By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: the President announced a Blue Ribbon Commission to study the long-term future of entitlement programs; we met Toby's ex-wife, Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt; during a press briefing, Danny didn't miss a chance to take a cheap shot at C.J. about drug policy.
The camera pans across a desk filled with framed pictures of a woman with her child, receiving some sort of plaque from POTUS, wearing a lab coat and standing by a patient's bedside, etc. We hear someone reading questions about marijuana use. We see a table at which three people sit, two with laptops. One staffer is reading questions to the woman featured in the photos and the other staffer is typing in her responses. It's the Surgeon General, played by Mary Kay Place, and she's hosting an online chat. It's Wednesday night. She's wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and looking quite casual and comfortable. She answers a question about whether marijuana use affects fertility and the reproductive systems. One chat participant ("Pixeladd") asks about the relationship between marijuana use and cancer. She states that there are no conclusive studies, but that there does seem to be strong evidence that pot smoke can be a factor in acquiring respiratory illness. She says, with a chuckle, "If Pixeladd wants to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without throwing up, he should put the bong back in the closet behind the Allman Brothers albums, where it belongs."
The camera moves behind the guy pitching the questions, and the screen goes dark for a moment and comes back up on a different computer monitor. We hear Donna calling out to Josh, and muttering to herself, "What the hell kind of name is Pixeladd?" (I predict we will have someone posting with this name on TWW forums sooner rather than later.) Josh wanders over and says, "I'm done?" She says he is. He announces, "Efficiency, Donna! Efficiency and professionalism and we're out of here at 9:00 on a Wednesday night!" A little shout-out from Aaron Sorkin to himself. Donna points out, "It doesn't hurt the President's in Tokyo." Well, let's wait and hear what Tokyo has to say about that. Josh replies, "Yeah, well, there does seems to be a little less work to do when he's in a different hemisphere, but nonetheless..." Donna says, "Efficiency and professionalism." Josh adds, "With a healthy dollop of leadership skills. The well-placed, well-worded memo. Nobody goes off the reservation. Everybody does their job. Turn off your computer. Let's go." Donna's still reading the chat and not really looking at Josh, but handing him stuff anyway. She says she wants to stay and watch this, and that she thinks maybe he should, too. Josh asks what it is; Donna explains that the Surgeon General is doing an online chat, and that she's currently talking about decriminalizing marijuana. Josh, with his coat already on, walks off-screen saying, "See you tomorrow." Donna keeps reading the screen. It only takes a moment before Josh comes back and sticks his head in, saying, "What's she talking about?" Donna reads the last question, "'Do you favour the decriminalization of marijuana?'" Josh leans over to Donna and reads the answer, "'It's not for me to say. I can tell you marijuana poses no greater public-health risk than nicotine or alcohol....'" Donna continues, "'...And doesn't show the same addictive properties as heroin or LSD.'" Josh: "'Yet bizarrely to many of us in the health-care profession, the law categorizes it as a Schedule One narcotic, while putting a government seal on a pack of cigarettes.'" Josh's voice is choked as he reads the last bit of that sentence. Donna pauses a second and turns to Josh, "Yeah, somebody didn't get your memo." Cue the credits.
Josh comes over to C.J.'s office, where she's packing stuff into her briefcase. He wants her to look at the transcript of Surgeon General Millicent Griffith's online chat. He directs her to page eight. While C.J.'s reading, Donna comes up and tells Josh that Toby's headed to his office and that Sam's on the phone. Josh says that he can't talk to him right now; Donna says he (I'm assuming Sam) says it's important. Josh says he'll be there in a minute; Donna trots off. C.J. says, "The Allman Brothers?" Josh says, "It gets a lot worse." C.J. repeats fragments of the sentences Josh read above, concluding, "And...I quit!" Josh says, "Let's go."
As C.J. follows Josh, she asks, "Is she kidding me with this?" Gosh, I hope not. I couldn't agree with the Surgeon General more. As they pedeconference, Josh tells C.J. that she just finished the chat five minutes ago, and asks C.J. to talk him through "the twelve hours." C.J. says, "Well, these people got a story. I guarantee they called AP already." As they breeze past Carol, C.J. asks her to get her the wires. C.J. rushes along, thinking out loud, "It's too late for the [New York] Times and the [Washington] Post, but L.A. and San Francisco will have it, and it will be above the fold. The Today show will lead with it. Russert's gonna do a segment..." Just then they see Toby and Josh hails him. Toby says, "Guys...I'm in the Blue Ribbon meeting, I got Labour yelling at me. I got a real situation developing over there." Josh indicates that they've got a situation of their own. C.J. shows Toby page eight and they walk off together as Toby reads and C.J. asks Josh why he didn't call her while it was happening. Josh asks, "So you could do what?"
Toby, Josh, and C.J. end up in the assistants' area outside Toby's and Sam's offices. Toby asks when it happened. Josh says Griffith finished five or ten minutes ago. Toby asks, "You saw it happen?" Josh asks what Toby would have done; Toby says he would have ended the interview. Josh asks, "How?" Toby, in his invincible Klingon logic, states, "By ending it!" Sam walks up. His hair has been cut, and it's a not-entirely-successful compromise between long, blow-dried, early-'80s hair and the short, snappy intensity of last year's 'do. I guess I'll have to take what I can get, but as shout-outs go, it's not the best one I ever got. Still, the hair is some improvement. Anyway, Sam quietly says, "Listen, something's happened." C.J. says, "We know." Sam asks how they know. Toby says Josh was watching it in real time. Josh protests, "I'm not going to belay into the computer screen, Toby." Sam asks what they're talking about; Josh says, "The Surgeon General. What are you talking about?" Sam replies, "Never mind. What'd Griffith do?" Toby says, "She reversed our position on marijuana." Josh rubs his eyes and says, "Okay, first things first: what time is it in Tokyo?" Toby says that they're fourteen hours ahead; Josh thought it was thirteen. Toby says, "Eastern Daylight [Savings Time]." Josh says, okay, they're fourteen hours ahead. "Are we sure it's ahead and not behind?" C.J., rolling her eyes about halfway, points out, "Guys, there are clocks on the wall," gesturing to the various clocks showing worldwide times. Josh looks at the clock and says, "Okay, so it's almost 11:00 in Tokyo." Toby tells Ginger to get Larry and Ed. C.J. adds, "And anybody left in my office." Toby says that he'll be in the Roosevelt Room.
Toby and C.J. have started walking out. Josh and Sam follow. Josh asks, "I'm sorry, eleven in the morning, eleven in the afternoon...?" Sam's reading the transcript. C.J. says, "It's 11 AM." They're all in the Roosevelt Room now. Sam says, "'The Allman Brothers?'" Josh tells him to keep reading, and continues, "So if it's not a story until tomorrow morning then they're not gonna have it until tomorrow night, so we bought a day." C.J. says that they bought two days. Toby asks how. Sam says, "Plane ride." Josh asks when POTUS leaves. C.J. says, "7 PM Thursday." Josh: "Tomorrow?" C.J.: "Yes." Josh: "Local time?" C.J.: "Which local? Theirs, or ours?" Toby says wearily, "It will be 7 PM Thursday in Japan when he leaves." Josh asks, "And he lands here when?" Silence and blank stares. Sam: "Okay, the flight is thirteen hours long..." C.J. puts her hands up to her face and says, "This isn't happening..." Sam continues, "He's gonna travel eastward from Tokyo leaving at 7 PM, so when he crosses the International Date Line..." Toby interjects, "He'll have travelled back in time to what?" Sam confidently says, "3 AM." C.J. says, "Which puts him down in Washington 6 PM Thursday." Josh: "He's going to land in Washington an hour before he took off?" Sam: "Yeah." Josh is incredulous. "And that's not a story that beats the Surgeon General?" Frink is especially amused by all this. I'm fully confused at this point, but find it highly entertaining nonetheless. Donna shows up and tells Toby that the Blue Ribbon Commission is calling for him. Toby leaves, saying, "I'm gonna go get yelled some more. Josh, you need to get Leo." Josh tells Donna, "Call Tokyo." Donna says yeah and tells C.J. that Carol's got the wires. C.J. leaves. Josh tells Sam, "Those clocks should be in military time." Frink heartily agrees. He doesn't actually say so, but I know it. Sam says, "Yeah...'cause that's less confusing." Josh complains, "The man's gone a hundred and fifty hours! How can it be Thursday the whole time?" Sam says, "Listen, Japan is nine hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time..." Josh: "Don't." Josh asks what Sam was talking about before. Sam explains, "I've just been told by someone I believe that a full-page ad taken out by the Family Values Leadership Council is going to appear in twenty-two newspapers tomorrow. It lists many prominent people and congratulates them for denouncing the movie, Prince of New York." Josh asks, "So what's the problem?" Sam tells him, "The President is one of the prominent people they congratulate." Josh asks, "The President denounced the movie?" Sam says he didn't. Josh wonders how they can run such an ad. Sam has no idea, and adds, "But I don't like who we're being congratulated by." Donna hands Josh the phone. Josh says, "Yeah, Leo? We got a couple of problems here."
It's Thursday morning. Sam is trying to work in his office, but something keeps being whapped against the glass partition between his office and Toby's. He gets up and goes to Toby's office. Toby is wearing a blue and red baseball cap and holding a rubber ball in each hand. Sam patiently says, "I'm here." Toby says, "Thanks." Sam inquires, "We're doing this again?" Toby says, "Yeah." Sam: "'Cause I just got you off that little bellman's thing." He makes the gesture of someone pushing down the button on one of those bells like the ones they have on the counter at the dry cleaner. Sam has the patience of the saint, putting up with being summoned by Toby in various demeaning ways. I had a supervisor at my last job (prior to the glory of self-employment) whose cubicle was to mine, and he would occasionally throw balls of wadded-up paper and paper airplanes over the top of my cubicle to get my attention. I was annoyed at first, but then I learned to ignore him until he was forced to climb up on his filing cabinet and peek over the top to see if I was actually there, and then I could hurl something back at him. Usually he had something really important to share, like his latest tongue piercing or something. Sam plops down on Toby's couch as Toby takes off his hat and says, "Here's my problem." He goes on to explain that the AARP wants Seth Gillette on the Blue Ribbon Commission, as does the AFL-CIO. They both agree that Seth's presence on the Commission neutralizes him; obviously it's harder for Gillette to attack the Commission if he's on it. Toby thinks that's why Gillette would refuse if they ask him to be on the Commission. Sam's not sure whether Gillette will refuse, but Toby says they can't risk it. They need him on the Commission, politically, and if he's not on it, it can't be because he turned them down. Sam summarizes, "So either we get him on the Commission or, if we don't, we make sure it's 'cause we never asked him." An assistant walks in (I think it's Ginger, but we only see her blurry torso), and tells Sam someone's on the phone for him. Sam gets up and says, "Yeah, I don't know the answer to that." Toby says, "Okay." He thanks Sam for stopping by.
As Sam goes into his office to take the call, Toby hurls another ball at the glass. He must be pretty damn sure of the strength of that glass, because he's really hurling the ball. Sam's on the phone with Charlie, who's on the flight back from Tokyo. Charlie greets Sam with a few words of Japanese. Sam says, "Yeah, listen...did you have a phone conversation with a movie producer named Morgan Ross?" Charlie apparently spoke with him last week; they wanted to screen Prince of New York at the White House. Charlie had looked at the print the week before and passed on it, because he didn't think the President would care for it. The President was not involved in the decision at all; turns out he lets Charlie choose the movies. Charlie picked Dial M for Murder instead. Sam says okay. Charlie says, "Domo arigato." Sam sings, "Mr. Roboto..." Not really. What a missed opportunity! But Sam's not in one of his frisky, crime-fighting-Pilgrims kind of moods.
Josh is on the phone with somebody, saying, "Well, there'd be fallout from women voters, and I'm pretty sure, the AMA, to say nothing of the First Lady..." C.J. wanders in and asks, "Leo?" Josh covers the mouthpiece and tells her he's on a conference call with about nine people who are at several points of longitude. He asks when her first briefing is; she says it's in an hour. He asks whether she thinks she's able to show support for the Surgeon General without supporting for her policy. Actually, the Surgeon General didn't state or formulate any policy; she merely expressed her opinion on the blatant hypocrisy about substance use in this society. But that's neither here nor there, I suppose. C.J. says yeah. Josh says, "Show me." C.J. says, "Try me." Josh: "'C.J., did you know that Dr. Griffith was going to criticize the Administration's drug policy last night?'" C.J. replies, "I don't agree with your characterization of her comments. I think she expressed her opinion about the health effects of certain illegal drugs." Josh: "'Well, she basically called for the legalization of marijuana. Does the President agree with her?'" C.J.: "Wrong again, and I'd refer you to the Surgeon General's comments. When asked if marijuana should be legalized, she said, and I'm quoting, 'It's not for me to say.' And she's right, and it's important that people understand this: the Surgeon General is not a lawmaker. She doesn't set drug policy; the President does, and the President is 100% against legalizing drugs, including marijuana." She's ready to kick ass. As usual. Josh says yeah and goes back to the phone to say to Leo, "I can take it to the step." Josh ends his call and says "okay" a couple of times, sighing in between. He gets up. C.J. asks, "Leo wants me to show her support?" Josh says "Yeah," as he grabs his coat. C.J. asks, "Josh? While I'm showing her support, what are you showing her?" Josh replies as he puts on his coat and walks out of the office, "The door." ["Before Josh answered, Djb and I yelled, 'My ass!'" -- Wing Chun]
After some commercials, we're at a press briefing. We can hear lots of reporters' voices clamouring for C.J.'s attention. We see C.J. on a monitor answering the expected questions with the rehearsed answers. Josh is watching this as he waits outside someone's office, presumably that of the Surgeon General. Some people leave Dr. Griffith's office, and she calls Josh into her large and impressive office.
Inside, Griffith's office is practically the size of the Oval Office. She asks Josh how he's been feeling; he says he's fine. She asks if they've been checking his blood pressure weekly; he tells her it's 130/87. She says that's a little high, and asks about his right leg and arm. He says there's a little stiffness. She states that the guys at GW did a fantastic job: "It's a beautiful scar." Josh, slightly puzzled, asks, "When have you seen my scar?" She says, "At the hospital." Josh says that he doesn't remember. She casually informs him, "You were unconscious. How's your back?" Josh: "There's some pain." Dr. Griffith: "It's in your head." Josh: "Along with all manner of things." She says, "Well, you know, Josh, just because the white supremacists didn't kill you doesn't mean that crap you eat isn't going to." Josh: "I eat fine." She replies, "You eat like you're still in college." Josh, mildly defensive: "I was in great shape in college." She states, "You were nineteen in college. You could eat Tupperware™ and your system would deal with it." I give Frink an "I-told-you-so" kind of look, since we periodically have this argument about the various ways in which he can or cannot get away with abusing his body. He pretends to ignore me. I'm liking the Surgeon General more and more every minute. Josh has had enough chitchat about his health and habits and cuts to the chase: "Millicent, what were you thinking about?" She responds,. "I was asked a question, Josh." He says, "I understand, but your answers..." Dr. Griffith: "My answers were correct! Is anyone challenging me on the facts?" Josh admits that no one is...yet. She asserts, "Well, they won't! As a doctor, I have an obligation to tell the truth. Come to think of it, as a person I have that obligation, as well." Josh says, "The truth is different if you're a GP or a member of the Stanford Faculty Club than if you're the country's chief medical practitioner." It is? The good doctor replies, "Well, no, I think truth is pretty much truth across the board, never more so than if you're the country's chief medical practitioner." Josh asks whether she knows that 69% of Americans oppose legalization, and only 23% support it. She states that the number gets a lot higher (wee pun there) if you ask people under thirty. Josh: "Well, that's a shock. Did you know the number gets even higher than that if you limit the polling sample to Bob Marley and the Wailers?" Hee! She's laughing on the inside, the way Toby would. She replies, "I mention that particular age group because an awful lot of them seem to be in prison." Josh asks, "Is that what this is about?" She says it isn't. Josh starts lecturing her that the criminal justice system is nowhere near her jurisdiction; she points out she wasn't commenting on the criminal justice system, but on medicine. Josh says he's had three conversations with Leo McGarry in the last twelve hours. He starts to explain the reason he's come to see her, but she interrupts: "Josh, I'm not a politician, but it's not like I haven't lived here for the past two years." Josh says, "C.J.'s up there right now giving you our support. I'm sorry, but we need you to resign." She doesn't hesitate for long before saying, "No." Josh: "Dr. Griffith, I say this with all possible respect, but: you serve at the pleasure of the President." She stands up and calmly declares, "And I will continue to right up until the moment he fires me." Josh looks like he wasn't bargaining for this. He takes it in stride, though, and says, "Okay." He pauses and then says, "Thank you, ma'am." He walks toward the door. She reaches for something on her desk and says, "Josh?" He turns and she says, "See the doctor, get a lollipop." She tosses him one and he catches it. As Josh passes the monitor again on his way out, C.J. is telling reporters, "And the fact that the President disagrees with her doesn't mean he's going to fire her. The Surgeon General's an executive appointee and the President stands by his staff." "Excellent," Josh mutters to himself.
We continue with C.J. at the briefing as a reporter asks her whether she knows anything about this full-page ad citing the President's denunciation of Prince of New York. C.J. admits, "No, I don't know what the hell's going on there." Another reporter asks, "The President didn't denounce it?" C.J. replies, "Not unless he did it in the shower, but he hasn't denounced it to me and he certainly hasn't to the public. That's all, see you this afternoon." I'm thinking maybe Sam should have briefed C.J. Sam is, in fact, waiting for C.J. when she leaves the Briefing Room. Sam congratulates her: "Good job!" She asks him to please tell her what's going on with this movie. He explains that there's some controversy due to the usual stuff (sex, violence, religious imagery) and several groups are organizing opposition to it. He further explains that Charlie passed on its being screened at the White House, leading the producer to go on Imus and accuse Bartlet of being a coward and siding with puritanical censors. The producer further announced that Hollywood should know that POTUS is no friend of the First Amendment. C.J. says, "And then the Family Values Leadership Council took out an ad congratulating us for that? Seriously: I quit." Sam keeps following her and rattling and she's saying: "Wait. Wait. Prince of New York is Morgan Ross's movie?" Sam says it is. C.J.'s incredulous: "Morgan Ross went on Imus?" Sam mentions that he did it by phone. C.J. doesn't care about that: "Morgan Ross called the President a coward?" Sam replies, "He didn't call him a coward as much as he called him 'cowardly,' which is different." C.J. asks how it's different. Sam admits it's not really. C.J. states, "I'm going to crush him." I kind of get the feeling she may know this dude from her Hollywood PR days. Sam starts trying to reason with her, as she continues, "This guy's trying to get a little free media by screwing with us. I'm the enforcer, Sam. I'm going to crush him, I'm going to make him cry, and then I'm going to tell his mama about it." Sam quietly says, "You're not going to make him cry." She asks, "You want to watch me make him cry?" She laughs mirthlessly. Sam firmly says, "I believe you can make him cry; I'm saying you're not going to do it." She starts to argue but he explains that they're meeting with these people tomorrow, and that he'll straighten things out with Morgan Ross. He instructs her, "You just keep telling the press you don't know anything." C.J.: "That shouldn't be hard." Sam leaves. Carol informs C.J. that Danny Concannon's on the phone, and that she thinks C.J. should take the call, because Danny wants the President's reaction to a comment that was made about the Surgeon General situation. C.J. wants to know who made the comment. Carol says, "That's the thing." C.J. makes that impatient, cut-to-the-chase-already gesture. Carol says, "It was Eleanor." C.J.: "Eleanor who?" Carol: "Eleanor Bartlet. C.J. looks concerned and takes the call, trying to sound upbeat.
Toby's in a meeting with people regarding the political composition of the Blue Ribbon Commission. Someone's telling him that the Commission will not be credible with their people unless there's someone on there who's a friend of Labour. Someone else adds, "And a friend of seniors." Toby asserts, "The President's a friend of Labour, a friend of seniors, a friend of small animals..." The other guys are not amused. Toby points out that they're running out of time to get things going; they announced this in the State of the Union address. One guy insists that promises made in the address are Toby's problem. Another guy doesn't see the need for lightning speed. Toby says, "Really?" The guy who said that continues, "If current economic conditions continue..." Toby interjects, "Forever? You mean if we never have another recession ever again? Then the fund can withstand all of thirty years before going bankrupt. Unfortunately, the actuarial tables say I won't be dead yet!" He pauses. "Guys...Gillette's a tough needle to thread. I want to know that we have your trust that whoever we do get will look out for your interests and that you therefore will support the Commission." No one speaks. Toby asks, "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?" One guy suggests, "Maybe if we, uh, talk some more..." Toby, with restrained sarcasm in his voice: "Oh, could we?"
Josh catches up with C.J. on his way back from his mission to get Millicent to resign. C.J. says, "She didn't?" Josh tells her no, and that Leo's going to need to talk with her some more. He instructs her to "walk back" some of the things she said in her briefing. Josh doesn't really get to finish before C.J. jumps in to tell him about an even stickier problem, which is that Danny Concannon is quoting Eleanor Bartlet as saying, "My father won't fire the Surgeon General. He would never do that." Josh is pretty surprised and says, "Eleanor? You mean Zoey." She tells him firmly, "No. It was Eleanor." Josh sighs and walks off.
Meanwhile, Air Force One has touched down and, as they disembark, Jed is rambling on to Charlie about his meetings in Japan. "They're trying to export their way out of their own economic problems. And by dumping low-priced steel on the U.S., you know what they're asking for?" Charlie replies, "A protectionist response." Jed says, "They're begging for a protectionist response. Steel and mining employ 170,000 workers. They're not going to sit around while discount steel comes flying into..." He's greeted by someone from a distance and interrupts his ramble to call out, "How you doin'?" Jed continues, "They're going to want retaliatory tariffs, and you know what that means?" Charlie does: "A return to Smoot-Hawley and the Great Depression." Jed: "A return to Smoot-Hawley and the Great Depression." Charlie says, "You should go to Japan and tell them that, sir." Just then, Leo comes up to them from behind. Jed turns and says, "Leo, I'm walking over to the press and telling that retaliatory tariffs are gonna cost American taxpayers $800,000 for every job saved." Leo announces, "We're not taking questions. Let's get in the car." They start walking in the opposite direction and Jed quietly asks Leo, "What's going on?" Leo says, "Eleanor made a comment on the record and you can't answer questions right now." Jed says, "Eleanor? You mean Zoey." Leo says, "It was Eleanor." Jed's looks increasingly concerned and he asks, "When did this happen?" Leo tells him it was six hours ago. Jed wants to know why Leo didn't tell him six hours ago. Leo says, "'Cause I didn't want you crash-landing the plane. Let's get in the car." An assistant -- I believe it's Nancy (Renee Estevez -- I've never gotten a good grip on what she looks like, she's onscreen so little) -- holds the limo door for Jed and welcomes him home. He says, "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto..." No, he doesn't. He's in no mood to goof around. We go to commercials.
We see a shot of a hand resetting a clock showing POTUS's local time to that of Washington. Josh and Donna come wandering in and Donna's got a question: "Josh, is there anything to suggest that there are a significant number of people who want to smoke pot but don't because it's against the law?" Josh says there isn't. Donna asks, "Then why do you think if it were decriminalized there'd be a sudden stampede of people showing up to work stoned, dragging down the economy and clearing supermarket aisles of Pringles™ and Twinkies™?" (I'd just like to note that there's been some conflation in this episode of the issues of legalization and decriminalization, and while I'm not a lawyer, and don't even play one on TV, I believe these are two separate issues with different, if overlapping, implications. I'm sure some lawyer-type can explain it in the forums using small words and visual aids.) Josh says, "That's not a reason to make it legal." Donna: "In a free society, you don't need a reason to make something legal, you need a reason to make something illegal." As the phone starts ringing, Josh says, "Donna, parents are keeping drugs away from their kids with a whip and a chair. It doesn't really help them out if we..." Donna answers the phone and Josh mumbles, "That's okay, it's just me talking..." He slurps on his drink. Donna hangs up and tells him that POTUS is back and wants to see Josh.
We see POTUS storming into the Oval Office from outdoors. C.J.'s waiting there in his office and welcomes him back. He says (or, rather, kind of hollers), "Thank you! I've had it, C.J.! I've absolutely had it! What the hell is Danny Concannon doing calling my kids? He knows better than that! They all know better than that! But Danny! C.J., you're going to suspend his credentials for six months and I don't give a damn! His paper wants to cover the President, they can send someone else!" C.J. has been trying unsuccessfully to get a word in edgewise. She finally has her opportunity and explains that Danny didn't call Eleanor. Jed says, "I was told it was Danny." C.J. explains that Eleanor called Danny. Jed is confused as he takes this in, and asks, "She called him?" He doesn't say much as he thinks about the implications of this. Just then, Josh and Charlie come in; Josh welcomes Jed back. Jed says mildly, "The Allman Brothers, Josh?" Josh kind of shrugs and ask how the flight was. Jed says, "Tokyo is willing to show economic restraint in exchange for a good fielding shortstop and a left-handed reliever. Who's against us so far?" Josh lists: "The Judiciary Committee, Government Reform and Oversight, Appropriations..." Jed interrupts, "Why Appropriations?" Josh explains they control the Surgeon General's budget. Jed asks who's coming to her defence. Josh: "The Cannabis Society, The Cannabis Coalition, E. Cannabis Unum, The American Hemp League, and Friends of Mary Jane." E. Cannabis Unum: Bwa! I don't know if that's a real group but it should be. Charlie reminds Jed that Sam is waiting to see him. Jed says, "Yes, I understand I've been congratulated for denouncing a movie I've never heard of." C.J. says, "Yes, sir." Jed: "I've gotta hand it to you guys: you've pulled off a political first. You've managed to win me the support of the Christian right and the Cheech and Chong fan club in the same day." Hee. Josh tells Jed that Leo's seeing the Surgeon General tomorrow. There's nothing else, so he dismisses them. Jed asks Charlie, "Would you arrange for my middle daughter to come see me at her earliest possible convenience?" Charlie will. Jed adds, "Aw, screw her convenience. Get her ass down here." He wearily sits down in his chair.
It's Friday. Sam is working in his office when Toby summons him with the rubber ball. Sam comes into Toby's office. Toby asks him about the document Toby is holding. Sam says, "It says that we should stand by the Surgeon General." Toby states, "Actually, it says that we should stand by the Sturgeon General." Sam: "Does it?" He meant "Surgeon General." Toby says he thinks they should stand by her, too. "I just wanted to make sure we were agreed that smoked whitefish is pretty much on its own." Toby's arranging coffee and pastries on his coffee table. Ginger gets Toby's attention to let him know that "she's" here. If you were paying any attention during the "Previously on The West Wing," you know this will have to be his ex-wife. As Toby leaves to go to the lobby he asks Sam, "You're with the ratings people?" Sam says, "Soon. What's the food for?" Toby replies, "Today's attempt at ensuring our future." Sam asks what Toby's plan is. Toby says, "First thing I have to do is be nice to a liberal Democratic Congresswoman." Sam asks, "Will that be hard?" Toby sighs a little and says, "Well, it was when I was married to her."
Toby and Sam have reached Congresswoman Wyatt now. Toby says it's good to see her and thanks her for coming. He adds, "You look fantastic." She pleasantly says, "Thank you. How've you been, Sam?" Toby says, "Sam's great." Sam says, "Fit as a fiddle, Andy. Although, to tell you the truth, I found..." Toby curtly says, "Nobody cares." Sam, patient as ever, leaves ungrudgingly. Andy gives Toby a tiny peck on the cheek. She asks how he's doing. He rambles: "Congresswoman Wyatt...you're growing into that title very nicely." She says, "This is going someplace hysterical." Toby cuts to the chase: "Labour wants Gillette on the Commission. So does the AARP. It's very important to them." Andy acknowledges all this. Toby asks if she knows why. She says, "Because they've been suspicious of the Commission since you announced it and want one of their people protecting their interests?" They reach Toby's office, and she takes off her coat. Toby claims, "We're one of their people." She inquires, "Have you had an easy time convincing them of that since you announced the Commission?" Toby replies, "No. But I bring you here, and we sit, and we have coffee, and we have Danish, in the hope that calmer, and dare I say, prettier, heads prevail." Andy sits down and says, "Oh, I miss patronizing sexist Toby." Toby claims, "I was referring to myself." ["Which is an awesome line." -- Wing Chun] She says, "You don't want to ask Gillette?" He sure doesn't. She continues: "'Cause you think he might say no?" Toby replies, "Right. This is really important, Andy. Can you help us?" Andy softly says, "No." Ginger comes to the door to say something to Toby but he doesn't even look at her; he just says, "Close the door." He stands up as Andy takes a pastry and he commands her, "Put the Danish down."
Over near the Oval Office, Mrs. Landingham and Charlie are shooting the breeze about films as they run around with files and whatnot. Mrs. L. says, "Dial M...a fine film." Charlie says he knows it well. Mrs. L. elaborates: "Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings..." Charlie interjects, "He likes the part where the guy looks for the key." Mrs. L. asks, "And what was the other one about?" Charlie says, reading in part from a memo, "Prince of New York? It's 'an updated version of Dostoevsky's The Idiot, which tells the story of a Christ-like epileptic young man who embodies goodness, but encounters sex, crime and family dysfunction.'" Mrs. L. states, "It's hard to imagine why you didn't think the President would enjoy that, Charlie." He follows her into the Oval Office, saying, "Well, he would have especially enjoyed the scene where the Prince Myshkin character has a seizure while engaged in an erotic fantasy in a Long Island church." Mrs. L. stops what she's doing and says, "Charlie, please don't say the word 'erotic' in the Oval Office." Charlie replies, "I'd be perfectly happy never to say any of those words anywhere ever again." Mrs. L. goes back to the film: "John Williams as Chief Inspector Hubbard." Just then, a young woman with long red hair enters the Oval Office and says, "Excuse me..." Mrs. L. looks surprised and says, "Ellie!" Ellie says, "I was told my father wanted to see me." She looks nervous. She also looks enough like Zoey and Abby to be very convincing as a Bartlet. Mrs. L. nods and goes to summon Jed. Ellie is played by Nina Siemaszko, who was also in The American President playing the sister to Annette Bening's character. She's almost unrecognizably different here.
Outside Leo's office, Margaret is grilling Dr. Griffith. You know, as if the Surgeon General doesn't have enough problems at the moment. Margaret: "Let me ask you this: red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?" Dr. Griffith, always a good sport, goes along with her: "Let me tell you something, I'm not 100% sure we've ruled that out." Leo enters and says, "Dr. Griffith." She follows Leo into his office, telling Margaret, "I'm on."
Leo closes the office door and says, "Congratulations, Millie. You're now the pamphlet girl for every right-wing fundraising cause. That interview's gotta be worth at least twenty, thirty million bucks in contributions from people who think you're going to distribute dime bags of Hawaiian sens at junior high schools, along with condoms and fornication manuals." She interjects, "Can I say, I was never given a fornication manual, so..." Leo's not amused: "Do you think this is funny?" She sits down and states, "I think we're spending a billion dollars a year keeping more than 40,000 people locked up." Leo reminds her that's not her jurisdiction; she knows that, which is why she limited her remarks to medicine. Leo says, "Six different committee chairs -- three in the House, three in the Senate -- are all talking about hearings." Millie asks what they're going to find. Leo points out, "They don't need to find anything, they just need to say your name and 'drugs' as many times as possible on television. I don't think you said anything wrong. Nobody with a brain thinks you did anything wrong. And I'd like to do the right thing all the time, but I can't. I can't let us get bogged down in this crap. Government will stop. This'll be what we do for two months and there are more important things than that. I'll take the heat from the First Lady but I want your resignation by 8:00 tonight or the President's going to fire you. I've got a meeting." He leaves. Millie looks somehow both rebuked and unrepentant.
Over near Charlie's desk, Eleanor waits. The general feeling is that of a kid called to the principal's office. It's hard to tell how much, if any, prior interaction these two have had. We assume Charlie's been around the Bartlet family socially a fair bit, especially at holidays, since both his parents are gone. You would think he must have met Eleanor a couple of times at least, even if she's away at school. But there's a fair bit of awkwardness, and it's hard to tell if it's because they're unfamiliar with each other, or because Eleanor's in trouble. Charlie tries to make small talk: "Zoey said you were thinking of oncology." Eleanor seems to be somewhere else mentally and Charlie has to repeat himself. She then says, "Yeah...or neurology." She gives a small smile. Charlie gets up to look out in the hall, saying that Jed's just tied up in a meeting. She says she's fine. He says that POTUS should be back any minute. She insists that she's good. Charlie asks if she likes medical school. She says she does. She mentions that she likes her professors, and starts to talk warmly about a pathophysiology professor when a Secret Service guy comes through, telling his microphone that "Eagle's moving." We can hear Jed's voice well before we see him, ranting loudly about the cost of saving these jobs in the steel industry. Ellie had started to look happy when talking to Charlie about school, but now she looks sad and scared again. Jed is saying as he arrives at the door, "Anyone wants to check my math, they're more than welcome to. Anyone wants to shove the Golden Gate Bridge up Japan's ass, they're more than welcome to do that, too." Charlie meets Jed and kind of gestures to Eleanor. Jed sees her and dismisses the military brass to whom he was ranting. Jed says, "Ellie, thanks for coming." He gives her a peck on the cheek, but they're pretty stiff with each other. She says, "Hi, Dad."
Ellie and Jed go into the Oval Office. Jed asks if she got down there okay. She says she did. He asks if she took an airplane. She's confused: "An airplane? No." He asks, "A helicopter?" Ellie: "No, the agents drove me." He states, "That's 'cause you go to school at Johns Hopkins, right? And Johns Hopkins is in Baltimore, right?" She looks exasperated and sits down as Jed continues, "I'm asking because Baltimore's a forty-five minute car ride from Washington, D.C., and we hardly see you anymore. So I thought, either you transferred to a different medical school, they moved Johns Hopkins, or they moved Baltimore. Are any of those things true?" He says all this in a kind of fake-jovial manner that lets us know he's just getting started. Having been on the receiving end of very similar rants, I can assure all parents that the best way to get your kids to come home is to harangue them about not doing so. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy that? Who wouldn't find that motivating? Who wouldn't want to get more of that? Anyway. Ellie says none of those things are true. Jed then picks up a newspaper and reads from it, "Okay, and this is accurate, right? This quote: 'My father won't fire the Surgeon General. He would never do that.'" He hands her the paper; she takes it without looking at it and tosses it on the coffee table. She sits there looking down, her long hair obscuring her face. This is not lost on Jed, who complains, "Eleanor, when you put your head down, your hair falls in your face, and I can't see your face and I can't hear what you're saying. Now look at me, and talk to me!" She brings her head up and says, "Yes. The quote is accurate." Jed bursts, "What the hell are you doing talking to a reporter? I have set up monumental, unprecedented, unbreakable rules about my children and the press! I have gotten White House reporters transferred to Yemen for approaching Zoey and Elizabeth! It is the law!" He's pretty worked up; she says nothing but looks sad. He paces a bit and then says, first taking it down a notch, "Well, I'm sure before you gave the quote you cleared it with the Communications Office. I'm sure you went over the exact wording with C.J. Cregg, and coordinated with White House strategy so that the timing was right in the news cycle. I'm certain you consulted the appropriate party leadership because you're a pretty knowledgeable operative having spent so much time with me. Ellie..." Throughout all this Ellie is struggling to check her impulse to put her head down, and eventually loses. She starts to say, "Dad, she was, she was doing..." Jed orders her to pick her head up. Ellie says, "She was doing exactly what she is supposed to do. I'm sorry, she was asked a question and she said what she knew to be true. And when you start firing doctors for that, you've crossed a line somewhere." Jed replies, "There is politics involved in this, Ellie, and you knew it would make me unhappy, and that's why you did it, and that's cheap." You should see some of the scary freeze-frames I'm getting of Martin Sheen's facial expressions as he delivers this harangue. Yikes. Ellie: "I didn't do it to make you unhappy, Dad." He retorts, "Well, you sure didn't do it to make me happy!" She stands up. "I don't know how to make you happy, Dad. For that, you got to talk to Zoey or Liz." Ouch. ["Djb yelled 'middle child' at this point." -- Wing Chun] Jed looks pretty mad, but doesn't have a comeback for that, and suggests that they drop it. He walks behind his desk and says, "Mom gets back first thing in the morning, and we're running a movie tonight, if you want to stay over." She says, "I can stay over if you want me to." He says, "Yeah, thanks." She looks discouraged and walks out, or tries to, but is confronted by the many doors to his office. She turns around and gestures helplessly: "I go out...?" He indicates the correct door, but refrains from adding something to the effect of "you'd know that if you ever visited us. Zoey knows which door to use." But you know he's thinking it. She leaves, and Charlie sticks his head in to tell Jed that the Labour Secretary is waiting to see him. Jed says okay, but then asks Charlie to give him a minute. Jed stuffs his hands in his pockets and stands looking out the window behind his chair as we go to commercial.
Back in Toby's office, he and Andy are arguing. They're not really listening to each other, and Andy tells him to hang on. He says he won't; she says, "Yes, you will, you will summon your strength and listen to me for a moment." He's tossing his rubber ball around. She states, "You guys made a hairpin turn at the State of the Union, and you did it without consulting a whole lot of members of the liberal wing of the Democratic Party." Toby retorts, "Sad to say, Andrea, there aren't a whole lot of members of the liberal wing of the Democratic Party!" She replies, "So you'll forgive some people if they're concerned that one of the options you're going to explore is raising the retirement age!" Toby points out that people are living decades longer than anyone anticipated they would in 1935; he adds that they want to consider everything, but they can't consider anything, unless....Andy suddenly asks, "Why does this have to happen in secret?" Toby bellows, "'Cause it's the only way it's gonna happen! 'Cause you can't solve Social Security and ask people to run for election at the same time. So why not give politicians some cloud cover and let them be lawmakers for a while? Fifteen people in a room with the door closed. Seven Democrats, seven Republicans, and the President of the United States, who will not have a vote, and they walk out of that room and with one voice, they make a recommendation to Congress and the American people. And nobody knows who was where." Andy looks like she's remembering why they got divorced. He sighs, bounces his ball, and says, "The only way it's gonna happen is in secret, and the only way it's gonna happen is if all the sides are confident in their representation; otherwise, it's dead. And so I need Seth Gillette on the Commission, but I can't ask him 'cause if he says no, there'll be no Commission." He bounces his ball again and says he appreciates her coming down and talking to him. I wonder if he ever let her have her Danish.
Toby and Andy leave his office. She pulls on her coat as she says, "I like when you ask for my help, Toby." He's done with that, and says, "Listen, I read in the paper that I'm on the Benefit Committee for the Childhood Leukemia Foundation." She says she saw that too. He wonders if she knows why the paper wrote that. She blithely suggests they must have gotten it from the press release she sent them. Toby says, "I guess they must have. You didn't think it would be a better idea to ask me first?" Andy: "I really didn't." Toby: "Interesting." Andy: "I've found when I skip over that first step and move right to the second step, it becomes a lot harder for people to say no. Listen, you'll have fun, you'll look nice in your tuxedo..." Well, one of out two ain't bad. He'll probably look nice in the tuxedo. She keeps walking, but Toby stops dead in his tracks. She turns and looks at him. "Toby..." He muses, "Skip over the first step and move right to the second." Just then C.J. rushes up, briefly greets Andy, and asks Toby to stop by her office when he has a minute. But Toby has a look of evil genius on his face. C.J. says, "What?" Staring at Andy, Toby tells C.J. he wants her to announce tomorrow morning that Seth Gillette's joined the Blue Ribbon Commission on Social Security: "Make sure the press knows the Senator put the Democratic Party above personal differences, and that he put people above all. Make sure they know that he's a patriot and that when the President asked him to serve, Senator Gillette answered the call." C.J. looks at Toby like he has three heads. Andy looks both chagrined and impressed and a little like she's forgotten why they got divorced. C.J. asks, "Did he?" Toby says, "Yeah, I just saw it at your press briefing tomorrow morning." C.J. looks from Toby to Andy and back again, and kinds of shrugs, saying, "Okay, but this is really the last thing I'm doing before I quit." Toby says, "Okay." Andy doesn't say anything, and Toby continues walking her out.
In a meeting room, a bunch of suits are arguing about warning labels on entertainment products. Sam's standing at the door. An assistant speaks to one of the suits and pulls him out of the meeting. Sam and the guy walk back to Sam's office. I'm guessing this is Morgan Ross. I know I've seen this actor elsewhere, but I can't place him at all. ["He rang no bells for me, and I see a lot of movies and watch a lot of TV." -- Wing Chun] Ross says that the situation is actually getting better, because juvenile crime is down and overall crime is down. Sam says he doesn't care, because the American Academy of Pediatrics, the AMA, and the American Psychological Association all say that watching violence on TV is bad for kids, and the White House is going to listen to the experts. Ross says, "I'll remember that tomorrow morning when I read in the paper that the Surgeon General's been fired." Sam replies, "Remember it whenever you like." The lighting in Sam's office is very orangey, and so are their faces. Ross asks what the President is seeing tonight. Sam responds, "Dial M for Murder." Ross replies, "Good, 'cause Hitchcock never used sex or violence in his films." Sam says, "Yeah. Morgan, the President's never seen your movie, he's never heard of your movie, he has no particular objection to your movie, and you know it." Ross: "The Family Values Leadership Council seems to see it differently." Sam: "Glorioski, Morgan! The Family Values Leadership Council distorted the truth. Stop the presses." Morgan claims that, because of that ad, he's got exhibitors in Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Alabama pulling the film. Sam says, "I've read the press synopsis of your film, and if exhibitors put you on every screen of every multiplex in every mall, you still wouldn't do any business in Mississippi, Oklahoma, or Alabama!" Ross says, "You're an industry expert, now?" Sam: "No, but you are, which explains a lot to me about Hollywood! And you know that ad is going to get you more business than you lost, and that's why you went on Imus and said what you did." Morgan asks, "I'm here for a Sam Seaborn scolding?" Sam: "Yeah! Because it makes me crazy, Morgan. This is exactly the sort of thing that should be celebrated by First Amendment advocates! Charlie was offered a choice and he made one. Why aren't you standing up saying, 'See? It works. You don't need to ban movies like Prince of New York! You just have to choose not to watch them. And Morgan, you ever call the President a coward again for your own PR purposes and it's not going to be C.J. Cregg you've got to deal with, it's going to be me." ["Yeah, because Sam's so much more intimidating than C.J. is. Not." -- Wing Chun] And he'll bust you like a piñata, dude. "You understand what I'm saying, right?" Ross nods seriously and says, "Yes." Sam suggests, "Now why don't you go back to your meeting and show me how much you want to make it up to us?" Ross leaves, and Sam sits down to read a document. We hear the thump of Toby's rubber ball, and Sam looks up, just in time to see Toby walk by and toss the ball to Sam, behind his own back. Sam catches it. Toby says, "Good job," and keeps on truckin'. Sam looks utterly pleased with himself, particularly so for someone who is so orange.
It's Friday night. A bunch of people are in a screening room watching Dial M for Murder. I'd like to have a big old screening room like this, let me tell you. Ellie's in the front room in a huge comfy chair, somewhat apathetically eating popcorn. Jed's in the row behind her, wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt (how's that for product placement?) and pretending to watch the movie, but we all know he's obsessing about his relationship with Ellie. The camera sneaks up behind Josh and Donna and Josh whispers to Donna, "This isn't good." Donna: "What?" Josh: "The President's not talking." Donna says there's a movie on; Josh points out he usually talks during the movies. Just then Charlie comes and drags Jed out of the movie.
Jed goes to the Oval Office, where Millicent Griffith is waiting for him, wearing her uniform and with resignation in hand. They say "good evening" to each other. He says, "I'm sorry about this." He asks if she's holding her resignation; she hands it to him and he thanks her. She says, "On thinking about it, I felt your firing me would send a dangerous signal to whomever had my job ." He asks, "Did you not think that playing down the dangers of drug use sent a dangerous signal as well?" She says, pretty crisply, "I do not believe that is what I did, sir. I was asked, by and large, if marijuana holds the same addictive properties as heroin and LSD. It does not. I was asked if marijuana poses a greater health risk than nicotine or alcohol, and in my opinion, it does not. And I believe if you look at..." Jed interrupts: "Millie, did you put her up to it?" She says, "Sir?" Jed quotes: "'My father won't fire the Surgeon General. He would never do that.' You didn't put her up to it?" Millie insists that she didn't. Jed doesn't really believe her: "You didn't pick up the phone after Josh came to see you and say, 'Ellie, it's your Godmother. Let's stick it to your old man and paint him into a corner?'" She says, "No, sir." Jed paces a bit, dropping the resignation on the coffee table and asks, "Why haven't I ever been able to get her to like me? I'm asking you." Millie says, "Sir, I'm not sure it's appropriate..." He repeats, "I'm asking you." She sighs a little and says, "I think you're wrong." He insists he's not. Millie says, "She worships you, Mr. President." Jed replies, "She's mad at me." Millie: "Well, you're mad at her." Jed admits, "Yes, I am. I was running for President. Where the hell was she?" Millie claims that Ellie was with them. Jed says, "Not like Zoey and Liz. She's always belonged to Abby." Millie tells him, "You frightened her." Jed's insulted: "No, I didn't!" Millie nods firmly and says, "Sir..." He asks, "How did I frighten her?" Millie's getting exasperated: "Jed! Look where you're standing!" He protests, "I was elected two years ago! She's twenty-four years old!" ["Okay, Nina Siemaszko is so totally not twenty-four years old that it's ludicrous. But never mind." -- Wing Chun] Millie points out, "You've been the king of whatever room you've walked into her entire life." This seems to be news to Jed. He complains, "It never seemed to intimidate Zoey or Liz." Millie argues, "Well, kids are different! They're not the same. You'd be amazed -- you'd be stunned at how soon they understand they're not their father's favourite." Now Jed really takes umbrage. He insists that's not true; she tries to make him admit that it is. He says, "No, no, no. I will bear with the nonsense of the Christian right and the Hollywood left and the AFL-CIO and the AARP and the Cannabis Society and Japan, but I will not stand and allow someone to tell me that I love one of my children less than the others." He paces some more and then asks again, "She's frightened of me?" Millie sighs and replies, "She ain't the only one." He says, "I wanted to be so mad at her...I heard the news and my first thought...my God, King Lear is a good play. 'My father won't fire the Surgeon General. He would never do that.' I wanted to be so mad at her, but the truth is...it's the nicest thing she's ever said about me." Millie says, "Well...goodnight, sir." He says goodnight to her, kind of absently. As she nears the door, he says, "Hey, Doc." She stops: "Sir?" He tells her, "I don't accept." She's confused: "I'm sorry, sir?" He states, "I don't accept your resignation." Millie says she appreciates that, but Leo's right: "This shouldn't stop you from doing the bigger things." Jed tells her, "These are the bigger things. I don't accept your resignation. You work for me. You go when I tell you to." He hands her the envelope with a stern look. She takes it and tells him, "You're an excellent role model, Mr. President." He's at the door, saying, "Yes, I know." She calls out to him on the patio, "So you're back!" He says, "Yes, indeed."
Back in the screening room, Jed leans over to Josh and says, "Tell C.J. when she gives Millie our support on Monday, she can mean it." Josh stands up and whispers, "You know, it's going to seem to some people like you did it because your daughter asked you to." Jed says, "Yeah. You know, Josh, I think if you ever have a daughter, you're going to discover that there are worse reasons in the world to do something. Sit down, we're coming to the good part." Jed goes to the front row and sits in the big comfy seat to Ellie. She doesn't look at or acknowledge him; she keeps her eyes glued to the screen. He sighs and says, "How you doin'?" She says, "Hmm?" He repeats his question and she says, "Fine." He says, "You know, we're coming up to the good part." Kind of peevishly, she tells him, "Dad, people are trying to watch the movie." He asks, "You want to bet me your tuition no one in this room's gonna shush me?" I'll take that bet. She kind of shakes her head. He ventures: "I hear you're thinking about ophthalmology." She says, "Oncology." He asks, "Why you want to study people's feet?" Ellie: "That's podiatry." Jed: "Then what's children's medicine?" She replies, "Pediatrics." He says, "I thought it was obstetrics." Ellie explains, "That's pregnant women." He asks, "Then what's the study of feet?" She finally says, "Dad, you're not going to get me to laugh." He looks disappointed and mutters, "Really?" He sighs. He studies her face for a bit; she keeps her eyes on the screen. He finally says, "The only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day." Well, she's clearly a tougher nut than I, because she's able to keep from crying, but I'm not. You can tell she wants to, though. She finally meets and holds his gaze. She valiantly keeps from crying. He can see that he's gotten to her and he goes back to being Silly Dad: "So, endocrinology would be what, disorders of the gall bladder?" She says, "Thyroid." He replies, "I'm pretty sure you're wrong about that. I think endocrinology is your subspecialty of internal medicine devoted to the digestive system." Ellie: "That would be gastroenterology." He continues: "Are you sure it's not nephrology, immunology, cardiology, or dermatology?" She smiles a bit and asks with mild, mock annoyance. "Would you stop it? I'm trying to watch the movie." He says, "Okay." He pauses. "Here comes the good part." It gets better than this?