By LTG
Pan up from a shiny shiny car hood. (That's a bonnet to our U.K. readers.) Josh is standing there, in jeans and with a new haircut that really brings out his receding hairline. A salesdude asks if Josh is there to check out the Prius he's looming over. Josh says that hybrid cars are "the wave of the future." Unfortunately, he does not say it in that deep resonant announcer voice in which all statements about the future should be made. Josh looks at the sticker and expresses surprise over the alleged 60 m.p.g. in the city and the 51 m.p.g. on the highway. I'm surprised too, but that's just because my Consumer Reports 2005 Buying Guide just arrived in the mail, and it says that the Prius averaged 44 m.p.g. in the magazine's tests. Salesdude technobabbles about the wonders of hybrid technology, and then starts to talk about how gas prices are "at an all-time high." But know-it-all Josh has to interrupt him to explain that, adjusted for inflation, gas prices were much higher in 1981. ["Which is why they should be raised again, to lower oil use and encourage consumers to buy smaller, more fuel-efficient cars. Yes, I read The New Yorker." -- Wing Chun] And that while prices were equivalent to today's prices in the '50s, they were higher when compared to average household income. Salesdude is a bit flabbergasted at Josh's command of facts and figures, but Josh explains to him that he works at the White House. Salesdude tries to tell Josh that owning a Prius would be a great statement for a public official to make ["that's why I plan to get one when we have to get rid of our Jetta -- that, and I like lording things over people, and feeling superior" -- Wing Chun], but Josh tells him that the positive symbolism is pretty much wiped out by the fact that the car is not made in the U.S. Now, I work for unions, so I have those concerns, but I really think that wouldn't be a problem for someone who works for a president who supports free trade as much as Jed does. Josh is a bit peeved that the dealership is asking for $3500 over the sticker price, but that's explained by the fact that there are seven hundred people on a waiting list, which amounts to an eight-month wait. Josh turns down the offer of a test drive, but then he sees something outside the window. It's an enormous red SUV (one that's actually made by Ford, according to the ever-reliable JustJoshin). Josh asks if he can test-drive that.
Josh is outside the dealership, waiting for Salesdude to get the planet-killer. A happy family is just picking up their Prius. Josh congratulates the father (because clearly, he's the only one who had anything to do with purchasing the car), and the dad gets all preachy, telling Josh that it's time for individuals to do something about fuel efficiency, since the government obviously won't. Josh makes a tut-tut noise about Congress, but the father tells him that Bartlet hasn't done a thing about it either. Just then, Salesdude calls over and tells "Mr. Lyman" that the SUV is ready for him. Josh looks sheepish (a good look for him -- he should try it more often), and from the look on the dad's face, he knows exactly who Josh is. Josh walks over to the land whale.
Josh climbs behind the wheel of the pollution machine and buckles up. Josh: "I know I sound like a dork, but this is way cool." Oh honey, haven't you realized by now that you always sound like a dork? He is practically giddy with excitement as he gets ready to put the car into gear. Of course, he hasn't bothered to check any of the mirrors to see if they need adjusting. Salesdude is sitting to him, and tells him to take it "easy out of the lot." Josh hits the gas and nearly smashes into a round concrete planter placed right to the edge of the driveway. Salesdude is getting a slightly nervous look on his face. Just as Josh starts to back away from the planter, his cell phone rings. He answers it, of course, while continuing to back up. It's Donna, calling from the office to tell him that somebody from the DCCC is waiting to meet with him. So, just to be clear, it's a workday and Josh is out joy-riding. What's worse, we know that Josh lives in a rowhouse neighborhood, which means that he lives somewhere near the center of D.C. So for him to get to a car dealer, he would have had to go out of his way to travel to the outer reaches of the District or (more likely) into Virginia or Maryland. So what exactly was he doing when he visited this mythical Fordoyota dealership? Was he actually thinking of purchasing, or did he travel an hour out of his way just to look at cars? In any case, Josh tells Donna that she should see the monster he's driving: "My testosterone is flying." Ew. Donna agrees with me, because she says, "Try not to get any on anyone." Salesdude gives Josh a look as he continues to talk on the phone, and Josh says that he'll put on his hands-free rig so that he can continue chatting with Donna. Of course, he doesn't actually stop the SUV or put it in Park -- he just looks down at his phone while continuing to drive forward. Just then, the daughter from the Prius-buying family walks in front of the SUV, and Salesdude screams, "Watch out!" Which is better than I would be able to do -- in similar situations, I'm lucky if I can get out a high-pitched squeal. So kudos to Salesdude. Josh sees the daughter just in time and swerves to the right to avoid hitting her -- causing him to crash into the rear of the Prius. Donna hears the crash over the phone, and asks if Josh is okay. He tells her to tell the DCCC that he "may be a while." I would just like to say that I failed the New York State driving exam three times and did not get my license until I was nearly thirty, and I am still a better driver than Josh Lyman.
Credits. Hmmm, Jimmy Smits has been dropped from the credits this week.
C.J. is just leaving a reception for some Japanese (I think) visitors when she runs into Josh. (Who apparently went home and changed into a suit after nearly killing that girl.) He asks her how her weekend was. C.J.:"What weekend? Oh, you mean that two-day period where the giant mountain of briefing material invades your domicile instead of your office, finally and completely obliterating whatever desperate and pathetic distinction you've labored mightily yet rather foolishly to maintain?" Y'all, I love C.J.'s little rants, but the speed at which she speaks makes my fingers bleed. Josh: "At least you can do it in your jammies." C.J.: "You're picturing that right now, aren't you?" She asks him how his weekend was, and he says it was boring. Hmmm, I'm beginning to think that his accident was supposed to have happened on the weekend instead of on a weekday morning. Which I guess makes sense, because otherwise the girl he nearly killed would have been in school. Okay, I can admit when I was wrong. C.J. asks him if he had any adventures over the weekend, in his "non-jammies." Josh: "You're picturing that right now, aren't you?" C.J.: "Trying furiously not to." Welcome to my lonely little club, C.J. She asks him if he's seen Toby, and Josh tells her that he thinks Toby is briefing.
Briefing Room, where Toby is leaning mightily into the podium, holding his hand over his mouth, and basically giving no answer to any question (including one about whether Jed will veto a transportation bill if it does not include a provision increasing auto fuel efficiency). The camera finally pans back to the reporters' seats, and we see that most of them are empty. Toby asks, "Does anybody know where your esteemed confrères might be? Is it a press holiday of some kind? H.L. Mencken's birthday? The anniversary of the expense account?" The few reporters in the room are bored to tears, or to the point of falling asleep.
C.J. walks into her office to find it filled with the aforementioned esteemed confrères. She starts to yell at them: "Get out! All of you! You cannot be in here!" Margaret tells her that it was "a human wave," adding, "I was overwhelmed." Reporters start to complain about Toby and how he will not engage or give them any quotes they can use. Several of them are holding their pads as though they are about to get quotes from C.J. As they continue to complain, she tells them that she will speak with Toby: "Now, and I say this with love, get the hell out of my office!" As they file out, one stays behind and tries to get C.J. to tell her whether the rules of engagement have been finalized for the peacekeeping mission. C.J.: "I'm looking for something to hurl at you." Margaret places a pile of binders on the desk in front of C.J., and she slumps over them resignedly.
We hear Josh's voice before leaving the prior scene. "Mine-sniffing rats?" He's pedeconferencing with Kate, who tells him that they are Gambian Giant Pouched Rats. Then she asks him if it's true that he crashed into a Prius with an SUV. Josh: "Connecting my cell phone's hands-free device. The ironies abound." Kate: "Verily." Why am I suddenly recapping an issue of The Mighty Thor? Josh asks why they don't use dogs to sniff for mines, and Kate tells him that they get bored. Josh: "Sniffing for land mines? These are some jaded pooches." She wants to know what kind of SUV it was, but he doesn't really know. "I just wanted to drive it. Like a Hummer. Wouldn't you want to experience that once?" I'm sorry, my dirty joke circuit was just overwhelmed. You guys are on your own for this one. Kate tells him that she's had the pleasure (dirty!), but that "it's less of a giggle when you're taking automatic weapons fire." Josh is uncertain about how they'll get funding for "giant mine-sniffing rats." She tells him that the rats were very successful in a test in Mozambique, and then asks if the Prius was totaled. He lies that it was. "Isn't there a big waiting list?" Josh: "It just got longer." Kate: "This is hilarious, but not actually funny." Josh thinks it's "funny, but not actually hilarious." I think those lines are neither.
Arriving at Josh's office, Kate asks if he's ever heard of the Hubbert peak. He asks her if "this has to do with gradations of mirth, or are we back on rats of unusual size?" I have to point out that up until this point, the entire scene -- pedeconferencing, stopping for coffee, arriving at Josh's office -- was shot without a single cut. Bravo, camera guys. Kate tells Josh that Hubbert accurately predicted when U.S. oil production would peak and then decline. And all this time I thought the episode was going to be about a mountain: "The worldwide Hubbert peak may have already hit, but nobody thinks it's more than twenty, thirty years off." ["And, this is what keeps me up nights, after I've read The New Yorker." -- Wing Chun] Josh: "I only wanted to drive a Hummer once." Kate tells him that things will get even worse as more people in developing countries are able to afford cars. Josh: "It'll be a good time to be in the insurance business." Kate: "Glass houses." She tells him that the war will be about oil. And it's all your fault, Josh Lyman, for wanting to test-drive an SUV. By the way, the bangs are gone. Unfortunately, they've been replaced by a ponytail. It's an improvement, but just barely. I really think Kate should try a grown-up hairstyle someday.
C.J. is at her desk when Margaret approaches. C.J.:"If you're coming in here with one more thing to read, I will strangle you with my bare hands and enjoy it." But Margaret is actually coming to let C.J. know that Will is there to see her. C.J.: "I can scrag him too." I would pay to see that. C.J. tells Will that she would like to suggest briefing books on tape so that she can listen to them while in the car and jogging. Will: "You jog?" C.J.: "Not anymore." Hey, C.J., you've become one of the most powerful people in the world. I'm not going to be crying too much over the decrease in your personal time. C.J. and Will get their wonk on about something C.J. would like Bingo Bob to do. Toby comes in and tells them that the House just defeated an increase in auto mileage standards. C.J. is surprised that it happened so quickly, but Will tells her, "They limited debate to twenty minutes." Toby's a bit pissed about the defeat, but Will actually welcomes it: "Dems get credit with enviros for favoring it, but the Vice-President doesn't have to defend it to voters in Michigan." Will and Toby have a miniature debate about the Bartlet Administration's failure to do anything about gas mileage in the "seven years." I'm not sure whether to be glad that the producers are finally acknowledging that they have moved the timeline forward a year, or angry that they're doing it in such a ham-handed manner. C.J. ends the argument by saying, "You don't have the votes, you don't have the votes. The art of the possible." As Will leaves, Toby tells C.J. that he's "trying to decide if 'sounding like a dyspeptic sixty-year-old' is actually a compliment." He asks C.J. why she wanted to see him. She asks him how they're going on the search for a new Press Secretary. He says that they are getting up to speed, and she tells him to move it along. "No one -- and I don't mean this unkindly -- no one is anxious to have you keep briefing." Toby: "Just curious, but how would you have put it if you meant it unkindly?" Toby, if you're looking for some cruel criticism, I hope you're reading the recaps. C.J. gives Toby a look and walks out of the room.
C.J. walks into the Egg-Shaped Office just in time to have Jed complain that Charlie is "hovering" over him. Charlie complains that Jed is stalling. "They're just remarks." Apparently, the remarks were due to be in the hands of the prompter technician thirty minutes ago. Charlie tries to get C.J. to help him out, but she tells him he's on his own. Jed finally hands the copy to Charlie and tells him that if there are problems, "it's all [Charlie's] fault." Charlie: "I'm prepared to live with the verdict of history." As Charlie starts to walk out of the office, C.J. calls to him. She wants to make sure that he knows Jed has to be at a reception in the East Room for "the girls' national field hockey champions." I really wish this had turned out to be a real event, because I would have loved to see some of those field hockey players fall head-over-heels for C.J. when they met her. Jed gives her a look, but she stresses how important it is for him to be there, and asks Charlie to make a special effort to get Jed to the reception. Jed tells them both that he's "noticing a distinct slackening of awe, a certain lack of trembling in my presence." C.J. and Charlie, in unison: "Yes, Mr. President."
Donna calls Josh over to her desk. He asks what she wants, and she tells him it's "that gossip blog, District Scene." (Or, if the screenshot we are shown is to be believed, "DistrictScene.") Josh reads the blog over Donna's shoulder, and then asks, "How did she get this?" Donna thinks it must have been someone at the dealership. The screenshot contains a detailed account of the accident. It also tells us that the Fordoyota dealership was actually a GM dealership. That also sells Toyotas and Fords. Well, Wonkette, now you know how it feels. At least the show didn't insult your fashion sense. (And I know Wonkette said she didn't think it was her, but what other political blog is there that is run by a woman and could also be considered a gossip blog?) Josh doesn't think it's a big deal: "It's just a weblog. It's not The Washington Post." Just then Donna's phone rings. I was sure it was going to be The Washington Post, but they decided to skip the cheap laugh. Instead, it's C.J., asking Josh to come to her office right away.
As Josh walks to C.J.'s office, he's ambushed by Toby, who asks him, "You didn't think it was a story?" Josh starts to defend himself, but Toby clues him in to the fact that the press routinely checks out blogs for leads, and that "this" (meaning the SUV story) will be everywhere. Well, it seems as though a lot of folks in the White House are checking out blogs as well, considering how everyone seems to learn about this at the same instant. Josh and Toby walk into C.J.'s office, where C.J. asks him, "For God's sake, what possessed you?" You know, she's been doing a lot of shouting since she got this new job. I hope she's taking care of her throat. Josh tells her, "I saw it and was taken over by my reptilian brain stem." C.J. and Toby both think this is a disaster, especially coming in the same week the new mileage standards were voted down. C.J. tells them that the Alternative Energy Resources Council is threatening to hold a press conference. Josh offers to call them, but C.J. tells him she wants him to head up the White House Task Force on Alternative Energy. She promised the Resources Council that they would form one, and she wants Josh to have a meeting that day and have something announceable by the end of the meeting: "You standing with people in Birkenstocks in front of the press." Josh: "Birkenstocks?" C.J.: "And bicycle clips." When she said this, I was trying to picture some kind of clip that would help attach a pair of Birkenstocks to a bicycle pedal, and I was very confused. I mean, I've loved the Birks I've owned (and I have an old beat-up pair that I still wear around the house), but I would never want to ride my bike in them. However, as Josh and Toby leave C.J.'s office, Josh explains to Toby that the clips in question are the ones you use to keep your pants away from the chain as you bike to your crummy office job. I always just used rubber bands. In the hallway, Toby asks Josh about the briefings, and Josh tells him, "They're getting better." Toby: "On a scale of one to ten, ten being C.J., one being a chimp throwing feces, where do I rank?" Josh: "They're...getting better." On that scale, I think I would give Toby a three.
Josh heads into a meeting with some members of Congress. They are angry because they think the administration didn't fight hard enough to get the new mileage standards passed. This scene actually goes on for a while, but there's nothing new coming out of it. Let's just say that the members of Congress are angry, Josh defends the administration's position on the grounds of practicality, and one member of Congress delivers a stirring speech about how they are looking to the President for leadership. I think that just about sums it up.
Toby enters Annabeth's office, where she is unpacking some boxes. (And yes, this is Sam's old office, which apparently has been unused since Will moved out of it. Direct your angry comments to the good folks at NBC.) Toby says, "Well?" Her dialogue appears to be coming from the C.J. template, as she starts an imaginary conversation in which she pretends Toby actually said something polite, like "good morning." He asks her if she's found a new Press Secretary yet. Annabeth: "I'm sorry, but when you asked me to do this, I didn't realize you expected me to find someone by the first hour of the first morning of my first day." He tells her that the sooner she finds someone, the sooner he can stop doing the briefings. She reminds him that it's her opinion that it's good for him to do the briefings during a transition period. Toby: "Well, I'm glad someone doesn't think they're a total train wreck." Annabeth: "Oh no, they're horrible. But I can help you." Toby tells her he'd rather have her focus on finding a new Press Secretary. As he walks away, she calls out to him, "Settling in just fine. But the muffin basket, the flowers, it's too much." So far, I'm enjoying this character. She hasn't been nearly as perky as I feared, and it's nice to see someone who doesn't take Toby's crap. (And it's always nice to see that short women can be strong too.) I still can't wait to see her standing to C.J., though.
Josh walks by Donna's desk and tells her to get some alternative energy folks in for a meeting "today." When she asks him to clarify, he says, "Wind, solar, hamsters in wheels, whatever's out there. Just get them in here today." What about kittens chasing balls of aluminum foil? As Josh walks away, Kate approaches Donna's desk. Donna asks Kate if Josh is expecting her, but Kate tells her that she's actually there to see Donna. Kate asks how Donna is doing, and Donna says she's fine. When Kate asks how much longer it will be until the cast comes off, Donna says, "Soon. I can't wait." Geez, Donna, how impatient are you? It's been somewhere between two and three weeks since the bombing, and she thinks that's a long time to wear a cast? When I was a kid, I had a hairline fracture in my wrist and I had to wear a cast for six weeks. I guess modern medicine really has advanced since then. Kate says, "Look, we don't know each other that well, but if you ever wanted to [pause] talk." Half the people on the forums thought that Kate was coming on to Donna here, and it's easy to see why. Although since Josh is so hung up on Matt Santos, Donna really should start looking around for someone else to pine away for. In my opinion, Kate's not much worse than Josh as an object of unrequited love. Kate tells Donna that she's been through things like what Donna experienced when her bus was blown up, and that if Donna ever wants to talk to another woman about it, she should let Kate know. You can just see the wall go up in front of Donna as she thanks Kate for her concern and then tells her that she has to get back to work. Commercials. My God, this is the first commercial break. I'm never going to make it.
Margaret enters C.J.'s office and tells her that she is all set up for lunch. C.J. is worried that Leo's not ready and is just being polite. Margaret: "Leo?" C.J.: "He has a courtly side." Margaret: "Not with me." Margaret describes the arrangements by which C.J. and the meal will both be delivered to Leo's hotel. She also lets C.J. know that Leo asked if C.J. played chess. C.J. does not, and Margaret will let Leo know that.
Cut to a screenshot of a picture of Josh climbing into (or out of) the monster SUV with which he almost killed a young girl. While the camera is still focused on the photo, we hear Josh: "There's a picture? You know what, get this blogger woman on the phone." We also hear Toby's voice asking Josh why he didn't mention that there was a camera present. We finally leave this incredibly boring still shot to see that Josh and Toby are hovering over Donna's desk. Josh says he didn't see anyone with a camera, and Donna asks if the daughter had a cell phone. Which she did. (The daughter, by the way, was really a teenager, not a young girl -- I'm just milking the fact that Josh nearly killed her.) Just like that, Donna has the blogger on the phone. I would rant about how ridiculous that is, but the people reading this would already know that, and the people who would not know that are not reading this. It's a conundrum, I tells ya. Toby agrees with me that this is a bad idea. Josh hops on the phone and immediately says, "This is off the record," just before he launches into a tirade the likes of which I haven't heard since...well, since one of C.J.'s scenes earlier this episode. He calls the blogger disreputable, scurrilous, and irresponsible. He describes the use of the story as "cheap and easy irony from what I can only surmise is a cheap and shallow person." Hey, watch it! I (and all of the forum posters) resemble that remark. Then he pauses and says, "I said this was off the record." Toby reminds Josh (as he tried to do at the beginning of the call) that the blogger is not a journalist. Josh: "You're gonna post this?" Donna: "She's posting it now." And sure enough, we see the screen being updated with new information despite the fact that nobody hit the refresh button. If this blogger can afford servers that deliver live updates, she can probably afford a designer to make a more attractive site. Because the page we've seen is ug-lay.
Charlie and Jed are walking down the stairs. They're talking about some guy whose hobby is making sushi. Charlie says, "Nothing against the ambassador, but I don't want my raw fish prepared by anyone but a professional." So I'm going to assume that the reception we saw earlier had something to do with the Japanese Ambassador. Jed continues to dispense facts about sushi as he and Charlie continue to walk together. As they get to the East Room, a crowd yells, "Surprise!" It's a party for Charlie, who asks Jed how he knew about Charlie's graduation. Jed: "A little bird told me." The two of them walk up to Zoey, who says, "Tweet." Jed: "You know what this means, right?" Charlie: "Yes sir." Jed walks away, and Charlie and Zoey look like they might start speaking, but Carol and Margaret walk up and whisk Charlie over to the cake. They're both impressed that he finished school while also working at the White House. Margaret: "I don't even have time to learn how to program my TiVo." I'm not sure that I believe Margaret even watches TV, let alone owns a TiVo. Charlie tells them that "when the President of the United States asks you if you did your homework, it gets done." Jed thanks Zoey for letting him know, but she's worried that Charlie will be angry about it. And that's the last we see of the party.
Toby and Annabeth pedeconference toward her office. Toby has clearly just told her about Josh's accident. She describes him as "an eco-terrorist in reverse." He asks her to draft a press release on the alternative energy task force. Annabeth: "That's not gonna work." Toby (yelling): "Which I don't recall asking!" She doesn't think a meeting will resolve the symbolism of the accident. She suggests that they make light of it all. "Refer questions to the Department of Metaphor. Issue a statement from the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice." Toby actually laughs at those weak, weak lines. I mean, I guess the Department of Metaphor joke is not too bad, but "whimsy and caprice"? Just awful. If I wrote a joke that bad, I'd be fired. (And please don't bother to send me examples of all of my jokes that have been weaker than that one. I have a fragile ego.) Toby catches himself mid-chuckle and tells Annabeth to draft the release, and then walks out of her office. She calls after him, "Will you be briefing?" Toby: "I imagine." All of a sudden Annabeth is in the door of his office, and she asks him, "How do you get women?" Toby is set back just a bit by this line of questioning. She tells him that briefing the press is like a seduction: "You've got a hot ex. How'd you get her?" I've always wondered about that myself. Toby doesn't want to answer, but it doesn't matter, because Annabeth already called Andi: "You know what she says? Smart and funny. That's how guys who, no offense, don't look like Jude Law or Denzel Washington get babes." He asks her if she's trying to get fired, and she tells him that she's trying to help him: "That Mencken line this morning was funny. No one laughed because you flung it at 'em." She walks back into her own office, and this time Toby follows her: "Briefing the press isn't a seduction. It's war." She tells him, "What C.J. Cregg did for seven years wasn't combat. It was charm and disarm." Wait, how many years? Oh, seven. Just curious. Toby tells her to draft the release. Annabeth: "Smart and funny. Seduce them. It worked on your wife." Toby: "We're divorced." Annabeth: "Living with you is a whole other ballgame. I get that already." She could have used a bit more bitterness and acrimony on that line, but otherwise I thought this scene was nicely played by both actors. I mean, even Toby's laugh at that horrible joke was convincing. That's acting, people.
C.J. and Charlie run into each other in the hall. He thanks her for whatever part she played in organizing the party. She tells him that Leo sent her an email about reminding Jed to play chess. Again, I just don't believe that Leo uses email. Maybe it's all the lawyers I work with, but my experience is that most people of his generation use things like email only grudgingly at best. In any case, Charlie tells C.J. that Leo and Jed used to play a weekly chess game. Charlie walks off, and all of a sudden Bingo Bob calls out to C.J. He asks her how she's adjusting to the new job. She tells him that it's an adjustment, and he tells her that he was surprised when he first heard about her promotion. In fact, he tells her, "We all were." But he also says that the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He tells her that he's sure she'll find her way. Like any sane person, she's not sure how to respond to these backhanded compliments. He tells her that he's there to help, and that he looks forward to working more closely with her. "I work well with strong women. ...My mother? Strong woman." C.J. excuses herself, and looks completely puzzled by the encounter. You know, I take back everything I've said about Will -- he's clearly the perfect man to right speeches for this idiot.
Speaking of Will, he enters Josh's office and asks, "Is this where I might find the puling poster boy for Bartlet's indifferent energy policy?" Oh, that does it. Will's scenes are now officially getting short shrift from me. He's there to ask Josh to contact a Hollywood bigwig to try to get him to support Bingo Bob. Josh thinks that the Hollywood support is all going to go to Baker (Governor of California, I think), but Will points out that Baker has not declared. Josh says that even so, Baker is still the frontrunner. Will asks Josh to call the bigwig in any case, and Josh tells him that he'll think about it.
Jed and Charlie walk into the Oval. You can hear Jed's lines, completely audible, well before the Secret Service agent opens the door so that he and Charlie can walk into the room. Jed is complaining about a meeting he is going to have to take with the Secretary of Commerce. Because the meeting will undoubtedly run long, Jed suggests that Charlie take care of an "errand pertaining to your post-graduate career." With that, Jed hands Charlie a stationery box wrapped with a purple ribbon. It's a box of résumés, which Debbie prepared and Jed proofread. It must be nice. Nobody ever prepared a résumé for me before. Jed walks out, leaving Charlie alone in the Office of O, and looking kind of sad.
Donna is standing on crutches (I know!) to Josh's desk, telling him that representatives of "solar, ethanol, hydrogen, and wind" will be at the meeting. But what about the hamsters? And the kittens? She also tells him that when we run out of oil, there will be global food crisis due to the need for petroleum for fertilizer and pesticides and the use of gasoline and diesel to run farm equipment. Josh accuses her of hypocrisy based on her use of an electric wheelchair. Donna: "I've given it up. You inspired me with your profound commitment to renewable energy." He tells her, "The SUV came through without a scratch." Donna: "You're going to hell."
C.J. enters her office and is confronted by Margaret and a woman named Gail from the Office of Administration: "She's here about changing over your office." C.J.: "To a day spa, I hope." Margaret is holding a large book of samples and swatches, by the way. Gail asks C.J. how she wants to approach the problem of decorating, and C.J. tells her that she'd rather not think about it. Gail: "Then I'm happy to." But C.J. nixes that idea as well, telling Gail that Margaret will let her know when C.J. is ready to deal with it. This is totally realistic. I worked for a judge who was elevated from one court to another, and even though she was still occupying the same chambers she had been in for years, she was hounded by these administrative decorators to make over her offices. I think we ended up with new curtains. And a big pile of paint chips in the corner.
Josh and Toby in the hallway. Josh asks Toby if Baker is running, and Toby is pretty sure he is. Josh tells Toby about his visit from Will, which leads them both to think that Will believes Baker is not going to run. They think that this would leave Bingo Bob virtually unopposed for the nomination. Josh worries that the V.P. would be too easy for the Republicans to beat, but Toby reassures him that Baker is going to run. As they walk off in different directions, Toby turns and calls out to Josh. "How do you get women?" Josh: "Huh?" Toby: "Smart and funny, right?" Josh: "Plus, I've got that boyish thing." Not if you keep getting haircuts that emphasize your hairline so much, bucko. Toby says, with a sigh, that he doesn't so much have the boyish thing. Josh acknowledges that and walks away. Toby tries to give a cute little smile to the woman who walks past him, but she doesn't even notice. Aw, poor Toby. I'm certain there are some women (and maybe a few men) who hang around the forums who could really make him feel desirable. Commercials.
C.J. is meeting with Jed. She tells him that the new mileage standards were defeated. And then she tells him about Josh's accident. As she gets up to leave, she tells him that Leo wanted her to remind him about chess. Jed: "Please tell Leo when he's healthy enough to come back and give me a game, I'd be glad to school him at chess."
Charlie enters Josh's office and tells him about Jed's order to Charlie -- that is, that once Charlie graduated from school, Jed told him that he would have to get a real job. Charlie also tells Josh that he doesn't think this is the right time for him to leave his position with Jed, in light of the changeover in Chief of Staff, so he really wants Josh to accept his résumé and file it away somewhere. Josh has no problem with that, and drops the document into a file drawer.
Toby walks up to Annabeth at a printer and asks her if she has the alternative energy press release ready. She hands it to him, and he says "So what else? Smart and funny, that's the sum total of your expertise?" She tells him that he could wear a little makeup, and he backs off quickly. He doesn't want her advice if it "involves makeup, wardrobe, or alternative facial hair strategies." She follows him into his office and tells him that his biggest problem is body language. He needs to project "comfort and command." He's surprised to hear that he doesn't already do that. I'd have to say that his normal posture is more likely to communicate schlemiel and schlimazel. He starts to ask her how to do it, and she tells him to follow her. After a few steps, she screws up her courage and says, "And personally? The way you trim your beard? A little fussy."
Will pedeconferences with Kate. Bingo Bob would like her to give him some briefings. When she asks how often, Will tells her, "Occasionally. A continent at a sitting." Will tells her that Bingo Bob often confuses entire countries, like Sudan and Somalia. The only purpose of this scene is to let us know that Bingo Bob is about as stupid as our current president. In light of the Veep's overwhelming ignorance, they agree that Kate should start her briefings sooner rather than later. She says that she'll stop by at the end of the day. Under her breath, she adds, "And I'll bring my flash cards." And then Will passes her off to Josh. They talk about the fact that the reason most people buy hybrids is because they think gas is too expensive. He repeats his spiel from the beginning of the episode about how gas is not in fact the most expensive it's ever been. They babble on about how true conservation will only be achieved when economic conditions make it desirable. They finally arrive at his alternative energy meeting. He says that he's about to solve the entire problem, and that "the children of your villages will sing my name."
Josh enters the room and greets the four alternative energy folks who are there. As Donna promised, there are representatives of solar, ethanol, wind, and hydrogen. Josh says that he's going to need little symbols to keep them straight: "A picture of the sun, an ear of corn, a cloud blowing out its cheeks, and for hydrogen..." Mr. Solar (played by everyone's favorite fussbudget, Wallace Langham) interrupts to suggest the Hindenburg. And now Mr. Solar is making me think of the Heat Miser. Mr. Hydrogen says that it wasn't the hydrogen that caused the Hindenburg fire, but the aluminum coating. The other three start sniping about the flaws of hydrogen. The best part is when Mr. Solar asks Mr. Hydrogen, "Where's your humanity?" Dammit! He stepped on my joke. I'll get you, Mr. Solar, with some help from your brother the Cold Miser.
Annabeth is leading Toby into the briefing room, telling him that it's his room and that he has to own it. Toby and I jinx each other when we both say, "You didn't really just say 'own it'?" She tells him that she'll show him what he looks like at the podium -- and then she disappears. Because she's short. Get it? That was hysterical. And by hysterical, I mean painful. Like a hysterectomy. She gets him behind the podium and then sits in the audience. After some prompting, he says, "Good afternoon. I'll take your questions." She looks at him and says, "Okay, you look like you loathe this. Like you can't wait to get out the door." Well, I think that pretty much describes Toby's feelings about briefing the press. Annabeth tells him to lean back, but not too much: "You don't want to look hostile and pugnacious." Toby: "I don't?" She gets him positioned and asks him how he feels. Toby: "Like a poodle in a dog show." She goes back to her seat and tells him to start again, but with more confidence. He lets out a very hearty "Good afternoon," before feeling self-conscious again and telling her that he can't do this. She watches him leave the room and then rolls her eyes as she drops to her seat. And this time, her shortness actually was used to comedic effect, because I could have sworn she was already sitting before she dropped out of the frame.
Alternative energy task force. Mr. Solar is making his presentation. He tells Josh that they could replace all of the fossil fuels currently burned by covering 220,000 square kilometers with solar cells. Josh thinks that sounds like an awful lot, and it is -- it's an area about 300 miles on a side. Mr. Solar has a map of the U.S. on an easel, and sticks a magnet to it to represent the area in question. It covers a good chunk of the southwest. The other alternative energy folks can't resist pointing out the problems with this scheme, including the fact that it would cover up both the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas. But the chief problem is that it would require far more solar cells than have been produced to date.
Charlie is giving his song and dance to Toby. Toby is just as agreeable as Josh to the idea of ignoring Charlie's résumé, except that when Charlie hands it to him, Toby just tears it in half. Charlie gives him a look -- I think Toby's interpretation of "ignoring" the résumé was a bit more extreme than Charlie expected.
A nurse (I think) lets C.J. into Leo's hotel room. C.J. is carrying a large paper bag full of some kind of carryout. Leo seems genuinely pleased to see her. He and Donna should be spokesmodels for the American Medical Association. About a week after his heart surgery, he's walking (with a cane) and looks healthier than he did in the first two episodes of the season. He does complain about pain, but tells her that the vicodin is helping a lot. ["So much for his sobriety." -- Wing Chun] They talk about the food, which is not just carryout but apparently comes from a restaurant that Leo likes a lot. C.J. says that the bundle includes "gnocchi, which is very gnice." Leo says that he doesn’t have much appetite, but both C.J. and the nurse insist that he eat. As he sits down, he winces in pain. I must say, John Spencer is putting a bit more effort into his portrayal of illness than Janel Moloney has put into hers. He asks C.J. how things are going, and she tells him, "It's overwhelming. The amount there is to tend to. I thought I was busy before. How in the world did you manage it for seven years?" Wait, how many years was that? Seven? That's what I thought. Leo asks her if she reminded Jed about the chess, and she tells him that Jed blew it off. Leo tells her that she has to insist. He explains that the weekly chess games are a means of evaluating Jed's mental faculties, to see if the MS is causing any problems. C.J. looks gobsmacked, and Leo then tells her, "Finish your lunch." Commercials.
Alternative energy task force. Mr. Ethanol is making his presentation. Mr. Hydrogen can't resist pointing out how much ethanol is subsidized already, and there is some back and forth about whether ethanol really reduces pollution at all. We finally hear from Ms. Wind, who says, "It's climate-dependent. Helps in cold weather, hurts in hot." But the ultimate problem, as Josh points out, is that it only replaces 10% of the gas, "so at best it's a stopgap." ["But doesn't every little bit help? People, please help me stop having nightmares!" -- Wing Chun]
C.J. is in her office when Margaret comes in, telling her that Gail (the decorator, not the fish) had one quick question. Gail creeps into the office and tells C.J. that she pulled some pictures of their inventory for C.J. to consider. Gail is concerned that the office is too "martial and military and masculine." C.J. interrupts her reverie, saying, "You said you had a quick question?" Gail tells C.J. that she wanted to talk about Dolley Madison's desk. She's careful to point out that it's spelled "Dolley" and not "Dolly." Gail thinks that Dolley's desk is lovely and feminine. C.J. says, "Dolley with an 'e' Madison was maybe five-three?" Gail thinks that's about right. C.J. slowly stands up to her full and glorious height. Gail looks abashed, and says that she'll wait for C.J. to contact her.
Annabeth walks up to Toby and reminds him that it's briefing time. He's already quite aware. She tells him that his tie is going to bleed. Toby: "Keep it up, it'll have company." She tells him not to "look at them with veiled contempt." Toby: "I don't." Annabeth: "Yeah, you're right, it's not veiled." Dammit! Another joke stolen by a character. This simply will not do. Just as they're entering the Briefing Room, Annabeth whispers to Toby, "Charm and disarm." The room is actually full today. He takes a question about the administration's "lukewarm support" for the gas mileage standards, and starts to lean into the podium. Annabeth coughs, and he stands up straight. Toby gives a straightforward answer, and then makes a joke: "As far as our lukewarm support, I'd characterize it as more of a parboil, myself." In response to a question about Josh's accident, he steals Annabeth's line about the Department of Metaphor and the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice. This is an easy crowd, because it gets a laugh. Cut to C.J., watching the briefing in her office. She has a small smile on her face. Back in the briefing room, Toby actually continues to answer questions and to keep his cool.
Alternative energy task force. Josh is asking Mr. Hydrogen about the obstacles to using hydrogen as a replacement fuel. Everyone else in the room is quick to point out that, in the process of transporting it, it has a tendency to explode. "Like the Hindenburg," according to Mr. Solar.
Charlie is giving the old song and dance yet again, this time to C.J. She asks him, "The President wants you to quit? And you promised him once you graduated, you would?" He tries to avoid the question, but she won't let him: "Yes or no, Charlie?" He tells her that the answer is yes. She thinks she's got a dilemma on her hands. Charlie doesn't quite get it, but to C.J.'s way of thinking, if Jed has expressed a desire for Charlie to get another job, she can't just ignore that, no matter how much Charlie wants her to. Charlie takes the résumé back from her, and she tells him, "Yeah, you probably shouldn't have come in here with that." As he's walking away, she starts thinking out loud. "Deputy Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff." Charlie: "Sorry?" C.J.: "Your new title. Come work for me." She realizes that she'd be a fool not to hire him, since he is so smart and knows the President so well. She tells him that he'll work on "grown-up, policy stuff." He's not quite sure whether to believe her. C.J.: "You'll be a stone's-throw from the Oval. He can't really miss you if you aren't gone." He asks if he can take some time to think it over, and she tells him he can't. Charlie actually looks pleased.
Toby and Annabeth walk down the hall after the briefing. She starts to give him a compliment, but he can only talk about how self-conscious he felt: "I don't want to be good at this." Annabeth: "Don't worry. It was better. Good's still a ways off." She looks pleased with herself, and gives him an unasked-for "you're welcome" as she walks away.
Alternative energy task force. Ms. Wind is giving her presentation, saying that the amount of electricity produced in California is enough to light San Francisco. Josh isn't fooled, however -- he notes that the total production from wind turbines still only produces 1.275% of the state's electricity. Mr. Hydrogen is quick to point out that it would take about one million additional turbines to provide all of California's power. Again, it quickly becomes a pile-on, with every other alternative power pitted against the one that is presenting. Can't we all just get along? ["Can't we cobble together some assortment of alternatives to fossil fuels instead of putting all our eggs in one basket? I don't get it." -- Wing Chun]
Zoey walks out onto the verandah outside the Oval. She finds Charlie there, and he tells her that he only has a minute. Charlie tells her that he got a job offer, primarily because she told Jed that he had graduated: "In appreciation, I'd like to tell you about it over dinner." Zoey: "Are you asking me on a date?" Charlie: "A thank you dinner." Zoey: "That's a date." Charlie: "So far it isn't. You haven't said that you'll go." And with that, Zoey says "sure" and walks away. I tell you, of all the relationships, real and potential, that this show has dangled before us, this is the one I'm most rooting for.
Josh has emerged from his meeting, and Toby wants to know what they have to announce. Josh tells Toby that he'll have to let C.J. know there is no announcement, because the news was all too grim. Toby tells Josh that he's going to have to be the one to tell her.
Kate is speaking to more of our (potentially) Japanese guests. It seems that she speaks enough of whatever language they speak to say goodbye politely. As she sits down (where, I don't know; this is clearly not her office, if she even has one), Donna crutches up to her. Donna tells Kate that she's not ready to talk: "I have spoken with experts, and they told me what to look for, and I don't have to look very hard." Donna talks about all the symptoms she's noticed in herself, but that she's still not ready. Kate: "I understand."
Josh enters C.J.'s office, and she asks how the energy task force went. He tells her that there is little good news: "They're so great at knocking each other's technology, it makes you want to run out and buy stock in Chevron." Josh continues talking about how helpless it is until we hear a new voice enter the discussion. Jed: "It's all economics." They talk about the fact that the Saudis (and presumably other OPEC members) keep the price of oil low enough that it will discourage investment in alternative technologies, so that no true competition will emerge. When C.J. asks what they should do about it, Jed says they should veto the transportation bill to demand inclusion of the new mileage standards. He knows that the veto will be overridden, but he thinks it's important enough to try to force a debate on the issue. And he tells Josh, "Keep having those meetings. We wait until the alternatives are perfect, it's all gonna be too late." This is one of those moments when this show feels just too Afterschool Special for me. ["Still, someone had to say it." -- Wing Chun] After Josh leaves, Jed asks C.J. why she wanted to see him. She tells him to follow her.
There's a man waiting in the Office of O. C.J. introduces him as Roger from HUD (causing my HUD-employed housemate no end of joy), a former member of the Stanford chess team: "He's here to play a game with you." Jed tells the guy that he's sorry to have wasted his time, but C.J. interrupts. "Sir, I've cleared your schedule for the hour. I spoke with Leo. You're going to play chess, Mr. President." Jed knows when he's been beat. He tells Roger, "You heard the lady." C.J. starts to leave, and Jed asks her where she's going. He tells her that she's going to play him: "Stanford here is going to stay and help you." As she moves to the board, Jed asks Roger if he was really on the chess team. C.J. says that she's "just trying to imagine the cheer. 'Check him to the right, check him to the right, stand up, sit down....'" Jed cuts her off, telling her that he was on the chess team. C.J. again says that she has no idea how to play, and Jed reminds her that Roger will help her: "And I'll know if you're holding back, young man. You are hereby directed by presidential fiat to try your damnedest to kick your commander-in-chief's ass." You know, they've done this before -- the President is only the commander-in-chief to people in the armed forces. Anyway, on that bit of Jed's ego they start playing, and we fade to black.