By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: Donna confessed to Josh that she and Cliff went on a date; C.J. thought the White House needs to pick a fight over the MS investigation; Hoynes tipped his hand and forced Jed's.
It's Sunday. You'd never know it, because there are pretty well as many people at work as there are on weekdays. There's a game on TV; it seems to be football. Lots of reporters are filing into the Briefing Room. Things have a more relaxed feel than usual. C.J.'s wearing grey trousers and a gorgeous red shirt. Allison Janney looks so wonderful in strong colours, especially red and royal blue. She's typically in greys, pale blues, white, and neutral shades on this show, except in evening wear. But she should wear lots more red. She looks so damn great in it. As people settle into their seats, one reporter asks C.J. whether it's known "what kind of gun it was." C.J. asks which one; the reporter means the first one. C.J. says it was a .38 pistol. C.J. tells them that a shooting took place approximately fifteen minutes into a 9:00 AM service at United Baptist Church in Abilene, Texas. I'm wondering why this is something the Press Secretary is addressing. It's not as if people shooting places up isn't a frighteningly common occurrence in the United States. C.J. suddenly stops, noticing someone in the audience and asks, "Will Sawyer, is that you?" The guy, played by Michael O'Keefe, says yes. She seems mildly amused, and asks, "You're back in the country?" He says he is. She inquires, "You working for the San Francisco Chronicle now?" Will: "No." C.J.: "Then you wanna get your ass out of their chair?" The other reporters giggle amongst themselves as he gets up. He's very tall. Taller than C.J. Hmm. Dude was unaware that there was assigned seating. C.J. says, "You see the little brass plaques with the names of media outlets on the front of the seats?" Will: "I thought that meant they made a generous contribution." Bwa! She advises him to find a seat in the back. He complies. C.J. continues telling reporters that a Darryl Bechtell walked into the church sanctuary; he is believed to have been looking for his estranged wife. "He fired off a round -- that was from the .38 -- missing his wife and hitting Harold Winter in the left shoulder. Mr. Winter is sixty-five and currently undergoing surgery at Abilene Regional Medical Center. Mr. Bechtell fired off anywhere between two and four more rounds at that point -- reports differ -- as the crowd began to scatter. That's when Ron Carl pulled a 9 mm Glock from under his suitcoat and fired off three rounds in the direction of Mr. Bechtell. It's unclear which of those rounds stuck Melissa Markey." Who, as it turns out, is a little girl whose ninth birthday is tomorrow. Anyone think she's going to survive this opening? Show of hands? Yeah. One reporter asks whether C.J. knows what charges might be brought against either shooter. She says the Abilene Sheriff's office will have to address that, but she knows that Bechtell's gun was registered and Carl had a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Another reporter asks, "Doesn't Texas law prohibit carrying a weapon in a church or synagogue?" C.J. says the Sheriff should also address that, but that it's only prohibited if the church or synagogue visibly posts a sign to that effect. Carol steps onto the platform and hands C.J. a note. C.J. reads it, looks sad, and says, "Well...Melissa Markey died." Credits.
By a doorway, Sam is giving a grave-looking Donna some last-minute advice about her deposition before the House Government Oversight and Reform Committee. He tells her not to be afraid to ask them to repeat a question if she doesn't understand it, and that there's nothing wrong with saying she doesn't remember. He wonders whether she wouldn't rather go over this with Josh. Hasn't Babish prepared her, or Ainsley, or somebody? ["Like her own lawyer?" -- Wing Chun] Donna says that Josh is pissed at her. Sam says he isn't. Donna insists that he is. Sam seems sincerely puzzled: "He didn't say anything." Donna: "He doesn't say anything." She looks down, and says she appreciates Sam's help. Charlie wanders by and Sam asks him to wait a second; he tells Donna that she's going to be sitting in a room. "It's going to feel like you did something wrong. But guess what?" She bites: "What?" Sam: "You didn't, so...." Well, maybe. We'll see. She didn't do the wrong things Sam's thinking of, anyway. Donna exhales, and smiles, and promises to come back when it's over.
Sam walks over to Charlie, who asks whether Sam's made a pick. Sam says, "Oakland over Dallas." Oh, God help me...more sports talk. Between how little I care and how little I know...I could really do with a lot less sports chatter...and sports analogies, sports homilies, sports metaphors, etc. However, I'm no doubt in the minority on that one, and this is some sort of quasi-democracy we're living in, so... Sam says it's a lock, and that everyone's staying away because they want to keep Oakland down the road. Charlie's agreeably indifferent, if there is such a thing, and I am...trying to pay attention. Sam blathers about pre-season this and the Raiders that. Charlie's taking notes. Sam asks whether he should have picked Tennessee over Detroit. I think I would rather have a scene with Danny and Mandy and Ainsley in it than hear more about sports. Charlie says he didn't say that. Sam: "You said it with your eyes." Charlie: "Okay." Sam changes his pick to Tennessee over Detroit; Charlie says he's writing it down. Sam changes his mind to Oakland over Dallas. Just pick something, dude. He changes it again, and Charlie tells him that the first game is about to start. Sam settles on something, which I don't care enough about to record, and Charlie says he's writing it down.
Sam leaves as the First Couple breezes in from church. They're both in fine fettle. Charlie asks, "How was church?" At the same time, Jed says, "It sucked," and Abby says, "It was fine." They pedebicker through the hallway toward the Oval Office, with Jed reiterating the suckage as Abby tells Jed to stop it: "You're talking about church!" Well, for gosh sakes, sometimes religious services do suck. It must be said. Jed: "Oh, like I'm not already going to Hell!" Hee. Maybe he feels that speech in "Two Cathedrals" probably didn't help his case. Charlie asks what the problem was; Abby explains, "He feels the homily lacked panache." Jed insists that it did lack panache. Most homilies do, in my experience. Most of them have about as much panache as a bowl of farina. Abby insists that it was a "perfectly lovely homily on Ephesians 5:21: 'Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her.'" Jed gripes, "Yeah, she's skipping over the part that says, 'Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.'" Abby admits that she does skip over that part; Charlie asks why. "Because it's stupid," she replies. Charlie says okay.
C.J. arrives at this point and greets Jed. Abby warns, "He's feisty. Please, don't ask him about church." C.J. solemnly says she won't: "I'm sorry, Mr. President, Melissa Markey died." The wind goes out of his sails and he says, "Yeah, okay." As Abby walks back over to him, he says, "Oh, damn." He asks Charlie to find Leo for him. Abby tells him that the little girl would have lost too much blood at the scene to have had a chance. Jed understands that. Abby says she'll be at the Residence, and that she has to see Babish this afternoon. She leaves.
Jed and C.J. walk back toward the Oval Office. C.J. suggests that he wait to "go in there" (the Briefing Room, I suppose) until they have more facts -- maybe a couple of hours. She says she'll be speaking to the Sheriff's Office and with the D.A., but that he doesn't want to "walk too far into that." Leo appears as they reach the door of the Oval Office; he agrees with C.J. that Jed should wait a few hours. C.J. leaves. Jed says, "'Be subject to one another,' Leo. What can I do to be of subject to you?" "Of subject" sounds really wrong to my ears. Leo: "I'm fine." Jed: "Yeah?" Leo: "I've got Margaret."
Jed and Leo go into the office. They're both wearing suits, while the rest of the staff is in casual clothes (Josh in jeans! Sam in a sweater! Brace yourselves). It makes sense that Jed would be in a suit, having just come from church. Leo, on the other hand...doesn't strike me as a churchy guy. Maybe he's just one of those guys who can't loosen up. I think the most casual thing we've seen him in on this show is a sport jacket, isn't it? (In "Manchester," Parts I & II.) POTUS sits down at his desk; Leo sits near it. Leo says he thinks Jed should send Hoynes to Texas. Jed says that Hoynes isn't going to want to do it. Leo: "What do you care?" Indeed. Jed asks Leo what he's doing today. Leo says he's meeting with Adamley about the War Crimes Tribunal. A fun-filled Sunday for the Chief of Staff. Jed tells Leo to keep him out of it. Leo agrees. Jed asks again about sending Hoynes to Texas, and tells Leo to get him over here. This otter be good.
Donna's deposition. Cliff Calley, her inquisitor, gives the obligatory preamble to Donna to the effect that she's under oath and her testimony has the same force and effect as if she gave it before the Committee in a courtroom. Donna understands. There are a lot of people there around a huge conference table. Cliff continues, citing the authority of the Committee, and introduces himself as the Majority Counsel for the House Government Oversight and Reform Committee. Donna's asked to state her full name for the Committee, and she does: it's Donnatella Moss, and yes, it's spelled with two "N"s. Cliff then indicates that he has met Donna "socially on several occasions," and that he'd like to proceed if there are no objections, which there aren't. I wonder if they'd object if they were aware that some of those occasions involved his skivvies. I liked him until this episode, but now he comes across as a selfish weasel. He then expresses the Committee's appreciation to Donna for appearing on a Sunday. Like she probably had a big damn choice. She non-verbally acknowledges this. In answer to his first question, she indicates that she is there because she was subpoenaed. Cliff: "No need to thank me." Donna remains serious. He says, "Donna, this is gonna be easy. You can laugh." Easy for you to say, jerkwad. Donna doesn't laugh or even visibly relax.
Cliff asks Donna to describe her efforts related to organizing documents pertinent to the investigation. She says, "Well, I had a plan! I was cute, and peppy, and I always passed my nineteenth-century English Literature midterm, and then this irresistible white-collar crime boy dragged my farm-girl ass away from the path of righteousness and into his web of Presidential fraud and intrigue! I had a plan!" Oh, I'm just being silly. She actually says a lot of dull stuff about what documents were in the boxes and what she did with the documents and who told her to do it and where the storage room was located (which was in the OEOB, and didn't she say at the time that Josh's office was about two hundred feet away? ["Yes." -- Wing Chun] Can that be right?) and that documents were from the campaign and the West Wing. Cliff asks her to clarify which campaign she's talking about; she says, "Bartlet for America." Shecky Greene is still trying to make her laugh: "And how'd you guys do?" Donna's not having it: "We won." Cliff says that others are going to ask her some questions, and then they'll get back to him. Donna says okay and kind of shifts in her seat, releasing some tension, or perhaps to brace for the onslaught. Another guy asks whether she keeps a photo album. She says she doesn't, but then clarifies that she keeps photos, just not in an album. She doesn't keep a scrapbook, either (though she strikes me as the type to do so). He asks whether she keeps letters, notes, or other correspondence. She indicates that she sometimes keep birthday cards, or letters from her father. He asks, "Do you keep a diary?" Without hesitation, she says she doesn't. The guy starts to ask her about gifts, as the camera focuses on Cliff, who interrupts, asking the person recording the deposition to read back the question and answer about whether Donna keeps a diary. As it's read, Cliff looks at Donna closely; she has no reaction. He says okay, and the other guy restates his question: "Do you receive gifts from anyone who is currently working at the White House?" As we go to commercial, I wonder whether she'll mention the book on alpine skiing Josh gave her for Christmas two years ago.
It's raining. It was a lovely day when the First Couple were out on the portico. Will Sawyer is sitting in C.J.'s empty office. Mind you, he's in C.J.'s chair, kind of casually glancing about the various items on her desk (one of which is the goldfish -- Gail lives). He handles a couple of things, the way you'd pick up something in a store that you were only half-interested in. He's not snooping, exactly, but wow...no small amount of chutzpah on this guy's part. Or maybe they have some history, if you know what I'm saying. Which, of course, everyone over the age of seven does. Know what I'm saying, that is. Anyway, C.J. arrives, and brightly says, "How you doing?" He says "Good." C.J.: "You're sitting in my chair." Will: "Didn't have a plaque on it." C.J. smiles. Well, if this guy makes C.J. smile, we like him. C.J. chuckles, "Aw, I've missed you." He gets out of the chair, saying, "Yeah," in that "Yeah, right" way. She says he's been gone three weeks. He says it's been two and half years. C.J.: "Really? So what happened? I thought you were our man in Myanmar." Which, despite my sucking at Geography, I do know was formerly known in the West as Burma. He says he got kicked out. He casually sits in a chair opposite her desk. Putting on some hand cream, C.J. asks, "Will, is there a Third World country you haven't been kicked out of?" He replies, "Hey, I've been kicked out of plenty of industrialized nations, too." C.J. asks why he got kicked out; he says he didn't get kicked out, exactly. Then why'd you say you did? He claims they love him in Myanmar. He also says they put a bounty on his head. C.J. laughs. Well, we like this guy more and more. Anything that elicits Allison Janney's laugh is okay by me. Will, with a complete lack of indignation: "It's not funny. The Myanmarese government is built on narcotic trafficking. Myanmar, Thailand, Laos: I was this close to the story. I had interviews with Peng Jiasheng, Pau Yiakung, Li Zuru...I was tight with narco barons..." C.J.: "Until...?" Will: "The Myanmarese Army..." C.J.: "Put a bounty on your head?" Will confirms her guess. He found out when the State Department came and got him. C.J.: "Wow, that had to be embarrassing in front of your narco baron friends." Hee. He says he's assigned to the White House Press Corps until they can find him a reporting job. C.J., with good humour: "No. No offense taken." She asks why he wanted to see her. He says, "Because you're gorgeous and brilliant and I missed you." No, no. But that would have been good. He's got a quote on which he thought she'd like to comment: "Toby Ziegler says, 'If the President wins re-election, it'll be on the Vice-President's coattails.'" C.J. incredulously repeats the quote, Will confirms it, and C.J. asks whether Toby said it to Will. He says he got it from the person to whom Toby said it. C.J. asks Will to do her a favour and give her a little time to check it out. He gets up to leave, and she asks, "You've been gone two and a half years?" He has. She says it seemed like less than that. He replies, "People lose all track of time and space when I'm not around." C.J. says, "Yeah," in this kind of odd, breathy way. He leaves her office, hesitating for a moment before he figures out which way to go. I just looked up Michael O'Keefe on the IMDb to figure out if I'd ever seen him in anything and was shocked to realize he was Fred on Roseanne! I completely did not recognize him without the longer hair and beard. I quite liked him as Fred. He's a good choice for this role. It's nice to have someone kind of laid-back on the show; most of the staff is always so hopped-up. That reminds me, I'd love to see Laurie Metcalf in a guest role on this show. I think she's really good and very underrated.
Sam's having a meeting with a Congressman's aide, in the Roosevelt Room. Sam is wearing a pale blue polo-neck sweater over a white t-shirt. He says, "It's $30 billion in School Modernization Bonds." Ginger brings in some doughnuts. Sam adds that they're interest-free for school districts: "We're estimating that it will help build and modernize seven thousand schools nationwide. There's another $1.5 billion for urgent repairs targeted to high-need districts." The guy asks, "Like roof repairs?" Sam indicates that it's for all kinds of building infrastructure repairs, and that they think they need the Congressman's vote to get it out of the Appropriations Committee and onto the floor. The aide says the Congressman is down with that, and that he'll be looking for the President's support on a bill he's sponsoring called the Legal Tender Modernization Act, which is aimed at getting rid of the penny. Sam's puzzled. The aide says it would permanently halt production of the penny. Sam would like to know why. It almost seems as if he's never heard of these sort of movements before, which seems unlikely for a big nerd like Sam. He should check out Americans for Common Cents. The aide says, "Last year, the U.S. Mint cut fourteen billion pennies, and shipped them off to the Federal Reserve, which dumped them in our laps. They're worthless." Sam points out, "Well, they're actually worth one cent." The aide replies, "The dollar has a buying power today that the quarter had thirty years ago. The penny's buying power has shrunk to nothing." Sam says that's not true: "You can get yourself a gumball." Is Sam old enough to remember penny candy? The aide says they cost a nickel. Sam: "Really?" I guess he doesn't buy a lot of gumballs. ["Nickel candy deficiency could be the root of a lot of his problems." -- Wing Chun] The aide says he'll need to give his boss a good reason why the White House won't support the bill, if, indeed, they won't s
upport it. Sam, wearily: "Oh, don't make me give you a good reason." The aide asks, "You want your $30 billion in school repairs?" Sam replies, "Well, we're already well on our way with one hundred and forty million pennies." Where'd that figure come from? Sam says he'll get the aide a good reason.In the Oval Office, POTUS is studying a document. He calls Charlie in and asks, "You took Indianapolis?" Charlie says he did. "You didn't want to take Kansas City over Arizona?" Charlie did not. Jed points out that Kansas City has three players out of Notre Dame: "You always go with the team that's got more players out of Notre Dame." Charlie: "That's a heck of a system, sir." Out in the hall, we see someone arriving, and Nancy helping him with his coat. Jed asks about Charlie's system. Charlie: "I compare the team's record to the record of its opponent." It's VP John Hoynes out there. When did we last see him? "17 People"? ["According to the admittedly not always right IMDb, it was "The Stackhouse Filibuster." -- Wing Chun] Jed: "That's a little simplistic, isn't it?" Charlie: "Yes, sir."
Nancy tells Jed that Hoynes has arrived; Charlie leaves. Jed gets up, walks over to Hoynes to shake his hand, and asks, "Do you know this church?" Hoynes doesn't. Jed says, "Listen, you feel like having a beer with me?" Since I don't think Jed would be that much of a jerk, even to Hoynes, I must assume he doesn't know that Hoynes is an alcoholic. Which means that Leo's been utterly faithful to the AA creed, not that that surprises anyone. Hoynes says he's fine. Jed says, "On Sundays, when we got back from church, my father would let my brother and me split a beer. It got to be a habit." Hoynes: "Mind if I split some water with you?" Jed calls Nancy and then almost offhandedly says, "I need you to go to Texas, John." Jed asks Nancy for a cold beer and some ice water. He tells her to close the door as she leaves. Hoynes: "You want to send me to Texas?" Jed: "It's what Texans do. You know, a decade ago, we passed a few national gun control laws and the gun lobby turned its back on Congress and started focusing on the States. The NRA systematically worked the legislatures to weaken conceal-and-carry laws, the effect of which is to increase gun sales and pad its own membership." Hoynes starts to say that he doesn't necessarily agree, but Jed continues, "The National Conference of State Legislatures is meeting weekend at the Convention Center in San Antonio." Jed wants John to go and speak for him. Hoynes: "'Cause that's what Texans do." Jed doesn't seem to care too much for Hoynes's tone: "It's also what Vice-Presidents do." Nancy returns with the beverages.
Leo comes out to a waiting area to get someone waiting for him. It's Major Dad (Gerald McRaney)! He's in a well-decorated military uniform. Leo says, "Alan!" They shake hands warmly; they seem pleased to see each other. They go back to Leo's office as Leo asks how Alan's trip went. Alan says he met with Hassan and someone called the Aviation Prince. Leo says, "You know what we need in this country?" Alan: "An Aviation Prince." Leo: "That's right." Alan adds, "Let me tell you something -- Sultan Bin Abu Azir ain't what he used to be. The last time I was in Kuwait, he gave me a gold inlay Gadara sword, originating from the Bin al-Mahr tribe." This time he got nothing. You know, there are several things about that sultan's name that look wrong: bin means "son of," abu means "father of," and I don't think Azir is an actual Arabic name, although it sounds like one. For that matter, Bin Al-Mahr sounds off, too. Leo asks, "You want to go down to the Situation Room and blow him off the face of the earth?" Major Dad: "Yeah." On to the business at hand: he says, "The NSA Communications Office cabled me a draft of the President's radio address for weekend." Leo starts to talk, but Alan's reading: "'At the close of the last World War, our nation was instrumental in the creation of both the United Nations and the Nuremberg War Crimes Tribunal. Now at the dawn of the millennium, we cannot betray that tradition of moral leadership.' He's made up his mind." Leo protests that it's an early draft and that it's not a big thing. Alan says he knows that Hutchinson and Berryhill support it, but that he, Fitzwallace, the Pentagon, the House and Senate Armed Services, and House and Senate Foreign Relations see it as a "thing of catastrophic proportions." Leo suggests that they go and talk.
We can hear thunder and rain. C.J. wanders through the Communications area, which is not very busy, and notices Toby in his office. He's on his couch reading a newspaper. He's wearing a nice sweater. When she comes in, he says he's not here. She says she had him paged, because she didn't know he was at the office. He says he's not, and holds the newspaper up in front of his face. Dude, if you're not here, why'd you come in to work: just to read the newspaper? Perhaps he just never got around to, you know, buying furniture, so the only way he can sit on a couch and read a paper is by coming to work. These people need a life worse than I do. C.J.: "I think the jig is up." Toby, from behind the newspaper: "Clearly I'm here, but I'm not open for business. I heard the President was meeting with Hoynes so I-I-I wanted to see how-how it goes." He's been doing this weird stuttering thing ever since he started talking. What's with that? C.J. sits down. He adds, "And I see you picked Chicago over Cincinnati, so let me explain to you why your money's going to be in my pocket." C.J.: "'If the President wins re-election, it's going be on the Vice-President's coattails.'" Toby looks at her and says, "You want to know what's weird? I-I-I just said that exact thing a couple of days ago." C.J. knows, because Will Sawyer just told her. Toby looks annoyed and says, "Will Sawyer's in Myanmar." C.J. explains that he got kicked out, and he's in the Briefing Room now. Toby says he said it at the end of a W.A. meeting, and they were talking about areas where Hoynes is polling stronger than Bartlet...Toby's chagrined as he realizes he said it to their own staff. His forefinger hovers lightly over his forehead, as if he might almost rub his head but not quite. Richard Schiff might be the master of little gestures on this show. John Spencer is definitely the master of the wordless reaction. Toby puts the paper down, sighing, and asks whether he has a little time. C.J. says he has a little time, and asks, "You're here now?" Toby chuckles mirthlessly, fidgets with his pen, and says, "Yeah." He thinks for a moment and calls Ginger in. He instructs her to page every junior staffer and senior assistant who works in the West Wing: "Every single one. I want them to assemble downstairs in the mess in two hours." Ginger: "What if..." Toby interrupts: "If they can't be here in two hours, then they don't need to come in tomorrow morning." Ginger goes off to do his bidding.
It's raining. We see a shot directly over a sidewalk. Someone is sitting on a set of stairs under an umbrella. Another umbrella walks slowly up to the front of the building and stops. The shot changes; Donna sees Cliff sitting on her steps. She asks how he got there before she did. He says he drove. She asks whether he should be there; he says no. Well, when has that ever stopped him? He says he needs to know why she lied before. She says she didn't lie. He says, "I saw your diary. When I was over that night? You keep a diary. Why'd you say you didn't?" She insists that she doesn't. He says he saw it. She replies, "You didn't, because there is no diary." He stands up, annoyed. "Donna! It's me and you! Now, what's in it that you had to lie to the Committee?" Doesn't seem to me that there's much foundation here to appeal to "it's me and you." She asks, "'It's me and you'? You're lead counsel for the Committee investigating me, my friends, my boss, and the President of the United States. And I thought you were a little bit smarmy with your 'Donna, it's okay, you can laugh...' Was that charm?" Nope, it was smarm; you had it right the first time. She walks up the stairs past him and reiterates that there's no diary. He starts citing chapter and verse on all the various laws she's violating by lying about this, along with the prescribed punishments. He concludes, "It was a perfectly innocent mistake. Now, let me talk to your lawyer and help you walk this back." Donna inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what would you say? That you thought you saw a diary while you were hunting around for your boxer shorts?" That should make it plenty clear for those who've been doubting they did the deed. ["And I'd just like to say again that I called it." -- Wing Chun] She shakes her head slightly and says, "You shouldn't be here," as she goes into her building. Looks like a nice enough building: old place...she's probably got a flat in there. I guess we can ponder Donna's and Cliff's respective stupidity during the commercials.
I know some of you are thinking, "Where's Josh? Isn't it about time for Josh to show up, since the show is half over already? Hello?" You'll be pleased to know that this scene opens with Josh standing in the doorway of an office, talking to Sam. The opening shot is actually Josh's muscular forearms crossed in front of him. The reason that I know they're muscular is that he's wearing a dark charcoal grey sweater with the sleeves pushed up, and a pair of tight jeans. No, I'm not making this up to torture those of you in Ashton-under-Lyne and Bowness-on-Windermere who won't see this for months. He looks damn good, and I'm not even a member of the harem (not Josh's anyway; I'm a bigger fan of Brad Whitford, since he seems like such a truly sweet person). Anyway, he checks his watch (wondering how Donna's doing and whether she's done yet, I'm guessing) and asks Sam, "Why?" Sam says, "'Cause this country is populated with unbalanced people, many of whom find their way to Washington, as if the continent funnels them into this one spot." I can see how that would seem to be the case, although I'd argue there's also a strong dip toward Hollywood, too. Josh wonders why this guy wants to abolish the penny. Sam says he doesn't so much want to abolish it as he wants to give his boss a reason the administration won't support it. Josh says, "Well...it's stupid." Sam explains that it's actually not, because it turns out the majority of pennies don't circulate anyway; two thirds of the pennies produced in the last thirty years have dropped out of circulation. Josh seems surprised: "You've been reading about this?" Sam claims it's interesting. Josh looks vaguely disgusted: "No. It's not." Sam gets up and says, "The Mint gets letters with pennies taped on notebook paper; letters from citizens who found the pennies on the street and mailed them back to the Treasury to pay down the debt." Boy, if people really are spending thirty-four cents (or whatever a first-class U.S. stamp costs now -- cut me some slack, I'm Canadian) to mail back a few pennies, then all the unbalanced people really aren't in Washington. Josh looks at his watch again and comments, "It's almost hard to believe that plan hasn't worked." Sam keeps rambling: "It's also bad for the environment: production requires the mining of millions of tons of copper and zinc each year." Josh, exhibiting a mixture of boredom and disbelief, mixed with a need to kill some time: "Zinc?" Sam says that in 1982, the composition of the penny was changed to 97.5% zinc and only 2.5% copper. Josh: "Sam?" Sam: "I'm turning into one of the funnel people?" Josh: "Yeah." He checks his watch again. Sam says, "Donna thinks you're still pissed at her." Josh seems somewhat surprised: "I'm not." Okay, I'll buy that. "I wasn't before." I don't think I'll buy that. "When did she tell you that?" Sam says it was before she left. Josh asks whether Sam's heard from her; he hasn't. Josh says she should be done by now. He seems pretty worried. Sam's back on funnel duty: "Here's a riddle: what is the most ubiquitous manmade object in America that does not interact with any mechanism or machine?" Josh, weakly: "The...penny?" Sam confirms this. As Josh crosses the room to walk out the other door, Sam adds that it can't even be thrown in a tollbooth, except in Illinois. Josh asks why. Sam: "That's an interesting question." Josh: "No. It's not."
C.J. walks up to Will in what I think is the Press Room, and tells him she'll have something for him soon; Toby's speaking to some people. She asks, "Hey, are you a king?" He says, "No," like it's sort of a ridiculous question. She explains that somebody said he was hanging out with some tribe and they made him a king. He clarifies, "I'm a god." Well, you're a damn sight better than Danny, but I don't know that I'd go that far. C.J.: "Oh." Will adds, "I'm the only white man ever to witness the sacrificial rites of the Bau Tribe of Fiji. I was almost a victim myself, until they made me The Supporter of the World." C.J. wonders, "How'd you swing that?" He indicates, "Using my Palm Pilot, I convinced the Bau I had the power to make the gods' writing appear at will, and more significantly, predict the day's weather." C.J.: "So you're a god." She seems intrigued. Will says, "I'm the God of Good Harvest and the Land of the Dead." C.J. says, "I gotta go there and bring my laptop. It quacks when I have email." Will says, "No, you're too tall." She asks what would happen. He says that they would paint her face and "other body parts" black, so she would be ornamented as a warrior ready for feasting or combat, and then she would be garrotted by a length of boar tripe. Sounds...somewhat suspect to me, but I don't have time for a lengthy anthropological dig through the internet right now. C.J.: "Yeah. No. Good safety tip." She starts to leave, and he asks whether Alan Adamley is on the premises, and why. C.J. tells Will that Adamley's meeting Leo, but she doesn't know why. She asks about the joke he made earlier, about being assigned to the White House until he could get a real reporting job, and wonders whether it was really a joke. Perhaps she's wondering if he's going to be in a position that would provide the usual conflict-of-interest issues. He says he was joking. As she exits, she says she'll have something for him on Toby's quotation soon.
Overhead shot of POTUS and VPOTUS sitting in side chairs on either side of the Presidential Seal in the Oval Office carpet. They're arguing. Hoynes is saying that twenty-nine states have "shall issue" laws. Jed brings up New Jersey, which has a "may issue" law, and starts to talk about how changing that one word means that law enforcement can decide who gets a concealed weapon and when and where it can be carried. He says, "Texas has a 'may issue' law in front of the legislature right now and you going down there..." Hoynes interrupts: "Me going down there is suicide and you know it, sir." Jed argues: "It's counter-scheduling. You go in front of an unfriendly audience, you tell them something they don't want to hear...it shows you have courage." John: "So the editors of The New York Times will think I have courage, while the people who decide elections..." Jed: "You're a hero in Texas!" Hoynes: "I was a hero in Texas..." Jed: "Texans don't like that you have the courage of your convictions?" Hoynes: "They're not my convictions. They're yours!" Jed gets up: "Oh, yeah. I forgot." He paces a bit. Hoynes stands too, and says, "Mr. President, we're not going to get anywhere by treating gun owners like psychopaths." Even the ones who are? He goes on, "And particularly in the South where guns are a tradition, and a heritage that's passed on from father to son..." Like lynching? What sort of argument is this supposed to be? Jed replies, "That's not good enough. 'A tradition passed on from father to son'? We tamed the frontier, John. We did that already." Hoynes claims that the NRA will say that Bartlet's taking advantage of this shooting in Abilene. Yeah. Because God forbid we should base gun-control arguments on the numerous gun killings that actually happen every day. He continues, "That you like it when these things happen, 'cause it gives you a chance to..." Well, if the NRA would actually make such a claim, I don't even know what to say about that. That's atrocious. Jed concurs: "Let them stand in this room and say that. On this day. Let 'em stand in this room. I like it?! She was nine years old!" Charlie comes in at this point to hand Jed a note. Jed reads it and hands it back to Charlie, who leaves without a word. Jed says, "Green Bay lost." After a brief pause: "She was nine years old." Hoynes says, "You know, last month in Idaho, a man killed six members of his family, including his pregnant wife, and you know why the liberal intelligentsia didn't go crazy? 'Cause he did it with an axe. You think we need axe control?" No, I think we need moron control. I think we need to clean up the gene pool. I think we need to get out our faces out of the Cheesy Poofs and read a book now and then. I think...oh, whatever
. Jed dryly says, "Well, that is an excellent point. I never saw it that way." Hoynes claims he's playing devil's advocate. Jed: "Tighter axe control." Hoynes: "You come down on firearms, you come down on tobacco, you come down on alcohol, but you let Griffith run around talking about legalizing marijuana!" Jed: "She didn't! You know what? Last year...gun deaths: 30,708. Alcohol deaths: 35, 450. Tobacco deaths: 400,000. Marijuana deaths: zero." Yes, but let's not pretend marijuana is 100% benign. My God, chamomile tea isn't 100% benign. Nothing is. Jed: "This guy, the second shooter, Rambo? He's going to get nothing. He's going to get a parade. You know why? There was no sign posted in the church saying you can't carry a concealed weapon. I'm just playing devil's advocate." He walks away from Hoynes, hands shoved in his pockets, saying, "She was nine years old."Leo and Alan are in Leo's office. Leo says, "Two things: one, it's technically not just a court for war crimes." Alan: "'Technically'?" Leo: "And two, the President hasn't made up his mind yet." Alan says the UN has; Leo says the UN made up its mind in 1948, when it recognized the crime of genocide, a crime so immense as to exceed the jurisdiction of any single court or government: "Alan, systematic extermination of civilians, enslavement, torture, rape, forced pregnancy, terrorism -- doesn't the world need a permanent standing body..." Thank God he included rape and forced pregnancy in that list -- things that are all too infrequently recognized as war crimes (and are still being argued in some quarters). Alan argues, "National sovereignty is at stake. Americans are answerable to no one but their own government and their own laws." Well, isn't that special. How freaking arrogant. Leo says, "Yeah." Alan: "And people need to be reminded that the UN is not a democratic organization. There's no input in its deliberations by any..." Leo interjects, "Come on. The court is designed with plenty of safeguards, to say nothing of, if we don't subject ourselves to the treaty, it'll encourage other countries, and you don't think that'll undercut the UN's campaign against war crimes?" Suddenly there's a knock at the door and Sam sticks his head in. He excuses himself and explains that Margaret wasn't at her desk; Leo asks what he needs. Sam says that if Leo's in the middle of something, Sam can come back. General Adamley says, "We're eliminating genocide. What are you doing?" Sam: "Eliminating the penny." Brief pause. "So I'll come back." They're like, "Yeah."
Out in the hall, Sam runs into Donna, who's just returned. He asks her how the deposition went, and she says it went fine. She clearly doesn't want to chat or get into details, and asks where Josh is. Sam pedegeeks alongside her, saying, "You know the only thing pennies interact with are those coin-wrapping machines people buy to get rid of pennies? Which kind of proves the point." Donna wants to know what point it proves. He doesn't know. He leaves as Donna sees Josh. She looks like she has to tell him she's knocked up. She walks over to him and says she needs to talk to him in his office. He closes the door and asks, "What happened?" She says, "I was asked if I keep a diary, and I said no, only I do keep a diary." He asks why she said she didn't. She says she doesn't know. Josh asks, "What do you mean, you don't know?" She says nothing in it is relevant. He asks whether there's anyone else on the witness list who knows she keeps a diary. Donna replies, "There's nobody who knows I keep a diary except the thing is...Cliff saw it." Well, and now Josh knows, and has he been deposed yet? She explains that Cliff told her he saw the diary when he was in her apartment. Josh is speechless. He walks toward his desk. Donna says, "I swear it wasn't premeditated, and nothing in it was mater--" Josh: "You don't get to decide that! You don't get to decide what's material and what isn't, Donna!" She asks him to please keep his voice down. He continues, at a slightly reduced volume, "This is how it happens: they got nothing on the President with MS, they're trolling, then you go in and hand them a..." Donna: "I know." Josh: "You were subpoenaed! You were under oath! You answer the damn questions!" Donna: "I screwed up." Josh, loudly: "You think?" He sits down in his chair and puts his head in his hands. Donna asks quietly, "What should I do?" Josh tells her firmly, "Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing." She looks distressed and leaves. From the look on Josh's face, we can tell his wheels are whirring.
Toby arrives at the Mess, where the staffers have assembled as requested. We can hear their chatter as he's walking toward the hallway. Everyone quiets down as he enters. I'm expecting him to go gazebo on their asses, but instead, he takes a different tack. He hesitates before starting, as if he's not entirely sure how to begin, and then says, "There's an old saying: 'Those who speak, don't know; and those who know, don't speak.' I don't know if that's true or not, but I know by and large the press doesn't really care who knows what as long as they've got a quote. Last Friday, we had our Week Ahead meeting in the Roosevelt Room. Some of you were there, most of you weren't, but I'm talking to all of you now. Bruno Gianelli and I were leading a discussion about whether or not the President should stop in Kansas on his way back from the West Coast, and I remarked that the Vice-President is polling better than the President right now in the Plains states." Sam pops in at the back of the room to listen. Toby continues, "And that if the President is re-elected, it's going to be on the Vice-President's coattails. That remark made its way to a White House reporter. We're a group." He chuckles mirthlessly. Toby has a lot of call to do that. "We're a team. From the President and Leo on through, we're a team. We win together, we lose together, we celebrate and we mourn together. And defeats are softened and victories sweetened because we did them together. And if you don't like this team...then, there's the door." He lets that sink in. "It's great to be in the know. It's great to have the scoop, to have the skinny, to be able to go to a reporter and say, 'I know something you don't know.' And so the press becomes your constituents and you sell out the team. So, an item will appear in the paper tomorrow, and it will be embarrassing to me and embarrassing to the President. I'm not going to have a witch hunt. I'm not going to huff and puff. I'm not going to take anyone's head off." Damn. Those things are a lot more interesting than these fatherly expressions of quiet disappointment. He concludes, "I'm simply going to say this: you're my guys. And I'm yours...and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." He gets up and walks out, leaving them to look sad and shameful.
Back in his office, Leo's telling the General that 139 countries have signed the treaty, and thirty-five have ratified. Once sixty ratify, that's the "ball game." He asks, "You want to be left out?" Alan replies, "Absolutely. And I'll tell you what else. This is going to raise nineteen kinds of hell in Congress." Leo: "What doesn't?" Alan: "There are already extreme Republicans who are attaching amendments to bills cutting off military aid to any NATO member that signs the treaty." Leo pooh-poohs that. Alan adds, "And committing the U.S. to forcibly rescue any American soldier held and tried in such a court. Leo, this commits to United States to a scenario where we'd be invading...Holland!" Leo asks, "How much of this is about hedging our bets?" Alan insists it's not. Leo hollers, "Look, we set up Nuremberg! We set up the Tokyo War Crimes Trial. And that was fine until we realized the Cold War threat was going to take precedence. So when the German rocket scientists came here to help us get into space, we looked the other way, while SS officers followed right behind, protected by American intelligence services, 'cause they were gonna help us with the Communists." Major Dad seems to think that's a load. Leo: "Oh, please, Alan...so, how much of this is hedging our bets?" Alan clears his throat and asks Leo, "Remember Operation Rolling Thunder?" He opens a file and says, "September 1966?" Leo remembers. Alan states, "You were piloting an F-105 Fighter Chief. This was our first unit, 355th Tactical Fighter Wing out of Thailand. I was Forward Air Commander. I gave you your directions." He reads from the file: "'From I.P., heading 273 for 10.5 miles; your target is north-south running bridge over river, one kilometre to the tree line running east-west." Leo remembers, but doesn't get the relevance. His face is extremely serious. Alan just kind of makes a negative facial gesture. Leo says, "It was a military target." Alan says, "It was a civilian target. It was a dam. There were eleven civilian casualties." Leo doesn't say anything for about fifteen seconds as the realization subtly seeps into his expression. "Why did you tell me that?" Alan says, "Because you could be charged and tried for a war crime." Leo is still absorbing it all and he puts his hand up to his face, and exhales, and then angrily demands, "Why did you tell me that?" Alan barely reacts as he says, "All wars are crimes." Right. Does that mean nothing that happens during wars should be prosecuted? It's a free-for-all? I can't get behind that. Also: isn't it somewhat naïve for any soldier to imagine that his or her commanding officers always tell him the truth? Or for pilots who've assaulted any kind of target to assume that they've never killed a non-combatant? Leo sits back in his chair and finally says, "We've been here a while." Alan gets up and buttons his uniform, suggesting that they call it a day. Leo says he'll get him some time with POTUS this week. Alan says he appreciates it. Leo stands and says, "Thank you." Alan thanks Leo and leaves. Leo stands in his office, not really knowing what to think or do .
VPOTUS AND POTUS are still at it. Jed asks Hoynes, "If guns are meant to deter the threat of crime, what's the point of concealing them? I mean, wouldn't you want the criminal to see that you've got a gun?" Hoynes says he supposes you would. Jed wants to know what the answer to that is, then. Hoynes really doesn't know. Isn't the idea supposedly to create uncertainty for the criminal? Of course, it mostly just creates uncertainty for everyone. Hoynes says, "I suppose the concern has more to do with the threat to the Second Amendment." Jed: "We can't all just agree that it's a stupid-ass amendment that was written before there were street lamps, much less police forces, and move on?" Hoynes seems weary. "Sir..." Jed continues, "There's no need for a citizen militia." Hoynes says he agrees. Jed: "Then say so." John says, "Forty percent of Americans have a gun in their home." Jed gets up and walks around, saying, "Only 16% believe gun ownership is an absolute right. Only 9% believe it's an absolute wrong. There's a middle. We can win them!" Hoynes snaps, "Not when we're running the MS defense, Mr. President!" Jed: "Which we wouldn't have been doing if..." He breaks off. Hoynes looks over at him: "If what, sir?" Jed tries to brush it off. Hoynes stands and says, "Sir..." Jed declares, "You outed me, John. With that trip to Nashua, with the oil companies. You wanted people to start asking questions." Hoynes insists, "I needed to start running because nobody told me that I wasn't! And you announced it! I found out on television!" Jed: "So did my wife." Not much of a defense. Hoynes yells, "This whole thing was mismanaged, sir! It was blown!" Jed agrees. Hoynes hollers, "Yes, it was!" They glare at each other for a bit; Jed says, "It's not easy being my Vice-President, is it?" Hoynes sighs, "No, sir." Jed walks around behind his desk, saying, "I wouldn't think so." Leaning on his desk, he adds, "But it's the only way you're going to get the nomination. You know that, right? If I win?" Hoynes replies, "Yeah. And the only way you're going to win, is if I'm on the ticket. You know that, don't you, sir?" Jed does. Hoynes starts to walk away. Jed asks, "You'll go to Texas?" Hoynes nods, saying, "I want a seat at the table." Charlie knocks, and comes in to advise Jed that he has to appear in the Briefing Room soon. Hoynes says he'll be back in his office, and wonders whether there's anything else. Jed says no. Hoynes says, "Thank you, Mr. President," and leaves.
It's evening. It's stopped raining. Josh and Donna are sitting on a park bench by a large fountain. They seem extremely tense and uncomfortable with each other, and also look as though they're waiting for someone. And here comes Cliff from around the other side of the fountain. Josh gets up and walks over to him. Donna glances after Josh for a moment, and then looks away again. Without any chit-chat or how-do-you-dos, Josh says, "There's a coffee shop across the street. You can read it there. You've got an hour. I haven't read it, but if anything bothers you, you'll issue a subpoena in the morning. You'll have it back before the end of the day. If not, that's that." Cliff says, "Yeah." Josh warns him, "If I read any of this in the newspaper, or anything happens I don't like, I've got the entries for October 4th and 5th." Donna's first date with Cliff was on October 3rd; therefore the second time she saw him was October 4th. Obviously, those two entries discuss what occurred on the days. I assume Donna photocopied them. Cliff asks -- somewhat cluelessly, if you ask me, given that it's not that long ago -- "What's October 4th and 5th?" Josh points at him and says, "You." Cliff nods and says, "That's fair." Gee, I'm glad you think so. We get a shot of Donna trying not to look as humiliated as she obviously feels. This whole thing is becoming icky in more ways than I care to contemplate. Cliff says, "Thank you." Josh hands Cliff the diary. He takes it and walks away without a word. I would sooner burn my diary and be excoriated about it by a lawyer than submit to this sort of hideous humiliation. Josh stands there for a moment before turning and walking back to sit on the bench to Donna. He says, "It's starting to get cold already." She doesn't say anything. She looks at him, downcast. He puts his arm behind her -- not exactly around her, but in an attempt at a gesture of consolation. She's not sitting close enough for him to really put his arm around her. He says it's going to be fine. She looks at him like she really wishes that could be true. Josh doesn't look entirely convinced himself. They sit in silence, while somewhere across the street, Cliff holds the fate of many people in his hands.