfully agrees. Sam continues speechifying, and asks whether someone's verifying the statistics he's citing and the claims he's making. Bonnie assures him that someone's checking. Sam insists he wants to cite three different sources. "And we don't know if Toby's back?" Bonnie says, "Sam! You'll know as soon as we do." Ginger, who just picked up her cell phone, probably to order in some tranquillizers for Sam, looks toward the door and gestures with her phone, saying, "Sam?" Sam asks, "Is it Toby?" The phone hasn't rung, mind you. ["She could have had it on vibrate?" -- Wing Chun] Ginger says, "Yes." Sam asks if he can have the phone; Ginger points out that Toby's over by the door.

As Sam leaves, he cites a statistic about respiratory illness and reminds them that he wants three sources. He asks Toby how his trip was; Toby sighs wearily and says it was fine. Sam tells Toby about POTUS accepting an invitation to speak at the GDC conference tomorrow night and launch CARE. Toby seems pretty unhappy about this and wants to know when this decision was made (last night) and why he wasn't involved (Sam assumed there was consensus). Toby's really annoyed that he was left out of the decision: "I have a damn telephone, Sam!" Sam tells him that the decision was made in a meeting attended by him, Carl Taub of the EPA, and somebody named Jane Ziskin. Sam tries to point out that Toby's been looking for an opportunity to launch this initiative, but Toby's still asking questions: "Leo wasn't there?" Sam still doesn't see what the problem is. Toby points out that there are a number of problems, and if Sam had gotten him on the phone, he could have told him about them. Problem number one: "We already blew off the AFL-CIO 'cause we told them the President was going to be in South America." Sam points out that the South America thing fell through. Toby says sarcastically, "Instead, he's speaking to labour's good friend, the environmental lobby. Also, he's the President of the United States. He's nobody's understudy! You've got him going out there like Joey Bishop." Sam acknowledges all that, but points out that POTUS was very enthusiastic. Toby says of course he was. Sam expands on this, saying he wasn't in there twisting his arm. Sam told POTUS the opportunity had come up and that he had enough notes to finish the speech in time. Jed asked a few questions, and said yes. Toby relents, saying, "All right, all right, all right." As Sam leaves, he assures Toby it's going to be a good speech. Just then Ginger comes in and Toby quietly tells her, "I need to see Leo."

Over in Josh's office, C.J.'s voice in on the speaker phone. Josh is standing against the wall behind his door, in what looks like a slightly uncomfortable posture. C.J.'s saying, "It's not going to be Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach." Josh says, "I heard." She repeats this, and Josh repeats that he heard. C.J. replies, "But I like to say, 'Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach." Josh wants to know who it's going to be; C.J. doesn't know. She's waiting to hear from the State Department. She adds, "Maybe it will be Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach." Josh asks, "Can I stop talking to you now?" C.J. asks him what he's doing; he explains he's standing with his back straight against the wall, because doctors told him it would relax him. If you can't tell that Donna's about to come busting in and crash the door against Josh, I just don't know if I can help you. She does, and C.J. hangs up. Josh just stand there in his long-suffering way, closing the door behind Donna and asking what she wants. She wants to know if Leo can't stand a guy named Lord John Marbury. Apparently some reporter asked her. Josh, in his usual tactful way, wants to know, "What's a reporter doing talking to you?" Donna says it's a friend of a friend. Josh says, "Leo McGarry has nothing but respect and affection for John Marbury." Donna says that's what she said. Josh replies, "Good, because Leo thinks he's a lunatic." Donna says he's very handsome. Josh replies that may be so, but reiterates Leo's opinion.

Donna: Are you threatened by [Marbury's] brilliance?
Josh: No.
Donna: You seem threatened by his brilliance.
Josh: How do you know he's brilliant?
Donna: I saw his picture.
Josh: I'm not threatened by his brilliance, nor am I threatened by his good looks.
Donna: How about his charm?
Josh: I'm not threatened at all.
Donna: I'm sorry, I meant Leo.
Josh: Neither Leo or [sic] I are threatened by his brains, his looks or his charm. He is, however, a lunatic Brit and we're grateful that there's an ocean between us.
Donna: There isn't anymore.
Josh: Please...don't tell me...

Donna announces that he's the new British Ambassador. Josh exhales very heavily. He gets up to go stand against the wall again, as Donna adds that Marbury is "dreamy." Her taste in men generally leaves a lot to be desired. He leans against the wall, as Donna hustles out, heaving the door against Josh again.

After some commercials, Toby enters Josh's office. Josh says, "Okay, what I need people to do is knock." Toby says he did. Josh wants him to wait for a response. Toby wants to know why he should do that. Josh says, "Because I coulda been relaxing by standing behind that door." Toby, mystified: "All right." They start pedeconferencing. Toby wants to talk about the GDC speech; Josh quickly points out that he didn't think it was a good idea, and said so. Toby thinks that doesn't seem to have helped, and complains that they can't be at the beck and call of the environment. Josh suggests they could try insulting them. Toby says yes; Josh says he's kidding. Toby says he's not. Josh says, "We were invited." Toby doesn't care. Josh asks him what he has. Toby's issue is that environmental terrorists burned down a ski resort and the GDC didn't comment. Josh asks why they burned down the resort; Toby replies, "To save the lynx." Josh: "The links? Environmental terrorists burned down a ski resort to save a golf course?" Toby clarifies that a lynx is an animal. ["Heh. The joke kind of loses something written out in print." -- Wing Chun] Josh indicates that Sam will have strong objections. Toby knows. Josh wants to know if Toby wants him to talk to Leo; Toby says he'll speak to him, but he wants Josh to speak to C.J. He tells Josh that the Will Rogers Dinner is going to ask Cornelius Sykes to host. Josh can't believe it. Josh says cryptically, "He didn't laugh at the joke." Toby says, "Talk to C.J." As Josh turns to go, Toby asks, "Why do you relax by standing behind a door?" Josh explains, "I'm not standing behind the door, I'm standing with my back straight against the wall so I..." Toby interrupts, "I don't care," and walks off. year for Chanukah, I'm getting Toby a copy of How To Win Friends and Influence People. His people skills really do need a bit of work.

Leo's on the phone in his office with someone named Keith, arguing. "I can't tell him that. I can't tell him nine out of ten things went right. He's gonna say, 'Yeah, but we didn't hit anything.'" He ends his call as Toby comes in. He tells Toby they ran an NMD test that morning, and were successful on nine out of ten criteria. Toby says, "We missed?" Leo confirms this; Toby asks by how much. Leo kind of hedges, saying once you miss, it doesn't matter by how much. He finally tells Toby, "A hundred and thirty-seven miles." Toby mentions the GDC speech; Leo points out he wasn't in the meeting. Toby wants to know how it happened; Leo insists it just happened fast. Sam pitched it and POTUS wanted to do it. Toby wants to know how Leo could have not been in that meeting. Leo replies, "'Cause I'm trying to get the President to warm up to a missile shield that's supposed to save humanity and there is a limit to the number of rooms I can be in at once! You want to file a complaint?" Toby does not. He says, "Here's what I think..." Leo supplies, "Screw the environmental lobby?" Toby's irritated: "Did I say that? Did I say 'Screw the environmental lobby'?" No, but you wanted to. He keeps going off on Leo for a moment until Leo apologizes. Toby continues, "There's an extent to which we've got to screw the environmental lobby." I knew it. "A clear and public demonstration that the President's not beholden to them is not a bad idea right now." Leo inquires, "You think he should walk into their ballroom and smack 'em around?" Toby: "I really do, for thirty seconds, out of a forty-minute address announcing an initiative they love." Leo asks how he thinks they'll feel about the thirty seconds. Toby replies, "Not that good, but that's the point. We don't have to move to our right if there's an opportunity to spank the people to our left." Leo wonders if there's anything in particular for which to "spank 'em." Toby announces, "Failing to publicly admonish acts of eco-terrorism." Leo says the GDC doesn't do that; Toby points out they've failed to publicly admonish those who do. He tells Leo about the ski-resort incident; Leo's not entirely sure what a lynx is. Come on, people, I don't think a lynx is all that arcane an animal, is it? Not like a zebu, say. ["I agree." -- Wing Chun] Toby's erudite explanation: "I don't know, I think it's like a possum or something." How did these people all score like, nine thousand on their SATs? Leo agrees and tells Toby to instruct Sam to find a place for it. Toby doesn't want it in the advance text, though, and doesn't want to deal with Sam and his "fourteen objections" for what should just be a drop-in. Leo says he'll talk to the President. Leo asks if there's anything else. Toby says, "A hundred and thirty-seven miles? Is that a lot?" Leo says yeah. Toby says okay and leaves.

By Deborah

Donna and Josh continue pedeconferencing. Well, if you can call Donna rattling on about her desperate singlehood a "conference." Donna says, "And I was thinking, when Marbury gets here, you can encourage him to introduce me to any royal and single men he might now." Josh replies, That's a good idea. I'm going to do that." Donna: "You're not really, though, are you?" Josh: "No."

In the Oval Office, it's time for Peter Hans of Sweden to receive his secret decoder ring. His wife and kids are there too. They're still in the small-talk phase, and POTUS is mentioning that he doesn't think most people realize the Swedes have lived in Sweden for more than five thousand years longer than any other European people. Mr. Hans confirms this, and Jed adds, "In fact, Gothic tribes from Sweden played a major role in the disintegration of the Roman Empire, did they not?" What did they do, surround the Romans in their forts and blast Krokus until they begged for mercy? Jed teases him that they've got that to answer for; Mr. Hans pleasantly agrees. Again, what else is the poor guy going to do? As Leo slips in quietly, The Chief of Protocol finally presents Hans to POTUS; they go through all the routine as before and then he's officially an Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary. The way Martin Sheen says it though, it sounds like "Plentipotentiary." It's an understandable slip.

Then it's time for pictures and everybody gets into place as flashbulbs pop. Leo congratulates Ambassador Hans and asks, "Is he still holding you responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire?" Hans says, "Oh, yes." Leo: "Welcome to my world." He says he'll see him at the reception later, and the Chief of Protocol hustles the Hans family off. Jed says to Leo, "Sweden has a one hundred percent literacy rate, Leo. A hundred percent! How do they do that?" Leo responds, "Well, maybe they don't and they also can't count." Frink finds this hilarious. Still, I believe they do and I am very impressed. That's me, the sort of girl who's much more impressed with literacy rates than a big GDP. Jed says, "Maybe." Leo then launches into his "nine of ten things went right" spiel. Jed asks, "The tenth being?" Leo: "They missed the target." Jed counters, "Damn! That tenth one. See, if there were just nine..." Leo's not in a joking mood. He says, "Look, the tracking software on the KM vehicle clearly acquired a read on both the target and the decoy. And for the first time ever, successfully rendered a clean identification differential." Jed asks, "Leo, seriously, when they were telling you that on the phone, how stupid did you think you'd sound saying it to me?" Leo says that the project needs money; Jed claims that it doesn't work. Leo goes for the jugular: "Neither did several phases of Apollo 11, but Neil Armstrong claims it was a success." Jed: "Do we need to decide this right now?" Leo says no. Leo moves on to the GDC speech, and explains that since the CARE initiative is exactly what they want, Toby wants them to signal their independence as well. Leo explains the drop-in admonishment and mentions the ski resort/lynx incident. Jed asks, "And we can't take it for granted that everyone pretty much fundamentally opposes arson?" Leo reminds Jed that a year and a half ago he ripped a strip off religious leader Al Caldwell because the fundamentalists hadn't publicly admonished religious extremists. Jed says, without a trace of irony or sarcasm, "It would be hypocrisy not to hold our friends to the same standard, and yet it feels strange to score political points by doing the right thing. I'm a victim to [sic] my own purity of character." Leo replies, "Whatever. We'll get you some information on the lynx, which is a kind of possum, I think." Jed counters, "Well, it's not a kind of a possum, so why don't you get me that information? Toby doesn't want it in the speech?" Leo confirms that it's just a drop-in. Jed asks if Leo heard about Marbury. Jed: "Isn't it great?" Leo replies, "Yes, sir. And I assume you're enjoying my suffering?" Jed: "Absolutely." As Leo leaves and Charlie comes in, Jed calls out after Leo, "Two thousand environmentalists are going to try to kill me tomorrow night!" He tells Charlie, "They're going to come after me with vegan food and pitchforks." Charlie remarks, "That doesn't really sound like something people do." Jed states, "Still, I'd like you to get between me and any boiled seaweed you see coming my way."

As they leave the office, Charlie and Jed run into Toby. Jed tells him Leo just talked to him. Toby asks, "About the GDC speech?" Jed declares, "I'm not doing this for the politics. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do." How depressing that those are so easily separable. Toby says he's doing it for the politics. Jed announces, "A lynx isn't a possum." Toby thinks it's in the possum family. Jed says, "It's a cat." Toby: "Oh, and we don't have enough of those." Jed asks how Sam feels about this, meaning the drop-in, not whether a lynx is a possum or not. Toby hesitates and finally says, "This isn't Government Camp. It's not like...it's not important that everybody gets to play." Jed says, "I'm not going to tell you how to run your office, Toby..." which sounds like it could lead in to, "but here's what I think you should do." Toby, however, quickly thanks POTUS for saying so and leaves Jed with nothing more to say. Except to Charlie: "Vegan food, coming at me all night long." They split and Toby runs into C.J., who's on her way to New York, to receive the Matrix Award from New York Women in Communications. Is that an award for major ass-kicking, per the movie of the same name? Girlfriend sure deserves it. ["I'd like to see her in a head-to-toe black leather get-up, too. And I'm not even gay!" -- Wing Chun] Toby asks, "For what?" C.J. says, "I discovered a comet. What do mean, 'for what?'" C.J. mentions that past winners include Cokie Roberts, Diane Sawyer, and Leslie Stahl. Toby starts running through his laundry list: yes, she heard from Josh about Cornelius Sykes, and yes, she's been briefed on CARE. He tells her, "Okay, you might need this, " and reads from his little notebook: "The President has always spoken out against moderate groups not taking responsibility for extremism and he isn't going to stop with the environmental lobby. Friends are honest with each other." C.J. asks, "He's going to do a drop-in?" Toby says yes. She takes the piece of paper and says, "I'll see you tomorrow night," and leaves. Just then Bonnie comes up and gives Toby a copy of Sam's latest version of the speech, saying it's a good one. Toby takes one and glances at it. Time for some commercials. Also, I'm really hungry today for some reason. Good opportunity for me to go get some food.

Okay, I've inhaled a bunch of pecans. I'm ready to roll. Toby and Sam are going over the various facts and claims in Sam's speech, as Sam is getting to ready to attend the GDC dinner. As he's leaving, he asks where C.J. is; Toby tells her she's in New York at a lunch, "Media Women, Women of Media..." Toby's indifference to the names of women's organizations is starting to bug me. Anyway, Sam finds out she had to stay around for a while, so he's the only one going to the dinner. Toby tells him to call him from the place. Sam stops by the Roosevelt Room on his way out, where Bonnie and Ginger are working. He picks up a document and asks, "Final draft?" Ginger says, with way less sarcasm than I would have managed, "Well, it's the twelfth draft. Whether it's the final draft is really up to you." Sam asks, "Was that sass?" Ginger meekly admits, "Yeah." He tosses the document down and says, "Okay. The difference between a good speech and a great speech is the energy with which the audience comes to their [sic] feet at the end. Is it polite? Is it a chore? Are they standing up because their boss just stood up? No. We want it to come from their socks. We got half an hour. Let's read this again." Bonnie gives Ginger a "nice going" look.

Josh is in Leo's office. Leo's telling him that every time one of the tests fails, Congressional Democrats jump on it as a reason to kill the program. Josh asserts that Leo is not going to turn Jed around on the missile shield. Leo realizes that won't happen anytime soon, but believes as long as the money continues to be available for the program, then he's okay. Margaret comes in to tell him there's someone there to see him. Leo asks who. From the hallway, we hear someone shout, "Gerald!" Leo mutters, "Oh, God." Enter Lord Marbury. "Gerald, old friend!" They shake hands and Leo says, "Good to see you...Ambassador." Marbury's handkerchief is hanging so far out of his pocket he looks in danger of losing it. Maybe that's the way all the kids are wearing 'em now, I don't know. I'm sure it symbolizes his devil-may-care nature. ["Or drunkenness." -- Wing Chun] Marbury says to Leo, "It's as if the gods themselves insist that we be not long apart, you and I." Leo, humourlessly: "They do seem to strongly insist upon that, yes." Marbury: "Your assistant Margaret is looking positively buxom." She is? Of all the secretaries and assistants in the place, the only one of whom that would be less true is Mrs. L. Leo thanks him and says he'll tell her. From outside the office, we hear Margaret's voice: "Thank you." Marbury calls out, "Oh, yes! Well done." Marbury then introduces the woman accompanying him as his aide, Caprice. Um. That's quite a name if you're not, say, a backup dancer for Jennifer Lopez. ["Or a car." -- Wing Chun] The other day I was in a store and was waited on by somebody with the name Princess. I wonder if her parents appreciate the incongruity of "Princess" wearing a polyester uniform and waiting on other people? I'm just wondering. ["I recall from my early '90s Sassys that one of Prince's backup singers named her sons 'Sir' and 'President.' Those poor boys." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Marbury shakes Josh's hand and says, "God bless you, Josh. The prayers of a million were answered." Only a million? I'm pretty sure there are more than that in The Harem alone, and I know they were all praying desperately for Josh's recovery. Josh thanks him. Marbury then loudly announces, "I have come. I am Lord John Marbury, along with my aide, Caprice, and I am hereby presenting my credentials, in the fervent hope..." Leo interrupts and explains that they do that later with POTUS. Marbury hands his letter from Queen Elizabeth back to Caprice. Leo swallows every last bit of pride and says, "I will tell you, though, that I personally welcome you and I look forward to our partnership. I know we've had our differences in the past, but I think you know I respect you. I congratulate you on this auspicious occasion. And as a matter of fact, the timing of your arrival couldn't be better." Josh interjects that Leo's trying to convince POTUS to give the NMD more time. Leo adds, "And you're an expert in the field, and I hope I can count on your support." Marbury replies, "You may hope for it, but you'll not have it." Leo wants to know why not. Marbury explains, "Because the NMD is an absurdly wasteful military boondoggle that will never produce a working missile. It violates any number of elements of the ABM Treaty, and any argument you make in its defense will surely be moronic." Josh says, "Ah...détente." Marbury says, "I'm sorry, Gerald." Leo says, "We're going to have this out." Marbury replies, "Excellent!" Leo suggests, "Let's go get you knighted or whatever the hell it is we do."

C.J. is at a swanky hotel lobby (or maybe a bar) meeting Cornelius Sykes. He asks her if she wants to stay for his show, but she says she has to get the seven o'clock shuttle. They make small talk for a bit. They seem to have pretty cordial relationship. She starts in on her mission, explaining that she knows he's going to be asked to host the dinner and the President will be there, and they appreciate his support, and before she can really finish, he guesses that they want him to decline. She admits they think the press will go back a couple of years to some controversial incident in which he was involved. He doesn't care: "Let 'em." C.J. doesn't want it all to come up again. She says, "You know how I feel about you, you know I don't mean you any disrespect..." He says, "You don't?" C.J. insists that she doesn't. He pauses a moment and states, "I've raised money for you. I've registered voters for you, I've done commercials for you, and I've voted for you. Because of something I never did wrong two years ago, you don't want to be on the same dais with me." C.J. starts to argue but Sykes continues, "It takes a special kind of arrogance not to think that that's disrespectful. C.J. looks dismayed. He tells her, "Make your case. I gotta be funny in a while."

By Deborah

Toby wanders toward his office with some coffee. He asks Ginger and Bonnie whether the President is off the stage yet. Just then Sam phones. Toby takes the call in his office. Sam's mad: the first thing he says is, "He admonished them." Toby tries to interrupt but Sam continues, "He went off the speech right at the end and slapped them down for not speaking out on eco-terrorism. He just flew right off the speech. Something about a Colorado ski resort." Toby keeps trying to say something and finally says, "Sam, are you listening to me?" Sam finally says, "Talk to me." Toby says, "Here's what you say: 'Friends are honest with each other. The President has always spoken out on moderate groups not taking responsibility for extremism and he isn't going to stop with the environmental lobby.'" Sam says he's got it as POTUS finishes his speech and people applaud politely. Toby asks what's happening and Sam tells him, "They're not standing."

After the commercial break, a reception hall is being set up for the party for the new ambassadors. Donna is squiring Marbury around (or maybe he's squiring her). She's asking him, "So you're actual royalty." He confirms this. She continues, "It's not just an honorary thing?" Marbury tells her, "No, in fact there's little honor attached to it at all." Marbury makes a beeline for the drinks that are being set out and grabs a glass and a bottle as Donna asks him to tell her about himself. Oh boy. He starts reciting a detailed personal genealogy that includes Mary, Queen of Scots. Donna flirtily asks whether he and Caprice are an item. Marbury says, "Uh, no." At least that's what the closed captioning says; it actually sounds more like he says, "Not now." Charlie comes up to tell Marbury that POTUS is dealing with the Argentinean ambassador and asks for Marbury's patience. Marbury replies, "Then my patience he shall have."

Sam runs into C.J. as they both get back to the White House at the same time. C.J.'s all bundled up and she has a cute hat. I wish I could wear hats. I just look like an idiot in them. Is it because I'm short? Can only tall women wear hats properly? I don't know. Sam asks if he she just got back, and whether she's heard what happened (meaning at the GDC). C.J. says yeah, and tells him the official line Toby cooked up about friends being honest with each other. Sam is taken aback and asks her if she's spoken to Toby since the speech ended. She says no. Sam says okay, and looks like he just found out there's no Easter Bunny.

By Deborah

At some elegant bar, Sam sits stonily as he's served a drink. He's about to pay when Toby comes up saying he's got it. They bicker briefly about this and Toby wins, and also orders a beer. Toby tells him, "You don't ever go into the Oval Office mad." Sam starts to argue and Toby says, "No, no, no. You don't ever go in there mad." Sam says, "I think the President's remarks were...ill-advised, to say the least." Toby tells him he's wrong. Sam complains that the drop-in is the story now, not the energy package. Toby claims that the energy package doesn't need to be a story, it's going to be a law. Sam asks, "You don't think we need the environmental lobby?" Toby replies, "I think we need them, I just don't think we're gonna lose them." Sam thinks Toby is "tragically misguided," adding, "Many, if not most, environmentalists are absolutists who will use this insult to pull their support under cover we cut a deal with Detroit." Toby comments, "Well, then, they can grow up, Sam. 'Use this insult'? They just got the energy package they wanted, they just got the President at their dinner, and they should shut up!" Sam says softly, "Well, you should explain it to them just that way, Toby, 'cause they're really pretty receptive to that argument." Toby sighs and says, "When they look down a ballot and see the alternatives they get receptive in a hurry." Sam asks, "Was there anything else or can I sit here now?" Toby gets up to leave and says he'll see Sam tomorrow. Then he adds, "Sam, I'm looking at opposition polling that scares the hell out of me. I'm looking at internal numbers that change by the hour, I'm listening to economists that are telling me there's weather..." Sam interrupts accusingly, "You left me out!" Toby acknowledges this. Sam suggests that Toby thinks he's the reason he got creamed on the leadership breakfast. Um, Toby made a bad deal on the thing with Ann Stark, sold C.J. up the river for sure...how is this Sam's fault? Toby says he doesn't want this discussion; Sam asks what he's doing there talking to him, then. Sam states, "You and the President may think they deserved it, but this system of attacking your friends for political protection offends them and it offends me. It offends you and there's really nothing I can do to make you feel better about that." Toby points out, "We can't govern if we don't win." Yeah, that's for sure. Sam insists, "You should talk to me about the numbers more." Toby agrees. Toby says that he's got this beer here, and he's just going to sit down and drink it, and they don't have to talk or anything. Sam looks hurt; Toby looks sheepish. Aw.

POTUS comes into the Oval Office from Leo's office, where he's been on the phone with various politicians and activists, all pretty unhappy with his GDC dinner remarks. He complains about all this to Josh and Leo, who have been waiting in his office. Jed says, "The number of different words they had for 'manipulative' -- Leo, there's no way they didn't have a thesaurus open in front of them." A guy from the Sierra Club said that if Jed keeps this up, he's going to encourage Seth Gillette in a third-party bid. Leo asks what Jed said. Jed replies, "I said for fifty bucks and a ride to the airport Gillette could have the job right now." Josh chuckles. Leo asks again, "What'd you say?" Jed states, "I politely reminded him that it's probably not a good idea to threaten the President." He bellows for Nancy, Mrs. L's assistant. He puts his suit jacket on in his inimitable way. Nancy comes in and Jed tells her to tell Charlie he's ready. In the meantime, he's also telling Leo he wants to know that Leo's not pushing him on the missile shield because he wants Jed to look strong on defense. Leo says he's not, that he's pushing him because he believes the shield works. Jed asks, "Based on what?" Leo: "Confidence...and the understanding that there's been a time in the evolution of everything that works when it didn't work." Leo's not only like Charlie Brown in the football respect, he also exhibits the perverse mixture of optimism and persistence that makes Charlie keep trying to fly his hopeless kites. Josh pipes up: "You know, can I say this? Why don't we just give the sixty billion dollars to North Korea in exchange for not bombing us?" Jed comments, "It's almost hard to believe you're not on the National Security Council." Josh adds, "I know! I feel they're missing an important voice."

Marbury is escorted in at this moment, and Jed explains why he's been waiting. "I have to see people in the order in which they arrive, and you got beat by Argentina." Hee! Good little dig there. Marbury, at an uncharacteristic loss for words, says, "Oh, uh...yes." Jed informs him that he also lost out on preferred seating for the State of the Union. Marbury: "I'm required to attend the State of the Union?" Jed confirms this. "Then attend it I shall." Chitchat dispensed with, the Chief of Protocol presents Marbury, but before Jed signs the papers, he asks Marbury, "Where are you on the missile shield?" As Leo looks on seriously, Marbury replies, "Well, I think it's dangerous, illegal, fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere." But other than that, you're all for it? Jed then says, "Leo?" Leo: "I think the world invented a nuclear weapon. I think the world owes it to itself to see if it can't invent something that would make it irrelevant." Marbury says, "Well, that's the right sentiment, and certainly a credible one from a man who's fought in a war. You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield. Somebody will build a better missile." Jed breaks up this lovefest by saying, "Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive." If that means wearing the white ties and tails again you can count Charlie out. Jed goes back to the song-and-dance again, and makes Marbury an Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary, too. Marbury thanks him. Leo shakes his hand and very genuinely says, "Congratulations." Marbury says to Leo, also quite sincerely, "God bless America." Leo warmly replies, "God save the Queen." Jed and Marbury pose for pictures. Josh wonders who he'd have to sleep with to get on the National Security Council.

By Deborah

In Toby's office, he and Leo are arguing about defense systems. Poor Leo, trying anywhere and everywhere to find an ally. Toby sees Sam come back into the area and Leo says he's going "back in there," by which I think he means the reception. Toby asks Sam whether he's been getting questions. Sam says he has. Toby asks, "From the press, or..." Sam replies, "The press'll be tomorrow." He explains that the questions are coming from the chairman of the GDC, four Congressmen, and the Secretary of the Interior. Sam looks Toby right in the eye as he states, "I told them, 'Sometimes friends have to be honest with each other.' I said exactly what you told me to say, which coincidentally is exactly what C.J. told me to say, which is remarkable when you consider that C.J. was in New York during the event and didn't speak to you afterward. I mean, it's almost as if there were people who already knew it was gonna happen." He walks past Toby out of his office. As Toby tries to respond, Sam says under his breath, "Get away from me." Sam hurries over to the Oval Office (to rip a strip off Jed? Has he learned nothing from Josh's outburst a month ago?) just as Charlie's coming out. Sam asks, "Is it possible I could get in for just a minute?" Unfortunately for Sam, Toby has followed him over and is at the door behind him, shaking his head slightly at Charlie. Charlie says POTUS's schedule is pretty tight and that he doesn't think he can get Sam in. Sam turns and sees Toby at the doorway. Toby walks away. He kind of glares at Charlie and hustles out. Sam, I think Toby might just have done you a big favour. Unless you'd like to spend several hours being grilled by Adam Arkin.

Back at the reception, Donna is grilling Marbury about eligible royals. Marbury cites a certain Edward, Earl of Ulster. Donna asks if Marbury thinks Edward would like her. He asks if she dates younger men. Donna says, "I'll date anything with a pulse." No, she actually says, "Sure, how old is he?" Marbury replies, "Five." Donna suggest they "stick a pin" in that one for a while. Just then Leo comes up and asks if he's interrupting. Marbury takes the opportunity to paw Donna's arm and says, "Not at all.". Donna tells Leo that Marbury was telling her about how royal men are schooled in the ways of courtship. "King George the Third, for example, sailed his bride up the Thames to music that was specially composed." Leo says, "That was just a few years before we opened up a big can of whup-ass on him at Yorktown." Donna can tell this conversation is not going in a direction that will get her a date with any member of a royal family, so she drifts off. Leo and Marbury bicker a bit until Marbury says, "You've also forgotten that we're both signatories to the '72 ABM treaty, of which this shield is in clear violation. You've forgotten that it will compel China to strengthen their nuclear arsenal. You've forgotten that the European allies have strong reservations about the shield, and you've forgotten that it doesn't work." Leo replies, "You know what I haven't forgotten?" Marbury asks, "What?" Leo replies, "That we opened up a big can of whup-ass on you at Yorktown." Charlie calls Leo away at that moment. Donna sidles up to Charlie with a glass of champagne, and announces, "I'm going to correspond with Edward, Earl of Ulster, once he learns how to read and write." Charlie, puzzled, just says okay and leaves.

By Deborah

West Wing TV Show - Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary - West Wing Photos &amp; Videos, West Wing Reviews &amp; West Wing Recaps | TWoP

West Wing TV Show - Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary - West Wing Photos & Videos, West Wing Reviews & West Wing Recaps | TWoP