By Deborah
Well, after seventy-eight recaps and eight Extras, I was hoping against hope that this episode would be a good one, so I could go out on a high note with my seventy-ninth and final recap. Yes, I'm weird that way. Unfortunately, this episode is pretty weak, sort of "Bartlet for America" Lite, so I'll just have to muddle along, trying to perk things up here and there with salty tales of my misspent youth or something. Maybe I could do a "warm and fuzzy" recap, with highlights of past recaps dragged in to serve in place of actual new commentary. I don't see why the networks should be able to get away with it if I can't.
Flashback to the Vietnam War. Two fighter-jet pilots are in their plane talking to each other and the control tower (or whatever). There's a lot of that alphanumerical military mumbo-jumbo -- you know, "Oscar Yankee Zulu Six Two Nine Zero Foxtrot 107.1 AM Lite Bombing in the Morning" kind of stuff. Suddenly, everything goes haywire: they've been hit, and amidst colourful flashing lights and jerky camera work, they punch out of the plane.
We fade to Leo, giving a speech at the Chicago Business Conference, telling some yarn about Mulligan and Kenny, whoever they are. It's apparently hilarious. Possibly the best part of this episode is the huge smile creasing John Spencer's entire face -- how long has it been since we saw that? John Spencer laughing, really laughing? I don't even want to know. The camera swirls around and around. An Alex Graves episode, I'll bet. Leo's in front of a big sign reading "Humanitarian of the Year." He praises the recipient for creating lots of private-sector jobs: "And generating enormous tax revenues the President and I get to fool around with...." Would Leo really risk this joke to such a large and mixed audience? Not buying it. The "tax-and-spend" millstone can't be getting any lighter around Democratic necks. Leo continues praising the guy's contributions to the community -- which mainly seem to consist of sitting on the board of a hospital, and something to do with the symphony and orchestra. Leo introduces him: "CEO and Chairman of Mueller-Wright Aeronautics, and this year's Chicago Business Conference Humanitarian of the Year...the finest man that I have ever had the great privilege to call my friend...your own Kenneth Sean O'Neal." Probably a good Boston Chicago Irish Catholic like Leo. Standing ovation. Huh. A defense contractor is "Humanitarian of the Year"? Is Chicago really that hard up for humanitarians? What, was Sam Giancana unavailable? (Well...yeah, he's dead.) Still. Surely Oprah Winfrey's hometown can do a little better than this. (Indeed it can: I nominate Mayor Richard Daley.) Leo and Ken embrace tightly amidst the clapping and cheering.
Outside the hotel, Leo chats with Ken and his wife, Sally, played by Anna Holbrook (who, if anything, has gotten better-looking with age), asking about their kids. Sally responds, "Beth's expecting again, and Sandy's...Sandy." That last part is parental code for, "Well, you know Sandy...she's hell-bent on this female-to-male 'transitioning' thing and we are just so utterly bewildered that we can't talk about it. We just hope she stays in Berkeley so we don't have to explain it to our chi-chi friends here in Chicago." Leo asks Ken, "How's Ramses coming along?" Ken says that Armed Services is holding it up, and that he's coming to Washington on Thursday to speak to them. He wonders if Leo's free for lunch. Leo intends to be, and asks, "You want me to place a call?" Ken: "To Hunt? No, thanks." Leo congratulates Ken again, and they hug. Ken insists that Leo has to come to Hilton Head this summer, and he won't accept any lame excuses "that [he's] saving the world for democracy." Leo: "Saving it from democracy's more what it feels like." They part.
Abby's telling someone to "stop being a baby about this." Jed, in jammies and robe, walks into the First John, where Abby's wearing some casual black outfit. She seems to be meticulously drying each fingernail with a large towel. He complains, "I don't need a portrait." She insists that he does. Jed grouses: "What, me with my Irish Wolfhound, gazing with portent out over the Potomac?" The phone rings as Abby points out that Jed doesn't have an Irish Wolfhound. Jed: "My point exactly." He answers the phone. I like how they have all kinds of bathroom products cluttering up the windowsill, just like regular folks. I don't like the ruched sheers, though. Too foo-foo. Jed tells the caller to send Charlie in. Jed asks Abby, "When am I supposed to find time to sit for some cut-rate Rubens while he angles me just so to catch the late afternoon light?" Abby follows him into the bedroom, asking, "You do know it's not a nude, right?" Heh. And that's all we hear about the official portrait for this episode.
Charlie comes in and apologizes for the interruption. Abby: "Oh no, come on in. Bring your jammies. We're about to start the pillow fight." Charlie says that the General is waiting outside, too. Abby: "Invite him in, too. I'll pop some popcorn and we'll watch Patton on cable." Everyone ignores her.
Jed walks out to that big window I love, where NF Squared is waiting. He tells POTUS, "A Navy E-2 Hawkeye providing command and control for the Carl Vinson Carrier Group went down in the Sea of Japan." They believe that there are some survivors, but says they may be hard to rescue in their current location: "Somewhere north of Kimch'ack, three hundred kilometres northeast of P'yongyang...in the Republic of North Korea." As the opening music swells, Jed looks deeply concerned that his Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff doesn't know that the correct name is Democratic People's Republic of Korea, not Republic of North Korea. See, Fitz would be funky enough to know that. It takes all of three seconds to look that up on the CIA World Factbook. Even on dialup, for God's sake. (South Korea's proper name is the Republic of Korea.)
Leo arrives in the Sit Room. Jed: "How was Chicago?" Leo: "Quick. Where are we?" NF Squared briefs them: One of their jets was being harassed by two North Korean MiGs over the Sea of Japan. The MiGs had made two non-firing passes. Leo asks if the crew made it out. They've located four of the five crew members, and found two large pieces of wreckage a mile off the coast. Leo: "Our people are in the water?" Some military guy says that they were, but that their GPS beacons indicate they're on North Korean land now. Jed asks what the crew will do. Leo says they'll lay low and wait to be rescued. Shadrach says they can't rescue them, because sending in a covert retrieval team will be seen as an act of war. Leo: "We're still at war with North Korea -- we never signed an armistice." Well, actually, I think the U.S. darn well did -- in 1953. What isn't signed is a peace treaty. Doesn't this seem like too basic a point to get wrong? Sigh. Yeah, I won't miss this. NF Squared says that if the crew members are captured, they'll be held as POWs: "Or worse: they'll deny they even have them." Shadrach thinks they can negotiate for their return. NF Squared: "Can you guarantee they'll negotiate?" Shadrach: "Can you guarantee you can go get them without starting another war?" POTUS: "Girls, girls, you're both pretty." Actually, he asks whether there's any way to confirm that the crew members are still alive. Someone says they were on water and now they're on land. Leo asks if they have any keyhole satellites in position. NF Squared says that they're scrambling recon out of Okinawa and Osan: "Should be over the crash site in three hours." Jed ends the meeting, saying, "Call me when you know."
Wednesday morning. C.J.'s arriving at the office, and Carol's loading her up with work. One item: "Legislative Affairs says a new amendment is moving through Ways and Means. Congressman Wendt wants a tax cut for stay-at-home moms." C.J.: "Too late to slip in incentives for stay-at-home Congressmen?" Hee. While we're on it, though, shouldn't it be "stay-at-home parents"? Or will it be necessary to have a vagina to claim it? Carol says that POTUS is flying to Wendt's district in South Carolina on Saturday: "They want you to read the guidance before the gaggle." Having gotten though all that, Carol reminds C.J., "So, tomorrow's the big day." C.J.: "What?" Carol: "Mystery Ben." C.J.: "What about him?" Carol says he's coming by to say hello; C.J. says he's not. Turns out he's in town, and Carol gave him an appointment. She says he seemed nice. C.J. says he's very nice, and is also very married. Carol: "Not anymore." C.J. asks: "He and Katie split up?" Carol: "Katie's living in Portland with an orthodontist." Oh, good Lord. This really feels like ER. C.J. seems relatively indifferent to this news. Carol adds, "And Toby and Josh are in your office." C.J.: "What do they want?" Carol: "To make fun of you, I think." C.J.: "And you let them in?" Carol: "And got them coffee!"
C.J. enters her office as Josh says there's a problem with the South Carolina trip: "Congressman Wendt, who singlehandedly blocked our tax credit to expand child care for working families, is attempting to bind the feet of your entire gender [sic] with his paleo-chauvinist stay-at-home mom tax cut." C.J. says she'll read the bill and supporting materials now. Josh: "What if you just kick up a cloud of dust about the revenue impact and mention that he's the Darth Vader of child care?" Oh man -- yup, directed by Alex Graves. Get the dimenhydrinate. The camera is all over the place! Whee! Slidey-glidey, whirly-swirly camera. I mean, it doesn't have to look like an Ozu film, but this guy's a bit much. And it's written by John Wells. It's like they knew I was leaving. C.J. actually wants to read the documents. Josh complains that they're already rolling over on the tax side; C.J. interrupts to ask if she can take a moment to read the bill and supporting materials.
C.J.'s finally gotten her coat off and gotten herself settled at her desk. Toby and Josh both sit down in the chairs in front of her desk, like they're intending to wait while she reads. But they also look like they're up to something, with their chins in their hands. She asks, "Okay, what?" Toby: "We think you should go on the Taylor Reid show." Josh: "The chicken thing has legs." Toby: "With those pointy little toes." C.J. refuses. Apparently Tyson Foods is offering C.J. a lifetime supply of wings and thighs if she'll do a print ad for whole fryers. Well, isn't that a nice little product placement? Also, C.J.'s favourite restaurant -- the Oval Room -- has a new menu item composed of chicken, avocado, and poached eggs called "the C.J. Cregg Egg." That's lame. Why not "The C.J. Cr-Egg?" C.J.: "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Josh wants her to go on the show and show she has a sense of humour. Toby: "You could wear a chicken suit." I know that historically, Allison Janney + poultry has equalled comedy, but you can only go to that well so many times. (Maybe that should read, "You can only go to that, Wells, so many times.") Josh: "Take him even semi-seriously and he'll lay off and find another cluck to pluck." Gah -- "cluck to pluck?" No. Perhaps someone in the CIA could arrange for Taylor Reid to come down with a mild case of avian flu, though.
Will arrives, almost out of breath, to tell Josh that Leo's looking for him. I guess Joshua Malina thumb-wrestled Dulé Hill to the floor for that line. I would have put my money on Dulé -- no offense, Josh. Will also tells C.J. she should read the Wendt amendment. Boy, that's irritating to keep typing. The aWendtment? The amendWendt? C.J. says she's trying. Will comments, "Pretty narrowly drawn, actually. Not the worst thing." As Josh passes him, Will asks quietly, "Did she see it last night?" C.J.: "See what?" Will: "She doesn't know?" C.J.: "Know what?" Josh -- though he only finds it marginally amusing -- can't quite bring himself to tell her, so Toby fills in. Apparently Taylor Reid's latest brilliant salvo is that "the tall lady's back to telling tall tales." Okay, first of all, "the tall lady" is allegedly what Martin Sheen, whose memory for names is notoriously bad, used to call Allison Janney until she cured him by calling him "Pumpkinhead." Which I really hope is a true story. Second, that's the calibre of commentary from this Taylor Reid character? What's his show called: Nanny Nanny Boo Boo? The guys all smirk while C.J. takes in this comment, which is the last straw, I guess, because she calls Carol in and tells her to book her on Nanny Nanny Boo Boo as soon as possible: "I'm going to call him a pumpkinhead in front of the whole country!" No, she claims she's going to "reach down and rip off his puny little face."
Margaret arrives at work and starts turning on lights. She's surprised to find Leo in his office already. He says he came in straight from Dulles. Margaret: "At 2 in the morning?" He needs a clean shirt and wants to know the whereabouts of the one he brought in the other day. Apparently it had a hole in the sleeve and she took it home to mend it. Er...um...okay, when you start doing stuff like that, it is way past time to change jobs. No, don't even try to spin it. That's messed up, dude. Josh arrives, and Leo asks, "You still on good terms with Hunt?" Josh: "I don't think the Senator's going to invite me down to his ranch to lasso a bull anytime soon, but he returns my calls." Leo starts talking about the LC-104 Ramses project (Army choppers) when Margaret tells him he's needed in the Sit Room. Leo tells Josh that Hunt is bottling it up in Committee as he heads downstairs. Josh: "Probably because it's being built in sixteen different states, none of them named Arizona." Leo tells him to find out what's going on with that. Josh tells Leo about the aWendtment to move America back to the Mamie Eisenhower era. Leo seems rather amused: "What is it this time?" Josh tells him. Leo mentions POTUS's trip to Wendt's district. Josh doesn't think the timing is accidental. Leo tells Josh to put together a briefing, and he'll arrange a few minutes with POTUS.
Josh goes to Donna's desk to ask her to see if Senator Hunt has a few minutes for him this morning. He adds, "Is Jimmy Olson with us today?" Donna hollers for Swimtern. Oh, bloody hell. Not again. I thought he'd bought a condo in Mandyville. Swimtern comes over, and Josh asks if he knows who Sam Wendt is. Swimtern: "Uh...Democrat from the Oregon Fifth." Josh: "Republican from the South Carolina Second, but you were close." Josh reminds him about the aWendtment, which Swimtern finds interesting. Josh: "No, not really...he kills child-care proposals and tries to get us to print the Ten Commandments on the back of the two-dollar bill." Swimtern: "Be nice to have them wallet-size." Actually, it seems like that would come in handy around there, since no one can seem to agree on the order. Josh assigns Swimtern to read the different drafts of the aWendtment, and show how many more women would have benefitted from Bartlet's tax credit than from the aWendtment: "Treasury, JTC scoring, and a year-by-year impact on the deficit for a Presidential briefing tomorrow." Swimtern: "I'm going to brief the President?" Josh: "No, I'm going to brief the President and take credit for all your hard work. But you get to come." Swimtern asks, "JCT [sic] is...." Donna: "Joint Tax Committee." I'm surprised Swimtern isn't upset to hear about a tax on joints. Swimtern toddles off, and Donna stations herself at the door to give Josh the death glare. Josh looks up: "What? It's scut work." Donna pouts: "Presidential scut work." Josh wonders if Donna wants to read mind-numbing spreadsheets all day. Donna: "Mind-numbing Presidential spreadsheets?" Josh: "Well, channel your Presidential disappointment into getting me five minutes with Matt Hunt, okay?" Heh. She continues to glare. Josh: "Please?" She reluctantly goes off to do her job. Oh yeah, I'll miss this a lot.
Sit Room. NF Squared says there's no activity at all in the crew's location. They believe their people are in a densely wooded area. He adds that there's a lot of activity on the water near the crash site. Leo wonders how long it will be before the North Koreans figure out that the Americans made it to shore. NF Squared thinks the North Koreans believe no one got out. Jed asks what their plan is. Another guy outlines a HALO (High Altitude, Low Opening) drop plan under cover of darkness. Leo explains that HALO means they jump at 40,000 feet but don't open their chutes until 2,000 feet. There's some military blah blah about the details of the rescue mission, which aren't really all that germane. The SEAL team will be armed. Shadrach doesn't like it: "If they run into resistance from the North Koreans, they'll start shooting?" NF Squared asks, "You want them to drop in unarmed?" Shadrach begins, "Mr. President, if the North Koreans discover armed American soldiers on Korean soil...." Jed: "We go get them." Shadrach starts to argue, but Leo says, "We don't leave our people in harm's way, Mr. Barrow. We bring 'em home." Jed gets up, saying, "Admiral...go get our boys."
Josh has his meeting with Senator Hunt, who is played by the estimable Philip Baker Hall. They exchange some small talk about handballing or something. Yeah, now you're paying attention. Actually, they just yap about squash, racquetball, et cetera, and we learn that apparently Hunt has given Josh a good shellacking at some point in the past. On a court, people. Anyway, let's see if we can wrap this scene up quickly, because if there's anything more boring than two characters discussing a defense contractor bilking the federal government...well, whatever that might be, it'll probably be along shortly, so I need to conserve my energy. The price agreed to for the Ramses choppers was $6 billion, and now it's gone up to $10 billion. Josh and Hunt argue about whether the cost change is justified. I curse my timing in picking this as my last episode. (Should have been "Two Cathedrals.") Hell, even last week, at least I could stay awake. Hunt takes a shot at Josh for his lack of military service. Then he wants to know if Ken O'Neal called Leo. Josh replies by implying that the Senator's delaying the project because none of the subcontractors is Arizonan. Hunt tells Josh that the Armed Services Committee is going to exercise its prerogatives, and O'Neal's just going to have to wait.
Carol tells C.J. she's on Nanny Nanny Boo Boo tomorrow. C.J.: "I'm gonna carve him into McNuggets." She's apparently doing a seven-minute spot during the noon segment, and will be back by 1 to meet Ben. She tells Carol, "Ask Media Affairs to do a background on Reid's questioning style and a list of recurring topics." Wouldn't she have already pretty much sussed out the former by watching the guy even for a few minutes? It's not like these jackass pundits have all that many tricks up their sleeves. Carol, in her self-appointed role as yenta, informs C.J. that Ben's being transferred to Washington and is looking for advice on where to live. I personally think Katie kicked Ben to the curb and cleared out the bank accounts -- and now Ben's looking for a couch to surf, with possible extracurricular privileges. Or maybe Katie just got a restraining order. Either way, I'm not cottoning to the guy all that much; he doesn't seem to know how to take no for an answer. Abby arrives and gets drawn into Carol's little world of meddlesome matchmaking. Carol informs Abby that Ben is a ranger who works with at-risk kids. Abby approves indifferently. Carol finally buggers off, and Abby advises C.J. that she's going to start volunteering at the Washington Free Clinic. C.J.'s concerned to hear that Abby's practicing medicine again. Abby says she'll just be helping a bit: "I won't be doing any heart transplants." C.J. asks if she's licenced to practice medicine again. Abby reminds her, "I voluntarily chose to stop practicing, C.J. And now I'm choosing to give a few underprivileged toddlers vaccinations. I never said I was hanging up my stethoscope for good."
Josh returns and tells Donna to find out if Leo's available, and to see if Senator Canton's around. Donna asks if it's for a call or a face-to-face. Will's right behind them, and he says that Canton's in Seattle for the NAACP convention. Donna leaves, and Will asks what Josh needs Canton for. Josh wants a Democrat to run interference with Hunt. Will thinks they should give the aWendtment a second look -- that it might not be such a bad thing. Josh: "For the floor-wax industry, maybe." Will says that working families are struggling and need their help. Josh: "You already auditioning one-liners for New Hampshire?" Swimtern comes and basically echoes Will. Swimtern cites a study showing a relationship between kids in day care and increases in violent behaviour, hyperactivity, and lack of discipline. Josh: "You're saying Jeffrey Dahmer's only problem was day care?" Yeah, that's what I got from that. Yeesh. Swimtern says they're always harping about the root causes of crime and violence. Josh says he works for the federal government and he's never heard of this supposedly major study of Wendt's. Will: "Well, maybe that's because all TV news programs are produced by mothers who dump their kids in day care." That should win the show some fans. ["Also, maybe those increases are due to other environmental causes that coincide with the increase of mothers working outside the home and thus using day care -- causes such as videogames kids play, shows kids watch, and sugary foods kids eat. But what do I know? I'm just a violent, hyperactive, undisciplined child of day care." -- Wing Chun] Josh: "I think we need more women in the work force specifically to keep you two out." Heh.
Sit Room. Blah di blah, the rescue team's almost there. Jed and Leo watch the action on the various screens and listen to the communications while a military brass type narrates things. But I don't care, and trust me, you don't really care either. NF Squared has to prompt POTUS to give the go-ahead. He nods, and the order's conveyed. They watch the teams as Leo flashes back to the first of some unnecessary, totally clichéd, low-budget jungle scenes.
It's night and it's pouring rain. Vietnamese soldiers speak to each other. No subtitles. Ken O'Neal is dragging the injured Leo through the jungle. They hear the voices all around them; Ken hushes Leo. The Vietnamese are just a few feet away from them. Leo thinks his leg is broken; it sure as hell is a bloody, gaping mess. Ken opens a packet of something powdered -- disinfectant? -- and pours it into Leo's wound, which of course makes him cry out with pain. Leo tells his friend to go, but Ken won't leave Leo behind. Leo argues that Ken won't make it if he has to drag Leo around. Ken ties a bandage around Leo's leg and says, "You're not so heavy, old man." What is the point of all this? We know they survive, so there's no suspense or dramatic impact. And the interaction is so stereotypical that here's no real character development or revelation here, so once again: what's the point? There's nothing achieved through these scenes that couldn't have been condensed into, for example, two lines for Dulé Hill to say. (On the other hand: so what if they had? More time for Josh/Donna bickering? More time for Carol to slobber over Ben? More screen time for Swimtern? It's a lose-lose situation.)
Now Leo's back in his office in the present, remembering and cogitating. Josh drops in to tell Leo about his meeting with Hunt, and that Hunt won't back off. Leo says he'll call Hunt. Josh says he spoke to Canton, who claims Mueller-Wright circumvented DoD protocol to get their deal approved. Leo says that there are thousands of regulations, and that if someone at Mueller-Wright forgot their due diligence, it will get sorted out. Josh says that Canton says that they never did an AOA (Analysis of Alternatives, I think). And Hunt's begun an investigation; O'Neal's the first witness to be subpoenaed. Leo yells for Margaret, and tells her to inform Hunt's office that Leo's on his way over. Josh says, "You worked for Mueller-Wright. If they're involved in procurement irregularities, any attempt on your part to impede a Senate...." Leo snaps, "I'm not going to impede anything!" He thanks Josh and says he'll take it from here. Josh looks concerned: "Did you know Senator Hunt in the military?" Josh: "No. He was later. Cambodia and Laos. It was a big war." He walks out as we fade back to the jungle.
Young injured Leo is still urging his comrade to go without him. Ken refuses and hoists him over his shoulder and carries him off.
Oh, God, this is only half over. How have I done this for so many years? I need some pineapple.
Leo's meeting with Hunt: "The Army sped up the timeline, because in case you haven't noticed, the threat to our guys has increased." Hunt: "Are you questioning my patriotism?" Leo tells him to cut the crap: "I got old service ribbons gathering dust in a drawer somewhere, too." You know, I'll bet Martha Stewart has some really clever ideas about how to display those. Hunt says that there were companies with lower bids. Leo: "Airbus!" He sneers at the idea that Congress would let the Pentagon award a $10 billion defence contract to the French. Hunt maintains that if Mueller-Wright couldn't meet the price, it shouldn't have bid. Leo: "So now you're going to drag Ken O'Neal in front of a network perp-walk over a weapons system we have to have that no one else could build?" Hunt says that if Ken is subpoenaed by Hunt's Committee, "it will be to answer legitimate questions about the manner in which Mueller-Wright secured those contracts." Leo retorts, "You know damn well the charge screams louder than the verdict. If you don't like the price, tell the DoD to renegotiate it." Hunt says it's no longer about price: "It's about process...and patronage." Leo: "You're accusing me of using my influence to get them the contract?" Hunt asks him how many years Leo worked for Mueller-Wright: "Was it ten, twelve?" Leo: "Don't try to embarrass me, and through me, the President, by humiliating an outstanding American patriot." Hunt: "Well, now who's waving the flag, Leo?" Leo stands up and says, "If you're drawing up partisan subpoena lists, Matt -- put my name on top." He leaves.
Thursday morning. C.J.'s being briefed for her appearance on Nanny Nanny Boo Boo (which is actually called The Whole Truth -- but my name's better and you know it) by a producer or assistant or whatever. She tells C.J., "If he points to the Truth Meter...." C.J.: "The Truth Meter? Am I on a game show?" Well, yes. More to the point, wouldn't she know about this from the background piece Media Affairs supposedly did for her? The producer tells her that if Taylor points to it, she should keep looking at him. C.J.: "If he dunks me in a river and I float, does that mean I'm a witch?" Now you're catching on. While C.J.'s microphone is being affixed, Taylor (Jay Mohr, oozing smarm, his one genetic gift) shakes her hand and tells her enthusiastically, "God, it's great you could join us -- I'm a huge fan. Thank you!" He seems genuine. C.J. seems stunned. When the cameras go on, he starts in on her right away about global warming. They go back and forth about that for about twenty seconds, Reid calling the World Bank "the UN for tree huggers." Then, of course, without anyone's having said much of any substance, he moves on to judicial nominees.
We cut to the West Wing, where Josh and Toby are watching her on TV. Josh asks how she's doing; Toby thinks the Christians did a little better with the lions. And then they're at a commercial break already -- the show's been on air for about fifty seconds. Who goes to commercial after fifty seconds? Whatever. Josh tells Toby about Leo's request to be subpoenaed for the Ramses hearings. Toby's puzzled. Josh: "Hunt's asking for all emails within the DoD and Mueller-Wright. He thinks the bid process was rigged." He adds that Leo rose to O'Neal's defence. Toby: "Leo can't testify in front of the Armed Services Committee. Did you talk to him?" Josh says he tried. Toby: "Does the President know?" Josh: "Should he?" Is it just me or has Brad Whitford dyed his hair darker? I keep thinking I should colour my hair. I never have -- too scared. I was even too scared to try that Sun-In crap in high school, which was obviously a blessing, because have you seen how that shit looks?
Cut to the Sit Room, where lots of Sit Room Types are standing around. Jed comes in and asks, "Did we get 'em back?" He's told that they have single confirmation bursts from the SEAL team CSELs (Combat Survivor Evader Locaters). They've been on the move, but have had to stop in the woods because it's now daylight there. A clock on the wall shows the time as 02:06:47. (If that's Washington time, then there's a continuity error, because C.J.'s seven-minute segment was supposed to be done by 1:00 PM, and as we will soon learn, the show isn't over.) Jed asks what they do now -- just wait around until the sun goes down again? That is exactly what they have to do. Shadrach: "Here's hoping nobody decides to go berry-picking in those woods today." Jed gives the radar screen a Presidential stare.
we have what is easily the most bizarre scene in the entire episode, and likely in the top ten of such scenes for the whole series. We see Carol through a doorway, sitting in a chair, talking to someone in a chair to her, except we can't see him at all. Obviously it must be Ben. The camera moves slowly forward as they yatter mindlessly. What we do get a good long look at is Carol's legs, and they're certainly nice and all. (That's your TWW sweeps month T&A moment there, by the way.) She seems pretty taken with him. The camera creeps slowly forward, around the door frame, as the chitchat continues. Carol's fascinated to learn that Ben studied range management. Gadzooks, who'd have thought, what with him being a ranger and all? There's yet another door in the way as the camera keeps edging closer while showing us as little as possible. I hear a quiet, grinding noise and I can't be sure if it's my teeth, or just the sound of tectonic plates shifting. Probably both. At this point I'm expecting Ben to look either like the Elephant Man or like Paul Newman. What is with the big reveal? They don't drag out the announcements of winners on American Idol this long, for mercy's sake. Finally, Ben tells Carol he's got a picture of himself and C.J. together in college, and it must have already been in his hand because he hands it to her immediately, leaning forward as he does. Finally, we see that it is Brian Kerwin, a nice-enough-looking chap and all, but what is with the protracted reveal? Ben says that it was taken right after he and C.J. started living together, adding: "God...she was something in a bikini, huh? She ever tell you about getting arrested...for stealing that donkey down in Cabo?" The camera moves in on the monitor on the desk behind them, where Nanny Nanny Boo Boo continues.
We cut back to C.J. complaining to Taylor during the commercial, "You're not giving me a chance to answer. If you just want to bloviate, why don't I leave a cardboard cutout of myself and you can talk all you want?" Surely she knows how these pathetic excuses for political shows work by now. Also, I'm taking "bloviate" as a shout-out, since it's one of my favourite words and I wish I'd used it more in the recaps I've done of this show. Plus, I gotta grab my shout-outs where I can get them -- last episode and all! Taylor (whose name is styled "TaylorReid" on all the art for the show) assures C.J. that she's doing great, and then proceeds to twist her comment as soon as they're back on air. He starts in on her about Abby's practicing medicine again. C.J.'s ready for him this time, and gives him better than she got on his paid speeches to the pharmaceutical and HMO lobbies and that ilk. But as smackdowns go, it's...yawntastic.
Back in the West Wing, Josh seems satisfied with the smackdown nonetheless. They're watching the monitor while hanging around outside the Oval Office. Toby asks Debbie -- remember her, the President's assistant? -- how much longer she thinks it will be. She has no idea. Toby's drinking coffee and eating pastry. Of course, his cup is completely empty. Why can't they ever have TV characters with something in their paper cups? (The way things are going on this show, I'd think the actors would want it to be something you'd need to be over twenty-one to buy.) Even the best actors seem hard put to hold an empty paper cup as if there's anything in it. Give them a mug, if it's imperative that it be empty. Josh mutters about what Leo's proposing to do. Toby: "He's not thinking." Josh asks how long they served together. Through a mouthful of food, Toby asks, "Leo and O'Neal?" He doesn't know; he says it was a while before they were shot down. Charlie: "Leo was shot down?" Again, something I would think he'd know -- he spends so much time around Leo and Jed, and I could swear that's been mentioned before. Has Wells ever actually watched this show? Josh says they hid out in a jungle before being rescued. Toby asks Debbie: "Can I get a ballpark on how much longer it's going to be? An era, a Tchaikovsky symphony, a brief Ice Age, perhaps?" Debbie tells him he has some food stuck in his beard. Boy, I'll bet Lily Tomlin's glad she signed up for this gig. Toby just stares at her and eventually brushes it away. Meanwhile, Charlie asks Josh how long Leo was stranded for; Josh tells him it was three days. God, that was some painful exposition.
Jed's in the Oval Office with some unspecified guest when Debbie knocks and says, "Excuse me, sir, Mr. Ziegler is being rather insistent." Since when does Toby's impatience count for this much? Jed stands up, saying, "As he so often is." He thanks his visitor, a Mr. Thomas, and says he'll think about whatever it is they were discussing. Toby and Josh come in as Jed asks, "So what's so important? Someone get the words to 'Yellow Submarine' wrong again?" Huh? What? That's only marginally funny, and it's apropos of exactly nothing. Josh: "It's about Leo, sir." Jed looks up, concerned.
Cut to Leo -- or at least, the back of his head -- talking to Margaret about whether Ken's called yet. She says she left messages with his office and his hotel. Leo says they were supposed to have lunch; he asks Margaret to find out what meetings Ken had that morning. Jed knocks and enters, asking Leo if he has a minute. Of course, he does. Jed asks about the SEAL team; there's still no word. Jed tells him that Toby and Josh came to see him about the Mueller-Wright thing. Leo said he told Josh he'd handle it. Jed: "By going in front of the Armed Services Committee?" Leo says Hunt is trying to embarrass the administration. Jed doesn't see how Leo's testifying is going to minimize the embarrassment. Leo thinks Hunt is bluffing, and that he's just pissed about Arizona's missing out at the trough. Jed carefully reminds Leo of his position as a senior corporate officer at Mueller-Wright for more than a decade: "You can't testify." Leo's in total denial: "It's not going to come to that." Jed: "It opens you up to being called in front of Congressional Committees on a whim." Leo replies, "I won't stand by while Hunt slanders a good man's name for political purposes." Leo is so fiercely and blindly loyal that he can't entertain -- even for a moment -- the notion that there might be something to the allegations against O'Neal. Jed: "Josh seems to think --" Leo: "Josh doesn't know what the hell he's talking about." Jed, not retreating but still treading carefully: "Have you asked Kenny if there's any truth...." Leo says he's known Ken for thirty-five years: "He hasn't done anything wrong." Jed just smiles and nods, knowing, I suppose, that it's this same blind loyalty that saw him through his own MS scandal and the assassination of Sharif. As he heads back to his office, though, he turns and says, "You can't testify, Leo." He says it the same way he's been saying it, but this time Leo seems to understand it as an order. Nonetheless: "I won't desert him, Mr. President." So he's clearly willing to sacrifice his job and this administration to the cause, the same things he wasn't willing to even moderate for the sake of his marriage. Jed tries one more time to find out if Leo's confronted Kenny about the truth of the matter. Leo: "I don't have to." Jed gives up and leaves. Leo sits down at his desk and starts moving papers around.
Jed's signing things for Charlie. He asks if there's been any word from NF Squared. Charlie says there hasn't, adding that Josh is waiting to give him a Ways and Means briefing. Jed doesn't know what that's about; Debbie explains it's for the South Carolina trip. Debbie tells him that he also has an INS meeting on border security, and then a meeting with the National Medal of Arts Recipients. Jed asks her, "You a Crosby Stills & Nash fan?" What? Are they going to be on the show? They're okay. I'd be a lot more interested if Neil Young were going to be there, too. Not that he'd ever appear on this show. (You think I'm cranky?) Debbie -- who's wearing a dark-coloured outfit of Carmelite sobriety in contrast to her usual getups -- replies: "I've always been more of a Crazy Horse kinda gal, Mr. President." Jed mutters: "Yeah, I can see how that would be." She adds, "Although I did have a tempestuous affair with a rodeo cowboy during the Summer of Love that The Hollies played a significant role in." Jed says nothing; he just looks at her. He loves it when his staff members overshare. She says she'll get Josh. He and Charlie exchange a brief glance. Wouldn't you love to hear what they both really think of her? Well, don't get your hopes up.
Josh and Swimtern come in, and Josh starts telling Jed about the aWendtment: "Our caucus has been fighting for more daycare, more after-school care, transportation subsidies to make it easier for poor women to get to good jobs. They can't justify spending...uh...." He struggles for the figures. Swimtern helps out: "JTC scores it at eleven billion over five years." Come on -- is this the same Josh who told us last week that he prepares even for meetings he doesn't want to go to? He had Swimtern do this scut work. Even if he didn't read all the details himself, I'm sure he looked over Swimtern's notes or summary or whatever. Just because he thinks the aWendtment is wrong doesn't mean he wouldn't study it and know it -- especially for a Presidential briefing. Anyway, he continues, "Eleven billion to keep Wilma Flintstone in dinosaur-skin coats while most women are struggling to find someone to take care of their child?" Jed asks, "What's the tax benefit for the typical family?" Josh thinks it's about $100 per year. Swimtern interjects: "Closer to $300 [per year], but that's not the point. A typical family of four making $68,000 can still get $1200 in child-care tax credit if the wife decides to work, but if she wants to stay at home with the kids, we don't help." Jed asks Josh: "Who's this?" Josh: "Ryan Pierce. He's interning in my office for a few months -- maybe less." Jed looks at Swimtern and asks if he's Senator Pierce's son. Swimtern says he's his nephew. Jed: "So which would you choose, Ryan, day care tax cut or this?" Swimtern replies, "Day care. But why should we choose for everybody else?" Jed asks what he would suggest. Swimtern: "Tell Wendt you understand he didn't want to support your expanding child care tax credit when there's no help for stay-at-home moms, so he should find some loophole closers we can agree upon to pay for both. He's on Ways and Means. That's where the money is...right?" Jed: "Right. Thank you." He hands a document back to Josh. Josh and Swimtern leave.
C.J. returns from her appearance on Nanny Nanny Boo Boo pretty chuffed: "That was fun!" Carol chirps that she did great. C.J.: "Sanctimonious little guttersnipe sent a great big fat one over the plate -- health-care reform! From a guy who's still on the fence about the application of leeches!" C.J. mimics batting a ball. Carol: "He wants you back." (I'm not sure if she's talking about Taylor or Ben right now -- Taylor makes more sense, but Carol can't shut up about Ben.) C.J.'s still rambling on about her triumph as Carol says, "You missed Ben. He hung around for a while but he had to get back for a meeting at Interior." C.J.: "How does he look?" Carol: "If you don't want him, can I have him?" C.J.: "Does he still have the ruffled-hair, Redford in The Way We Were kind of thing going on?" Carol hands her a note and picture that Ben left. C.J. looks at it and smiles a bit to herself, thinking, no doubt, "I did look damn good in a bikini." We are not favoured with the evidence.
Josh, as if you couldn't have guessed, is very pissed at Swimtern, who's saying: "He asked a question!" Josh: "And I was answering it." Swimtern: "Incorrectly." Josh: "You work for me -- you don't correct me in front of the President." Swimtern: "Even when you're giving him wrong information?" Josh: "Yes!" Swimtern: "Really?" Josh grabs a very thick book off a nearby filing cabinet and tells him to "Xerox this. Front to back, double-sided. And...." Swimtern: "Collated?" Josh: "Yeah. Go wild." He leaves with his little punishment and Donna asks, "Trouble in mind-numbing Presidential briefing paradise?" Josh mutters, "Eve Harrington in penny loafers here just corrected me in front of the President?" Donna: "Were you wrong?" Josh doesn't think that's the point. Donna: "What is the point?" Josh says he's going into his office. Donna tells him that Senator Hunt's in there.
Josh apologizes for keeping Hunt waiting. Hunt says it's okay, since his visit was unscheduled. He says that he lost his temper with Leo the day before: "He accused me of some things; I responded in kind. I want you to keep him from publicly supporting Ken O'Neal." Josh gestures for Hunt to sit down, and says, "Senator, Leo doesn't take direction from me. I can't keep him from making a breakfast order." Hunt: "I understand loyalty. There are men that I served with that I would do anything for -- and they for me. But you can't let Leo get involved in this. You know Mark Lofton?" Josh doesn't. Anyway, he's some DoD guy who used to make eighty grand who supervised the Ramses bid and now makes 300 grand as the Senior Vice-President of a major defence contractor: "Want to guess who he works for?" Josh looks unhappy.
Sit Room. NF Squared, Jed, and Shadrach are there; Leo is not. They've rescued all five "pieces of cargo," i.e. the crew members. Everyone applauds. Jed speaks directly to the SEAL team leader, asking the condition of the "cargo." There are some broken bones and bruised egos, but everyone's stable. Unfortunately, they lost one of the SEAL team members, apparently to hypoxia from the jump. The team leader is asked about any unfriendly encounters; apparently not. POTUS: "Well done, Commander. Thank you." Jed asks NF Squared to get him a number for the family of the dead SEAL team member.
Josh hustles over to Leo's office. He's not there; Josh asks Margaret where he is. She says he's out of the building. Josh: "Where, out of the building?" She tells him he's gone to meet Ken O'Neal.
Leo walks up to Ken to the cherry blossom trees, across the frozen Tidal Basin from the Jefferson Memorial. Leo says, "I was worried about you." Ken: "Sorry about lunch. I got held up with our General Counsel." Leo says he's spoken to Hunt and knows something about what's going on: "He's just trying to score cheap political points off our friendship, get his face on the cover of the Journal." Leo's cell phone rings, and Ken tells him to take the call. Leo looks at the display, sees that it's "just Josh," and turns the phone off.
Ken and Leo sit down on a bench, and Leo apologizes, saying Hunt wouldn't be trying to make rain out of this if it weren't for him. Ken says it's not his fault. Leo says he told Hunt he'd have to put his name at the top of the subpoena list. Ken: "No." Leo: "All the times you've come in under budget, all the times you've delivered projects on schedule under impossible deadlines...." Ken: "No. You can't testify." Leo insists that he can handle Hunt. Ken insists that Leo can't testify, and that he's going to assert his Fifth Amendment right not to answer any questions. Leo: "Why?" Oh come on, Leo, you're a smart man. Ken confesses they didn't do the AOA, and that he bribed the DoD guy with a job, and "got to" a guy on the Defense Policy Board. Leo's pretty dumsquizzled. Ken: "Stop looking at me like that." Leo: "Why not do the AOA? The Army wants the choppers. What, they were going to buy them from the French?" Ken: "No, we had to have the contract. I'm under a lot of pressure from my board." Then we get to hear a lot of excuses about a disastrous merger and some buck-passing from the Navy. Leo, still trying to grasp the situation: "So this was about money?" Ken gets up and blithers about his responsibility to his employees and his stockholders: "Yes, I pushed a little harder than I should have -- and yes, I'm gonna hang for it. But it's not just me -- who do you think was pushing me? My Congressman and my Senator! This is a jobs bill for them." Way to do right by your employees and stockholders there, buddy. Leo gets up and slowly walks over to Ken, who adds, "So I paid an advance to a procurement officer I was planning on hiring. Do you think I'm the first?" Do you think that makes it right? These CEO jokers really kill me. Ken asserts that it's a "revolving door between the Pentagon and the private sector." Leo's staring off into the distance, contemplating the fact that he was willing to chuck his whole career for this clown. Leo quietly asks, "How much did you make last year?" Ken: "What?" Leo: "How much, Kenny?" He says it was just over a million. I sneer aloud. Leo: "Naaah...how much with bonuses?" In my head I guessed ten million. Kenny stares at Leo for a bit and finally says, "Eleven million." Leo stares off again. This whole storyline probably seemed like a good idea, but it doesn't really work. It's obvious all along that Ken's guilty. Plus, the extreme blindness of Leo's loyalty at his age, and after all he's been through -- especially with Jed -- just doesn't ring true.
Over a shot of some televised stock reports, we hear "My country, 'tis of thee/ Sweet land of liberty...." It's Crosby Stills & Nash's version. Is it just me, or does this song have a very similar melody to "God Save the Queen"? The camera drifts over Jed walking into Leo's office, which seems to be facing a burnt-orange sunset. Leo's sitting in a chair, brooding. Jed takes a seat to Leo and asks, "You okay?" Leo looks at him, his features sharply shadowed, and says, "Kenny did it." Jed: "Josh told me." He pauses, and then tells Leo about rescuing the five Hawkeye crew members and losing one of the SEALs. Leo asks what the music is. Jed tells him that Crosby Stills & Nash came by. Man, why didn't we get to see that? Instead of all these pointless flashbacks. Who doesn't want to see David Crosby in the Oval Office? Good times, man. Anyway, Jed says that they're getting a National Medal for the Arts, and they gave him this tape: "It's beautiful, huh?" Eh, not so much. Bit too heavy-handed a choice for this scene. See, if they'd brought Neil Young along, they could have dusted off "Find the Cost of Freedom." But that's a lot more of a downer than "America the Beautiful." Also: "Tape"? Not a CD?
Leo, in a slightly raspy voice: "We were out in the jungle for three days...Kenny carried me on his back, hid me under piles of leaves while he went to find us water. I was delirious. I lost a lot of blood. He coulda left me...he shoulda left me." Then he does something I wasn't quite ready for: he suddenly squeezes up his face and cries. So of course I lose it somewhat, because what kind of person can sit there dry-eyed while John Spencer is crying? (Even when the storyline's this meh.) He quickly collects himself, sniffling a bit, and continues, "He never did. We, uh...found a clearing where we could send up a flare, and a couple hours later these two Hueys show up taking all kind of AK fire. Men died for us. We had a responsibility to live our lives with integrity and honesty to honour their sacrifice." Jed -- who never met a situation that couldn't be embiggened with a Latin phrase -- says, "Corruptio optimi pessima: 'Corruption of the best is the worst.'" You're telling me, buddy. You're telling me. Leo's face registers no reaction. Jed: "You've done more, much more, all on your own, to honour their memory, Leo. They'd be as proud to know you as I am." Leo looks at Jed, eyes still glistening with tears. Jed gets up and puts his hand on Leo's shoulder briefly as he returns to his office. Leo leans back in his chair again, as the strains of Crosby Stills & Nash blend with the sound of chopper blades: "Let freedom ring...let freedom ring...."
Young Kenny hears the choppers and rouses young Leo, who's probably half-dead at this point: "Leo...Leo, come on. They're here. We're going home." He drags Leo up, arms flopping helplessly against the sky as the sun shines through the palm leaves. Back to Leo in his office: the camera fades out on his sad, introspective expression.
And...that's it for me, folks. As I announced a few days ago on the forums, I've decided to move on from recapping this show -- it's just time for me to focus on other projects and opportunities. (I'll still be recapping Joan of Arcadia, however.) I've said pretty well everything that I personally can or want to say about this show, and now it's someone else's turn. I can't thank you all enough for your many kind words and supportive emails and helpful corrections and interesting trivia and inside information and Aeron chairs over the years. You kept me at this gig even when I was tearing my hair out in frustration over a show that used to be so good. You're an awesome audience and I will truly miss writing for you, even if I don't miss writing about this show. Please welcome my capable and cromulent replacement, Miss Alli. I'm sure you will all enjoy her fierce wit and intelligence and style as much as I do. I am so looking forward to her recaps of this show. Believe me...I'm smiling on the inside. Salaam alaikum, everyone!
Going dark.