By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: Josh is crushing on Joey, who turns out to be sleeping with the noxious Al Kiefer; C.J. investigates rumours about a strategy memo that's circulating, which turns out to have been written by Mandy; Leo announces that he is a recovering drug and alcohol addict; President Bartlet wants to name a couple of people to the FEC to fill some recently opened seats; a senator's aide (?) threatens to repay the Bartlet administration tenfold if they proceed with their FEC choices.
It's the Sheraton Centre Hotel, Washington, D.C., where, according to the titles, the Americans apparently spell "Centre" the British/Canadian way. I'm surprised. (Strega: Is that actually right?) ["I couldn't find any such place, but it's possible, since it's such a cosmopolitan town. Or maybe 'affected' would be a better word?" -- Strega] Jed's wearing a tux and making a speech to a large and supportive crowd. Staffers are lurking around by the monitors, watching. He's sarcastically asserting that they better have mandatory sentences, because judges can't be trusted to dispense justice, and we better have term limits, because voters can't be trusted to recognize corruption, etc. Jed adds, "When the playing field is leveled and the process is fair and open, it turns out we have term limits: they're called elections." The crowd applauds and cheers. C.J., wearing a soft gold dress & jacket in a nice change from the grey and white she's usually sporting, is hanging out with the press corps and bantering with the reporters, while studiously ignoring Danny. She announces, "In a moment the President's going to say something that's sure to get you all shouting my name at once. There'll be a full briefing tonight at the White House." As she's circulating around the room, Danny sidles up and tries to speak with her but she breezily cuts him off by saying, "You don't want to miss this." As she strides out of the room, a reporter asks her what's going on. She replies, "The President's throwing his cap over the wall." He wants to know what that means; as she leaves the room she calls over her shoulder that he's about to find out.
At the podium, Jed's relating one of his many little homilies; this one is courtesy of his father. Long homily short: two Irish lads run into a high, apparently unscalable brick wall in their journey; thus they throw their hats over the wall so that they have no choice but to follow. (Seems to me if you could throw hats, most of which don't have the aerodynamics of Frisbees, over the wall, you could probably climb over too, but what do I know? I'm not even Irish.)
As we fade from Jed live to Jed on a monitor, we're in a room where an unnamed Republican senator is rambling on about the brandy he's sharing with his staff. Steve, his flunky, is watching the television intently and tries to get the senator's attention. The senator invites Steve to sit down with them, and, referring to Jed, claims, "The man's not going to say anything we're interested in." Steve begs to differ and gestures to the television. Steve says the President is going to name two finance reformers to the FEC. The senator says, "What the hell are you talking about? You said it wasn't going to happen." Steve admits he was wrong, and that Bartlet's going to name John Bacon and Patty Calhoun. The senator asks, "You told him they take on campaign finance reform and I roll out a legislative agenda that will make his boss sit down and cry?" Steve says he made it very clear. Just then, Jed makes the announcement of Bacon and Calhoun's appointments. The senator barks to one of the women in the room, "Get him on the phone!" She asks, "Who?" "Josh Lyman! Get him on the phone." Then, in an especially Moe-threatening-Bart moment, the Senator growls, "I'm going to reach down his throat and take out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop!"
Back at the Sheraton Centre, Sam says to Josh, "You're about to get a call." Josh knows. Sam continues, "Big call. Powerful guy. I'm just saying you're probably rocked back from your meeting last week." Josh agrees, "A little." Sam: "They threatened you with a legislative agenda. They made you feel powerless, and you're a little off your game. A little gun shy." Toby, who wandered up a little while ago, says, "Leave him alone." Sam: "I'm bucking him up." Toby: "Leave him alone." Sam: "You asked me to buck him up!" Toby replies, "Now I'm telling you to leave him alone." Josh says he's trying to watch Jed's speech, just as Donna rushes up with Josh's cell phone and confirms it's "the call." Josh takes the phone and says, "Hi, Senator. Why don't you take your legislative agenda and shove it up your ass?" He hangs up. As the crowd conveniently applauds Jed in the background, Josh turns around and says to Donna, Toby and Sam, "Turns out I was fine." As the credits roll, I was thinking it would have been kind of funny if Josh had misunderstood Donna about who was calling and said that to Admiral Fitzwallace or some such person. Or maybe not. Anyway, the credits are rolling so here's the part where I get to fast-forward.
Back at the White House, C.J. is fielding questions from reporters. One asks, "Is the White House concerned that the FEC will become a partisan political football?" C.J. replies, "I'd like to emphasize again that the President has nominated one Democrat and one Republican, which he was certainly under no legal obligation to do." She further informs another reporter that in the past the FEC commissioners have been chosen by the President signing off on whomever the Congressional leadership pointed to, and admits that it's possible the White House forgot to tell the Congressional leadership that they would be slipping this announcement into tonight's speech.
The shot changes to Josh watching C.J. on the television in his office, as one reporter asks whether the President is "declaring war on Congress." Josh mutters to himself, "Say it's a police action." C.J. responds that the President is not empowered to declare war, but he is in fact obligated to nominate federal agency directors, concluding, "I call it more of a police action." Josh chuckles to himself, saying, "How about that?" Donna comes in and announces that Toby wants Josh in his office; Josh wants to know what Toby wants, and Donna says it's about polling. Josh asks if Toby's bringing in Al Kiefer; Donna tells him to ask Toby. Josh wants to know why Donna can't tell him; she says it's because he's going there now and she's busy. He says, "Fine," and leaves in a bit of a huff. Donna chases after him and says that Toby's bringing in Kiefer. Josh wants to know if that's what Donna was afraid to tell him; she claims she wasn't afraid. Then she tells him that Kiefer wants to bring in a California expert, and Josh realizes she's talking about Joey Lucas. Josh acts cool and says it's no big deal, but of course it is. Josh and Donna blather for a bit about how he's a pro, and it's no big deal. As Josh enters the secretarial area outside Toby and Sam's offices, one of the secretaries (I think it's Ginger, but I can only hear her and not see her) says, "Rambo!" Josh responds, "You talkin' to me?" She continues, "Nice phone call!" Josh puts his hands up in the air in one of those sports-victory-like gestures of which I have no intuitive understanding, and announces to the room at large, "That's how we do things in New England, my friends!" One of the other secretaries (Bonnie, I think; I have a lot of trouble keeping the minor secretaries straight) says, "In Indiana, we're not allowed to talk like that." Ginger says, "In New Jersey, we encourage it." Josh goes into Sam's office, where Toby is standing over Sam as Sam types on his laptop. Toby asks Josh to hang on, while he comments on Sam's writing. "Good...that's good...okay...Sam?" Sam says, "Yeah?" Toby inquires, "You're going to come to a verb soon, right, Sam?" Sam, a little testily, says, "You know what this is called?" Toby: "Bad writing?" Sam: "Imagery." Toby replies, "Well, you say potato." Suddenly I'm extra-glad Toby doesn't stand over me while I write these recaps. ["Guess I don't need to mention my reaction to that idea." -- Strega] Toby tells Josh it's a big polling week and he's bringing in Kiefer. Josh points out that Toby's done a complete turnaround on Kiefer, but Toby disagrees, saying he still doesn't want Kiefer advising the President, he just wants Kiefer to bring them numbers. Josh argues that "advising people is what pollsters do." Toby says, "He'll do what I tell him to do." Josh lets it go, and mentions the issue of English as the national language. They know it's the first thing the opposition will fire at them as payback for the FEC nominations. Toby states that they "need Hispanics," and asks Josh if he knows what state has a large Hispanic population. Josh: "I wanna say Maine, but uh..." Sam smirks at Josh as Toby says, "California." Josh replies, "Damn, I was only off by a continent." Toby says Josh's name a little bit reproachfully and Josh insists, "It's fine! Bring her out here." Toby's a little skeptical but Josh maintains, "This isn't a 'thing.'" He says he only met her twice. Sam, who's looking extra-nerdy because he's got his tux jacket off and is wearing just a white shirt and a black bow tie, with his glasses on, points out, "Yeah, but one of those times she broke your heart! You know, the way women can do. The way they take your heart, and they throw it on the floor, and then they stomp on it in their big high heels." Issues, much, Sam? He continues, "She's a very beautiful and interesting woman, Josh. I can see how a lot of guys would go for her." He pauses, and then says, "You know, there's nothing at all I'm saying now of any value so I think the thing to do is, I should just keep writing." As Josh leaves, he says, "We had a good night." Toby agrees, and Josh adds, "C.J.'s doing good in there." We get a shot from above Toby's right shoulder, as he looks down at Sam's writing and says, "Any time you want to use punctuation, that'd be fine."
Back in the press briefing room, C.J. is fielding one last question from the press and then tells them there'll be more tomorrow. Danny's in the audience with an even more spanked-puppy expression on his face than usual. Everyone keeps calling out her name but she's already off the stage and whispering something to Carol. Carol waltzes up to a reporter who's sitting right in front of Danny, and says, "Jack, C.J.'s inviting you back to follow up on a couple of things." Jack is stunned. "Me?" Carol confirms this, and Jack says, "She doesn't want me." He turns and looks at Danny, and says, "She wants Danny." No, she most definitely does not want Danny. Carol indicates that C.J. asked for Jack. Jack, a little slow to jump on this opportunity to say the least, replies, "Danny -- the senior White House correspondent -- if there's going to be an exclusive with the press secretary..." Danny, who up until now has been suffering this humiliation silently, tersely says, "Go. She wants you." C.J. gives Danny a brief glance from the front of the room as she leaves. Dissed and dismissed. ["She's vindictive. I admire that." -- Strega]
It's a bright and sunny Tuesday morning; Toby and Sam are arguing as they cross a tree-lined boulevard. Sam is saying that something is racist and a red herring; Toby understands. Sam says, "It's a way of looking like you're tough on crime without assuming the burden of being tough on crime." Toby still understands, but insists that they do things one at a time. Sam thinks they don't have time to only do one thing at a time. He says he's talking about treatment and mandatory minimums and says again that "it" is a red herring and racist. Toby instructs Sam, "When you speak to the President, I want you talking about treatment. I want you talking about treatment versus enforcement and I don't want you to stray from that." Sam asks, "Toby, is this what you meant when you said. 'Sam, you're completely in charge of this?'" Toby replies, "Yes, I meant you're completely in charge of this, in the sense that you are subordinate to me in every way!" He suddenly stops and asks where "this place" is; Sam asks, "What place?" Toby's looking for the "breakfast place," which Sam indicates is on the last street they were on. Toby wants to know why Sam didn't say anything. Sam says, "We were having a nice conversation." Toby looks mildly annoyed and takes off in the opposite direction.
Leo is seated at a table on a lovely outdoor patio; Margaret is standing up fussing with her #2 pencils. I suddenly feel a strong desire to fix her up with NYPD Blue's Danny Sorenson, who has quite an intense fixation on office supplies himself. She's wearing this Laura Petrie flip with a wide headband. I can't quite decide if she's hip enough to pull off this cute retro style or if it's just weird on her. I'm leaning toward "weird." It's not like I have any better idea of how she should wear her hair, so maybe I'll just shut up about it. She finally sits down and fusses a little bit more before settling down. Leo, who's probably quite used to this routine, finally says, "All set there?" She nods. Josh shows up with Donna in tow, complaining about why they couldn't meet closer to the office or at the office or order in some food. Yes, Josh, it's a really harsh life you're being forced to lead there, having a breakfast meeting on a beautiful patio on a nice day, instead of eating mediocre bagels at your desk. My heart bleeds. Donna makes a point of stating that Josh is wearing a nice suit and that they should call it his "Joey Lucas suit." Josh is annoyed, and insists it's his "regular Tuesday suit." Ever anal, Margaret's interest is sparked. "You assign your clothes days of the week?" Anyone else would be laughing, but I think Margaret's a little cheesed off that she never thought of such a thing. Josh is vigorously denying any particular motive for wearing the suit as Toby and Sam finally arrive. As they sit down, Leo asks them, "Talk to me about drugs." Toby says that they can make a case for treatment versus enforcement and they're ready to go to the President. Sam adds that they're also ready to go to the President with mandatory minimums on crack versus powder cocaine. Leo tells him to take things one step at a time. Sam complains that that was what Toby told him. Leo says Toby's right. A little petulantly, Sam asks, "Does anyone remember that I was put in charge..." Leo interrupts and says, "It was an honorary kind of thing, Sam." Margaret hands Leo a call on his cell phone; Leo tells her to write down the names he says: "Dalton, Dawson, Foxworthy, Greer, Morgenthau, Stackhouse, Sugarbaker." I note that they're in alphabetical order, which should please Margaret. She asks what she should do with those names, and Leo instructs her to hold on to them until he asks for them. Toby cryptically tells Leo, "It's exactly the right thing to do." Leo replies, "From anybody but me." At this point Josh decides to interject with an announcement that he doesn't have suits for specific days of the week, and that he's just wearing a regular suit. Sam says it's a nice suit. Donna says, "Sure it's a nice suit. It's his Joey Lucas suit." Josh, predictably: "Donna!" She says, "I'm beginning to regret not getting the waffles." Leo, losing patience, says, "I'm beginning to regret having hired any of you! We have a forty-two percent job approval rating and you're talking about waffles, and something with Josh I don't understand...." Donna volunteers that he got dressed up for Joey Lucas; Leo is surprised that Josh got dressed up for a meeting with a guy named Joey. This comment makes me realize that Leo never met Joey, did he? He wasn't around for her visit to the White House and he didn't get to go to California. Josh responds that Joey Lucas is a woman, and he didn't get dressed up for her. Donna interjects that it's his regular Tuesday suit. Donna is clearly very secure in her job, because the amount of lip she dispenses would get a lot of people fired, or at least merit them a crack across the mouth. Anyway, Leo attempts to keep them on track by reminding them that they can't make any mistakes this week. Josh tells Leo to calm down; Leo insists that he's perfectly calm. Sam says, "You're not calm, Leo, you're acting like a nervous hooleelia." At least that's what the closed captioning says. I've never heard this word or any word like it. Someone on the boards suggested that the word is related to or derived from the Yiddish word choleria. However (pedantry warning...just skip ahead two paragraphs if you want to get on with the recap already), my source defines choleria as having two meanings...
- (A curse) "To hell with..." One of the juicy curses, a choleria meant, "A plague upon you" and whatever additional disasters the wisher could conjure up. "A choleria should possess him!" "A man like that -- a choleria upon him!"
Neither of these meanings seem appropriate to the context in which Sam used it, nor was Leo anywhere nearly upset enough to justify such strong description. Anyway, while I'm skeptical about the word itself and this possible etymology, it's not like I have any better theories. Now, back to your regularly scheduled recap. Toby, too, wants to know what the heck Sam's word means. Sam quickly acknowledges that it may not be a word, it may just be something his mother used to say. Leo looks vaguely disgusted and silently puts on his glasses to read the menu.
Later in the Oval Office, Al Kiefer is holding forth to the staff about what a huge mistake some unspecified action would be: "It is a huge mistake, Mr. President, and possibly a fatal one. It'll doom the midterms in November, it'll haunt you at the convention, and if you manage to get re-nominated, which is far from a lock, there's no way you win re-election." Sam remarks to Jed, "Al's Mr. Good News Happy Guy." Al points out that for the first time more voters disapprove than approve of the President's job performance, and with a forty-two percent approval rating, it's not the time to come out for legalization. Sam says they're not doing that. Mandy slips into the Oval Office at this point; Toby starts toward her and C.J. gets up and waltzes Mandy right back out the door. Toby closes the door after they leave. Mandy remarks to C.J., "It's going to be a long day...Kiefer's just getting warmed up." C.J. says softly, "Listen..." Then she just kind of looks at Mandy until Mandy gets the point and says, "You're kidding." C.J. says she's not. Mandy asks, "He doesn't want me in there?" C.J. explains, "Leo's not comfortable with it." Mandy seems somewhat incredulous. She really is glacially slow. She declares that she wants to talk to the President; C.J. tells her she can't. Mandy tries to insist but C.J.'s firm. Mandy whines, "It was just a memo!" My God, woman, get a clue. C.J. says, "It wasn't just a memo! Do you have any idea how pissed people are at you?" Clearly, she doesn't. C.J. continues, "They're pissed at me, that's how pissed they are at you!" Mandy claims, "I can be trusted." C.J. says, "We'll see. There's plenty for you to do. Leo would feel more comfortable if you stayed out of this meeting." Mandy says, "Okay. Okay!" Then she huffs off like the sulky thing she is.
C.J. returns to the meeting, where Sam is explaining to Kiefer that they want to reverse the ratio of spending on drug control, which currently allocates twice as much money for enforcement as for treatment. Kiefer asks, "So you can spend less money on drug enforcement?" Sam replies, "So we can spend more money on treatment." Kiefer plays devil's advocate: "So you're soft on crime? And you don't care if kids shoot up on the playground at recess." Jed, tired of it already, says, "We don't care, do we, Sam?" Leo comes in at that moment and asks what he's missed. Jed says, "Kiefer's been here forty-five minutes, he's already got me on the playground at recess." Leo asks Kiefer, "Took you forty-five minutes?" Kiefer leans back on the sofa. As Toby says to Jed that he and Sam have some numbers they want to present, Charlie comes in and silently catches Josh's attention. Josh leaves with Charlie as Sam starts rhyming off statistics.
In the hallway, Josh learns that Joey's arrived and is waiting in his office. Josh wants to know what Charlie is smiling about. As they walk toward his office, Charlie comments, "Fine-lookin' woman, Josh." Josh agrees. Charlie offers, "I could help you out." Josh asks, "With what?" Charlie repeats, "She's a fine-lookin' woman." Josh: "Help me out with what?" Charlie gives him the "fine-lookin' woman" remark again. Yes, she's very pretty. We get it. Mildly irritated, Josh says, "Stop saying that." Charlie explains that he feels owes Josh a lot, since Josh got him his job, and he wants to pay him back by helping him out. Josh wonders what makes Charlie think he needs his help. (Josh: If Mandy is an example of how you do on your own, you'd be well advised to accept Charlie's help.) Once again, Charlie says, "She's a fine-lookin' woman, Josh." (That makes four times, for those who are counting.) Josh finally says, "Get away from me!" and takes off to his office...
...where Joey and her interpreter Kenny are waiting for him. Josh greets them without wasting any time on social graces and immediately leads them off to the space where Joey's been assigned a desk. Chasing after Josh, who took off pretty quickly, Joey calls out to him, "Hey! My flight was fine, thank you." Josh explains that, like many men who, in their emotional immaturity and arrested states of social development, confuse rudeness with coolness, he's trying not to let on how much he's into her by acting aloof and business-like. Plus, he's certain that sort of behaviour really turns on straightforward women like her. Oh, sorry. My bad. Actually, he gives her some jazz about how they're "in a mode here" and should just do business. He adds, "Plus, this is the White House. I wouldn't expect candy and flowers on your arrival." Naturally, at that moment Margaret shows up with flowers and a message of welcome and support from Leo. It's a basket of carnations, by the way, which are flowers I happen to hate (I find them cheap and cheeseball, and utterly lacking in charm). Joey pretends to be pleased with them and as she's thanking Margaret for them, Margaret pleasantly asks if she had a good flight. Heh. Josh abruptly orders Margaret to go back to her office. Josh finishes giving her the tour of her little workspace and then, because he's almost as slow a learner as Mandy (maybe that's why they were attracted in the first place) he makes some inane comment about how he knows "women like to personalize their desks with flowers and plants and hand lotion" but he prefers things to be professional. Joey, naturally a little incredulous, asks, "Your staff likes to decorate their desks with hand lotion?" Josh replies, "Some of them might, and I'm saying that we don't do that on my side of the building." You tell her, Josh. What a doof. He mentions that he has to go back to a meeting and then he'll brief her. She gives him a way more charming smile than he deserves and says okay. Following him out into the hall, where a number of people are within earshot, she calls out to him (via Kenny, who must love interpreting stuff like this), "I'm not sleeping with Al Kiefer anymore." Josh's shoulders are practically touching his earlobes as he stops short and beckons her to get over closer to him. People are gawking in the background. He then cuts loose with this piece of eloquence: "This is a place where solemn work is done. This is a place...this is a place...let me say this: this is not a place where one's personal things....where things among people...this is not a place...let's...this is a place where work is done and nothing else." With some barely concealed amusement, Joey replies, "You bet." As he takes off again, she calls out, "Nice suit."
Around the corner, he runs into C.J., who confesses a gaffe to Josh. Remember how she claimed at the press briefing the night before that POTUS was under no legal obligation to nominate a Democrat and a Republican for the FEC? Well, it turns out White House legal counsel says that he was in fact, obligated to do so. Josh knows this is a serious error but tells her to fix it at the briefing and not to worry about it. C.J. looks pretty annoyed with herself.
Back in the Oval Office, Al is arguing with Toby and Sam. Sam argues that addiction is a disease; Kiefer says they won't be able to "sell" that. Toby can't understand what there is to sell: the AMA says it's a disease, it's a medical problem, it can be treated. Toby says, "It's not ideological. It's science." Kiefer responds, "It's science to you." Toby's patience is running short. He sighs, stands up and replies, "Science is science to everybody, Al." Just then Josh pops back in, asking what he missed. Jed recaps what Toby just said; Al claims he believes that science is science to everybody, but he just doesn't think they can sell that. Josh interjects to ask if he can have a word with Leo and Toby. They wander into Leo's office, where Josh's first comment is, "So...Joey Lucas says she's not with Kiefer anymore." Leo, in a totally humourless way, says, "Well, that's a load off our minds." Josh moves on to explaining the mistake C.J. made; Leo's pretty pissed and says, "This is just the kind of dumb mistake we don't need right now." Josh indicates that C.J. knows how much she goofed up. Josh then wants to know if Leo's talked to Toby about "the thing" yet. Josh tells Toby, "We want you to go to a meeting." Toby: "With who?" Josh replies, "With a prominent House democrat who has a voice in campaign finance reform and if it was someone on the ethics committee that'd be even better because then she could answer some of Leo's questions." Toby has a funny look on his face as he says, "I used to be married to someone who fits that description." D'oh! Tobyphiles everywhere are squealing, "He's available! Huzzah!" Or, you know, things to that effect. Leo says he set up a lunch for the two of them. Toby asks, "You set me up on a date with my ex-wife?" Leo and Josh instruct him to make it very clear that the President isn't going to unilaterally ask the Democrats to drop soft money, and to take her temperature on the "ethics thing." Toby agrees with a lot less fuss than you'd expect, leading me to think that he's not all that disappointed about the prospect of having lunch with his ex-wife. Once he leaves, Josh asks Leo, "You had to send flowers?" Leo states the obvious, namely that it was a nice thing to do. (But it would have been nicer with lilies or tulips or something beside carnations.) Josh blathers some nonsense about how he had this "patter going" (no, you didn't, dude...really) and then says, "The hell with it," and disappears. Leo calls Margaret in and begins, "The list of names I gave you before..." Margaret rhymes off all seven without a moment's hesitation. Leo says, "You didn't need to memorize them." Margaret: "Couldn't help it. My mind works that way." Mm-hmm. Leo tells her to get one representative from each of their offices to attend a meeting as a group at 2:00 p.m. in the press briefing room. Margaret wants to know what those seven people have in common. Leo tells her not to worry about it as he goes back to the Oval Office.
After the commercials, Josh wanders back to Joey's workspace to further impress her with his officiousness. He makes some general remarks about how she's settled in, approves of the fact that she doesn't have too many personal items. He adds, "Got your little clock, that's fine." She thanks him, although not nearly sarcastically enough for my liking. He lays out the situation regarding Republican retaliation for the FEC nominations, adding that the first issue they'll bring up involves English as the national language. She says that she already knows all this and has been working on it since Toby called her. Josh is about to launch into some tedious reaction when Joey's alarm clock goes off. She hits it and says, "Lunchtime." She and Kenny take off.
Back in the Oval Office, Sam is telling Mr. Good News Happy Guy about how it costs two million dollars a day to keep incarcerated the thirty percent of federal prison inmates who are non-violent, first-time offenders doing time for drug-related crimes. Toby tells POTUS that they can sell the public on a better use for those two million dollars a day. Kiefer says, "Not if it's for treatment." Sam insists otherwise, pointing out that they can sell it if they can demonstrate that treatment prevents substance abuse. Kiefer thinks that people won't sit still long enough to hear that argument and that it takes less time to hear "just say no" and "anyone on the other side is soft on crime." Sam brings up the AMA again but is cut off by Kiefer who still insists they can't sell that argument. POTUS seems bemused that Kiefer believes that they can't "sell" science. Jed says he's hungry and that no one has convinced him of anything. Leo suggests they break for lunch and meet again in an hour. Jed, Leo, Sam and Toby all disperse in different directions, leaving Mr. Good News Happy Guy to try to find someone who will let him sit at their lunch table. Good luck, buddy.
When Sam gets back to his office, after a bit of silly chatter with Cathy about what he wants for lunch, he finds Steve, the evil Republican flunky whose last name I can't remember (or maybe it was never revealed), waiting to ambush him. Steve wants to talk to Sam but Sam insists that Josh is the guy Steve should talk to about this situation. Steve suggests that Josh isn't himself lately, citing the "take your legislative agenda and shove it up your ass" remark. Sam thinks that sounds exactly like Josh. Steve indicates his boss is incredibly angry, but Sam doesn't care and says he's tired and that Steve should go see Josh. Steve insists on staying for lunch with Sam, who had been planning to work through his lunch and get some other things done. The antique U.S. flag on the wall behind Sam's head, proudly proclaiming "Don't tread on me," must have been left there by the occupant of that office. Sam should get one that says, "Please, wipe your feet on my face."
Outside, to the Tidal Basin, with the Capitol building in the background, an attractive, leggy redhead is relaxing on a picnic blanket, while Toby paces around in front of her. This, obviously, is the ex-wife. ["I dash off an email to Wing claiming an advantage if Toby likes redheads." -- Strega] She remarks on what a nice day it is; Toby seems to be in a complaining mood.
Toby: There are restaurants, you know. Indoors, with waiters and tables.
Ex-wife: You should come sit to me. [pats the blanket]
Toby: I'm wearing a suit.
Ex-wife: So am I.
Toby: I'm a responsible adult.
Ex-wife: I'm a member of the United States Congress.
Toby: I rest my case.
From her bag, she pulls out a Tupperware container and offers him some pie. Toby starts, "Andy..." She asserts that it's "really good pie," adding that it's homemade. He seems skeptical: "You baked a pie?" Andy clarifies that she didn't mean she made it in her home. He says, "Let's go." As she packs up her stuff, she explains that the pie was baked by one of her constituents. Toby inquires, "And you trust it?" Andy: "Well, that's why I was hoping you'd eat it first." Toby continues to try to be serious. He tells her Leo's message about the soft money; she gets it but lists the names of a good number of people that they're going to hear from anyway. Toby asks, "But we have your people in line?" Andy confirms this. Toby says, "What about drugs?" Andy replies, "That's a different story. Mandatory minimums are racist." Toby responds, "One step at a time." She starts citing chapter and verse on what the Sentencing Commission says about mandatory minimums, and Toby states that he doesn't want to talk about mandatory minimums, and they talk over each other for a bit until Toby rebukes her with, "This is what happens. This is what you do. I'm saying I don't want to talk about mandatory minimums and we talked about mandatory minimums anyway! You hijack my ability to make that decision for myself, Andrea, and making decisions for myself is my birthright!" Geez, take it easy, Toby. Could you be any more uptight? Quietly, Andy asks, "Good to get that off your chest there, Pokey?" "Pokey"? He says, "Yes." He asks her to confirm that she doesn't have a problem with what Leo's going to do. She says she doesn't, but she wants to be there. Toby wants to know why, of course; she says, "Just for fun." This sets Toby off again, insisting that it's not fun, and saying, "Not everything's fun." Not with you around, anyway. Andy says, "Okay. Okay!" Finally he offers, "You want to be there, you can be there, but this is a serious thing." Andy pauses a bit before asking, "Can I bring my pie?" Toby: "Andy..." Andy: "I'm just saying! This is a serious thing; there might not be any food there." Toby: "Can we walk faster, please? I really don't like being outdoors this long." What a party animal.
Back in Sam's office, Sam and Steve are eating and arguing. Sam is still insisting that the FEC situation is not his thing. Steve switches the conversation around to the fact that the administration is obviously gearing up to announce new drug policy. Steve implies that the drug issue is obviously important to Sam personally and that he's been the point man. Steve asks, "Why do you want to trade it in for a move on campaign finance? It's not going to get you anywhere." I don't understand the either/or nature of Steve's argument, but whatever. Sam totally disagrees. Steve explains that without the FEC nominations, there's room for Sam to work with the Republicans, but with them, no one they need will take their calls. Steve finishes with, "And you, Sam, can go back to writing speeches for when the President meets the Girl Scout who sold the most cupcakes." Just then, Cathy knocks, probably to get Sam back to the Oval Office meeting. As Sam leaves, he clarifies for Steve that Girl Scouts sell cookies, not cupcakes. He adds, "And it was a pretty good speech I wrote. It was about volunteerism." Steve hollers from inside the office, "Well, keep up the good work, Sam!" Sam says he will. I'm sure not crazy about this Steve guy. I didn't like him when he was Dr. Phil Capra on Northern Exposure, either.
C.J. catches up with Leo in his office, saying she was just coming to see him. He's in a hurry, so she tells him quickly that his people are here in the press briefing room, and that Carol's keeping the press in the northwest lobby and will wait for a signal from Leo. Leo says he'll be over in a minute. C.J. then ventures into the subject of her blunder at the press briefing. Leo asks, "You want me to tell you how many ways that screwup was stupid?" He enumerates two or three ways, finishing by saying, "These amateur mistakes make me crazy," just before he races off to parts unknown. C.J.'s left standing there, when from down the hall she hears someone say, "That was bush league." It's Fishboy. Way to keep winning her over, bud. He walks toward her and says again, "That was bush league, what you did last night." C.J. says they'll talk in her office, as Danny asks, "And why can't anyone go in the press room?" C.J. tells him there's a meeting in there that's none of his business. When they get to her office, she closes the door and, in a much angrier tone of voice, says, "Don't talk to me like that in front of people!" Danny's all dumb: "What?" She's right in his face: "No! I just got called amateur twice in ten seconds. The White House Chief of Staff can do it to me wherever he wants but you don't do it to me in front of people!" Danny complains that if he doesn't have access, he doesn't have a job. Oh, well. They holler at each other for a minute, revisiting the issue of Mandy's memo, which Danny asserts every major news outlet agreed was a newsworthy story, and he names several. C.J. says, "Congratulations, you're a movie star. You're also on the outside looking in for a while. So get used to it!" Danny replies, "Used to it! I'm payin' for it! And what you don't understand..." C.J.: "Don't tell me what I don't understand! I'm not in my freshman year anymore! I understand more than you think!" Carol knocks at this point to let C.J. know that Leo's on his way in. As she leaves, Danny asks once again what's going on. Like she's going to tell you. C.J. just says, "Special event," and speeds off. Whew. Time for some commercials.
In the press briefing room, Leo meets with the representatives he requested. C.J.'s at the back of the room, and Toby and Andy slip in just as Leo's getting started. Before Leo can say much, Stuart, one of the seven people, wants to know why they're in the press room. Leo says he'll be fast, and faster still if he's not interrupted. Leo begins: "There's a chance that a debate is about to begin over the best way to fight the drug problem in this country. The White House being among those who believe more money should be put into treatment; the people you work for being among those who believe we should put more money into prisons. Is everyone with me so far?" Someone named Dick asks, "Why the seven of us?" Leo goes on to explain that every one of them works for a politician who has family members who committed drug-related crimes, but due to their connections, received either exceedingly light punishments or no real punishments at all. He cites several examples, with Toby's help. Leo states, "The President wants a lively debate. He wants to hear opposition. But he's not going to stomach hypocrisy. We start hearing 'soft on crime, soft on drugs' from the people you work for, we've got seven stories ready for page one." C.J., Carol, and another staffer start to let the press corps into the room, as Stuart accuses him, "You're sabre-rattling." Leo responds, "Here comes the White House press corps. Let's find out." Stuart stands up and says, "We're done here." Leo tells him, "We play the full nine innings at this level, Stuart. Tell your friends about it." As Toby and Andy leave the room, Andy says to Toby, "Can I tell you something? Watching you guys do that...it was a little fun." Toby: "It was not fun." Andy: "You should have had some pie." Toby says he needs to get back to work, and adds, "And you being a Congresswoman, I'm sure you need to be back out there, you know, screwing the people." She pauses and then says she should tell him something, in the interest of full disclosure. She says that she was out on a date the other night, and they had had a couple of glasses of wine. The guy she was with just bumped a car in front of him, and the cop who came to the scene was going to administer a blood-alcohol test, but then recognized Andy and didn't do it. Toby thinks that's fine, and verifies that she didn't try to use her position to influence the cop. Then he asks who she was out with; turns out it was some guy named Victor Stipe, whose name Toby recognizes as belonging to the executive advisor for the Orioles. Toby seems irritated by this, and Andrea asks, "Toby, are you upset that I went out on a date, or are you upset that I went out on a date with someone who plays in the same division as the Yankees?" Toby's response: "Honest to God, I'm not sure." He strides into his office; she's on his tail saying, "Mandatory minimums, Toby." He wants to know what she's doing getting into cars with guys who've been drinking. They talk over each other for a bit, ending with Toby suggesting something to the effect that he could pick her up. Andy asks, "You'd come pick me up with a date?" Toby: "If he wasn't an Oriole, absolutely. Or a Red Sock. In fact, just date the National League, would ya?" Andy says, "Toby, I'm not kidding. Mandatory minimums." He says, "Go away." She picks a piece of lint off his jacket with tender familiarity and says, "It was good seeing you." As she starts to go, Toby asks her to give him the pie. She just kind of sighs and chuckles and hands over the pie. Toby watches after her as she leaves with a very wistful look. Not too much unfinished business here.
It's 11:30 p.m. Leo knocks on the door of the President's bedroom. Jed is sleeping with half a dozen books and reports open face-down on the bed where Abby should be; this guy probably sleeps alone more than any President in US history. Leo seems surprised that Jed's in bed. Leo says it can wait, but Jed urges him to come on in, saying he has to get up in four hours anyway.
Elsewhere in the building, Charlie drops in on Josh. Charlie mentions that on his way over he saw Joey's light was still on; Josh wants to know why Charlie's telling him about it. Charlie starts that "fine-lookin'" business again but Josh cuts him off and tells him to have a good night. Charlie continues giving Josh unsolicited advice, telling him he should give her some little thing to welcome her, etc. Josh waves a tiny, tired wave and tells Charlie he'll see him tomorrow. As Charlie leaves, Toby and Sam show up to discuss Steve's "offer." Toby directs Sam to tell Josh what Sam just told him. Sam is confused but explains that Steve Honorato came to see him and they had lunch. Josh is surprised to hear that Steve came to see Sam. Sam says, "He said that if we dropped FEC, he could warm things up for drugs." Toby and Josh sputter with laughter. Josh is incredulous. Toby adds, "He even pointed out to Sam that Sam was working on drugs for the White House. You've made the big time, Sam." Sam wants to know what's going on. Josh explains that Steve knows about Laurie, that Sam is friends with a call girl, and that he wants to move Sam out to the front of the field so he can drop Laurie on him. Sam's pissed: "Are you serious? Are you serious?" Josh reassures him that it's okay and that he hasn't done anything wrong. Sam says he knows he hasn't, but still can't believe it. He asks Toby, "Are you saying he tried to practice on my..." Toby: "Credulous simplicity?" Sam wants to what he can do. They try to get him to take it easy, but Sam's firm. "I want to know what I can do right now, at 11:35. I want to know what I can do!" Josh tries to calm him down, but Sam yells, "I won't take it easy!" He grabs the phone. "Give me the phone! I'm gonna call the senator and tell him to shove his legislative agenda up his ass." Toby and Josh wrest the receiver away from the phone as Josh says, "I've already done that." Sam says he'll do it again. Josh says, "You know what this is like? This is like The Godfather, when Pacino tells James Caan that he's gonna kill the cop. It's a lot like that scene, only not really." Sam asks if Leo's gone home; Josh says he's still around somewhere. Then he says, "It is like that scene! I'm James Caan, you're Al Pacino. Toby, you're the guy who shows Pacino how to make tomato sauce." Toby asks them to get going, but Josh says he's right behind them, that he's just going to pick up the late wires. He stands there in the hallway for a moment, looking down to where Joey and Kenny are working away. He disappears to one side and then comes walking toward her with his hands behind his back. He comments on the fact that they're working late; Joey says, "I wanted to give you first-look analysis in the morning. There's really some decent models in Marin County and the Bay area. But San Jose is a mess, and so is Orange County, Long Beach, Anaheim and San Diego." Josh brings his hand out and waves a mug around, and says, "I brought you a coffee mug." I'm guessing he stole Donna's. I hope it was at least clean. Joey asks why; Josh replies, "Just as a thing...'cause you don't know anybody. It's got a picture of the White House. It says, 'The White House.' The seal of the President. It's a White House coffee mug." She thanks him. Josh asks Kenny to excuse them for a moment. Josh says softly, "I wore this suit special today. This isn't my regular Tuesday suit." Joey's a little befuddled and inquires, "You have a regular Tuesday suit?" Josh claims he doesn't. She asks, "For me?" He says, "Yes." She gives him a sparkly-eyed, lovey-dovey look. He says he's got to go and zooms off, leaving her there cuddling the coffee mug and looking pretty pleased.
Leo is in Jed's bedroom chatting. Jed's propped up on one elbow looking bored and tired; Leo's saying that he doesn't want to belabour the point, but that he feels a little self-conscious coming down the mountain on drugs two months after revealing that he is a recovering addict. He asks POTUS what he thinks. Jed: "About what?" Leo: "What I just said." Jed: "Well I wasn't listening to a lot of it." Leo seems irritated, but Jed adds that if there's anyone qualified to talk about the benefits of treatment versus criminal action, it's Leo: "Is there anyone whose life would be better right now if you'd gone to jail instead of rehab?" Leo says, "No." Jed: "Thank you. Is there anything else?" Just then, C.J. shows up, looking for Leo. She takes the opportunity to apologize for her error; Jed's completely blasé about it and says there's no need to apologize, and confirms that she fixed the mistake this afternoon. He just wants to move on, but she apologizes again, and Jed accepts and says that he's ready, if not eager, to move on. Then Sam and Toby show up and Sam congratulates POTUS on having been able to get to bed well before his usual time. Jed's about to tell them all to piss off and let him sleep when Josh shows up. When POTUS asks Josh how he's doing, Josh gives him TMI: "Good! I gave Joey Lucas a coffee mug. She doesn't know anybody here and she's already working hard. She's very committed. I think I did the right thing." Josh, news flash: nobody cares except for Donna and Charlie. Save it for them. Jed starts rambling about how he's got twenty-four armed guards right outside his door. Sam asks whether POTUS is any closer to a decision on drugs after a day of strategy meetings. Jed replies, "I'm a day closer. There'll be more meetings tomorrow. In the meantime, everybody calm down. Leo's got your engines fired like you're running Daytona. That's fine, keep 'em there. Guess what? Mistakes are gonna be made. Minimize them, fix'em and move on. Kiefer's numbers got you scared? Listen to me. I have never lost an election in my life. We do this right, people are gonna respond. You all had a good day." Josh says they should go; Jed suggests that they should feel free to do this when his wife is home. They chuckle. Sam starts to tell him about the problem with Honorato, which has got him as "hot as a pistol," but Josh tells him they can talk about it tomorrow. Just before everybody leaves, Jed says, "Everybody? Mandy was doing her job. It's time to let her out of the doghouse." (No, not yet.) Leo puts his hand up and says, "That's me." Jed tells Leo, "She was doing her job." He then calls out to C.J., "So was Danny." C.J. replies, "Yes, sir." He bids them all good night; Toby and Leo are still hanging around. Toby says, "I met with Congresswoman Wyatt today..." Jed asks, "When you were married to her, did you call her Congresswoman Wyatt?" Toby says hesitantly, "No... sir..." Jed: "Sometimes I call my wife 'Dr. Bartlet.'" Toby says he calls her Andy or Andrea. Toby mentions mandatory minimums and Jed starts wagging his finger and stands up. "You're whupped, my friend." Toby: "Sir?" Jed continues: "No... she's been talking to you for a year about mandatory minimums. You've been saying no. It looks like we know who wears the pants in the Ziegler family." Toby points out, "You call your wife 'Dr. Bartlet.'" POTUS says, "Just for the turn-on." More than we needed to know. Toby goes on: "The thing is, she's right. Mandatory minimums are considerably higher for crack than for powdered cocaine. The vast majority of crack users are black; the vast majority of drug users are white. Mandatory minimums are racist. It should be part of the discussion." Jed assures him that it will be; satisfied, Toby finally leaves. Jed says quietly to Leo, "I'm sleeping better. And when I sleep I dream about a great discussion with experts and ideas and diction and energy and honesty, and when I wake up, I think, 'I can sell that.'" They say good night to each other and Jed goes back to bed. It's a nice dream.