The Submarines' spooky cover "Little Boxes," and then GrowCo is harvesting its crop. The montage ends with a champagne toast in the kitchen. Oh, and Dean and Doug are working together without any apparent static, so I guess all is forgiven for the whole oversight with the campaign papers. The prospect of sharing in a six-figure-grossing business will ease tensions like that, I guess.
And then Conrad is in a recording studio, smacking a baggie down on a mixing board. The engineer, Vernon, turns around to see Nancy (or rather, Nancy's ass), and appreciatively asks whether Conrad brought him a "tall, creamy present." Conrad says that the "cream puff" has two kids and a new husband, and tries to draw his attention to the weed, but Vernon advances on Nancy, introducing himself and adding that he's a Scorpio. "Lacy" replies that she is, too! She says she'd like to get him high, and talks up the strain. Vernon fires up the bong they obviously have handy. Nancy fishes for compliments, and Vernon pronounces it "smoke-a-licious."
But don't take his word for it! In walks Snoop Dogg. Conrad and Nancy exchange a shocked, excited look. Vernon introduces Nancy to Snoop as "a very married MILF," handing over the bong and says that Nancy brought what's in it. Snoop takes a hit and tells his entourage that it's "the motherfucking MILFweed." He starts improvising a rap about the MILFweed, and Vernon sends him straight into the booth to lay it down. Out with Vernon, Conrad and Nancy watch and clap in delight. You really can't pay for an endorsement that good. Vernon tells Nancy and Conrad to come back the day with "two or three of those happy packs," and on their way out, Vernon makes sure to shake hands with the lovely Lacy.
On the street in front of the studio, Conrad and Nancy dance around, ecstatic. Conrad says that with Snoop's branding, their shit is about to go crazy. He picks Nancy up in a fireman's carry and takes off down the street, shrieking that they need to go make some moneeeeeeeey! You seldom see this kind of excitement among people who sell photocopiers for a living.
Chez Hodes. Dean enters, commenting on Celia's "new wig," but apparently we can say goodbye to that platinum blonde affair; she has a pretty new strawberry blonde 'do she says is a weave. She also tells Dean that she's giving an anti-drug speech at the middle school the day and needs Dean to be sober. Dean doesn't get it, and she explains that he'll be playing "Sober the Sasquatch." Dean marvels that Celia actually thinks a douche in a gorilla suit is going to scare kids straight, but Celia corrects him that Sober is a sasquatch, because children both love and fear those. She makes a crack about Dean's back hair possibly obviating the need for a suit, and Dean cheerfully takes off, wishing her luck talking down to the kids. I think that's the only direction Celia ever talks.
Celia then goes to open the front door, finding an angry Agrestic homeowner with a mittful of dogs on leashes, raging that Celia wants to close the dog park. The woman is your typical crazy-ass dog person, calling her dogs her children, and arguing that the park is gated off and doesn't bother anyone. Celia complains about smells, noise, and the use of the park after dark by teenagers on drugs. The woman accuses Celia of being a hater, hating dogs and teenagers-- "And you," adds Celia, "because you call your dogs your children." Yeah, I've got to go with Celia on this. Not that I have much more use for people who get this foamy at the mouth about slights to their actual children, either.
Grow House. The dudes are having a poker game when Nancy rolls in: it's payday! Sanjay gets his first; he's surprised to see how much it is. Conrad pipes up to say they're giving him a bonus. Nancy explains that it's for the arson -- not that he should take that as encouragement: "Never again." Good to see that Nancy's a hypocrite with everyone in her life. Dean is , celebrating that the money is invisible to both the IRS and to Celia. Doug, getting his, cracks that it's the first time anyone's ever paid him for weed. As he holds for laughter (getting none), Dean suggests that Doug get a motorcyle so that they can ride together, but Doug says that Dean is dead to him, so I guess I spoke too soon about their little spat. Nancy grabs a chip off the table and prepares to head out again, but Andy stops her, telling her she forgot him. Nancy says that she didn't: he needs to reimburse her for room, board, a non-refundable year of rabbinical school, the time she bailed him out, etc. etc., before he can expect anything on payday. Andy, irate, reminds her that he lost toes for her (uh, not really) and sat in his pee to save the mother plant for her (only because he overreacted to a raid that had nothing to do with him). He tries to get the other guys to back him up, but he might try getting someone to take his side against Nancy other than the guys who all just got fat envelopes of cash from her, because no one speaks up. Andy announces that he quits, and limps out the front door. He's barely at the door before everyone else starts laughing at him, saying that he moves like a "fucking crackhead." Hee.
Grammar school. Dodge introduces Celia to a rather small detachment of kids, who don't have any reaction to her announcement that she's making Agrestic a drug-free zone. When the round of applause she starts for herself ends abruptly, she tries another tack, trying to glom onto another trend that was big at the time: penguins. She likens the way penguins march seventy miles to breed to the way drugs march from the ghettos to the suburbs. Even Dodge's face falls here, but Celia soldiers on, announcing her plans to install surveillance cameras and drug-free zone signs everywhere. She also exposits that there'll be an official unveiling for the first camera, "across from what will soon no longer be a dog park." She then throws to her special friend, Sober, who marches in, growling and yelling that he's putting his big foot DOWN on drugs. The kids laugh. And not WITH Sober. Celia, trying not to lose the crowd, yells at them that it isn't a joke, so Shane puts up his hand with a point of order. Hey, Debate Club actually did teach him things. He asks, "Why cameras?" Celia says that people behave better when they know they're being watched. Shane asks what about their right to provacy, and Celia says that there are more important things. Shane brings it home, announcing that he's seen Celia drunk at his house. Celia has no response to that, so Sober leaps in with another "Drugs are wrong!" It's too late; Shane is the coolest kid in town, and Celia is a laughingstock. Still, she tries to shut him up, but Shane asks if being drunk isn't as bad as doing drugs. Isabelle nods sagely. Dodge closes his eyes wearily, as Shane announces that alcohol is a drug: "You do drugs!" The kids pick up the chant as Isabelle adds that "the councilwoman also likes her speed and Ambien." Celia slinks off in defeat.
Out in the hall, Pam rips off the costume head, sighing that her sweat smells like peanuts. Ha! Celia curses her Hitler-like ability to rally idiotic troops.
In the library, the Confederacy of Douches is congratulating Shane: "You took down HODES." As if that wasn't bad enough, Gretchen taps him on the shoulder: "That was awesome!" Everyone on either side of the gender divide is abuzz at this brazen declaration.
Jewellery store. Nancy is looking at diamonds, assisted by Max, a salesclerk played by the great Dan Bucatinsky. Speaking in the typical hushed, respectful tones you hear in a jewellery store -- we're buying accessories, not going to church! -- Max pulls out "the diamond blossom," what I think is a rather adorable ring (it has little flowers, and is almost more like a finger clip than a ring, in that it doesn't actually close the circle), droning that the right-hand ring is "a symbol of independence and personal reward." Nancy says that she does deserve a reward, since she has done very well lately. "How well?" asks Max frankly. By way of answer, Nancy pulls a huge wad of bills out of her pocket and lays it on the counter. Max: "Okay, take off that piece of shit. I've got some jewellery to sell you." Ha! Regular character! Spin-off! More Max!
Shopping montage! (That's what the Max spin-off could be called.) Nancy buys jewellery, books, perfume, a Prada bag, and finally a Prius. As she pulls into the driveway, she accidentally crushes Shane's RC car under her front wheel. She apologizes, saying that she's not used to driving so low to the ground. Shane whines that he liked the Range Rover. Nancy makes all the usual anti-SUV arguments, but Shane is unmoved: "Global warming's just God's will! I liked the Range Rover; this car is gay." Hee. As they're talking, Nancy's unloading like eighty bags out of her trunk. Maybe if she's going to make the point that she's such an environmentalist, she could have declined a bag in one or two of the stores she shopped in, putting shit in a shopping bag she already had? Though I guess part of the point is to have the store bags for status purposes. Anyway, Shane asks what's up with all the shopping, and Nancy says that she works hard and deserves it. Shane reminds her that she doesn't have a job, and Nancy sniffs, "I run a family." Yeah, and you're doing a heck of a job. Shane asks whether she got him anything. Nancy asks whether he really thinks he deserves anything after what he did today; Dodge called Nancy about Celia's speech. Shane says that he was making a point: he thinks drugs should be legal, so that nobody gets into trouble. She leans down and, as both of them are careful not to say what they are really talking about, she says that no one's going to get into trouble. She pulls a bill out of her bra and tells Shane to go get himself a new car. Hey, Nancy -- I can be bought too.
Heylia's. There's a dispute over microwave popcorn, and then Vaneeta brings us up to speed: their customers are nowhere to be seen. Vaneeta's heard that there's some awesome new strain out and they don't have it. Heylia blames the economy, and the medical marijuana clubs, but Vaneeta's not so sure, and asks Heylia to look around: "What's missing?" Vaneeta, Heylia knows. Quit trying to interrupt her state of denial.
So Heylia meets with U-Turn, while an underling, Teenya, pumices his heels. Addressing him as "Lewis," Heylia asks about the new strain. U-Turn tries to act tough, refusing to answer her unless she calls him by his professional name, and Heylia agrees to identify him as "a traffic violation," and asks why she doesn't have this new weed. U-Turn gives her shit for not knowing, asking if she's getting soft in her old age, and Heylia tells him not to get smart with her, reminding him that she's seen him playing the violin, in a powder-blue suit, in his mama's house. Teenya snickers, as anyone would. U-Turn says he hasn't forgotten where he came from, though some people have. "Go on," says Heylia tolerantly. U-Turn tells her about MILFweed, and how much everyone likes it. She asks where it's coming from, and U-Turn, loving the position he's in, fake-grouses that he has to be the one to tell her where it's coming from. Heylia: "Because I started you, and I can finish you, and I need to hear it." U-Turn finally tells her that it's Conrad and Nancy: they're farmers now and, according to U-Turn, they're "fucking great at it." Not a good day for Heylia.
Farmer Conrad, meanwhile, is showing Doug how to send good vibrations to the plants, so that the people who smoke them feel the love. Doug doesn't quite buy it, but before they can debate it, there's a knock at the door. Conrad guesses that it's Sanjay, but when Doug goes to look, he says he thinks it's a Jehovah's Witness. He opens the door, announcing, "We're Shinto." Of course, it's Heylia. When Conrad sees her, he jumps out of his chair, shitting a brick. Heylia surveys the situation, her rage and betrayal keeping her silent. Conrad babbles a reminder that he came to her with this first and she shut him down. She says that there aren't any excuses for what he's done. Conrad protests that she laughed at him. Heylia intones that they don't grow; they deal. Conrad says that's true of her, but that she needs to treat him as a grown man. All Heylia sees is that he went behind her back with one of her customers, and lied to her. He took business from her. None of that is how a grown man acts. Conrad says that he can help her now -- she can retire -- but Heylia's not interested, and says that when this all falls apart, she doesn't want to be anywhere near him. Conrad sadly says, "You don't have any faith in your boy." Heylia sarcastically says that he just said he was a man; he can't have it both ways. She adds that neither he nor Nancy (whom she calls "Barbie") is welcome in her home any longer. Conrad takes this in stoically, and then Heylia throws down a round wad of bills, demanding three pounds of MILFweed. Doug has enough sense of occasion to have been silent this whole time, and stays so as he goes to the fridge to bring it out for her. Conrad sadly asks why it has to be this way. Heylia: "You wanted to be on your own? You're on your own." She shoulders her bag and leaves. Once Heylia's gone, Doug can be himself again, asking who Barbie is: "Is she hot?" Oh, Doug. Can't you give any of your shifts to Mr. Fuck Hughson?
Elsewhere, Celia unveils the Drug-Free Zone sign and camera for a scrum of reporters. Things quickly degenerate, though: a group of dog lovers has shown up to demonstrate, and start hurling bags of dog poo at the sign. Celia tries to spin that she's protecting the people of Agrestic, but soon enough, the subject gets dropped, as one of the reporters asks whether Celia has a drinking problem. Before she can answer, a bag of poo hits the sign and breaks. So Celia will probably be losing the city street cleaners' support .
Back at Nancy's, Silas and Andy are having a self-pity-off in the pool. Both seem most pissed off that Nancy doesn't appreciate them, or their abilities. Silas rails that life sucks, but Andy says it doesn't really, unless you have "no job, no girlfriend, and eight toes." Don't most people have eight toes? Oh, he means only eight toes, not eight and then two more. Andy complains that Nancy has no idea how to be a crime lord, and Silas says that he would be of use to her, too; he may not be a great student, but he knows weed. Andy says that they should just forget about her, and start their own business. Silas reminds him that they have no money, so for now, their business is floating.
In the laundry room at Nancy's, Conrad catches Nancy up on Heylia's visit. Nancy is fixated on hearing that Heylia was "secretly dazzled" by how well they'd done, but Conrad tells her that if what she really wants is Heylia's approval, "she bought three pounds." "Of the MILF?" asks Nancy. "You don't have to be so proud of the name," crabs Conrad. Let's table that until you call the strain "Conrabis." Anyway, Nancy asks why Heylia bought it, and Conrad's like, "To sell it, genius." Nancy says that's good, and that she'll buy more, because it's good. Nancy, being Nancy, is sure that Heylia can't stay mad, but Conrad tells her, "You don't know Heylia."
Shane opens the front door to find Peter waiting there to pick up Nancy. Shane says that "she's doing laundry with a black guy." As you do.
As they head for his car, Peter asks Nancy what Conrad was doing at her house -- adding, before she can answer, that it's not very smart to have him there. Nancy dismissively says that they're just talking about some old business with Heylia. Peter's like, "Heylia James? You won't have to worry about her." Nancy doesn't get what he means at first, but Peter explains that Heylia's "been taken care of." Nancy starts to babble as she tells him that's not necessary, but Peter says now it's guaranteed. Nancy reminds him that he'd told her that he didn't care about pot -- that "we" were under his radar -- but Peter corrects her that she is under his radar, and that if he's going to keep her there, he has to show his boss some results elsewhere. Nancy tries to be flirtatious as she suggests a crack den or meth lab instead, but it's too late: "Heylia's going to lead me to this guy named U-Turn, who's dealing a lot more than weed." Nancy tells him to arrest U-Turn and leave Heylia alone, but Peter says that, to catch the big fish, you need to dig some worms, and Heylia is his worm. For the first time apparently ever, Nancy seems to realize what a horrendous situation she's put herself in, and how little she knows this guy who very well could be a wacko.