Must Find Toes

S02E07

Ozomatli's peppy "Little Boxes" takes us to the grow house. Andy enters as Sanjay spritzes the plants. Andy's brought lunch, and there's some nattering back and forth about which guy isn't supposed to eat beef, and which isn't supposed to have cheeseburgers. They are joined in the kitchen by Conrad and Doug, the latter of whom has what I think is a rottweiler in his arms. He says that he found her on the street; she doesn't have a collar or tags, just an ugly gold choker. The consensus seems to be that she probably belonged to the Armenians, but they can't really get too far into it because Andy slops some special sauce on his toes, and the dog fucking attacks him. Everyone starts panicking -- Conrad picks up a two-by-four to try to knock the dog off Andy's foot, I guess -- but Doug manages to hunt up a vague memory of how to stop a dog attack, and he tells Sanjay to stick his finger up the dog's ass to make her open her jaw. Sanjay tells Doug to stick his own finger up the dog's butt. Andy begs someone to do it, and Sanjay licks his finger and rises to the occasion. When the dust settles, Sanjay's got a stinkfinger, and Andy's down two toes.

Nancy's working on her computer in the great room when she's pulled up short, breathing, "Judah." But no, it's just Shane, who's apparently bathed in Judah's cologne for his big debate. Nancy, enjoying the smell, hugs him, and advises him to maybe use less time. Silas enters, complaining about the stench, and asks if Shane's debate strategy is to stink out his opponents. Shane toddles off to get ready, and Nancy tells Silas she needs to talk to him about his SAT scores; apparently, they are ass. Silas tries to plead abortion-related stress, but Nancy tells him he took the SATs weeks before all that fetal business. Nancy's spoken to Silas's guidance counselor, and Silas can take the test again in eight weeks. Silas flatly refuses to repeat the SATs, pointedly telling Nancy that, from what he can tell, you don't need a college degree to run a business. Before they can get into it, though, Nancy gets a frantic call from Doug -- something about toes and the hospital is all she can make out. She asks Silas to take Shane to his debate, and Silas agrees, stipulating that Nancy let him take her car, lest Shane stink up his. Surely it's better than a pine air freshener, no?

Hospital. Andy's in bed, his injured foot bandaged and elevated. Nancy hurries in, asking Conrad how Andy's doing, and Conrad tells her much better since they hooked him up to morphine. He gives her the short version of how this happened, and then the doctor (randomly played by Dave Thomas -- the SCTV one, not the one from Wendy's) enters. As Andy blissfully dials up his morphine drip, Nancy asks his prognosis. Since Andy isn't a dancer, professional athlete, or foot model, he'll be fine. He mentions that if they'd brought in Andy's toes, they could have reattached them. "Must find toes," mutters Andy through his morphine haze. Nancy asks where the toes are, and Conrad says that the dog ate them. Nancy asks when he can leave and, upon learning that Andy has no insurance, Dave Thomas says he's cool to leave right now. He kindly doesn't use the hospital bed's ejector seat to get rid of him.

By Wing Chun

Now that Andy's squared away, Conrad takes off, but Nancy follows, still trying to smooth over the effects of their summit with Peter. Nancy thought that if Conrad could meet Peter, he would realize that Peter isn't a threat. Conrad, still not ready to forgive and forget, says that he has to go back to the house and "clean up some fucking toe blood." Must be Thursday!

Debate. It seems to be a debate scrimmage or something, because he's up against Gretchen. The topic is "Electoral College vs. Popular Vote"; Shane is taking the "Popular Vote." His argument: "George W. Bush." This earns him a standing ovation; even the coach, who's moderating, joins in the applause. Gretchen, disgusted, says that's against the rules, and asks how she's supposed to argue after Shane's invoked the name of the worst president the nation's ever seen and failed to follow protocol. The coach -- rather out of character given his tearful recitation of the school's debate kings in the last episode -- basically tells Gretchen not to be such a stickler, but she forfeits, telling Shane that he sucks. The coach pats him reassuringly on the shoulder, perhaps pleased to have learned that he and Shane are political kindred spirits.

Silas pulls in at the house. I guess they drove the whole way back in silence because only now does Silas congratulate him on a good job at the debate. Shane sighs that it was a disaster. Silas disagrees, saying that Shane made Gretchen "totally lose her shit": "That's a win in my book." Shane says that now Gretchen hates him even more. Silas guesses that Shane likes Gretchen and asks whether she knows. Shane confesses that he's never even talked to her; he's only kicked her. They walk into the house, Silas telling Shane he's going to have to do something. Their dad did it, Silas did it, and Andy does it all the time; sometimes it even works. Shane has no idea what he's talking about, so Silas says he'll have to talk to her. Shane doesn't think much of this advice. Silas adds that most women are "evil, lying bitches," but that he's trying to be a good big brother, so when Gretchen kicks the crap out of Shane's heart, Silas will buy him a beer with his fake ID. Aw, that's why I always wanted a big brother!