The Botwins return from Bubbie's funeral. Len lights a candle and declares that they will now take off their shoes and sit shiva, paying respects to the woman who escaped the clutches of Adolf Hitler and lived a long and productive life...only to be snuffed out by a hypoallergenic pillow from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. They all take their shoes off and settle into chairs. The Agrestic Botwins can barely make it through fifteen seconds of sitting still and thinking; Silas busts out wondering how long they do this for and Len delivers the blow: seven days. Len explains that people come by with food to pay their respects during this whole time and Silas makes a wocka-wocka-wocka joke about why Jews aren't fatter given all the rituals built around food. The doorbell rings almost immediately; its a real estate agent. Trolling the obits for a commission, I guess.
Day Two. Rad sneaker-wheels in with a gift basket and barely has time to even get a "dude" out of his mouth before Len throws him out.
Day Three. A tall woman in a silk blouse is so sorry for their loss. Yoips! Real Estate Agent #1 beat her to it! So let me recap: we've got skater-kid and inflated-housing-market jokes in an episode set at the beach in Southern California? That's what I call ambitious.
Day Four. Doug Wilson. THANK GOD! Andy said it'd be cool if he stayed, Len objects because his mother just died. Doug wonders what happened and Shane fills him in: "Mom killed her." Doug is nonplussed, Andy and Len do some namecalling.
Day Five. Len is filling out a lottery ticket, Andy telling him he's being grotesque. Len directs "Shiva Goy" (i.e., Doug) to run the ticket down to the convenience store and Andy admonishes him: "They're her holocaust numbers." Snap. Doug posits that they must be lucky. Distracting them all from their debate on whether or not Bubbie's experience in a concentration camp was "lucky" or not is the enormous cross made of flowers being heaved into the room. Len's jaw drops; Nancy reads the card: "Nancy, Get your ass back to work. --Guillermo." She sighs and goes back to filing her nails: "Oh, yeah. It's from a friend of mine."
Day Six. Everyone in a circle around Bubbie's bed, silent, bored, and sweating in the heat. Doug "Mr. Miyagi's" a fly that's buzzing around, and then lets it go. I'm getting ready to write a poem titled "I heard a fly buzz when I died recapping this episode."
Day Seven. Len counts down the Shiva and declares that the house is now for sale. Shane wonders where they'll live. Andy argues that the house should stay in the family and Len quotes him a price. Shane promises that he won't leave and Len says that he'll just make the house more valuable. A little boy? "We'll sell it to a priest." Nancy stomps out of the house, ignoring the impending homelessness of her family and Bob the Real Estate Agent just takes this moment to tell Len how much he enjoyed sharing this time together. Len listens and thanks him for his sentiments but then says, "I'm going to go with the hot chick who came over on Tuesday." Bob: "You're a piece of shit." And he's out!
Nancy reunites with Guillermo who declares that he'd never leave the house if he had to stay home for seven days every time a family member died. He tells Nancy about how he had to smother a guy with a pillow once. "My arms got tired. You?" Nancy: "Not so much. It was Tempur-Pedic. Conformed...to her face." The suburban absurd. It can be so good sometimes. Guillermo tells Nancy to choose between a red and a blue Igloo cooler. He begins by saying it's like Deal or No Deal, except with none of those ladies with the suitcases that he wants to fuck in the mouth. Oh, my Howie Mandel, that's nasty. Nancy picks red and finds a gun, juice box and five thousand dollars. She'll get the other five when she completes the deal. She wonders why she needs the gun, and Guillermo tells her she'll be doing a pick-up in the desert: it's for rattlesnakes and for the chupacabre. Nancy's nervous and asks for fifteen thousand, Guillermo says she picked red and it pays ten; she opens the blue cooler and finds the same address but, as Guillermo hisses, "no juice box!"
Len haggles with the real estate agent over asking price and when she informs him that he'd have to settle for a million he threatens to go back to Bob. She thrusts out her chest and says that Bob's tits won't get the extra fifty thousand at closing. Now, do we see the difference between the suburban absurd (Tempur-Pedic Brand Euthanasia) and the just plan suburban (real estate haggling and boob jokes)? Sigh. She leaves and Len brings Shane upstairs on a "treasure hunt."
Celia and Till meet at a bar, Till drinking some sort of glowing green douche bag drink. Celia tells him how she caught Nancy red-handed, informing that she saw her with Guillermo and then Nancy didn't leave the house for seven days. People were bringing food and everything: "I think she's more powerful than we thought." She lays out a series of photos that apparently my dad took: all foreground and wonky perspective. Till finally weighs in on her "revelations" sighing "I think that someone Jewish died and you know Diane Arbus." My dad, Diane Arbus, six of one, half dozen of the, oh you know. Till threatens Celia with going back to prison and tells her she can have more time if she joins him onstage for some Karaoke. Celia hesitates, but when he calls out "going once, going twice...." she runs up there abjectly and is forcibly Karaoke'd -- using Human League's "You're an Obsession." Surely, there is a civil rights bill to protect against such a crime?
Andy and Doug smoke out in the van. Silas is giving them a taste of his product and the verdict is: Andy can't feel his left anything. Doug seems to be getting the more maudlin high as he ticks off the things in his life that have gone to shit. He starts out comparing Silas to his own son, and then asking Silas if he sucks dick. Silas: "No, Mr. Wilson." Well, his son does, and Silas tells him that's his son's choice. "No, it's not, I made him gay." Even more? Doug's wife left him, the warts haven't left him, his CPA license was revoked and the city of Majestic is broke because of him. "My life, an abyss." Silas asks him to use the downstairs toilet from now on, and Andy backs him up. Doug: "Oh, yeah. Kick a man while he's down. You think you're better than me, Botwin, cuz your van has no windows?" Doug, how I've missed you. Andy laughs and Doug turns back to Silas, "You suck dick, Silas?" "Uh, you already asked me that, Mr. Wilson." "Oh, right. You like the taste." Mr. Wilson. Ha! Nancy opens the door and wades through the smoke to grab Andy. He tries to get out of it by telling her he's toasted but she grabs him anyway. Doug: "You suck dick, Silas?" and end scene.
Len and Shane search for Bubbie's stash of money. Len assures Shane that it's got to be there, because Bubbie was sure the Nazis would rise again and she was hoarding money for bribes. Len gets high-horsey and declares that genocide must never happen again. Shane reminds him that it has happened, in Rwanda, Cambodia and Bosnia, and Len just scrunches up his face at the thought of those brown people and says, "No, to Jews. It must never happen again to Jews." A hatbox later and jackpot! But Shane wonders how Bubbie could have gotten the money into a hat box stored so high up in a cabinet. Len says she wasn't bedridden until 2006; but then Shane points out some of the bills are stamped 2007. "What are you the money detective?" Len wants to know. Shane blurts out that he thinks this isn't Bubbie's money but his mom's. It starts to dawn on Len: why would she have fifteen K stashed in a hat box? Shane starts twitching and lies that she found it.
At the border. Andy is sucking a juice box dry and being totally paranoid out in the desert. When something jumps out of the dark onto the windshield, he grabs the gun and shoots through the glass and then demands some snacks. Nancy grabs the gun back from him and wonders aloud about bringing the completely stoned guy with her on the drug deal.
Len interrogates Shane about the money. He's wondering whether Nancy's a prostitute, you know with the dresses and the odd hours and the cash. Doug wanders in looking for cheese, and Len whispers, "Is that her pimp?" Doug wanders back out, not paying attention to either of them. Len goes through a few more options, robbery, coke dealing and then Doug comes back in and repeats the search for cheese and Len finally gets it: "Weed! Your mother's a weed dealer!" Shane glowers and demands that he give back her money.
In the desert, Andy wonders if they're gonna die while Nancy dozes in the driver's seat. Andy wants to exchange niceties in case they die. Nancy tells Andy that she's glad he's part of the family and Andy tells her that he misses Yael. Nancy's like, "Uh, thanks?" Headlights flood the car from behind and it appears to be the border patrol riding up on their asses. And then the show does what it's sort of been threatening to do for a long-ass time: Nancy straddles Andy and starts making out with him. "Don't enjoy this," she instructs him. The patrol leans in and asks for identification. Andy grabs some boob and tries to get her to offer a bribe. She hands over her license and the guy waves his hand and -- surprise! -- the officials are in on it. Duffel bags full of drugs get ferried over to Nancy's hybrid, so much product she isn't sure her virtuous Prius can handle it.
Doug eats crackers (as in "Polly wants a") as Silas recounts Nancy's smothering his great-grandmother. Silas feels conflicted because he didn't feel anything when it happened. Doug just keeps shoving the crackers in and observes, "Heh, check it, some asshole's van is getting towed." Silas jumps up, "Fuck! Fuck! My plants!" and runs out. Len comes in and Doug informs him Silas's growhouse just got towed. Len chuckles and realizes, "It's a whole operation."
Border. Nancy and Andy stuff the Prius full of the drugs. There's so much product, there's no more room for Andy in the car. Nancy tells Andy to sit there on the cooler and she'll be back for him. He's scared shitless and she gives him the gun. He's still scared. Nancy drums her fingers on the car hood and tells him she gets why women tolerate him: "You kiss well." She's a master manipulator, because he brightens up, wondering whether he kisses better than Judah. She instructs him where to sit and drives off. He shouts, "45 minutes!" after her.
Silas shows up at the tow lot and it's the guy with the "O" face working the night shift. There's some to-do about how the van doesn't have a sticker and he's supposed to call the cops. Silas spins a story about driving his brother's carpool to school everyday and O Face just comes out with it: "So, uh, where do the kids sit with all the pot in the back?" He opens the door and Silas asks him what it's going to take. O Face asks "Wiener" what it'll take, and a guy pops up inside the van, smoking a joint, and says "four ounces." Silas rubs his head and the guys tell him he's got a gift.
Len packs his bags for Paris for a poker tournament courtesy Nancy's fifteen thousand. Shane tells him that he can't do this and Len tells him that not only is he going, but that Shane is to instruct Nancy to deposit ten thousand dollars into his Poker Star account every month. Shane calls him an asshole and Len tells him that there's a lesson in all this. "Your mother killing my mother? Best thing that ever happened to me! Because Bubbie was my cooler!" Len tells Shane that they can stay until the real estate market bounces back and then advises that the boy never play poker, what with the give-away ticks he's got going. See ya, Albert! Can't say you didn't wear out your welcome already!
Border. Andy waits for Nancy, tries her cell, tries it again, and again. A single-file line of immigrants passes by; he asks if they are headed for Ren-Mar. "No. Davenport, Iowa!" Andy joins up with them.
Nancy delivers the goods to Guillermo, and gets the money and a set of keys. "A promotion," Guillermo says, and he tells her to meet him at the border that afternoon. Nancy says she's clocking out just as some of Guillermo's guys drag in a long-haired woman and throw her onto the ground, saying they caught her outside taking pictures. Guess who's coming to the drug dealer's warehouse?
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