After Regina Spektor's ethereal "Little Boxes," Heylia's at the playground with Vaneeta and the baby, philosophizing about the greater meaning behind the two kids in the sandbox, fighting over a toy. Nancy rolls up, bitching that the park is "not off the freeway," and Heylia orders her to sit down facing the other way. She explains that after you get raided, you get two white dudes in an Impala following you everywhere. Nancy sits down on the bench behind them, and Heylia tells her that their business has shut down, completely; nothing's going in or out. Nancy says that she and Conrad can help them while she gets back up to speed, but Heylia's like, "Who do you think you are, 'help'?" They tell Nancy that she needs to get with her husband and make him back the DEA off Heylia, even if it requires Nancy to "sit on his face with roses up [her] snatch five days a week." Nancy, behind her, looks like she's not sure roses would get the job done at this point. After a moment, Heylia sarcastically asks Vaneeta what ever happened to that Nancy. Vaneeta's like, "Oh, that white bitch who thought she was something?" Vaneeta says that Nancy "vanished," and Heylia clucks about how sad it is for her two little boys, losing both their parents like that. The barely veiled threat lands (Heylia reminding Nancy for good measure that she knows where Nancy grows, and where she lives, and will "end everything"). They pack up and leave, and Nancy thinks about where the nearest florist might be.
DEA office. Peter comes in to talk to Captain Tillman, who wastes no time giving Peter the gears over his failed raid at Heylia's. But these are but angry jokes, of course. Peter defends that the suspects were tipped off, and his colleague, an Agent Shuman, is like, "You think?" Peter says that surveillance is continuing, and that Heylia is an open door to U-Turn, but it's too late; Tillman orders him to shut down the investigation. Nancy! Call off that order of American Beauties!
At a shitty hotel, Celia and Doug lie in bed, staring at themselves in the mirror on the ceiling. Celia is half-assedly complaining that Dean forgot their anniversary. "Dean forgets a lot of things," deadpans Doug. Celia asks how long Doug and Dana have been married, and Doug makes a few ballpark guesses around the twenty-year mark before saying he's not good with numbers. Celia reminds him that he's an accountant, but according to Doug, that's different; it's "girl math." Both agree that they are "wracked with guilt" over what they're doing...
...and then Doug is wracking the guilt out of Celia as she bounces up and down on his lap, banging his head against the headboard and barking like a dog. "Good girl!" Doug encourages her delightedly. If they want to be really dirty and transgressive about it, they should take this little enterprise down to the dog park.
Afterglow. Or betweenglow, really. Doug and Celia agree that they shouldn't be doing this; they have families, and children. "Beautiful children," adds Doug. Celia says that this would detroy them. I can't believe she said that, instead of some qualifier about Isabelle's attractiveness.
And then Celia and Doug are trying it doggie-style. "LEGENDARY!" screams Doug as he comes. And he's not even looking in the mirror!
Grow house. Nancy is complaining to Conrad that Heylia could think Nancy would be able to make Peter "disappear." She paces around, ranting off the litany of her hassles in life, from Peter's demand that she quit the business to Silas's plan to drop out of school and all stops in between (including that she's never been to China -- shut up, Nancy), until Conrad grabs the empty iced coffee cup out of her hand, sits her up on the island, and starts performing an acupressure technique on her hand that he learned from a Korean girl. Nancy, slowing her breathing, says that she's out of moves. "'Moves' mean you think things through," says Conrad. "You have been reacting...You dug a bed a mile deep and a foot wide and you're looking back up at a pinhole. You're out." Nancy smiles sadly, knowing he's right. He tells her to go to Peter, tell him she loves him, and say that after the harvest, when she's gotten her money back, she's quitting. He can wipe Heylia off his board, and Conrad will take his equipment and "disappear." Nancy breathes that she's sorry, but Conrad, nice as he's being in the crisis, says that he doesn't want to hear that right now. As Nancy lets the gravity of the situation sink in, Conrad asks, "Do you love him?" "Who?" asks Nancy, idiotically. "Agent Wonder Bread," says Conrad irritably. Nancy says she's not sure. Conrad asks if she thinks she could. It's not like he makes it easy, I have to say.
But Nancy follow's Conrad's advice to the letter: the cut is to Peter, sitting at the coffee shop, marveling that Nancy's going to quit. Nancy babbles that the hours suck: "No health insurance." Peter's dubious, but Nancy takes his hand and asks him to come for dinner with her family. Peter's even more dubious that Silas will want to dine with him, but Nancy insists, adding that he should bring a toothbrush. Peter can't believe that he's staying over. Nancy promises that it will be great. Peter should know by now what Nancy's promises are worth.
At family dinner, Nancy is preparing her boys for Peter's visit the night, starting by saying that he's her boyfriend. Andy seems to have made his peace with the situation, joking that "he's in some sort of law enforcement?" Nancy says that he's coming for dinner. Shane -- who's also become okay with everything since the last episode -- asks if he can bring Gretchen, and Nancy agrees enthusiastically. She asks what they're eating; it's paella. Nancy tells him to make it again the night, for Peter. Andy offers to make something different, but Nancy insists, as she goes to answer the front doorbell.
Hey, Zooey Deschanel's come by for a visit! I assume she's on her way to hosting the Independent Spirit Awards or something. "Kat!" she squeals, throwing out her arms. "You lost your cat?" Nancy guesses. "I'm Kat -- you're Nancy!" she yelps. She asks if Andy is there. Hearing this at the table, Andy's paella goes down the wrong pipe. At the door, Nancy tells Kat, "There's...a smell?" "Grape jelly?" guesses Kat. Nancy says it's fish. Pulling a can from her bag, Kat excitedly says that it's her -- it's sockeye salmon! Shane calls out that Andy's choking, and Nancy lets Kat in, Kat babbling that she's been eating nothing but sockeye salmon for the past forty-seven hours from Alaska; MapQuest said it would be forty-three, but that was "bullshit." Seeing Shane, over at the island with Silas, tending to a distressed Andy, she corrects herself that it was actually "horse apples," and leans in to give Shane a "heart hug," pressing her left chest to his. Shane asks if she's "that crazy girl" who tried to kill Andy. Smiling brightly at Andy, Kat says that is "a great story." Having regained his breath, Andy asks how she found him, and Kat says that she Googled him and read about his toe accident; she has a printout from something that looks like it might be the yeshiva school paper Andy was going to start. Kat, finally feeling the effects of having drunk nothing in the past two days but the case of Red Bull a guy gave her at a 7-11, breathes, "I'm tired. Fresno's beautiful. I wrote a book." She sits in Nancy's place, puts her head down, and apparently passes out. Nancy points at Kat: "And she is...?" "Gone by tomorrow," promises Nancy. Oh, man, the only promises emptier than Nancy's!
Chez Hodes. The happy couple sit in bed; she's reading Good In Bed (bad idea), and he has Rejuvenile, apparently the official book of Season 2 of Weeds (seriously, it's the third time we've seen it). Dean asks how Celia's day was; she says, unconvincingly, that it was "swell." She asks, without much interest, how his day was, and he says it was okay, mentioning a callback Isabelle got for a commercial, and that he went by Doug's office but didn't find him there. Celia looks up, trying to be cool, as Dean says he's still trying to patch things up. "Good luck with that," drawls Celia. She then announces that they have to talk. Dean smirks, and tells her to wait a minute, as he leans over to his nightstand. I figure he's going to get high for this discussion, whatever it is, but instead he pulls out a jewellery box, giving it to Celia and wishing her a happy anniversary: "You thought I forgot." She flatly admits that she did, and opens the box to find a diamond bracelet. She dismissively says it's lovely, and then rolls over and turns her light out. Dean sits there smiling in the dark for a moment, finally asking, "Anything for me?" Guess it'll have to be a grudging blowjob.
Diner. Kat is showing Andy a manuscript of her book: Permafuck: A Journal Of Spirit Rape. I'd still rather read that than A Million Little Pieces. Kat explains that it's a memoir of their time in Alaska. Andy won't like everything in it, and Abumchuk was pretty upset about it, and wants to kill Andy -- that's her boyfriend. Kat ditched him in Bakersfield; she's pretty sure he didn't follow her. Andy asks whether Abumchuk is a "big Eskimo dude," and Kat corrects him that the proper term is "Inuit," but yes. Andy: "Is that him?" Cut to a big First Nations guy sitting at the bar in an orange parka with the hood up. Ha! Kat, laughing, says no. Double ha! She adds that Abumchuk is much bigger than that guy. Andy brings her attention back to the manuscript, and she says that she needs him to sign a letter attesting that everything in the book really happened. Andy confirms that if he does, she'll leave, and Kat, coming around to his side of the booth and licking his cheek, agrees, saying that he can read it in the van, after he fucks her: "Abumchuk is an old soul, and he beats people up for me, but he's a premature ejaculator. You're the last man who made me come!" Andy tries to beg off, but Kat reminds him of some legendarily awesome occasion in Ketchican, and Andy quickly calls for the cheque. Crazy girls need love too!
Parking lot. Andy's van is a-rocking in the handicapped parking space, while a physcally challenged driver behind them honks irritably.
Motel. Celia's on top of Doug, doing her part, but not very excitedly, as she drones on about her problems with Dean, saying that they're only together for the kids. Doug suggests that she turn the TV on to help distract her from her troubles, and she agrees, putting on a telenovela. The angry fight scene between attractive young people seems to help get her back on track, but then it cuts to commercials -- Isabelle's Huskeroos spot, dubbed into Spanish. Hee. Celia wilts, but Doug suggests the Food Network. Really, Bobby Flay's going to help her get her hard-on back? Celia huskily says she has tapes in her car. "Porno?" asks Doug excitedly. "Better," promises Celia. Clone High episodes that never aired in the U.S.?
Nancy's. The lady of the house is promising Gretchen's mom or dad that they'll have Gretchen home early, and that she's a great kid. Silas lets himself in the back door, surprised to see Peter there. Nancy has a wine glass in hand and sounds like she's already somewhat lubricated as she asks Silas what he's doing there. Silas quizzically says he thought dinner was at 5:30, and Nancy says it was supposed to be, but that Andy didn't show up to make it, so Nancy and Peter are making it instead. Silas asks Nancy, "What's with the outfit?" She shrugs that it's just an outfit, and from what we can see, it doesn't look any different than the floaty tie-backed affairs we normally see Nancy in. Anyway, Peter and Nancy try to involve him in making dinner. Silas decides to pass, so if he finds the rice underseasoned, it's no one's fault but his own.
Outside, Gretchen and Shane are having a walk through the neighbourhood, Shane explaining that Peter is Nancy's boyfriend. Gretchen's mom has a boyfriend, too; Gretchen's parents are separated. Shane asks what it's like to see his dad only on weekends, and she says it's okay; he mostly just apologizes. Shane says "that's cool," probably wishing he had a sad weekend dad than a dead one. Gretchen steps on a crack; Shane catches her, and her punishment is to recite the alphabet backwards. She easily starts rhyming it off, Shane looking after her in rapt wonderment.
It doesn't last: the shot is Shane, at the table on the patio, complaining that tonight's paella isn't as good as last night's. Andy tiresomely lectures that you have to watch paella closely. Nancy passive-aggressively reminds him that he was supposed to be there to cook it, and cheerfully tells Peter she thinks it's great and wants seconds; she's the only one. Trying to keep up the pretense that they're totally not dysfunctional at all -- really! -- Nancy addresses Silas's mopey behaviour by telling him to take his elbows off the table, getting ignored for her trouble. Peter takes this opportunity, while no one's eating his awful dinner, to tell Shane and Silas that he's sorry about the way he came by the other night, particularly given the occasion. Silas wearily says that they've heard this speech before: he doesn't want to replace their dad, he just wants to fuck their mother. Peter violently knocks Silas's elbow off the table, reminding Silas that his mother told him several times. As everyone else at the table tenses up at the turn Family Dinner has taken, Silas bitterly asks Nancy if she's going to let Peter get away with that. Nancy doesn't seem ot know herself, and stares at Peter in silence, submitting to his alpha-dog display as she definitely didn't with Megan's (way hotter) father. Anyway, Nancy's reaction is to smooth things over by (emptily) promising Gretchen that their dinners don't usually go like this, and Silas, leaping up, quickly agrees: they normally eat inside, they don't dress like they're going to a movie premiere. Peter tells Silas to have some respect, and Silas responds by flipping him the bird so close to his face that I spend the thirty seconds or so that he holds it there waiting for Peter to break it off for him. Nancy sends Silas to his room, but it's time for Gretchen to go home. Silas says he'll take her home, but since he's being punished, Nancy taps Andy for the job instead. Andy begs off (Silas explaining that he's too high to drive), so Nancy moves on to nominating Peter. Instead of saying that he's clearly a psycho, Gretchen says that she doesn't know Peter. Nancy tries to say he's a "policeman," but Gretchen sticks to her guns. Nancy defensively says that Gretchen doesn't know Silas either, but Gretchen shrugs, "He's Shane's brother." I mean, honestly. Nancy says that she will drive Gretchen, then, but no one wants that, since she's had like four bottles of wine. So Silas is up after all, but Nancy orders him to come straight back, since it's his "last ride."
And that's dinner over. Shane gets up to follow Gretchen out, apologizing to Peter for insulting his dinner, probably as a pre-emptive move to avoid Peter waterboarding him. And Andy slinks off to "feed the cat." Left alone, Nancy and Peter stare at each other, Nancy finally shrugging, "Dinner with the family!" Sure. As scripted by John Cassavetes.
Motel room. What's better than porno? Tapes from the "drug-free zone" surveillance cameras, obviously. Doug chuckles that he can't believe they let Celia have them. She explains that they can't afford to have anyone monitor them; no one sees the tapes from her, though there aren't as many as there used to be -- someone's been stealing the cameras and signs. Mostly, they're nothing special -- kids clowning around, a super-skinny woman out power-walking with, like, forty-pound hand weights -- but then Celia cues up something good: Littman, the sexagenarian Segway enthusiast, out enjoying his Segway nude. Nice ass for a guy that age. Yeah, I said it! She says he's out there around 10 every night, but that there haven't been any complaints so far. Doug says that's because everyone's "inside molesting their kids." "Dark," says Celia. Doug says that three hours of "Agrestic Gone Wild will do that to you." Celia can't believe it's been three hours already, and hurries to leave. On her way to get dressed, she kindly tells Doug, "Thanks for the dick." "Sure thing," he replies affably. See, Celia? You get more dick with honey.
In Andy's van, parked in front of Nancy's, Kat is toking up as Andy signs Kat's release. She's hurt that he isn't going to read it, but he says he's going to go to bed, and that she needs to leave in the morning. Kat tries to get him to come with her to Baja, but he tells her that he can't: he "has a thing here," helping Nancy. Kat condescendingly says that would be great, if he believed it. She then sets fire to the release. Andy asks what she's doing, and she reminds him, "Do you realize how many felonies we committed? I'm publishing the book as fiction." Self-publishing it, I think you mean. Andy asks why she's there, then, if not to get his release, and Kat coos that she wanted to see him. Aw. Andy, wait for her to fall asleep and get you that van towed.
Nancy's boudoir. Apparently all the physical assault of her kid has been forgotten for the moment, as we see Nancy lighting candles on her dresser and getting ready to make with the rose petals, hiding all her photos of Judah out of sight. The room thus prepared, she sits at the foot of the bed in her camisole and panties, performing Conrad's acupressure technique on her own hand. Peter emerges from the bathroom in his boxers and t-shirt, asking if she's okay. She lies that she is, sends him away from Judah's side of the bed, tells him to be quiet, and then it's time for all the fornicating. But the kissing lasts about twelve seconds before Nancy remembers what the hell she's about in life, and has to ask why Peter had to hit Silas's elbow like that.
Well, that killed the mood. The thing we see is Nancy sending Peter off at the door. He apologizes that it didn't go well, but she waves that off, saying that maybe they just rushed things a little. She gives him a very real-looking kiss, promises to call, and sends him off...
...but as soon as Peter's out of the house, Nancy gets a case of the atomic heebie-jeebies, blowing out all the candles, replacing all her photos, and compulsively flapping the bed linens around. She calls Conrad, who's at the grow house, and tells him that the plan didn't work; she just let Peter out of her house and she never wants him to come back. "Did he do something to you?" asks Conrad, very intensely. She vaguely says it was "nothing like that" (it was something kind of like that): "I just forgot myself..."
...and then we're getting an eyeful of Littman's naked, Segwaying ass (I guess that surveillance cameras subtract ten pounds, because damn) and hearing Conrad and Nancy's conversation as heard by a third party: Peter, in his truck out front, listening as Nancy declares that "Agent Wonder Bread" is not her husband -- not in this life, not ever. She will never love him. Conrad asks whether Peter knows that, and Nancy says she thinks not; she thinks they left it okay. Conrad tells her she'll have to fake it for a little while longer, and Nancy says she thinks she can. And in his truck, Peter stares into the street, thinking about every empty promise Nancy ever made him.